by Holly Rayner
“I get that,” Gwen said. “And, honestly, I might be able to help you get through the whole thing. I’m not a lawyer or anything, but I do know a few things about the law, and I know a lot about how to behave around police if you don’t want a situation to escalate.”
“So what were you afraid of?” Clay asked. “If it wasn’t the fact that I’m guilty of a crime?”
She sighed. “Isn’t it obvious?”
“Not to me.”
“I was afraid you wouldn’t want anything to do with me,” Gwen said. “I was afraid that when you found out I was pregnant, you would just tell me that we couldn’t be together.”
“You really thought that?” He was shaken.
“Well, that’s what you told me on the island,” she pointed out. “You said that we couldn’t see each other again. I tried to get your phone number then, remember? I wanted to be able to get in touch with you. It would have made it a lot easier to find you once I realized I was pregnant. But you were adamant.”
“I was scared too,” he said. “I’d just found out about the real estate deals. Dave called me while we were there and told me what had happened, and I didn’t know what to think. I was panicking, and—”
“And I was a cop,” she said.
“Yeah.”
“That’s why you wanted to cut ties with me.”
“Did you think I didn’t like you or something?”
“I didn’t know what to think,” she admitted.
“I looked you up on the NOPD website,” he said. “I’ve known how to get in touch with you for ages. I’ve almost done it so many times. But I always stopped myself. I felt like I couldn’t try to make something happen with you until I resolved the mess I’m in.”
“I’m not going to turn you over to the police,” Gwen said.
“Okay,” he said. “That is…good to know.”
It was more than good. He felt something loosen inside him, as if all the pressure that had been building up over the past six months was suddenly gone.
Nothing’s really changed. The local cops are still trying to find out who’s behind those property deals. They could still figure out it was me.
But it seemed he had underestimated just how much of his recent stress had been due to his feelings about Gwen. Having her here was a relief in a way he didn’t know how to explain, even to himself.
“Stay here,” he found himself saying.
“What?”
He went over to her and took her hands in his. “Stay here. With me. On the ranch.”
She shook her head. “I’m only in town for the night,” she said. “And I’ve got a hotel. You don’t need to go to any trouble.”
“It’s not any trouble,” he said. “And I don’t just mean tonight, Gwen. I want you to stay for the rest of your pregnancy. How far along are you?”
“Six months.”
“That’s plenty of time.” It wasn’t. It didn’t seem as though any amount of time would ever be enough. But three months was a start.
“I don’t understand,” Gwen said. “Plenty of time for what?”
“For us to get to know each other,” he said. “To do it really thoroughly this time. If we’re going to have a child together, we should have some kind of relationship.”
He could have bitten his tongue for using that word. I’m going to scare her off.
But was he? Surely it was a bit late to be worrying about whether the word relationship would scare her. She was six months pregnant with his child.
And besides, he hadn’t said anything about romance. Maybe they would be friends. Maybe they would have a co-parenting relationship that was more like that of two business associates.
That’s not what I want.
That voice in his head was impossible to ignore. No, it wasn’t what he wanted. What he wanted was to be with Gwen, to recapture the spark they had had on Green Turtle Cay, to fan it into a powerful flame, as he had always suspected they would have been able to under better circumstances.
Seeing her pregnant had thrown him for a loop. But he was more eager to know her better, to spend more time with her, than he had ever been.
“I have to go back to work,” Gwen said. She looked flustered. “I’m supposed to be back at the police station on Monday.”
“Don’t you get maternity leave?” Clay protested.
“I don’t get three months.”
Clay let go of her hands. “But you didn’t like your job,” he said. “You told me so.”
“I still need to pay the bills. Especially now that I have a child on the way. My sergeant won’t like it if I tell him I have to take three months off.”
Clay hesitated. “I know it’s a lot to ask,” he admitted. “If you want to go back, I understand. I just thought it would be nice for us to have some time together.”
“Come back to New Orleans with me,” she suggested.
“I don’t think I can,” Clay said. “The local police are trying to find everyone who was involved in that real estate deal, and they’ve already talked to me. If I skip town now—”
“You’re right,” Gwen said, realizing. “It would look suspicious.”
They stared into each other’s eyes.
“Maybe I can figure something out,” Gwen said.
Clay’s heart leapt, though he tried not to let his hope show on his face. “I don’t want to make trouble for you,” he said. “I know you need to keep your job.” He didn’t mention the fact that he had enough money to provide for anything she and the child needed. That would be too forward. They had only just re-entered each other’s lives.
“I’ll call my sergeant in the morning,” Gwen said. “Maybe there’s something we can work out.”
Chapter 19
Clay
“Sergeant Kepler’s not happy with me,” Gwen said the next morning.
“Are you going to lose your job?” Clay asked, momentarily abandoning the pancakes on the stove.
