The Last First Kiss

by Julie Cannon

  Kelly kissed her back, a low moan coming from somewhere. The sound was exciting, the feeling in the pit of her stomach and the tingle in her clit becoming more demanding.

  Kelly slid her hands up Matt’s arms and circled them around her neck as she pressed against her. Matt wrapped her arms around Kelly, rejoicing at the familiar yet forgotten intimacy. Matt’s head swam with thoughts and emotions, all centered on Kelly. She wanted to kiss her for a very, very long time in all the right places.

  As her knees threatened to give way, Matt pulled her head back, breaking the kiss. Their entire bodies and their foreheads were touching, and for a long time neither of them moved. Matt struggled to catch her breath.

  “Well,” Kelly said softly, her voice husky. “That was certainly worth the wait.”

  “Yes, it was,” Matt replied, her own voice not sounding quite right.

  Her body, long dormant from the feel of another woman, was responding in a way she thought it never would again when Kelly shifted her hips slightly. They fit together in all the right places, and a few specific ones had definitely come alive. Her nipples were hard where Kelly pressed against her, her clit begging to feel the pressure of Kelly’s thigh. She clenched her jaw to control the overwhelming desire to back Kelly against the rail and have her right here, right now. She shuddered and Kelly gripped her tighter.

  “Can we do it again?”

  The instant before their lips met this time, Matt murmured, “I thought you’d never ask.”

  Matt didn’t stop to analyze what was happening between them; she just responded. She was drawn to Kelly in a way she’d never been with another woman. She foolishly wanted to know everything about her. She had no worries about the future but just reveled in the present, this moment that felt so incredibly right.

  “Hey, you two,” Sandra’s voice pierced Matt’s brain, and she jumped back, leaving Kelly to grab the handrail for support. “People are starting to stare. Come on. Let’s get both of you back to the resort, where you can have a little privacy.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Kelly was still trying to get her body under control when the taxi dropped them off at the resort. It hadn’t helped that she and Matt had been in a backseat so small they were almost sitting on top of each other. She burned where her body touched Matt’s every time the vehicle turned a corner. If not for Matt’s polite, outstretched hand, she probably would have stumbled as she climbed out of the backseat.

  She had enjoyed herself this evening more than she’d expected. She’d wanted to spend more time with Matt, but the thought of sharing her with her friends made her feel like a third wheel. She’d relaxed when they made it a point to prove to her that wasn’t the case.

  She knew Matt was attracted to her, but she sensed a bit of hesitancy in her eyes. Was it because her wife had died? Was she still pining over her? That kiss on the boardwalk sure didn’t give her that impression.

  Kelly had kissed many, many women, but none had devastated her so completely as when Matt kissed her. She was more than a little interested in Matt, who had something about her Kelly couldn’t describe. It was more than her enticing body, her charm, or how cute she was when she stumbled over her words trying to make conversation. She was captivating, which was completely unexpected.

  “Good night, you two,” Becca said after they passed through the lobby. She directed her next comment to Matt. “We won’t wait up.”

  Her heart hammered so loud she was sure Matt could hear it, and she didn’t want the evening to end. “Would you like to have a nightcap by the pool?” she asked.

  “I’d love to.”

  Kelly took Matt’s hand as they strolled through to the bar. The discreet lighting along the path to the pool was enough to see by without ruining the mood of a warm tropical night. The air smelled faintly like the ocean. They stopped at the bar, and Kelly took Matt’s hand again and led her to a cabana in a secluded corner. There they kicked off their shoes and sat down, extending their legs. A warm breeze fluttered the canvas fabric overhead. Others were enjoying the evening too, but to Kelly, in the cocoon of the cabana, they seemed to be all alone. The moon was a sliver, the stars bright and blinking overhead.

  Kelly was suddenly uncharacteristically nervous as they sat in silence sipping their drinks. The sound of the waves crashing in the distance echoed the churning in her stomach. She wanted to go to bed with Matt and was pretty sure the feeling was mutual. So why were they sitting here and not throwing back the covers in her room?

  “Do you ever wonder what your life would’ve been like if you’d taken a different path?” Kelly asked, needing to talk about something to settle her nerves.

