by Ni-Ni Simone
“Ameen, wait!” I screamed, as everyone in the club looked at me like I was crazy.
“You know what.” Malachi walked over to me with a serious look on his face. “I never expected this from you. You letting him put his hands on you?”
“It’s not even like that,” I said.
“Yeah, I’m sure your mother used the same excuse.”
I couldn’t believe he said that. “I didn’t ask for your help,” I snapped.
“It’s cool, ma, ’cause you ain’t gettin’ it no more.” And he left me standing there.
I’m not sure, but I think the world has ended.
“Zsa-Zsa.” Courtney called for my attention. “Are you okay?” He ran his hands across my face. “You need to leave him alone. If you have to fight with him you don’t need to be together.”
Courtney’s advice was the last thing I needed. I was more concerned with whether or not the girl Ameen was dancing with left with him.
“Please leave him alone,” Asha said.
“Whatever.” I walked up the block, found my car, and got in. I placed the keys in the ignition, and as I turned the lights on to drive home, I noticed that one had been smashed in.
By the time I got home I could feel the side of my face swelling. I noticed my mother’s car parked outside. Dang, she would be home. I sat in my car for a moment, and tried to think of a way to get to my room without my mother noticing. Then I remembered that I hadn’t locked my bedroom window and I could climb through.
I crept through the grass, careful not to make too much noise, opened the window, and fell onto the floor.
I dusted myself off, closed my window, and walked over to my mirror. I touched the bruise that shone like a purple crescent moon along the side of my face. Just the mere brush of my fingertip caused me pain. This was crazy.
“Zsa, is that you in there? I didn’t know you were home.” My mother pounded on my door and simultaneously opened it. “Cousin Shake and Ms. Minnie are here!” she said, excited.
“Ma.” I quickly turned away. “Why would you just bust in my room without knocking first?”
“I asked her the same thing about my room,” Hadiah said, “and she told me because she pays the bills.” Hadiah rolled her eyes so hard they looked as if they were going to fall out. “Leave, please,” I said to them. “I’ll see Cousin Shake and Ms. Minnie in the morning, my goodness.”
My mother took a step back. “I don’t have time for your attitude,” she snapped.
“You’re never home so you don’t know anything about my attitude! Just quit busting in my room. Now go!”
Still keeping my face turned the opposite way, I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. When I held my head back down, out the corner of my eye I could see Cousin Shake shaking his chubby body toward my room. He wore too-tight electric blue MC Hammer pants, a clingy royal blue vest that hung open and showed every beady taco-meat-looking chest hair of his, a dookey rope chain with a cross hanging from it, and L.A. Gear high-tops.
Cousin Shake’s feet pounded against the floor as he took his Gazelle glasses off and plunked my mother on the side of her head. “What’s taking you so long to put down the beat down? These two should be at the hospital gettin’ an IV by now, talking to you like they’re the mama and you’re the bad kid. Don’t be embarrassin’ me in front of Minnie, I raised you better than that.”
“Could you all leave? God!” I raised my hand to cover the swollen part of my face and suddenly Cousin Shake yelled, “Oh, you tryna fight me?! She puttin’ the hands up like she wanna throw.”
“Fight?!” Ms. Minnie, who looked exactly like a short and fifty-year-old version of New York from the series I Love New York, sneered.
I frowned, still holding my face. “Look, I do not have time for this.” I turned away from them.
“Now, pardon her back.” Hadiah wiggled her neck.
“Ah, hell, nawl!” Cousin Shake spat, and before I knew it he and Ms. Minnie were standing over me and Hadiah with the biggest bottle of blessing oil I’d ever seen. “You better thank God I’ma Christmas!” Cousin Shake said as he lashed that olive oil all over us, causing us both to slip and fall to the floor.
“Oooh, shaka laka bam…oooh,” Ms. Minnie said as Cousin Shake splashed us. “Shaka laka bam-bam. Please Jesus, Mary, Margret, Raheem, and Joseph, oooh, shaka laka, bam, give Shake the strength not to bust up these two disrespectful asses…oooh, shaka laka bam-bam.”