“No,” Gwen said. “I had some extra vacation time saved up, and my partner threatened to quit if he fired me, so my job is still there when I’m ready to go back.” She sighed. “But I’m beginning to think that day will never come.”
Clay returned to the pancakes just in time to save them from burning. He flipped them carefully and added a little cinnamon to the pan. “What do you mean?” he asked.
“I’ve never been happy there,” she explained. “I like the work I do…sort of. I like that I get to help people. But being out of the field for the last six months has really given me some perspective. It’s hard to be around people who have gone through such terrible things so regularly. It means a lot to me to help, but now that this baby is coming…I don’t know.”
“I get that,” Clay said. “Seeing kids in difficult circumstances might feel different when you have your own family at home.”
She nodded. “But what kind of person would I be if I quit the force?”
“Is that something you’re thinking about doing?”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” she admitted. “Working for Sergeant Kepler is no picnic, aside from everything else.”
“You’re allowed to put yourself and your child first,” he told her. “You’ve done a lot of great things in your time, Gwen. You’ve helped lots of people. It doesn’t have to be the only thing you do with your life. If you’re finished, you can hang it up, and it won’t diminish all the good you’ve already done.”
He transferred a few pancakes to a plate and set it in front of her. “Eat up,” he instructed. “I want my child well-nourished.”
She managed a smile and cut a bite. “You didn’t have to cook for me,” she said.
“I wanted to.” He served up his own pancakes and sat down beside her. “It’s something I never got to do in the Bahamas. I don’t want you to think that all I know how to do is order food.
“If I didn’t know better,” she said, “I would think this was a date.”
“A date, huh? This
is what a date looks like for you?”
“God, I haven’t been on a date in ages,” she said, laughing. “But yeah, I’d say so. Hot guy invites me over and makes me breakfast. Seems date-like to me.”
“So now I’m hot?”
“That can’t possibly be news,” she said. “I don’t know if you missed this information, but I did have a passionate fling with you that resulted in this right here.” She rested her hand on her stomach. “Yes, it’s safe to say I find you attractive.”
He grinned. Gwen had spent last night at her hotel, but this morning she had checked out and brought all her things over to his place. Having her here felt vaguely miraculous, like finding a starfish on a beach, and Clay was determined to make the most of it.
It’s a second chance, and I’m not going to waste it. I’ll do whatever I can to get her to fall for me.
“When you’re done eating,” he said, “I’ll take you out to see the horses. If you want.”
She looked up from her plate. “I’m done eating.”
“You’ve hardly touched your food!”
“But I want to meet the horses.” She took a big bite of her pancakes. “I’ve never been close to a horse before.”
“Really? Never?”
She shrugged. “I’ve never had the opportunity.”
“I’d teach you to ride, but in your current condition, it’s probably not a good idea.” He hesitated, then added, “Maybe in a few months.”
She glanced at him uncertainly. “We don’t know if I’ll still be here after the baby comes.”
“I want you here,” he said, looking into her eyes.
“You do?”
He sighed. “Gwen, I fell for you a long time ago,” he admitted. “I know this is fast—we just came back into each other’s lives last night—but I want something permanent with you. I want to figure out a way to make this work.”
“Really?”
“Really,” he confirmed. “But…but if you don’t feel the same way, then I understand.”
“God, Clay,” Gwen said. “Why do you think I wanted your number so badly all those months ago? It’s about the baby now, but back then it was just about the fact that I had met a man I really connected with, and I didn’t want to let you go.”
“So you feel the same way, is what you’re saying?” Happiness rose up in him like a balloon. “You want to try to make this work?”
“I do,” she said. “And I think we can. We have three months together before the baby arrives. That’s plenty of time for us to work this out. I think we can have something really special.”
Chapter 20
Clay
Three months seemed to pass in the blink of an eye.
Every day, Clay stood Gwen in front of a blank wall in his house and took her picture, from the front and from the side. He wasn’t aware of the way her body grew and changed from one day to the next, but looking at the pictures he had taken really brought home to him how much bigger she had gotten.
She looked beautiful, glowing and full of happiness. She hummed to herself as she moved from one room to the next. Clay loved watching her explore the house he had shared with his father. He loved the fact that these rooms were no longer empty, and in just a matter of days, their baby would be here too.
“I wish Dad could have met you,” he said one day as they sat in front of a crackling fire. “He would have really liked you.”
“Do you think so?” She was leaning against the arm of the sofa, her legs stretched out into his lap so that he could massage her feet.
“He always hoped I would find someone,” Clay said. “He worried about how much of a loner I was, and he tried to convince me to spend more time socializing with people. I could never bring myself to point out that he was exactly the same way, that the only woman he had ever opened himself up to had left us.”
Gwen was quiet for a minute. “But she gave him you,” she pointed out.
Clay looked at her, smiled and nodded his head.
“Even if you’d wanted nothing to do with me,” Gwen said, “even if you’d told me to go to hell when I showed up at your front door and told you this baby was yours…I would still be glad that I had met you. Because if I’d never known you, I would never have had my child.”
