Lily carried her briefcase into the house, thinking she might get some work done in the kitchen while Marga visited with her mother in the back bedroom. Just as she settled down with her files, the front screen door squeaked, announcing a new arrival.
“Mrs. Alvarez?”
That voice.
“Mrs. Alvarez? It’s Bev Adams, from HHC.”
Beverly. Lily tasted her lunch in the back of her throat. She had not seen her ex-lover in over six years, since the day she had packed her few belongings and left their home, hurt and bewildered about how things had gone so horribly wrong. And she did not want to see her today.
Lily heard Beverly’s voice in the bedroom, and knew that Marga would soon give her presence away. Quickly, she ducked into the small bathroom off the living room and locked the door. She was perfectly content to ride out Beverly’s visit counting the small octagonal floor tiles as she sat on the covered toilet seat.
It was not to be. “Are you okay in there?” Beverly asked.
Of all the home health care professionals in LA, Beverly Adams had to be the one seeing Mrs. Alvarez. “Fine,” Lily answered, lifting her voice an octave in disguise. “Just something I ate, I guess.” She rolled her eyes at how disgusting that sounded.
“Look, I’m a nurse. I’ve got something that will settle your stomach.”
“No, thanks. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I just need to sit here awhile.” The situation couldn’t possibly be more humiliating.
“Okay, but let me know when you’re out. I need to get something from the cabinet in there.”
Fuck!
Lily cracked the door and waited until she was certain Beverly was talking to the sick woman. The she slipped out of the bathroom and made a beeline back to the kitchen to gather her things. She was shoving them in her briefcase when Beverly suddenly appeared in the doorway.
“Lily?”
“Oh, my goodness. Look who it is.” Beverly had let herself go, gaining at least thirty pounds in the past six years.
“I thought there was something familiar about that voice.”
“How are you, Bev? And how’s Josh? What is he now, eleven years old?” Josh was Beverly’s son, whom Lily had adored.
“I’m fine. We’re both fine. How about you?”
“Mostly okay, I guess. I lost my mom a couple of months ago. That was hard.” Eleanor had always treated Beverly warmly, though she confessed later to Lily that they hadn’t really seemed a good match.
“I’m really sorry to hear that. I always liked Eleanor.”
“Thanks.”
Beverly held up her hand, which sported a band of hammered gold. “I got married again. Josh needed a daddy.”
“Congratulations.” Lily almost choked on the word.
“It isn’t ideal . . . obviously. But it’s nice to know someone is going to be there for us, you know?”
Lily felt like throwing up. “I’m happy for you, Beverly.” Especially happy to know she was stuck in a relationship that wasn’t “ideal.”
“And you? Are you with someone?”
She had no interest in trading personal information with Beverly. “No.”
“Aw, I’m sorry to hear that. I know that’s always been important to you. But the right one will come along someday, Lily.”
Lily twisted to avoid Beverly’s hand on her shoulder. “Marga, I’ll be in the car,” she shouted. “Tell Josh I said hello.” With that, she pushed past Beverly and went to wait out Marga’s visit in the X3.
A sense of panic gripped Anna as she pulled into the driveway. Lily’s car was gone, and the house was dark, save for the outside light by the side door, which came on when it detected her presence in the drive. She had been calling the house off and on all evening, but assumed that Lily was working late also. It was when she failed to reach Lily on her cell phone that she became concerned.
A rude surprise awaited her in the kitchen, where Chester huddled against the back door, anxious about her reaction to what he had done. The puddle in the floor confirmed that Lily hadn’t been home at all.
“It’s okay, boy. Not your fault.” She turned him out into the side yard, not wanting to stray from the phone in case Lily called. On her cell phone, she dialed Sandy, who had no clue where Lily was. Next, she retrieved voicemail from every possible source. Then she wandered the house in search of a note. Finally, the phone rang.
“Anna, I need you to come get me.”
“Where are you? Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. I’m at the jail downtown.”
It wasn’t unusual for Lily to be at the jail. Sometimes, her clients got into trouble and she had to bail them out. But Lily’s sullen tone told her this time was different. “Where’s your car? Should I send someone to pick it up?”
Lily sighed audibly. “It’s impounded, Anna. I got caught driving drunk.”
At first, she was stunned by the news. Then as it sank in, she found herself shaking with fury. “I can’t believe—”
“Save it. Just come and get me. Please.”
Forty minutes later, Anna pulled to the curb where Lily was waiting.
“Thanks for coming. I . . . I’m sorry.”
Anna didn’t answer, her eyes straight ahead as the excess adrenaline from her unchanneled anger caused her to push the tachometer higher than usual. The sports car responded with power, lurching as she cycled through the gears.
“Take it easy, now. It wouldn’t do for both of us to get arrested on the same night.”
“Please don’t talk, Lily.”
For the remainder of the trip, Anna bit her tongue, not wanting to lash out and make things worse. If Lily was still drunk, she probably wouldn’t remember the conversation tomorrow anyway. Lily made the rest of evening easy by going to bed as soon as she got home.
