by Julie Cannon
Kelly sensed something major in Matt’s life that she hadn’t shared with her, and she finally admitted to herself that it bothered her. In the next minute she acknowledged that she had no right to any more than Matt had already given. However, she wanted to know, to do more than peek into her life. She wanted to hear the story behind her favorite old comfy shirt, look through the box of her childhood keepsakes, the charities she supported. Did she complain when she was sick or suffer in silence? Did she pray to God, go to church, sing in the choir? Did she cherish her parents—were her parents even alive? The list was endless, just as the night had been.
“Kelly?”
The question pulled Kelly away from her thoughts. “Hi.” Becca was standing at the foot of her chair. She couldn’t help herself. She looked past her for Matt.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Yeah, sure.” Her senses told her something was up. She shifted her legs so Becca could sit at her feet. The chairs on either side of her were occupied by towels and sun hats.
“It’s about Mattie,” Becca said.
“What about her?” Kelly asked without any exterior sign of emotion. Her insides, on the other hand, were churning.
“She had to leave yesterday. There was an accident, and she had to get home.”
Kelly sat up straight, alarmed. “Is she all right? Did something happen to her?”
“Her son was hurt in an accident. He’s in the hospital.”
“Her…son?” Her son? She never told me she had a son. Why didn’t she tell me? Why would she?
“Yes. He was at a summer camp, and something happened during an activity. We put her on a plane last night.”
“Is he okay?” My God, what Matt must be going through. She was still trying to get her head around the fact that she even had a son.
“Too soon to know for sure, but all signs are good.”
“Is Matt okay?”
“As panicked and worried as you’d expect a mother to be.”
“Matt’s a mother,” Kelly said, still getting used to the idea. That was a big deal. A very big deal.
“She didn’t have time to find you and say good-bye, and she asked us to tell you she was sorry about that.”
“Sorry? There’s no need for her to apologize.”
Kelly chastised herself for all the mean things she’d thought about Matt when she hadn’t shown up for dinner. God, how selfish.
“Of course her son is her priority. What’s his name?”
“Jordan.” Becca shrugged. “Andrea wanted to name him after Mattie, but she wouldn’t allow it, so they settled on Jordan, after her father.”
“How old is he?
“Nine.”
“Nine?” Kelly exclaimed. Holy shit, Matt has a nine-year-old? She did the quick math. When Matt’s wife died, she was left to raise a three-year-old. Or was she? If Matt hadn’t told her about her son, what made her believe her story about a dead wife was real?
“She never told me she had a son.” Kelly knew she sounded defensive and had no right to be.
“What was the point?” Becca asked.
“Excuse me?”
“What was the point?” Becca asked again. “She was only going to be here for two weeks and then go home. Weren’t you just having a little fun?”
“Excuse me?” Kelly said again, this time more indignant.
“Forgive me if I got this wrong or if I’m out of line, but wasn’t this just a vacation fling? No strings, no commitments?”
Even though that’s exactly what it was, Becca’s words were cold and hard. Kelly had really enjoyed getting to know Matt and had foolishly started to think about the possibility of something more.
“Is that what Matt said it was?”
“Matt didn’t tell us much of anything,” Becca replied. “But how could it be anything more? She has her son to think about.”
Ouch, that hurt. She doubted Becca meant it the way it sounded, but it was true. No way was anyone other than her son number one on her priority list.
“Of course, it was,” Kelly lied. She hoped her acting skills were still sharp. “Does she even have a dead wife?” Kelly was aghast she’d asked that question. It’d just shot out of her mouth before she could stop it. Kelly lifted her hand to her mouth. “Oh my God. That was a terrible thing to say. I’m sorry.”
Becca looked at her as if preparing for battle. “Yes, she does. Andrea was killed six years ago.”
“And she’s been raising their son.”
“Yes. Sandra and I are around, but she’s been pretty much on her own. Her in-laws live across the street, but they’re nothing but busybodies trying to tell Mattie how to live her life.”
Kelly didn’t know what to think, and she certainly didn’t know what she was feeling. They’d left on rocky terms, but Kelly was looking forward to making it up to her all night and until they had to leave. The sex was off-the-charts good, but the way Matt looked at her completely took her breath away.
Kelly didn’t believe in love at first sight. At least she didn’t think she did. When Matt had commented about the book she was reading on the plane, Kelly had looked up into the most vibrant, enticing eyes she’d ever seen. Heat had flashed through her body and lasted long after Matt had taken her seat. Was it basic biology or something more? She felt like a schoolgirl with her first crush. She remembered every word Matt had said and had replayed them all back last night in her room. Just the thought of Matt made her heart race and her stomach flutter. And the sex—my God, the sex was amazing.
Even their first time together had been perfect. Though typically she endured the customary fumbling with clothes and sometimes painful, yet always embarrassing, inadvertent crashing of body parts, her coupling with Matt had been smooth and familiar, like two lovers reunited after months apart. Matt knew just where to touch her, when she needed a firm stroke or a feather-light tease. And, my God, her mouth seemed to be made for Kelly’s complete pleasure.
