by Gill, Tamara
“Can you give me a minute with his lordship, please, Stephen?”
He nodded, standing. “Of course. I’ll tell Sophie you’re awake and that she can visit you in a little while.”
“Thank you,” she said.
Luke turned toward the door. “Stephen, have a missive sent to doctor that her ladyship is awake and that he must come immediately.”
“Of course, my lord,” he said, closing the door behind him.
Louise leaned forward, needing to sit up more. “Can you please place some cushions behind me? I’m tired of lying down.” Luke helped her to sit upright and she sighed in pleasure at the new position. She needed that above anything else.
“How are you feeling?” He sat back in his chair, watching her, and she frowned, assessing herself from within. “I’m sore and have a headache, but otherwise I feel well enough. I would love a cup of tea.”
The marquess stood and rang the bell. “If the doctor approves it, we’ll return to London as soon as you’re able.”
She nodded, unsure how she felt about going back to town. Right at this moment all she longed for was a quiet country setting, away from the bustle of the Season where she may read to her heart’s content and explore her new home some more. Take the time to grieve her aunt.
“I’m sorry about the carriage. About all this trouble.” She glanced about the room. It was very beautiful and well kept, but it wasn’t as nice as her room in town, or her suite at their country estate.
He waved her concerns away. “You have nothing to be sorry about. I’m just sorry that all of this happened. I thought that you may never wake up.”
His words were that of a man who had worried and cared over the past few days, and yet his tone remained cold and aloof. A shiver stole down her spine and she couldn’t shift it. “Have you been here all this time?” She hoped he had been. To think that he cared enough to be by her side until she woke would surely show that he cared.
“I have, yes, but I must leave today, unfortunately. I have business to attend to in town that cannot wait. Now that you’re awake, I feel no reason to dally any longer.”
“Can it not wait?” She reached for his hand and this time he pulled it back, linking both in his lap. He glanced down at his fingers, anywhere it would seem but her. What was going on? Prior to her leaving for her auntie’s they had been getting along so very well. They had been becoming close, or so she thought. What had changed?
“It cannot. I’m sorry, but I must leave for London tonight.”
Louise sat up, clasping the bed as the room spun. “Please don’t go, Luke.”
He glanced at her but a moment before he stood and started for the door. “I’m sorry, Louise, but I must.”
“Luke,” she said again as he walked from the room. She stared after the empty space for a long moment. Even when her sister came into the room, gushed and thanked the Lord that she was awake, still she could not concentrate on what her sibling was saying.
Why had Luke left? What could be more important than being together at such a time? She slumped back on the bedding, allowing her sister to fuss over her while her mind whirled in thought.
She would get better and then she would return home. Maybe it was the shock that she’d woken up. Maybe he really did need to return to town and there was no nice way of telling her that he’d have to leave her. Either way, she would be back in London soon enough and then they would talk. All would be well.
She hoped.
Chapter 14
Louise had been back in town a month before she’d been well enough to attend a small soirée that the Duchess of Carlton was hosting. Her husband over the last few weeks had gone out of his way to avoid her. No longer did he attend balls and parties with her, and he’d also stopped coming to her room, stating that she wasn’t well enough. That she needed rest, not him.
How little did he know.
She did need him and it was Luke whom she wanted. Tonight was a rare treat and he had accompanied her, and she was determined to reach him. Have them return to how they once were, and to have him not be this cold, aloof man he’d become since her accident.
Louise studied him in the carriage as he stared out the window. “I’m so glad that I’ve been able to come out to Mary’s party. Thank you for coming with me.”
He threw her a small smile, but that was all. “Of course,” he said, looking back out the window. “We could not let them down.”
Louise wrung her hands in her lap, not sure what to say to reach him. “Is everything well, Luke? Since my accident I’ve hardly seen you.”
He raised his brow, but still refused to glance her way. What was going on?
“I’m sorry you’re feeling ignored, but as the wife of a marquess, that is sometimes part of the deal I’m afraid.”
She frowned, anger replacing the confusion in her veins. “You did not ignore me prior to my accident, in fact we were together most days. What has changed?” He’d been so attentive, loving toward hers and her siblings. He’d purchased her brother and sister a new horse each and gifted Louise the family jewels. The man who sat across from her, dismissive and cutting, was not the man she’d fallen in love with.
He shrugged, his countenance one of disinterest. “Nothing has changed.”
She shook her head, having heard enough. “That, my lord is utter cow dung,” she said, sitting forward. “You’ve been avoiding me. I only get one-word answers from you. You never come to my room any longer. Have I sprouted snakes out of my skull since the accident? Will you turn to stone if you dare look my way?”
He did look at her then and the shadows that lingered in his gaze sent chills down her spine. “I’m looking at you now.”
She shook her head, unable to take much more of his treatment. If this was how he was going to be—hot one moment and as cold as ice the next—she didn’t want to be a part of this charade. It was not what she wanted. She wanted him to love her as much as she loved him. That he’d not been there for her during her weeks of recuperation should have warned her to expect less from him.