Cousin Shake splashed more oil. “’Cause Shake is home now,” Cousin Shake said. “And li’l Zebra and li’l Hawaii gon’ have some respect around here!” he carried on. “I don’t wanna bust,” he started to rap, “I don’t bust, ah ah ah, breaka breaka one time. I don’t wanna bust…I don’t wanna bust disrespectfuls asses!”
Cousin Shake grabbed me by the hand and Ms. Minnie grabbed Hadiah’s hand and they pulled us from the floor. “Now come out here like you got some damn sense. Acting like you been raised by a pack of wild dogs! If you wanna be in the zoo let me know and I’ll put you there. I ain’t your mama, I won’t miss your monkey asses! ’Cause truth be told I eat kids. Now, unless you wanna be smothered in lard and gravy and socked up with a biscuit you’ll do what the hell I just told you to do.” They walked to my room’s doorway. “Now come out here like we the relatives you ain’t seen in a while and you missed us. And do it right, because if not I got something else for you.”
I looked toward Ms. Minnie and she had a supersized bottle of blessing oil. I couldn’t believe this. My night was worse than horrible, and disastrous couldn’t touch it. I’d been beaten twice, once for Ameen making a fool out of me and a second time for acting like a fool. I promise you I couldn’t win, and with all of this blessing oil on me I couldn’t breathe. Ugh!
“You takin’ too long!” Cousin Shake started running in place and his smedium vest started to rise. “Comin’ out here actin’ like somebody owe y’all money!”
I looked at my mother. “Ma—”
“Don’t call her. She’s the one got you all messed up.” Cousin Shake turned and looked at my mother in disgust. “Told you not to name these chil’ren Zulu and Hanukah!”
“It’s Zsa-Zsa,” I snapped.
“And Hadiah,” my sister stressed.
Cousin Shake frowned. “It could be Halloween and Bronx Zoo, it’s still a mess. Shoulda named you Barbara and Jane, you woulda had more sense.”
“That’s enough, Cousin Shake,” my mother said seriously. She was staring at me so hard that I know she noticed the bruise on my face.
“You be quiet,” Cousin Shake carried on. “Now, do what I told you to do.” He pointed to us.
Hadiah and I looked back at our mother, and she didn’t blink an eye. We turned back to Cousin Shake and Ms. Minnie. These two weren’t going to stop, so I gave in and Hadiah followed my lead. After the day I just had it was obvious that my life was doomed to fall apart.
So whatever. We walked over to them with our arms wide and said, “Oh, my God! Cousin Shake, Ms. Minnie.” Hadiah jumped up and down.
“It’s so good to see you!” I said.
“We love you guys so much.” We gave them a group hug.
“Hey, babies,” Cousin Shake said, “you done got so big. You know Cousin Shake love ya, but he will tap dat. Now, come on and open the presents we brought for you.”
“I sure hope you like what Shake got on,” Ms. Minnie said, “because we bought you two one each.”
“’Cept y’all vests lights up.” Cousin Shake smiled.
I looked at the ceiling and took a deep breath. Should I ask for somebody to shoot me now or should I wait until things get worse?
After a few hours passed we convinced Cousin Shake and Ms. Minnie that at three o’clock in the morning me and Hadiah needed to go to sleep. They agreed, and just as I settled into bed, my mother knocked and entered my room at the same time. She flicked the lights on. “We need to talk.”
“Can we talk in the morning?” I pulled the covers over my head. I cou
ld feel her body heat next to me, and then I quickly decided that if she lost it, I wouldn’t see it coming, so I eased the covers down over my eyes and looked at her. “What is it?”
“What is that on your face?”
I was speechless for a moment and couldn’t think of what explanation to give fast enough so I said, “I ran into the door.”
“The door?” She stared at me as if she could see through me. “You’re lying, why?”
“You never listen to anything I tell you. Why do I have to be lying?”
She ignored my question and proceeded on with her own. “How did it get there?”
