by Toni Aleo
“Because he wouldn’t come out to your family,” Wells added, and Matty shot him a look.
“I was gonna say that.”
“Oh, I don’t doubt you a bit,” Wells teased, and Matty glared as he looked back at Avery. She was smiling, though. She seemed hesitant, but at least she was smiling. Which was a good sign, he hoped.
“What made you come out now? You’ve been gay a really long time, haven’t you? Or are you bi? Not that it matters. Please don’t think I’m judging you—I’m not,” she insisted, and Matty shook his head. “I just wasn’t sure.”
“No, I know,” Matty said quickly, waving her off. “Though you have every right to.”
“Either way, I thought Mom said you were dating a girl a couple months ago.”
Wells’s shoulders snapped back as he looked over at Matty. “What?”
Matty swallowed awkwardly as he nodded. “Yeah, I dated this girl from high school, Marie, for a couple weeks, but it was only to please my mom. Nothing ever happened.”
“You didn’t tell me that,” Wells said after a moment, staring a hole in the side of Matty’s face. Looking over to him, Wells could feel Avery watching them, but he didn’t care. The fact that Matty dated a woman was something he should have told him. It was common fucking courtesy! Who else had he dated?
“She didn’t matter. Really, it was like three weeks of awkward dates and even worse kisses.”
Wells took a breath, letting it out in a harsh gust because he sure as hell didn’t like that. He hadn’t expected Matty to stay single, but with a chick? It didn’t feel right.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“Don’t apologize,” Wells said, meeting Avery’s gaze. “It had to come out.”
“It was nothing,” Matty reiterated once more. “I’m gay. Strictly dickly.” A moment of complete silence stretched between them, but then Avery laughed out loud, her body shaking with the emotion, and Wells felt his own lips curving. When he glanced over at Matty, he was giving Wells that stoic look he swore Matty had mastered. “Or better yet, strictly you.”
Shooting Matty a sideways glance, Wells looked back at Avery and smiled. “I guess I’m the same.”
“You are.”
Wells met Matty’s heated gaze. “I am.”
“Yup.”
“Wow.” They both turned to look at Avery as she beamed back at them. “I never thought I’d ever see you smile like that. You were always so unhappy when we were teenagers.”
Looking down at the table, Matty wrapped his hands around the beer, twining his fingers together. Wells could see the pain on his face, and it actually hurt him. “Because I couldn’t be who I wanted.”
“Because of Dad?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I don’t think he’ll accept me. He’s the fucking commissioner of the NHL, Av. I mean, come on.”
Avery bit into her cheek as she nodded. “It will be a shock, for sure. I mean, I’m not really shocked, but I knew even before I confronted you about it. And I’m sure Mom and Dad are the same.”
“No, they aren’t.”
She eyed him, shaking her head. “Well, I suspected, but after I talked to Caleb and he told me you did have a thing for him, I knew I was right. But you were so dead set on denying it when I accused you.”
“I think I pushed you that day too,” he added, and Wells had to look away.
“You did.”
“I was angry,” Matty said after a long pause. “I’d wanted so badly for Caleb to love me, to want to be with me, but all he wanted was you.”
Avery pressed her hand to her chest, her eyes widening. “I had nothing to do with that, he came after me—”
“I know,” Matty said, interrupting her. “It wasn’t you, it was me. I couldn’t handle the jealousy that was brewing inside of me. I couldn’t handle the fact that I couldn’t be who I wanted because I was scared. In no way does that excuse my actions, but believe me, if I could go back, I’d change it all.”
When Wells looked up, the siblings were holding each other’s gaze. “Why can’t you be who you want? Who cares if Dad doesn’t agree? You gotta be happy, Matty. You can’t hide and stay so angry. You hurt me.”