Foolishly she’d hoped it had merely been a scare he’d suffered and he’d soon be back to rights. Just as she was. Her hopes had been dashed during the weeks she’d been back in town and he’d slowly, gradually disappeared from her life altogether.
“Is this the kind of marriage you want? Do you want to be strangers? A husband and wife in name only? Tell me now, because if that is so I want no part of it.”
He scoffed at her words and she flinched. “It is a little late for that, my lady. You married me, did you not? Knowing full well I never wished to be saddled with a wife. This is the price you have to pay to have my name. I’m sorry you feel disappointed, but it is what it is. I suggest you move on and make the best of the bad situation.”
Louise nodded, her eyes burned with unshed tears. “I suppose you’re right. I will do as you ask.”
The muscle at his jaw flexed and he stared at her a long moment, before he moved toward the door as the carriage slowed. “We’re here. Come,” he said reaching for her hand when he stepped out onto the footpath.
Louise didn’t move. “I have a sudden headache. Please give my apologies to Mary and the duke.”
He gestured for her to follow him. “Come, Louise. You must attend.”
She shook her head, wrapping her cloak about her shoulders, needing its warmth after the sudden chill running through her veins. “No. Please notify the driver to return me home. Thank you.”
He closed the carriage door, the muscle in his jaw flexing, before he said, “Return Lady Graham home, thank you,” he said to the driver and without a backward glance, started for the townhouse doors. Louise sat back in the squabs, rubbing her thumping forehead. “Goodbye, Luke,” she whispered as he disappeared from view just as the carriage lurched forward and they went in their different directions.
To start different lives.
Chapter 15
Louise sat on an outdoor reclining chair, a
woolen blanket about her knees as she looked out on the grounds of her home. Or Lord Graham’s estate in Kent at least.
She’d been here several weeks now, and still he’d not come. She’d hoped when he’d found her gone from their London home after the duke and duchess’ soirée that he would’ve come to his senses and followed her.
He had not and now, out of pure stubbornness, she would not return to town and seek him out. She’d asked for him to tell her what was wrong. Asked him to return to the way they were, and instead of explaining his actions, he’d thrown at her coldness, aloofness. Dismissed her wants and needs and instead demanded a marriage like the one he’d wanted prior to growing close to her.
But what about what she wanted in a marriage? Did he not care for her feelings at all?
Sophie sat on the chair beside her, laying a book on her lap as she stared out on the lawns. “I saw that the mail had come today. Anything from the marquess?” her sister asked, opening her book to where she’d finished reading last.
Louise shook her head. “Only a letter from Mary and Auntie’s solicitor. The cottage in Sandbach has been sold and the funds are being placed into investments to hopefully give you and Stephen some funds upon your marriage.”
Sophie reached out her hand, clasping hers. “You’re always so good to us. Thank you for caring for us so very much. You are the best sister anyone could ever wish for.”
Louise patted her hand, fighting back tears. She’d been crying a lot lately, and at the oddest things. Not to mention her stomach had been very unstable. The two facts ought to bring her joy for she knew what they meant, but they did not. Not as it should in any case.
She wanted to share her news with her husband, with her siblings, but she could not. Not yet at least. When she had control of her emotions, had closed her heart off from the man she’d married who had made it abundantly clear that he cared very little for her, then she would tell him and her family.
She clutched at her stomach. No matter what happened between her and the marquess she would love this child with all her heart. Never allow the child to feel unwanted or unloved as she was feeling right at this moment. Stupid of her to be so attached to a man who had told her he’d never wanted to marry her, but her heart had other ideas and she’d been powerless to not fall heedlessly in love with him.
Little good that did for her.
“Are you going to tell the marquess?”
Louise glanced sharply at her sister, frowning. “What do you mean?” she asked, hoping she meant something entirely different.
Sophie gestured toward her stomach. “The baby? Are you going to tell him about the baby?”
Louise took a calming breath, her stomach roiling in dread. “How did you know?”
Her sister scoffed, picking up her book. “You vomit each morning, sleep in the middle of the day and cry when you lose at chess. I think it’s pretty obvious that you’re pregnant.”
At her sister’s words she laughed, the first time in an age and she could not regret her amusement. She’d not found many things funny these past few weeks, but somehow her brother and sister always managed to cheer her up.
“Does he deserve to know?” she said, regretting her words as soon as she’d said them. Of course he deserved to know, but did he want to? The thought that he would scorn their child as much as he’d scorned her filled her with panic and not a small amount of anger. She would not allow him to treat their child such. Over her dead body would she allow him to disregard their son or daughter.
“You need to tell him, Louise.” He sister sighed, shaking her head. “His actions of late make no sense. When you were injured, he was beside your bed every day and night. Refused to leave the room unless forced. For him to up and leave, almost panic when you woke makes no sense.”
Louise frowned, thinking on her sister’s observations. “I asked him in London what was troubling him and he would not say. He was so cold and aloof, very disinterested in me and so very different than how he was prior to my accident.”