I could look at my mother’s face and tell that she cared, and I thought maybe…I should tell her the truth. “Ma, the truth is that I saw Ameen and—”
“You did what?!” she screamed. “I’m so sick of you making stupid decisions. Didn’t I tell you to leave that good-for-nothing alone? I’m so sick of you lying!” She continued on. “I’m the mama,” she said, not coming up for air, “I’m in charge, and I’ve already been where you are so I know the outcome! You don’t! Did he hit you? Because if he did I’m calling the police right now.” She reached for the phone.
I must’ve been crazy to think that I could share anything with her. It had to be the blessing oil that had me out of my mind.
“I thought you were asking me?” I said.
“What happened to your face, Zsa-Zsa?”
“I tripped out of the elevator on my way to Ameen’s apartment.”
“I know you’re lying.”
Sure you do.
“And you may not believe it, but you can tell me anything.”
I almost choked. Is she serious?
“I’m your mother and I won’t judge you—”
Calling me a liar and you’re tired of me being stupid is sooooo nonjudgmental.
“I love you, Zsa-Zsa.”
Now that I didn’t doubt.
“And I just want you to know that I really do understand.”
Did I miss something or was she a stand-up comedian now? God, I wish she would just leave.
I guess after a few minutes of silence, her running out of words, and me giving her the face that I had stopped listening a long time ago, she got the hint. “Well, good night,” she said. “I’m here if you need me.”
“Good night.” I turned over and buried my head under the covers.
6
You probably say that it was juvenile but I think that I deserve to smile…
—JAZMINE SULLIVAN, “BUST YOUR WINDOWS”
I was in hell. I slipped down the slope from being a flygirl to being a desperate one. And what’s messed up is that I didn’t remember when the transformation took place. All I could see and all I could feel was pain…and sorrow…revenge…and embarrassment. It was like Ameen was proving the point of everyone who said he was worthless and he was making me pay for it.
Sometimes I thought I was waiting for someone to jump out the closet and say, “Psych, chica, this ain’t your life. This is an extended episode of Hell date.” But no one had jumped out yet.
I eased out the bed, stood at the mirror, and looked at my face. My eye was swollen and red and my face was tri-toned: milk chocolate on one side and black and blue on the other. The bruises on my face felt like aching tears, and there was no way with everybody and their mama in Club Heated last night that I was going to school.
But then again, I had to go, because if I didn’t then everyone would think that Ameen and the chick he was with had punked me. I felt bad enough as it was, so there was no way I could go out like that.
Just as I decided that I could wear makeup and my Chanel sunglasses and simply tell my teachers I had pink eye, my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID because there were only a select few that I wanted to talk to. But it was Asha so I picked up.
“Wassup?” I said, attempting to play off the tears trembling my throat. I was so sick and tired of being a crybaby.
“Wassup?” Asha said, taken aback. “We need to talk. I had my brother drop me off. So, I’m outside. Open the door.”
I looked at the clock and it was six AM. “You’re kidding me, right?” There was no way she could see me like this. “Why are you here this time of the morning anyway?”
“Because I couldn’t sleep thinking about you. Now, open the door,” she insisted.
“I’m grown. I got this.”
“Would you open this door! I already know your eye is black.”
“Fine.” I hung up and slipped on my robe and slippers. As I tipped to the front door the living room light popped on. “Zulu,” Cousin Shake said, “where you goin’? And in ya robe at that?”
Already I was sick of him sweatin’ me. I’m not gon’ be able to live like this. “I’m not going anywhere, Cousin Shake.” I turned around and almost threw up in my mouth. Why was he standing in the doorway of his room with a short waist housecoat on and a tight pair of Speedos? His knees looked as if someone painted them with powder, and someone please tell me why did he have on white sweat socks to the knees with green stripes going around the top and brown corduroy slippers?
I shielded my eyes. “Cousin Shake, please put some clothes on.”
“Don’t try and get off the subject. I said where are you goin’?”
“Nowhere.”