“I know—”
“No. Really,” she urged before slamming her arms on the table. Two intricately designed tattoos covered her forearms. Wells couldn’t get a good look before she turned back to Matty. “These tattoos cover cut marks, marks I inflicted on myself because I didn’t understand what I had done to be treated the way you were treating me.” When her voice started to crack, Wells had to look away. His heart ached for her. “I looked up to you. Though we are the same age, you are my older brother, along with Seth and Laurence. I wanted so badly to be great like you three, and I wasn’t. But in no way did I change. I was me, but when it got to be too much because of what I now know to be your actions, I tried to end it all because I was a coward.”
Wells could see the tears welling up in Matty’s eyes as he stared at the table. “No, I was the coward, and it pissed me off. It still does. I wanted to be strong, I wanted to be free—like you.” He looked up then, a single tear trickling down his face. When Wells looked to Avery, she, too, was crying. “I wanted to be you, but I couldn’t, and I was so unbelievably jealous of you. Which is not fair, I know, but—”
“Why, Matty? That’s what I don’t understand, and I’ve always wondered. I wasn’t any different from you. We are twins, we seemed to like the same things, we got along great, but still, I’m pretty sure Mom and Dad loved you more.”
“Never,” he said, shaking his head. “Yeah, they were very involved in our hockey lives. But when we were at those things, all they did was talk about how fucking successful you were going to be. How talented and beautiful you were. If it wasn’t you, it was Seth and Laurence, and I just felt like I wasn’t enough to anyone.” When he paused, taking a shaky breath, Wells reached over, rubbing his back. This story, the way Matty felt, rattled him. He couldn’t imagine being so scared that he would hide the way Matty had, or could hurt Wren like Matty had hurt Avery. He would die before he did that, but Matty wasn’t him. He had been lost for a long time, but he would never be lost again.
Not when Wells would be right there beside him.
“Because of all that, I took it out on you. That was wrong. Very fucking wrong.”
“It was,” she agreed, wiping her face. “It was unnecessary. It almost killed me.”
“I know, and I can’t even begin to explain the guilt I have inside of me because of it,” he urged as he looked up at her. “I’ve been in therapy for the last year. And no matter how I spin it, or even try to think of an apology for you, I don’t think one exists anywhere that could even come close to explaining any reason I deserve forgiveness from you.”
Wells’s shoulders fell as Avery looked away, toward the table. “I assume you came here for that? Forgiveness?”
Matty shook his head, though. “No, that’s not it.”
Confused, Wells glanced back at Matty as Avery’s brows drew in and she asked, “Then why did you come?”
“I came because I want so desperately to have you in my life, to be in Ashlyn’s life. I know it’s probably too much for you even to fathom ever forgiving me, but maybe in time, you might be able to.”
Wells’s gaze moved between them, his heart beating so fast and hard he almost couldn’t hear anything they were saying. He wasn’t even sure he should be there, but he wouldn’t leave Matty’s side. He’d promised he wouldn’t. But he did wish that Jace were here for Avery. Wells could tell this was hard for her.
Silence stretched between them until Avery looked up, wiping the tears from her cheeks, her makeup smearing a bit. “You’ve gone to therapy?”
“I have.”
“I never thought I’d hear you say that.”
“I had to. It got to be too much, especially with all the pictures of you and Ashlyn on Instagram. I wasn’t invited to any family events where you were, and the guilt ate and ate awa
y at me because I knew it was my fault. I wanted to do whatever I could to make it better, so Wells suggested therapy.”
Wells could feel Avery glance at him, but he was too busy taking in Matty’s furrowed brow and pursed lips. He looked so vulnerable, but so fucking beautiful too.
“You did?”
Directing his gaze to Avery, he shrugged as he met the same eyes Matty had. “My sister is a therapist, and she preaches that everyone needs therapy.”
Avery laughed. “I still go.”
Matty went taut beside Wells as he whispered, “Because of me.”
But she shook her head. “Only part of what you did drove me to it. It just scraped the surface of what was inside of me. Something that would have gotten to me sooner or later. But that’s in the past. I’m doing great now.”
“That’s all I want.”
“I want that for you,” she urged. “Are you going to tell Mom and Dad? The boys?”
