by Ni-Ni Simone
“A baby?” Ms. Minnie said as she looked at my mother. “I hate to leave you like this, Jazmyn. But we gotta go. I’ll get the suitcases, Shake. I don’t do babies. Li’l Bootsie gave me enough trouble. Seemed like every day of his life I was pushing him out over and over again.” She looked around the room. “You feel that, Shake?”
“Feel what, Minnie?” he asked.
“I got pains in my stomach. I think I’m in labor.”
“I don’t believe this,” Cousin Shake said. “We are allergic to babies. I swear to the Ba’Jesus, if you have infected Minnie it’s gon’ be a situation around here.”
“Cousin Shake,” I said, exhausted, “it’s an experiment—”
As Cousin Shake spoke his stomach shook and the belt underneath his belly rattled. “An experiment in what? The cha-walla-walla bang-bang? The jumpoff? The Hit it and Quit it?”
“Cousin Shake,” my mother said, “it’s something they do at all the schools.”
“You ought to be ashamed of yourself.” Cousin Shake looked at my mother as if he was sickened. “Good thing Habitat is over at her friend’s house and isn’t here to hear her mother and her sister getting their trickin’ off. Any other time, Jazmyn, you’re complaining about Zorro being too grown”—he pointed at me—“And now you taking up for her? That’s what’s wrong with parents today, too busy trying to be your child’s friend ’cause you scared of being their mama. Here your child is so fresh and so grown that not only is she walking up in here with li’l Denzel on her arm, she comes home with a baby. She’s so fast she done skipped pregnancy. Toi wasn’t even this bad. At least we had a warning that she was walking the street.”
“Cousin Shake,” I said firmly, “this is a doll.” I shook the baby from side to side.
“Holy hell, you goin’ to jail!”
“It’s a doll, Cousin Shake,” I said as I hit the doll in the head, and wouldn’t you know it the doll started crying.
“Don’t you hit that baby no more!” Cousin Shake lashed me with blessing oil.
“Oh, my God, Ma.” I turned to my mother. “Please explain to your family members that this is a school experiment on parenting. Malachi and I are partners, and at the end of the week the doll is going back.”
“I can hear,” Cousin Shake said, “I’m not no Mongo.”
“What is a mongo?” Malachi asked.
“I don’t know.” I shook my head. “I tried to warn you.”
“So that’s really a doll?” Ms. Minnie asked.
“Yes,” I said.
“Oh.” Cousin Shake snorted. “’Cause I thought I was gon’ have to put on my cape and bust up outta here.”
“It’s cool, Cousin Shake.” Malachi laughed.
“It’s Mr. Bruh-man to you, son,” Cousin Shake said, “I don’t know you.”
“Ma.” I looked at her, embarrassed.
“Cousin Shake, be for real,” my mother said.
“I’m just playin’—I’m just playin.” Cousin Shake laughed. “Why don’t you stay for dinner, son?”
I gave Malachi half a grin. “I would like that,” I said. “I really would.”
“Ai’ight.” Malachi took off his jacket. “I’ll stay then.”
After dinner Malachi and I headed to my room for homework, and every five minutes Cousin Shake kept walking by and pointing his flashlight into the crack of my door. I swear I wanted to take that light and knock him upside the head with it.
Malachi had his feet resting on the floor and his back laid across the bottom of my bed. I placed my feet on his chest and began testing him for the chemistry test we had on Friday.
“What chemical—”
“Zsa,” he said, cutting me off, “we’ve studied enough.”
“Oh, really?” I closed the book.
“Yeah, talk to me.”
“What you wanna talk about?” I put the book on my nightstand.
“Does ol’ boy really be puttin’ his hands on you?”
“Extra random. Now, where did that come from?” I asked, surprised.
“From me. I wanna know.” He sat up. “Does he be hitting on you?”
“No,” I said, “and I don’t want to talk about Ameen.”
“Why do you shut me out?” He looked me in the eyes and brushed my hair behind my ears.
I paused. “’Cause.”
“’Cause what?”