“You coulda fooled me. You ain’t walkin’ no street corners, is ya? The gold digger in ya comin’ out?” He started shaking his shoulders and moving his feet from side to side as if he were doing the crip walk. “I ain’t sayin’ she a gold diggin’,” he rapped, “but she ain’t messin’ wit’ no broke-to broke-to broke figures…. That’s Shake’s remix. Now where ya goin’?” He stopped dancing.
“Cousin Shake, why are you sweatin’ me, dang?!”
“’Cause I’m security. Strollin, bad kids too grown–and ya mama can’t control you security. Smell me? Now, where ya goin’?” He picked up his supersized bottle of blessing oil. “Or it’s gon’ be a problem. And is that a black eye on your face?”
“I have pink eye.” I turned my head.
“Eye looks black to me,” he said suspiciously.
“Look, my friend is at the door and I need to open it.”
“At six o’clock in the morning? What kinda friend is this? She a freak or she owe you money or something?”
I just looked at Cousin Shake, because this grilling was going on too long. Now I knew for sure that I was definitely going to school. There’s no way I could swing with this cat at the house all day. Instead of responding I opened the door and Asha walked in. She looked directly at Cousin Shake and for a moment I thought she was going to pass out. “Asha.” I grabbed her hand to help her maintain her balance. “He’s harmless. Cousin Shake, this is Asha, and Asha, this is Cousin Shake. Now, Asha, just close your eyes and follow me.”
“I don’t give a damn if you don’t like my night gear,” Cousin Shake said, “long as you recognize who I am, the house police. I’m gon’ police er’thang that go on around here, from the rooter to the tooter. And school is in a couple of hours,” he yelled as I closed my door, “so don’t make me have to come in there and get you!”
Asha swallowed. “Who is that?”
“’Bout seven I’m gon’ be truancy,” Cousin Shake screamed through my door. “Don’t you worry about who I am. You didn’t come to talk about me. You a li’l girl and I already got a wife.”
“He sure does!” Ms. Minnie yelled behind him.
I looked at Asha. “Didn’t I tell you God hated me?”
Asha laughed. “Oh…kay…you might want to come and visit me more often. But anyway, I really need to see what’s the problem and what is going on with you.”
I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. “What are you talking about? And can you talk a little lower? I don’t need them in my business.”
“You know what I’m talking about,” she whispered. “Ameen putting his hands on you.”
“I hit him first, Asha. He ain’t beatin’ on m
e. Don’t get carried away.”
“Are you serious, do you even hear yourself? You sound like a health class subject or documentary on abuse. Has he been beating on you?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I mean we bang sometimes but it’s not abuse, thank you. I am not some kind of victim.”
“You shouldn’t be bangin’ at all.”
“Did you come over here to give me a lecture at this time of the morning?”
“No. I came over here because you are my best friend.” Her eyes filled with tears. “And I love you.”
“Why are you cryin’? Are you buggin’ out?” I walked over to my closet and laid my clothing out for that day, including the sunglasses to match.
Asha sat silently as I laid my dark blue skinny leg jeans, sky blue midriff sweater, and accessories on the edge of the bed. I felt like her eyes were burning a hole through me, so I said, “Why are you staring at me like that?”
“’Cause like, I don’t even know what to say or what to do to make you listen.”
“Asha, it’s nothing. Like, you’re making a bigger deal out of it than it is.”
“Why don’t I believe that?” She shook her head toward the ceiling.
“Well, believe it,” I insisted.
“Zsa, do you know how many times I have heard that from you?”
“Could you get out my neck, please?” I said, exhausted.
“Zsa-Zsa.” She walked over by my closet and sat on the edge of my desk. “How do you think I lost my mother?”
“You said she died of cancer.”
Asha shook her head and wiped her tears. “No, I just told everybody that because I was too embarrassed to say that she was beatin’ to death by her boyfriend.”
“What?” I turned toward her.
“Yeah, he beat the hell out my mother, and no matter how many times she would say, ‘I’m leaving, this is it,’ it never was. And if he bought her gifts, then she was all in and back to acting like he was the man of her dreams. And you know what happened in the end?”
While Asha spoke all I could see was my father’s face. “What? He died?” I spat out a bit too fast, assigning her the ending of my story.