“You’re so sure of that,” he marveled. “This baby hasn’t even been born yet, and already you’re so sure.”
“I know this baby,” she said. “I’ve felt it kick. I’ve felt it turn inside me. In a way, it is me right now. And it’s the only family I’ve ever known.”
She closed her eyes contentedly and flexed her foot into his touch as he rubbed a tender spot. “Yes, I’m very sure. This is the most important, most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to me. I’m sure your father felt that way about you, even though your mother didn’t stay. I’m sure he wanted the same happiness for you.”
Clay nodded. “That’s why he would have liked you,” he told her. “You see right to the heart of things.”
Gwen’s eyes flew open, then, her relaxed expression having vanished.
“You okay?” Clay asked. “Was that an extra big kick?”
She shook her head absently. “We checked that the birthing pool was ready, right?”
“Only about a dozen times. Why?”
“Because that wasn’t like any kick I’ve felt before. Clay, I think I’m in labor.”
Chapter 21
Clay
“I never would have believed I could give birth like this,” Gwen murmured.
Clay looked at her. She was sweaty and exhausted, but somehow radiant at the same time. Her eyes were closed, her damp hair fanned out behind her on her pillows.
“Like this?” he asked.
“You know what I mean,” she said. “At home. A water birth.”
Clay nodded. “Are you glad we did it?”
“I am,” she said, reaching out and wrapping her arm around their swaddled baby. “I won’t deny that I was nervous, though.”
They had been planning the home birth almost from the moment Gwen had arrived. Clay had been surprised when she’d told him that was what she wanted, but he would have done anything to support her. Melissa, it turned out, had a sister, Ria, who worked as a doula, and she had made the whole thing very easy and comfortable for them.
Now that it was over, and Gwen was tucked into bed, Clay felt he could really appreciate the miracle he had just witnessed. She had been so strong. So brave.
He wiped the sweat from her forehead. “Do you need more to drink?” he asked her.
She smiled, her eyes still closed. “I’m okay for right now,” she murmured. “I just want to lie here and enjoy being with him.”
Clay lay down on the bed beside her, so that their newborn son was in between them. The baby yawned, and Clay felt his heart leave his body. He belonged to this little boy now, completely. He would do anything in the world for his son.
“What are we going to call him?” he asked.
“It seems like he should have a family name,” Gwen said. She opened her eyes slightly, taking in their baby. “But I don’t have any family names to offer.”
“My grandfather was called Wendell,” Clay said. He grinned to show that he was kidding.
“How about James?” Gwen asked. “He looks like a James to me.”
“It’s not a family name,” Clay said.
A smile crossed Gwen’s face. “Maybe it is now,” she said. “Maybe we get to pick the family names, and he’ll be the one to pass it down through the generations. This is the first family I’ve ever had, so I guess I get to start all the traditions, right?”
Clay grinned. “That seems right to me,” he agreed. “And James is classic. It’ll sound as good fifty years from now as it does today.”
“James.” Gwen touched his tiny nose gently. “He’s just perfect, isn’t he?”
“The best baby I’ve ever seen,” Clay agreed. “I can’t take my eyes off of him.”
“Mmm,” Gwen ag
reed. “I keep thinking I’m going to go to sleep, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I want to keep looking at him.”
“It’s silly, isn’t it?” Clay asked. “It’s not like he’s doing anything.”
“But he might do something. You don’t know.”
“Are you going to do anything, James?” Clay asked.
James yawned again.
“He’s going to sleep,” Gwen said.
“Then you should sleep too,” Clay said, caressing her face. “All the books say you should be sleeping when he’s sleeping, right?”
Gwen nodded reluctantly. “Promise you’ll get me up if he wakes up,” she said. “I don’t want to miss anything.”
“You won’t,” Clay said. “I promise.”
Gwen closed her eyes, and he leaned over and kissed her forehead. Then he pulled himself a little bit closer to her, adjusting James between them, and held his family.
Clay meant to stay awake, but Gwen’s labor had been long, and they had been awake for almost thirty hours. Before he knew what was happening, he had begun to slip into unconsciousness.
He dreamed of James, but in his dream, the boy was already a child of nine or ten. Clay had taken him out to the stable, and they were preparing horses to ride together. In the dream, Clay admired how quickly and surely James was able to saddle up his horse, how confident he was in what needed to be done.
My father taught me to ride, he thought, and now I’m teaching my son.
How he wished his father could have been there to see it! His father would have loved James, would have been so pleased and proud to be a grandfather. It had been just Clay and his father for so long, but now there was a whole little family, and his father had missed everything.
He woke aching with grief, as he had so many times after his father’s death.
But as he rolled over and looked at his son’s face, he could see his father’s chin reflected there. Looking at James was like finally coming to the end of the tunnel of mourning he had been in for such a long time. It was almost like having a bit of his father returned to him.