Though relieved that Lily was all right, Anna was still furious. This was exactly what she had warned her about the night they ate pizza at the VW dealership. How could Lily have been so careless? And why was she out drinking anyway? It was the middle of the week.
Entering their bedroom, Anna wasn’t at all surprised to find Lily already asleep. For a fleeting moment she considered staying the night in the guest room. But that single act had been the beginning of the end of her marriage to Scott. She wouldn’t do that again, not with Lily. Foregoing their usual intimacy, Anna followed Lily’s lead and donned a nightshirt. Taking her place in the bed, she slowly let her hand drift across the bed, coming to rest on Lily’s hip.
Lily needed to stop drinking. And Anna knew her long nights at work had to end.
Chapter 10
Lily checked her watch, noting that it was nearly nine. Anna was still in her nightshirt by the pool, eating a leisurely breakfast as she read the paper. That was normal for a Sunday, but not for a Saturday.
“If you’re worried about me needing to go somewhere while you’re at work, I don’t. I have some reading to do,” Lily said as she refilled their coffee mugs. They had barely spoken since her arrest, but Anna didn’t seem to be angry anymore.
“I thought I’d stay home today.”
“Fine. But if you’re doing it in case I need something, it isn’t necessary.”
Anna lowered her paper and reached across the table to take her hand. “I’m worried about you. I know this has been an awful time, and I haven’t exactly been very supportive.”
“That’s ridiculous. You’ve been perfect.” It was ironic how Anna’s words were meant to soothe, but instead carried such bite. On top of the misery Lily already felt about her spiraling loss of control, Anna was adding guilt by taking part of the blame herself. “I . . . I don’t know what’s gotten in to me. I never used to be like this.” Briefly, she considered telling Anna about her humiliating meeting with Beverly, but she knew it would sound as if she was making an excuse for drinking and driving.
“Honey, you lost your mother,” Anna said softly. “And it hasn’t helped things that I’ve been gone so much. I know if I were in yo
ur shoes, I wouldn’t want to be left by myself all the time, or wondering how late you were going to be every night.” She stood and walked around the table, her arms encircling Lily’s head against her stomach. “I’m going to try very hard not to work so much. I’ve already called this morning and offered Brad and Holly extra incentives to work the weekends so I don’t have to. We’ll get through this, baby.”
Lily thought she might cry. “I’m so sorry I’ve been such a pain in the ass.”
“I love you so much. But you have to promise me . . .”
“Anything, Anna.”
“I need to know you’ll talk to me when things are bothering you . . . that you won’t let these walls grow up between us.”
“I will.” She sniffed. “I just don’t want you to think I’m making excuses. This was my fault.”
“It doesn’t matter, Lily. You have to let me in there, and don’t ever be afraid to tell me what you need from me.”
Lily nodded, clinging to Anna’s arms as if they were a lifeline.
Lily knew she was very fortunate to have landed in Judge Anston’s court, as he remembered her recent loss. Lauren had represented her at the arraignment, where she pleaded no contest in exchange for a 120-day suspension of her driving privileges. Since it was her first offense, she was able to negotiate an exception for any driving related to her work, so only her home, social and recreational activities would be impacted.
She shifted in the chair to tuck a leg underneath her. It was almost ten o’clock on a Tuesday night, and here she was, prepping a case in Anna’s office at the BMW dealership, while Anna methodically processed the work in her inbox. Chester lay under the desk, sound asleep. Lily hadn’t wanted to stay home alone. Something inside her was disjointed, and it was amplified when she was by herself.
Lily looked around the office. True to her word, Anna had thrown out her father’s cherry desk, along with those hideous green wingback chairs, replacing everything with a Scandinavian motif. Her numerous awards and plaques from BMW and the business community hung hidden behind her door, which was closed to keep Chester from wandering around. He had recently developed a very bad habit regarding their tile floors. And he hadn’t yet acclimated to the new doggie door at home.
Besides the numerous model cars that dotted the room, two framed photographs were the only obvious personal touches. One was Jonah at six months, smiling and posed in his infant BMW wear. The other was of Anna with Lily, the one taken at the base of Yosemite Falls. Lily had that photo on her desk too. Happier times.
“Are you about ready to call it a night?” Anna’s voice startled her.
“Whenever you are.” Without a driver’s license for the next five months, Lily was completely at Anna’s mercy. “Thanks for coming to get me.”
“I liked you being here. And the best news is I’m totally caught up, which means I won’t even have to stop by here tomorrow.”
“That’s good.” Lily tried to sound enthusiastic, but the reality was that it didn’t matter much whether they were together at home or here. The atmosphere was the same, with Anna being supportive and Lily feeling guilty about it. She felt as if she were falling into a dark, bottomless hole.
Dressed in her black suit for the somber occasion, Lily directed Marga Alvarez to the front row of the church, where she would sit with her mother’s cousin during the service. Taking a seat at the side several rows back, she noted with relief that Beverly was not among the mourners.