  “In terms of what?”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” Kelly said, struggling to answer her own question. “Maybe if you ended up with your first girlfriend.”

  “My first girlfriend or the first girl I kissed?” Matt asked.

  “The first girl you kissed.”

  “That was Paige Bartlett.”

  “How old were you?” Kelly wanted to know all about Matt’s first kiss. She knew she’d never forget her first kiss with Matt.

  “I was fifteen. An awful age.”

  “Tell me about you and Paige Bartlett if you were together today.”

  Matt thought for a few moments. “I would probably be dead.”

  “Wow,” Kelly said. “I didn’t see that coming. Why? It would be an absolute shame, by the way, because then I wouldn’t know what it was like to kiss you and have this wonderful evening with you.”

  “Thank you. One of her brothers probably would’ve killed me,” Matt explained. “They certainly wanted to when they found out about us. They thought I was trash and had corrupted and seduced their sister, when it was actually the other way around. Paige wouldn’t take no for an answer. I hadn’t quite figured out that I liked girls, but I knew there was something different about me. I wasn’t interested in the same things other girls were at that age. It never occurred to me that I might be a lesbian. Paige, seventeen and very sophisticated, was one of the popular girls, yet she never gave any indication that she was into girls. But the way she was after me was hard-core pursuit.”

  “And you were what she wanted?”

  “Apparently so.”

  “And how was it?” Kelly asked. “When she caught you?”

  “Fucking awesome.”

  They both laughed, and Kelly’s heart flip-flopped at the sound.

  “So, where does the death by brother come in?”

  “Let’s just say Paige liked to live life on the edge. She was very adventurous.” Matt smiled at the memory.

  “Do tell,” Kelly asked, suddenly wishing she’d been Matt’s first kiss.

  “She was a little risky, and just being with Paige was thrilling. I was young, dumb, and horny as hell. I’d just found out that orgasms were the answer to the great mystery of life. We were behind the shed in her backyard when one of her brothers turned the corner at a very inappropriate time. Boy, did he get an eyeful. Of course, he blamed me, even though one of Paige’s hands was under my shirt and the other down my pants. I ran as fast as I could and never looked back.”

  “How about you,” Matt asked. “Who was your first kiss?”

  “Monica Simpson. She was seventeen and I was nineteen.”

  “Nineteen?” Matt asked, obviously surprised. “As in one-nine years old?”

  “Yes, nineteen. It wasn’t like I didn’t know I was a lesbian. I was just plain chicken.” Kelly remembered how her palms got sweaty and her brain ceased to function whenever she was around a cute girl. Kind of like now, she thought.

  “Well, judging by the way you kissed me on the boardwalk, you’ve certainly gotten over your shyness.”

  “Thank you,” Kelly said, all nervousness now gone. “There’s a lot more where that came from.”

  “Is that an invitation?”

  “Depends.”

  “On?”

  Kelly moved closer to Matt. The he
at radiating off Matt’s body had nothing to do with the warm, night air.

  “On whether you can do casual, no-strings sex. We’re both here for a short time, and then you go home to your life and I return to mine.” Kelly saw the flicker of desire in Matt’s eyes and more than a little hesitation. The kiss on the boardwalk was a definite yes, but now, when it came down to it, Matt obviously had some reservations.

  “You don’t need to decide right now,” Kelly said, giving her an out if she needed one. Matt looked relieved. Kelly leaned down and kissed her. It was a passionate kiss, one that held potential and barely restrained desire. Instinct told her that if she pushed, Matt would run, and that was the last thing she wanted. Something inside Matt was struggling to get out, and Kelly was determined to be the one that held the key.

  “Come on,” Kelly said, pulling Matt to her feet. The kiss had left them both struggling to breathe. “Walk me to my door before I pull the shade down and make you really see stars.”

  Kelly held Matt’s hand, not wanting to lose the connection. That was silly, because the current passing between them had nothing to do with electricity. She was in no hurry, so she led them on a meandering path back to her room. They passed several couples also enjoying the quiet evening, and one couple locked in an embrace oblivious to anything around them.