Their brother came out on the terrace, only a small limp remaining from his injured ankle. “I think I know what happened to the marquess.”
“You do?” both Louise and Sophie said in unison. “What?” Louise asked.
“He never told me exactly what occurred, but he did lose his family when he was young, right?”
Louise nodded. “That’s right. He wasn’t with them when the accident occurred, and he’d been orphaned.”
Her brother nodded, a contemplative look on his face. “It was a carriage accident, wasn’t it? I’m sure I heard the staff at Lord Buxton’s estate talking about it. They mentioned how very unlucky the marquess was that he’d almost lost his wife and her family in the same way he’d lost his own.”
Louise stared at her siblings in shock. How had she not realized that fact herself? She thought back over everything she’d known of the marquess, before and after their marriage and although she’d known of his family’s death, she’d never asked him how it had occurred.
A carriage accident.
Poor Luke. Her own accident had no doubt brought forth terrible memories and fears he’d sooner forget and so instead of holding her close, being thankful for her survival, he’d pushed her away.
He’d protected his heart.
“I have to return to London.” At her words a footman stepped out onto the terrace. “My lady, the Marquess Graham has arrived.”
Chapter 16
A month after Louise had left London Luke had crumbled and gone to Whites, unwilling to stay at home another day. He’d declined all invitations to events about town, and had instead thrown himself into estate business, going so far as to visit his estates in Sussex and Cornwall. All the while he knew that Louise was staying at Ashby House in Kent. He’d fought with himself not to go to her. To beg for forgiveness. For her to understand.
But what would he say? There was not a lot he could say to fix the error that he’d made, but how?
The leather chair crunched across from him and he glanced up to see Carlton sitting before him. A glass of brandy swirling in his friend’s hands.
“We’ve now turned to drinking, have we?”
Luke feigned ignorance and took another sip, his head spinning a little since he’d had many a glass before this one. “I don’t know what you mean.”
The duke raised a disbelieving brow. “Why don’t you just admit that you miss her, you stubborn fool?”
He leaned farther back in his chair, feeling less than inclined to listen to reason when spoken to in such a way. But then what did he expect? He’d acted an ass and the duke knew it. Hell, all of London knew it.
“I doubt she’ll want to speak to me even if I did seek her out. She left me, remember?”
The duke scoffed. “You forced her hand. What did you expect? I saw the way you watched her at balls and parties after her accident. You love her and yet you pushed her aside. You need to go to Kent and fix this problem you’ve created. You need to tell her you love her and that you’re sorry for being scared.”
Luke placed his empty glass on the table before him, running a hand over his jaw, surprised to feel stubble there. Hell, he’d let a lot of things slide over the last few weeks. Even his own appearance.
Carlton was right. He was scared. Scared to death of loving Louise so fiercely that the thought of losing her chilled his soul. But he could no longer live with that fear. He’d let it control him long enough, taint his life and haunt his dreams.
He swore and stood. “I leave early tomorrow morning.” The decision lifted a weight that had been pressing on his shoulders for years and with it he felt free. No longer would he live a half life. Now was time to live. It would be what his parents wished. What little Isabella would want for her big brother.
The duke stood, draping his arm about his shoulders and walking him toward the upstairs smoking room doors. “Good man. Give our love to Louise and good luck, my friend, even though I’m sure you will not need it
.”
He nodded, hoping that were true. “See you next Season.”
Luke left Whites and made his way home, giving orders upon his arrival of his intention to leave first thing in the morning to Ashby House. His staff went straight to work in preparing for his departure. Luke headed upstairs, needing to work on his own hygiene before he saw Louise again. His world had turned to shite, along with his appearance, but he didn’t need her to see it also. He would hide that from her at least outwardly, for heavens knew, he was a mess inside and his only cure was his wife.
Louise.
Chapter 17
Luke handed the footman his missive to give to the marchioness and started toward the old elm tree that overlooked the valley on the western side of the estate. He stared down at his parents’ graves, and his little sister’s. Forever young at only six years of age.
He shut his eyes a moment, stemming his tears before he looked down at the three headstones, always the same emotion washing over him when he visited them.
Guilt.
Guilt that he’d refused to go on the outing that day. He’d wanted to stay at the estate and play with his toy soldiers. He’d always wondered if he’d been there that maybe he could have saved her. Maybe being in the carriage may have changed all their fates.
A twig snapped behind him and he turned to find Louise standing before him. She was the sweetest thing that had ever come into his life. A woman so full of love that she’d wanted to give it to him too, even when he’d not wanted a bar of it. Still she persisted and eventually had worn him down. Won his heart.
Only for him to turn her away at the first sign of difficulty. He was an ass, but hopefully, she would forgive him his stupidity.
“Louise, this is my family,” he said, stepping aside and showing her the graves beyond.
She walked past him, kneeling to read each one, before she stood, her dark-blue eyes full of questions and hurt. Damn it. He’d put that emotion there and he ought to be horsewhipped for doing so. He’d never wanted to hurt her. Not intentionally.