“In due time, which I’m sure will provide awesome ammo for you to get back at me. To tell them first.”
She shook her head, her eyes defiant. “I would never do that.”
He nodded ruefully. “Because you’re a good person.”
“So are you,” she answered, holding Matty’s gaze, and Wells’s heart sang as she reached out, taking Matty’s hand in hers. “When you want to be. Remember, we used to be the bestest of friends before middle school and before Caleb moved in to our neighborhood.”
A grin pulled at his lips. “We were inseparable.”
“Yeah, and there is no reason I can think of that we can’t get back to that.”
Matty’s head shot up, his jaw falling a bit. “But, everything I’ve done—”
“Is in the past.” Reaching out, she took his other hand. “I know you didn’t come here for forgiveness, and I appreciate that. But, Matty, I forgave you a long time ago. I had to. My life has changed left and right. I’ve learned to roll with the punches, and if I held on to my anger and resentment toward you, I’d never live a full and happy life. And that’s hard when I have Ashlyn running around like the crazy she is,” she said with a laugh, and Matty smiled. Meanwhile, Wells was holding back his tears. “Of course, I’ve always wondered why it all changed the way it did, and it kills me that you felt like that. That you felt you couldn’t come to me. Because I would have been there for you—”
“I was jealous—”
“Which, again, is in the past,” she stressed, squeezing his hand. “I want nothing more than for you to live happily and fully.”
A tear rolled down Matty’s face as he nodded. “Before I came in this house, I thought I could do that with just this guy by my side—and don’t get me wrong, Wells, I love you.”
Wells nodded, swallowing back the sob that was scratching at his throat. “I love you.”
When Matty looked back to Avery, he squeezed her hand as he whispered, “But looking at you, remembering what we had at one point, I know I can’t have it all unless you’re in my life.”
Avery’s lips curved as Wells looked away, blinking hard to keep his tears back. “Done.”
Another moment passed in silence, but then the two Haverbrookes were both moving, standing up and embracing. Wells couldn’t hold it in as the tears started to roll down his cheek, and he watched as two people became siblings once more. As they hugged, both crying in each other’s arms, Wells missed Wren something insane. He took out his phone and texted her real fast.
Wells: I love you.
Wren: I love you too.
She then sent a selfie of her sitting on the floor holding her belly as Jensen lay on her thigh, smiling up at him.
Wren: We both do.
His heart soared. How did he get this lucky? He had it all and then some. Swallowing hard past the lump in his throat, he looked up as the sliding door opened and in ran a little person, one who favored Jace all the way, screaming “Mommy!”’ With a laugh, Avery let go of Matty, patting his arm before she bent down to get Ashlyn, putting her up on her hip as Jace entered the room, shutting the door behind him.
“Ash, this is your uncle Matty,” she said, wiping sand from the sweet baby’s rosy cheeks. “Can you say hi?”
Ashlyn leaned into her mom as she nodded shyly. “Hi.”
Wells could see the love and adoration come over Matty’s face instantly. He was smitten with his niece as he smiled even harder before he said, “Hey, it’s so great to meet you.”
Ashlyn wrapped her arms around Avery’s neck, and she laughed. “She’s shy. No clue where she gets that from since her father has never met a stranger.”
Jace laughed as Matty waved her off. “You were always shy when we were younger. Plus, I’m new.”
Avery smiled, her lashes fluttering as she moved a piece of hair out of Ashlyn’s face. “But hopefully, she’ll warm up to you. You’ll have to come around for that to happen.”
“That’s not a problem.”
Jace made a face and said, “Depends who you ask.”
Avery glanced back at him. “Be nice.”
Jace looked away. “I’m trying.”
“Be nice, Daddy,” Ashlyn added, and that had everyone grinning until Jace looked at Matty. Though Matty was staring at Ashlyn, such wonder and beauty in his eyes. Wells was convinced Matty didn’t care one bit that Jace wanted to burn him alive. Everything was falling into place, thank God, since they both had wanted it so badly. As Matty reached out, running his finger along the back of Ashlyn’s hand, Wells was pretty sure the grin that graced Matty’s face was unstoppable.