“Are you all right?” Becca placed her hand on Kelly’s forearm, as if pulling her back to the here and now.
“Yes, I’m fine,” Kelly answered, trying to get her breathing under control. “Please give her my best and tell her I’ll be thinking about her.” That was absolutely no lie. Kelly would never forget these past ten days.
Several moments passed, and Becca started to get up.
“Wait.” Kelly rummaged around in her bag, pulled out a small spiral notebook, and tore out a piece of paper. She brushed off the sand and wrote her name and phone number, then handed it to Becca without hesitation.
“Tell her…” Kelly stopped, unsure what she wanted to tell Matt. That she’d loved their time together? That riding bikes into town was the most fun she’d had in a long time? That watching the sunset was beautiful and making love to the sunrise was breathtaking? Or something as simple as “call me”?
Becca was looking down at her expectantly. “Just tell her I’ll be thinking about her, and I hope all goes well with her son.”
Becca didn’t leave, and Kelly didn’t know what else there was to say. Becca sat back down.
“You can tell me to mind my own business or even go to hell, but I’ve known Mattie for a long time.” Becca hesitated, and she had Kelly’s complete attention. “I haven’t seen her this happy in years.”
“What’s not to be happy about a vacation fling?” Kelly asked, trying to reassemble her defenses. “No commitment, no strings. Just great sex, if you’re lucky.” Kelly shifted her gaze back to the horizon, afraid if she blinked, the tears she’d fought to control would spill.
“She hasn’t been with anyone since Andrea died.”
Kelly turned to look at Becca so fast, she felt dizzy. She hadn’t been with anyone for six years? What did that mean? That she couldn’t, didn’t want to? Was she still so much in love she didn’t even think of touching another woman? But she had touched her, made love to her.
“She pretended she had, but we know her too well.”
“Why would she do that?” Matt certainly didn’t seem to be rusty in the sex department.
“She loved Andrea very much.”
Kelly’s heart fell at the simple statement. She didn’t say anything. She couldn’t compete against a dead woman. In a divorce, the love died, but in this case it had been the person. The love lived on.
“I guess she wasn’t ready. She had a lot of things going on. She had pressure from the army, her in-laws. And raising a child is not an easy feat.”
“The army? Where does the army fit in?”
“Andrea was a nurse. She was stationed in the Middle East and was killed.”
“Jesus.” Kelly couldn’t even imagine how that must hurt.
“She just shut up into herself and went on raising Jordan. This was her first time away from Jordan and the pressure she’s under since Andrea died.”
The impact of the last few minutes hit Kelly like a blow to the chest. The impact of the past ten days on Matt wasn’t lost on her. What must she have been thinking? Feeling? Remembering? Was it her face she saw when Matt closed her eyes or her dead wife’s? Were Kelly’s hands, fingers, and mouth giving her pleasure, or was it her wife’s? She wanted to throw up.
“She didn’t tell you any of this?” Becca asked, sounding sympathetic.
“Why would she?” Kelly snapped. “You said it yourself, vacation fling.” And what an idiot she’d been to think it might be something else.
“Kelly—”
“Thanks for telling me about Matt.” Kelly found her book in her bag and opened it, ending any further conversation.
Chapter Thirty-one
Kelly put on an acceptable show of excitement as she answered everyone’s questions about her trip. Hillary had gathered all her friends together at a local pub, and even though Kelly was exhausted and emotionally drained from the last few days, she graciously accepted. If she hadn’t, she’d be answering the same questions a dozen times.
She told funny stories of people on the beach, in the restaurants, and during her wild cab rides. She talked about pedaling bikes into town, riding Waverunners, and skimming over waves on a catamaran. However, she left out one critical detail—that she had done all of this with one woman. One extraordinary woman. She didn’t want to think about Matt or feel the resulting gaping hole that had developed in her when her plane lifted off the island. She wanted to put Matt out of her mind, and hopefully that would push her out of her heart as well.
While everyone drank and munched on appetizers, Kelly felt Hillary’s eyes on her for most of the evening. Luckily, she waited until they stood by Kelly’s car before she began her twenty questions.
“What happened? And don’t tell me nothing. I know you better than that, and don’t even think of lying to me.”
“I met someone.”
Three simple words, when spoken, could fill a huge outdoor stadium. Those words signified something meaningful. Something with potential. They meant much more than a simple hookup or short-term thing. The possibilities in those three little words were almost as powerful as the three big ones.
“Did you get her number?” she asked after Kelly had given her the Cliff Notes version of her trip.
Kelly shook her head as she zipped her jacket, the breeze cool tonight.
“Where does she live?”
“Nowhere near here.”
“So? Planes fly both ways,” Hillary said matter-of-factly.
“She has a nine-year-old son.”
Hillary frowned. “I didn’t see that one coming. Was he there? She didn’t take him to a lesbian resort, did she?”
“No. Of course not.”
Hillary nodded. “Well, that adds a layer of complicated, but not one that you can’t overcome.”
“And a wife who was a nurse in the army and was killed in Afghanistan.”