“The last time I let you in…you left me.”
“I’m not going anywhere. So how long are you going to make me pay for that?”
“You’re not paying for anything.”
“Yes, I am.”
“How is that?”
“’Cause another cat in my spot and I want it back. I want you back. I’m tired of all of this back and forth and guessing. I wanna chill with you. You wanna chill with me?”
Okay, I’ma attempt to play hard to get. “Yes.” Guess my resistance didn’t go over too well.
“And what y’all gon’ be doin’ while y’all chillin’? Gettin’ hot?” Cousin Shake stood in my doorway. “Make a real baby.” He looked at Malachi. “I like you, son, but the streetlights are on and around here, that means it’s bedtime.”
“Get…,” I said slowly, “away…from…my door!”
Malachi laughed. “It’s cool. Cousin Shake is my man.” Malachi got off the bed. “Plus, Zsa, it is getting late.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“I’ll keep the baby tonight,” Malachi said, “and you keep it tomorrow night.”
“Ai’ight,” I said, handing him the doll and the bag.
“Thanks for having me, Cousin Shake.” Malachi shook his hand, and afterward we walked outside. I walked Malachi across the street to his truck where he placed the doll in the back. Afterward he hopped in the driver’s seat. I walked over to the window and leaned through. “Think about me, ma,” he said, kissing me on my forehead.
“I will,” I said as I watched him pull off. I was grinning from ear to ear as I headed across the street, when a car ran up on me like a Compton drive-by. I didn’t know if I was about to get hit or held up at gunpoint. Once the car came to a screeching halt I realized that it was Ameen.
Instantly I froze.
“Can I hollah at you for a minute, Zsa?” Ameen asked.
I slid my trembling hands in my jeans’ side pockets. “What?” I tried to seem pissed instead of nervous. “What is it? And what are you doing here?”
“What you showing off ’cause your new man just left?”
I stood still for a moment. Had Ameen been watching me? “Are you stalking me or something?”
“No. I love you, but you be playing too many games.”
“Didn’t you just run up on me in the bathroom, practically telling me you’ll shoot me over some chicken head? And I’m the one playing games?” I looked both ways, hoping there was someone I knew from the block standing around. I spotted a few guys that I knew so I felt a little more relaxed. “Can I go now?” I asked sarcastically.
“Oh, so that’s it?” Ameen said. “You don’t love me no more? I make one mistake and we’re done?”
I practically laughed in his face. “You keep making the same mistake over and over again. I’m tired. Now, if you will excuse me I don’t like standing in the middle of the street.” I went to walk in front of the car and Ameen pulled up so I couldn’t pass.
“Zsa, come on now,” he said. “I’m sorry about the way I acted. You know I care about you. You’re my heart. Why you think I bought you these boots?” He opened the Gucci shoe box that lay on his passenger seat and practically shoved the boots at me. I held one of the boots in my hand, and I could tell by the scuff marks on the toe and the heel that they’d been worn.
“Are you kidding me? Giving me some used boots.”
“She only wore ’em once and then I realized she ain’t deserve ’em. You did, so I’m bringing them back.”
“Keep ’em.” I placed the boot back in his lap. “I’m cold on ’em.”
“
Oh, it’s like that?” It was obvious that that threw him for a loop.
I guess he thought I was about to break down and accept his fake-behind apology. Not. “What you ain’t know?” I rolled my eyes. “Now bounce.”
Ameen scratched his chin. “Why you keep hanging with this dude that I keep seeing you with?”
I rolled my eyes to the sky. “I’m concerned, why are you following me around? We aren’t together anymore, remember that?”
“Nah,” he said, “I don’t remember that and I suggest you erase it from your memory too, because if I can’t have you, nobody will.”
“Are you done?”
“The question is, are you done,” Ameen said, and then he pulled off. I stood there for a moment. I couldn’t believe what had just happened to me. My heart was racing in my chest, but a part of me was happy that I got to play Ameen in his face.