And Wells couldn’t be happier.
Thirteen
Matty was on cloud nine.
“That was awesome.”
“It was,” Wells said from beside him as he drove back to the hotel. “It went way better than I expected.”
“Me too!” Matty laughed, shaking his head. “I thought she was going to tell me to fuck off.”
“Jace did.”
Matty continued to laugh. “Yeah, he hates me.”
“He does, but Ashlyn really warmed up to you before we left.”
Matty let out a long sigh, his heart so full from being around the little girl with Avery’s eyes. She was the sweetest little thing he had ever met in his life. He was smitten the moment she looked at him. She looked just like Jace, but bits of Avery were there. Which also meant parts of Matty, and that pleased him to no end. “She did. God, she is so beautiful.”
“She is, and I love the picture we got of you with Avery and Ashlyn.”
Matty’s lips curved as he looked down at his phone. Of course, he had already made the picture of them smiling at the camera his background, replacing the one of him and Wells. Not that he thought Wells would mind. It was a great picture, and it warmed Matty from his head to his toes. “I do too.”
When Wells reached for his hand, Matty grabbed his first, bringing it to his lips and kissing it softly. “Thank you.”
“What did I do?” Wells laughed. “That was all you, dude, and you killed it. Yeah, you froze a few times, but, Matty, you were honest and real. It was fucking awesome to see.”
Watching Wells’s profile, Matty shook his head. “I couldn’t do it without you though.”
Wells scoffed. “I think you could, and I’m proud of you.”
Matty looked away bashfully. He felt really good. Not only would he and Avery work to get back the relationship he had annihilated, but he would get to know his niece, and the new niece or nephew Avery was pregnant with. It was all crazy, but damn, did it feel damn good. “Thanks,” he said softly, kissing Wells’s hand once more. “I’m proud of myself too.”
“You should be.” Wells flashed him a grin before looking back at the road. Matty couldn’t help but feel on top of the world. He had so many emotions running through him, happiness, fullness, yet still, the guilt was there. He hated seeing the marks through the ink on Avery’s arms. The pain and anger in Jace’s eyes…because those eyes would never change when it came to Matty. No
matter what. And that sucked. But most of all, he hated that he had missed so much time with Ashlyn. She had finally gotten close to him toward the end, climbing into his lap as he played with her, but he knew it wasn’t like how she was with her other uncles or even their parents. He was the new guy, but then, he deserved that.
It was part of the punishment.
Just like the nine months he had endured without Wells.
As he sighed, his lips curved while his heart pounded in his chest. He watched Wells drive, singing along to the radio with that tranquility Matty wished he had even an ounce of. The hat Wells was wearing was low over his eyes, and he looked stunning. This man, Jesus, he was everything Matty needed. He may claim that Matty could have done it by himself, but Matty was pretty sure he couldn’t have. Every time he felt like he was losing it, Wells was saying something to urge him on. Just a simple touch or even a look gave Matty the strength, or better yet, the confidence to carry on, to get what he wanted.
Now, he just had the rest of his family to come out to.
“I think I want to wait to tell my mom and dad.”
Wells glanced over at him and nodded. “Okay.” Matty could hear it in Wells’s voice; he wasn’t on board with that, but he shrugged. “Why is that?”
“I just…” He paused, looking out the window at the city life surrounding him. “I don’t think they’re gonna take it well.”
“But Avery said they love you, that they’ll be supportive.”
“I know, but I don’t believe that,” he said sadly. “I mean, I’m the commissioner’s son, Wells. He’s a public figure—”
“But it isn’t how it was. Everyone loves gay folks now. Seriously.”
But Matty shook his head. “We’re in the manliest game in the United States. It isn’t a thing in our league. And I don’t know, I just worry he’ll disown me or something. It scares me. I’ve worked so hard to please him, to be everything he wanted, but I know this isn’t something he will be able to accept.”
“I never thought my dad could either, but he is starting to.”