“Okay.” Hillary drew out the word. “And you two…?”
“She was wonderful, gorgeous, funny, smart, charming.”
“And?”
“And, like an idiot, I fell for her.” Kelly paused, gathering her courage. Once she said the next word, it was going to be real. “Hard.”
The entire flight home, while other passengers had been reminiscing about their vacation or napping, Kelly had been trying not to fall through the chasm that had appeared when Becca sat down at her feet.
“Does that mean there’s no chance of anything between you two?”
“She left before I did, and we didn’t have a chance to talk about anything or even say good-bye.”
“Well, that’s pretty shitty.” Hillary never shied away from voicing her opinion.
“No. She got a call that her son was in an accident and caught the next flight out.”
“Is he okay?”
“I don’t know. I hope so.”
“How does she feel about you?”
Two cars drove by, obviously looking for a parking space. “Again, I don’t know. The last time we were together, we parted on a sour note.” Kelly felt the ridiculousness of her jealousy again as she told Hillary that story.
“And you didn’t get a chance to talk to her after that?” Hillary asked .
“Her son is enough for her to deal with right now. I’m not going to add to her problems. And besides, we agreed it was just vacation sex. Just fun, no commitment.”
“And how was the sex?” Hillary asked, bumping her shoulder.
Warmth spread through Kelly at the kaleidoscope of memories that flashed in her head. They took her breath away. “Earth-shattering does not even begin to describe it,” Kelly said, her voice choked with emotion.
“Then use other words,” Hillary teased. “Lots of other words.”
Kelly remained quiet. Normally she discussed everything with Hillary, but this was different. She wanted to keep it all to herself. It wasn’t the pain or embarrassment of falling when she knew there was no guardrail, but what she had shared and felt with Matt was so extraordinary, so one of a kind, she didn’t want to share it with anyone. At least not yet.
“She was that special?” Hillary asked seriously.
Kelly nodded and stopped trying to stifle the tears that had threatened to spill out all day.
Chapter Thirty-two
The flash from the cameras was blinding. Why had she agreed to this? It had turned into a three-ring circus, with the lesbian activists in one, the US Army in the other, and she and Jordan in the middle.
The call had come several months ago, the one she’d thought was a hoax until she realized it wasn’t. A review of events around Andrea’s death had resulted in her being posthumously awarded the nation’s highest recognition of bravery, the Medal of Honor. What had taken six years? Was it because she was a woman? A nurse? A lesbian?
Matt was angry, but she’d stowed her reaction away for the sake of Jordan. He looked so proud as he stood at attention, with his fresh haircut, solemn expression, and his mother’s camo uniform on his thin, gangly body as the President of the United States placed his mother’s medal around his neck. Standing beside him, Matt didn’t hear the words the president said to him, only the kind understanding in her eyes. Four others were also receiving the honor, but they had come home. Andrea had not.
Matt glanced around the room. Sitting in the front row were her mom and dad, Andrea’s parents, and immediate family members of the other award recipients. The remaining rows were reserved for friends and various dignitaries. She panned the crowd for Becca and Sandra. They’d talked before the ceremony began, and she’d expected them to be seated directly behind her parents. Matt frowned when she saw them all the way in the last row. Why were they back there? Before she could think of anything else, the man in front of them shifted, and a familiar face came into view.
The world around her dimmed, and voices faded in the background as her singular focus was on Kelly, sitting beside Becca. Her smile was shy, as if she wasn’t sure she belonged here. Becca leaned over and whispered something in her ear, and Kelly nodded.
&nb
sp; Matt’s heart pounded. What was she doing here? What did it mean? How did she know? Those, and a thousand other questions, flashed through her brain like lightning during a summer storm. She’d never thought she’d see Kelly again, and her heart soared. Applause jarred her focus back to the event, and she and Jordan took their seats to listen to the obligatory speeches.
Matt tried to pay attention to the dignitaries, politicians, and high-ranking military as they spoke, their speeches peppered with words like honor, bravery, and sacrifice. Uncharacteristically, Jordan sat perfectly still, his eyes riveted on the heavy gold star surrounded by a green wreath hanging from the ribbon around his neck. The star had five points, each suspended from a gold bar with the inscription VALOR. His mother’s name was inscribed on the back.
Matt’s heart clenched at the injustice of her son not having his hero mother in his life. She didn’t care about the additional pension he received as her dependent, the commissary and exchange privileges, or even the admission he was entitled to at one of the US service academies. What was important to her was that Jordan would never forget his mother and her sacrifice to others. She knew without a doubt that he would follow in his mother’s footsteps.
The ceremony came to a close, and after more photos and handshakes, they retreated to another room down the hall. Jordan was showing the medal to Harrison, while Cynthia stood stiffly beside him.
“Andrea would have been so humbled,” Becca said as she hugged Matt.
Sandra was next. “She was so proud of being a soldier.”
“Thanks,” Matt said, unable to take her eyes off Kelly, who was standing slightly behind Becca. She still looked uncomfortable and unsure if she were welcome.