I walked back in the house and headed straight for my room. I flicked my lights off, lay back on the bed, and just as I closed my eyes and started thinking about my day my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and it was my baby, Malachi. Immediately, I started smiling. “You rang?” I answered my phone while turning my radio on. WBLS’s Quiet Storm was playing and Aaliyah’s “At Your Best” was on.
“Thinking about me, ma?” Malachi asked. His voice was so soothing that I swear he made all the fear inside of me subside.
“And you know this.”
“I know I just left, but I miss you, ma,” he said.
“And I miss you too.”
Malachi’s voice was like sweet heat to my ears and before I knew it, time was flying by and we’d been talking for hours. I looked at the clock and it was four AM.
“Ai’ight, Zsa, I’ll get up,” Malachi said.
“Okay, talk to you later.”
The line went silent. “Malachi?” I said.
“Yeah.” He laughed. “I guess we should’ve hung up.”
“Maybe,” I said.
“You hang up first,” Malachi said.
“No, I can’t hang up on you. You hang up.”
“Ai’ight, ma. On the count of three we’ll both hang up.”
“One,” we said simultaneously, “two…three.”
I held onto the phone because I didn’t want to be the first one to hang up. “Malachi,” I called.
“I’m here.” He laughed. “It’s obvious that neither one of us wants to hang up, so I tell you what, keep the phone to your ear, lay down, and we’ll go to sleep together.”
I couldn’t stop smiling. “Alright.”
I started to close my eyes, and just as I spotted the early morning sun coming up I felt myself drifting into another world.
I don’t remember my sister sneaking in my room to sleep. All I remembered was her taking the phone from my ear, telling me to move over, and the next thing I knew my mother was calling our names. “Zsa-Zsa, Hadiah, time for school.”
Don’t ask me why, but I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. Why was she acting as if she actually got us ready for school in the morning? This was really over the top.
“Zsa-Zsa,” my mother called again while knocking on my door. “Can I come in?” She twisted the knob but the door was locked.
“Say no,” Hadiah said, laying across the foot of my bed. “It’s too early in the morning to hear her nagging.”
“Zsa,” my mother called again.
“I can’t say no.”
“Ignore her, then.”
“Be quiet,” I snapped at my sister, “and open the door.”
Reluctantly Hadiah walked over to the door and opened it. “What took y’all so long to open the door?” my mother asked.
“No reason.” Hadiah ran out the room. “I have to get ready for school,” she yelled behind her.
I could’ve smacked my sister. She knew exactly what she was doing by leaving me with my mother. Now, she didn’t have to deal with her.
“So what’s going on?” my mother asked me while sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Oh, nothing.” I batted my eyes. “Just work, church, and a few dates that I’ve been on.”
“Are you being smart?”
“Nope, just recapping your life. You seem to be having fun, so I figured like mother like daughter.”
“Zsa-Zsa, what is going on that we don’t talk anymore?”
“You’re not here.”
“I am here. But you never want to be bothered. Like yesterday when Malachi came over, why don’t you want to talk to me?”
“Ma, not today.” I pulled a pair of Deréon jeans from my closet.
“Yes, today,” she insisted. “And right now. Tell me, because you are my child and we have to get through this.”
“Ever since Daddy died—”
“This is not about your father.”
“Why do you always do that?” I frowned.
“Do what?”
“Cut me off”—I chose a pair of stilettos—“when I have something to say about Daddy.”
“Because, truthfully, I don’t want to hear it.”
“I didn’t think this was about you. I thought you wanted to hear my side.”
“Your side of what? Everything is a problem with you. I want us to be close,” she said as her cell phone started to ring.
“Ma—”
“Wait a minute.” She smiled, looking at the caller ID. “Let me get this.” She rose from my bed and walked out of my room. “Hello?”
I just looked at the door and knew I should’ve taken my sister’s advice. The next time I won’t let her in. I finished choosing my outfit and listened to the radio that was still playing from last night. Neyo was singing about being sick. A few minutes later my mother stood in my doorway with her coat on. “After school we’ll finish our conversation.” And before I could respond she was gone.