Marga was a remarkable young woman. Watching the girl absorb the priest’s parting words, she marveled at the teenager’s maturity and poise in the face of her loss. She couldn’t help but wonder where a thirteen-year-old got that kind of strength. Lily had come apart when her mother died. And now, a painful lump formed in her throat as she looked upon this child and saw herself sitting with Anna in the front pew of the church in San Jose. Had it already been two months?
Lily had signed all the paperwork earlier this morning to transfer custody of Marga to her relatives in Chicago. The girl was packed and ready, and would leave first thing tomorrow to start her new life. As they walked down the steps from the church, Lily sought out her youthful charge one last time to say good-bye.
“Good luck to you, sweetheart. I’ll be thinking about you.” The hug they shared was meant to soothe Marga, but Lily found it comforting for herself.
“Good luck to you too, Miss Stewart. I bet our moms are watching over both of us right now.”
That did it for Lily. She turned quickly toward her car as the tears burst forth. After all these weeks, why was it still so raw?
She composed herself in the car for more than twenty minutes before starting back to her office. As she mindlessly navigated traffic, she called Anna’s direct line. More than ever, she needed a friendly voice.
“Hi, sweetheart. How did it go?” Anna asked.
“It was sad. I just needed to hear your voice.”
“You want to have lunch with me? I’ll come downtown.”
Lily would have loved that, but she didn’t feel right about asking Anna to drop everything and rush down, especially since she had been coming home early in the evenings. “No, that’s okay. Thanks though. I’ll probably just grab something at the deli and eat at my desk.”
“You sound down, sweetheart. Is everything all right?”
Lily didn’t want to get into the business about the funeral over the phone. She had only just gotten her emotions under control. “Yeah, it’s fine. It’ll be okay when I get home and can see you.”
“I was going to call you this afternoon. Something’s come up at the BMW lot in Palm Springs. Hal found a couple of irregularities in their accounting, and he needs me to come down tonight and take a look.”
“Can’t you just fax some things, or send the documents by e-mail?” Lily was trying desperately not to sound whiny, but she really didn’t want to be alone tonight.
“I would, but this is really sensitive. Hal’s found a six-figure discrepancy, and we really don’t know if it’s just a mistake or an intentional cover-up.” Her voice was hushed in case others in the hallway might be listening. “I have to leave right after lunch, but I should only be gone overnight.”
Lily could hear from Anna’s tone that she was very worried about the situation in Palm Springs. It was childish to expect Anna to stay in LA when something that serious loomed at her business. “Sounds like you really need to take care of that. I’ll be okay.”
“Why don’t you go with me? I bet we can be back by noon tomorrow.”
“I can’t. I have to be in court at eight thirty.”
“I wish I didn’t have to go.”
She hated that Anna was again feeling guilty over something that wasn’t at all her fault. “It’s okay. I’m a big girl.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Not at all eager to head home to the empty house, Lily worked on her cases until after six, calling clients to get status reports and to schedule appointments. Only her obligation to Chester, who needed a regular walk in the early evening, propelled her from her office. She dreaded the dark and lonely house.
The realization that Anna wouldn’t be home played over and over in her head. On impulse, Lily detoured slightly from her direct route, stopping less than a mile from her home to purchase a supply of vodka. She knew she shouldn’t, but the idea of being home alone tonight was too much. A few drinks would take the edge off, numb the ache she felt in her bones and bring her merciful sleep. She and Anna had never actually had the “not drinking anymore” conversation, so it wasn’t like she was breaking a promise or anything, and she wasn’t going to drive anywhere. Beside, Anna would never know.
At six thirty that evening, Hal found it—the evidence that the errors they were looking at were not the result of deception. A simple programming glitch in the way their contract forms had computed sales tax meant Kimble Motors owed the IRS and the state of California more than $100,000 before the deal could
be finalized. Ted Kimble apologized profusely and assured Anna he would take care of it immediately.
With the matter now settled, Anna and Hal caravanned back to their LA homes. Anna tried to call Lily from the car to let her know she was en route, but the satellite network was apparently down in their area. Rather than waste time by stopping to find a pay phone, she decided to push ahead and get home as quickly as she could, maybe even before Lily had gone to bed.
She was startled by an excited Chester as soon as she stepped out of her car. “Hey, boy. What are you doing out?” She looked around, expecting to see Lily nearby. On her way to the side door, she found the back gate standing open, which explained why Chester was running around loose. “Get in here,” she said, closing the gate behind her.
As she approached the kitchen, she was taken aback by the sight. Lily was standing at the counter, calmly pouring a drink. A flood of emotions—anger, frustration, despair—surged through her as she watched Lily drink from the glass and fill it again.
She flung the French door open wide. “Hello, Lily,” she announced herself brusquely.
Lily jumped at the sound of her voice, but recovered quickly, leaning against the counter with infuriating nonchalance. “You’re back early.”
“What the hell are you doing?”
“What the hell does it look like?”
“Goddamn it, Lily! It looks like you couldn’t wait to have me out of your hair for a night so you could get drunk again.” She was angrier at the apparent deception than at the act itself.
“And you were more than happy to oblige,” Lily shot back, her words slurred.
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