  When they arrived at her door, the sound of the lock sliding open was unusually loud. Kelly opened the door and turned to face Matt.

  “You are a very attractive, sexy woman, Mattingly Parker, and I’d love to spend the night with you.” She was having a hard time keeping her eyes off Matt’s lips. She vividly remembered how they felt on hers and imagined how they would feel blazing a path over her skin.

  “Kelly, I…” Matt had a pained expression.

  Kelly put her fingers on Matt’s lips and shook her head. “Find me tomorrow.” She replaced her fingers with her lips and kissed her, then ended the kiss while she still could.

  Chapter Fifteen

  “What in the fuck are you doing here?”

  “This is our suite,” Matt answered but knew that wasn’t what Sandra was talking about.

  Sandra said as much.

  “I don’t have to explain myself,” Matt answered. Even if she did, she didn’t know what she’d say. She was more than ready to follow Kelly into her room and not come out until it was time to catch her return flight. At least she thought she was, but something held her back. She’d have to figure it out, and fast, because she didn’t want Kelly to slip through her fingers.

  “Yes, you do. We didn’t expect to see you until tomorrow, if even then.”

  “Well, I’m here now,” Matt said, heading for her room. “And I’m going to bed.”

  “Oh, no, you’re not.” Becca said, again tag-teaming with Sandra. “What gives?” Matt didn’t stand a chance, and everyone in the room knew it.

  “Nothing gives,” Matt said weakly. “I’m just tired and want to go to bed.”

  “The sooner you tell us why you’re here and not with Kelly, the sooner you can go to bed.”

  “There’s nothing to tell. We sat by the pool and talked for a while, and then she asked me if I could do casual, no-strings sex.”

  “And you said?” Sandra asked.

  “I didn’t get a chance to say anything. I must have hesitated too long because she kissed me good night and said she’ll see me tomorrow.” That was the Cliff Notes version and would have to do for now.

  “That’s it? You just left?” Sandra said, shaking her head. “Mattie, you are about to lose your lesbian card, girl. You had a hot chick all over you. No commitments, no awkward call-me-later expectations. You’ll never see each other ever again. That is perfect sex.”

  “Give it a rest Sandra,” Matt warned her. “I have enough shit to deal with. I do not need yours added to the top of an already heaping pile.” And the latest turd on the pile had been placed there today—a text from her mother-in-law.

  MIL: I hope you are enjoying your vacation away from Jordan. Translation: A good mother who truly loved her child would never leave him to go on vacation to a tropical island out of the country.

  ME: Yes, thx, and I know Jordan is enjoying himself even more. He’s wanted to go to camp for the past few summers. Translation: I’m a good mother, have never left him, so butt out!

  MIL: When will you be returning again? Translation: A good mother who truly loved her child would never be gone long.

  ME: On the 16th. Jordan will be home a week later, on the 28th. Translation: It’s not like I’m not there with him.

  MIL: Oh, okay. I thought you’d be home much earlier. Translation: A good mother who truly loved her child would absolutely never be gone at all, let alone that long.

  MIL: How are Rebecca and Sandy? Translation: I know you and your bad-influence friend Rebecca, the ball-buster DA, and Sandra, the dyke-lesbian-in-your-face activist, are having orgies.

  ME: They’re great and say hello. Translation: They’re working hard to get me laid, and they say fuck you. Gotta run. The taxi is here to take us to the museum. Jordan asked for a book about Juan Ponce de Leon. He studied him in history. Translation: I’m done with your checking-up-on-me bullshit, and I always think of Jordan.

  MIL: Be careful. People do crazy things while on vacation. Translation: Don’t come home with a sexually transmitted disease since I know all lesbians do is fuck each other.

  ME: Will do. Hi to Harrison. Translation: Fuck off.

  “Mattie, what is it?” Becca asked.

  “I said it’s nothing,” Matt lied. “I’m going to bed. Good night.”

  Matt was surprised Becca and Sandra had let her off the hook so easily. She went to bed but didn’t fall asleep, and after several hours of staring at the ceiling, she got up and went out onto the patio. The air was warm, a soft breeze blowing across the balcony. She moved the small bistro table around in front of her and put her feet up. Soft laughter and the sound from the waterfall floated from the pool area, and she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She had great friends, and even though they could be a pain in the ass sometimes, she couldn’t have survived Andrea’s death without them. She remembered when they showed up at the house.