I showered, did my hair, fought off thoughts of Ameen, smiled at thoughts of Malachi, and dressed for school. “Bye, Zsa,” Hadiah said.
“Bye,” I said, walking out of my room and sitting down at the dining room table to eat the breakfast Cousin Shake and Ms. Minnie prepared. Once I was done I kissed them both on the cheeks and headed for the front door. When I opened the door I couldn’t believe it, but Malachi was standing there with his hand on the bell.
“Hey.” I know I was cheesin’ from ear to ear. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to take you to school.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah, you ready?”
“Of course I’m ready…but there’s only one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“We have to pick up Courtney.”
“Courtney?” Malachi arched one eyebrow. “Oh, no, baby, you know I don’t get down with Courtney like that. He’s too…too…zessy for me. And his clothes be all smedium. I just can’t deal with all of that temperament in the morning.”
“Boo, he’s really a good dude, and in the morning he’s really quiet and peaceful.”
Malachi stood and stared at me for a moment. “You better be lucky I’m feelin’ you.”
“Yeah, I am,” I said, handing him my backpack.
By the time we got to Courtney’s house Courtney was waiting outside on the porch for me. His clothes were tossed on him like a cyclone, the baby was upside down in his backpack, and he had a head full of pink and green sponge rollers.
Malachi looked at me and said, “Yo, ma, dig. No offense and I love you to death but I am not about to ride in the car with no dude and a head full of rollers. That’s a li’l far.”
“Courtney.” I got out the truck and walked over to him. “Why do you have rollers in your hair?”
“Can’t you see this is a quick weave gone wrong?!” He twisted his lips. “You see me? I’m sleepy, I’m tired, and I can not do this with this damn recycled doll. Ms. Parker can fail me, kick me out, whatever. But see me and li’l Tink-Tink are done.”
“What happened?”
“This thing wouldn’t stop crying. I’m tired. I sw
ear I am. So, I talked this over with my mother and I’m staying home today. You take this thing and I don’t care what you do with it.”
“Courtney—” I called him but he never turned around. Instead he kept going in the house and slammed the door behind him.
I got back in the car with Malachi, and he said, “What happened?”
“I don’t know.” I hunched my shoulders. “But I think he may have dropped out of high school and now we have twins.”
9
To the left, to the left…
Keep talking that mess, that’s fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time?
—BEYONCÉ, “IRREPLACEABLE”
I had to admit it felt good riding into the school’s parking lot being chauffeured by my baby. And believe me, all eyes were on us. Staci and her crew were standing near the school’s entrance, and I swore I could see green glob comin’ all out of her mouth.
I hated to rejoice at someone else’s expense but Ha…lle…lujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Ha…lle…lujah! I was his girl now. I promise you I felt like tap dancing. I grabbed the doll out the backseat and patted it on its back. I knew the baby thing was a reach, but it was enough to get Staci to imagine that I wasn’t stepping to the left anytime soon.
We parked next to Asha and Samaad, and I could tell by the smile on Asha’s face that she couldn’t wait to hear what I had to say. “Ai’ight, baby,” Malachi said, opening my door and giving me a peck on the lips. “I need to kick it with Samaad for a minute. You got it from here?”
“Yeah. Plus I need to catch up with Asha.”
“Ai’ight,” he said as he walked over to Samaad and I walked over to Asha.
“Skip all the yadda-yadda and get to the point,” Asha said, grinning from ear to ear. “Is it official?”
“Ill.” I couldn’t stop smiling. “Could you stop sweatin’ me?”
Asha batted her extended lashes. “If you don’t cough up the business.”
“Okay, Asha, it’s not exactly official. Like, I just broke up with Ameen.”
“So, we’re seventeen,” she said as we started walking toward the school’s entrance, “we don’t need that much space between relationships. All we need to do is get the point; which is: Ameen is hot piss and Malachi is a love fest.” She snapped her fingers. “Two snaps up and a fruit loop, as Courtney would say. Speaking of which, where is he?”