  Matt had managed to call Sandra and Becca, both of them appearing twenty minutes later in her living room without knocking. They sat down on either side of her on the soft couch, and Sandra reached out and took her hand. They didn’t say anything. Becca and Sandra just being there, in Matt’s space, was enough.

  “She was in the mess tent when a bomb exploded near the center of camp,” Matt said, her voice scratchy. “When everyone else was running for cover, she rushed out and dragged a wounded soldier off the street and into a tent. She went back…” Matt hesitated, gathering herself. She could fall apart later. “She went back four times to get the injured, and on the fifth she was hit with shrapnel from a rocket that came in a few minutes later. She died instantly.” Matt added that Andrea had used her body as a shield for another badly injured soldier, and, due to her selfless act, that soldier had survived. But that didn’t matter. Andrea was still dead.

  “She was a nurse, and that’s what she did. It was who she was,” Becca said quietly.

  “And it got her killed.” Matt couldn’t hold back the angry words that had been threatening to push their way out.

  “And it got her killed. She was doing what she loved,” Sandra said. “You know that.”

  “And it got her killed,” Matt repeated. “She was supposed to be in a safe zone.” Matt knew there was no such thing, just like the phrase “peacekeeping actions” often meant gunfire and roadside bombs.

  “It was a hospital. What kind of savages attack a hospital?” Matt asked in anguish.

  “Cowards,” Sandra replied. “Fucking cowards.”

  Jordan stirred, and as much as Matt wanted to hold Andrea’s flesh and blood in her arms forever, she loosened her grasp. He opened his sleepy eyes and grinned when he saw his Aunt Becca within reach. He crawl
ed onto her lap and fell asleep again.

  “Why don’t you make your calls while he’s sleeping? We’re not going anywhere,” Sandra said, her voice soothing.

  Matt brushed a lock of his fine hair off his forehead and kissed the top of his head. She inhaled his scent, drawing strength for what she had to do next.

  Seven phone calls later she dragged herself into the kitchen. Sandra had shucked her suit jacket and shoes, and Matt’s large orange apron protected her silk blouse from the remnants of Jordan’s snack. What wasn’t in his mouth was on the floor under the watchful eye of Pluto. Pluto never begged for food but knew as soon as Jordan was out of his booster chair at the end of the table, the floor was his.

  “I made you some tea.”

  “Auntie Sandra cooked,” Jordan said, as if it were the second coming of Christ. He wasn’t that far off. Sandra’s culinary skills barely passed boiling water and “heat thoroughly.”

  “I see that, buddy. Is it good?” Matt asked needlessly. The remains of bologna and cheese as well as the chocolate pudding on his cheek told the story.

  “She cooks more gooder than you,” Jordan said with a mouth full of pudding.

  Sandra stifled a chuckle. Both she and Andrea had had to scold her from laughing at the things Jordan said, especially if they were inappropriate.

  “She cooks better than me.” Matt corrected him out of habit.

  “And you say I’m worthless in the kitchen,” Sandra said, wiping Jordan’s face with a wet paper towel.

  “The palate of a three-year-old is not difficult to please.” Matt smiled, but the attempt made her face hurt. It would be a very long time, if ever, before it felt normal to smile.

  Either Becca or Sandra stayed by her side, being there when Matt needed them and providing silent support in the background when it was appropriate. It took five days for Andrea’s body to be delivered to Hanson’s Funeral Home and another four to arrange her burial at the veterans’ cemetery across town. Andrea was buried with full military honors, and Jordan was frightened by the twenty-one-gun salute, wrapping his arms tightly around Matt’s neck, burying his face in her shoulder. Matt crumbled inside. Becca and Sandra were on either side of her, her parents next to them, and Andrea’s family across from her. Everyone, including General John Shakey, Andrea’s commanding officer, wiped away tears after the lone soldier in full military dress uniform played taps as Andrea’s coffin was lowered into the dry desert dirt.