She knocked on the door but there was no answer, so she pushed it tentatively. It led into a small hall and then the open-plan apartment opened out before her. She saw Thomas sitting at his small, glass kitchen table with a ready meal in front of him, the TV on, and a beer beside him. He was staring into space, holding his fork in mid-air. Abbie looked at him for a moment. He looked so small in there. And lonely. She wondered if she should go in and ask him to have dinner with her. She hated the thought of him sat here in this massive house every night by himself.
Her phone buzzed in her bag, making her jump. She didn’t want Thomas to think she was intruding, so hastily she left the book on the table by the door and softly walked out, pulling her phone out as she made her way to the front door. She looked at the screen in surprise. It was Jack. What could he want?
‘Hello?’ she answered, as she made her way outside. Brew was shut for the night and Littlewood was quiet as the sun set behind her.
‘Darling, how are you?’
Darling? Abbie thought back to their last meeting when he told her she would be leaving the company. There had been no use of ‘darling’ then.
‘I’m good. What’s up?’ she said shortly. She had no clue why he would be contacting her now. She strolled towards Louise’s cottage, marvelling at how her pace had slowed down being here compared to how she had moved around London. She hadn’t been able to abandon her heels, though, despite the hill she had to walk up to Huntley Manor. There were some things she just couldn’t leave behind. But Jack wasn’t one of them.
‘The office isn’t the same without you,’ he said then, his smooth voice affecting her more than she thought it would. She closed her eyes briefly remembering how he would tell her how beautiful she was, as they lay side by side in those crisp white hotel sheets. ‘Nothing is the same without you.’
‘You didn’t think that when I was right there in front of you.’ She hated the hard edge that came into her voice, knowing it showed she was still hurt, but she couldn’t let that comment pass. He’d had lots of time in London to rekindle their relationship before dropping the redundancy bomb. Now she was miles away he suddenly realised he missed her?
‘Things just got so intense at work. I was put in a very difficult position. I didn’t want you to think I was involved in your redundancy. The other partners put pressure on me to keep things strictly professional between us. But I want you to know our time together was very special to me.’
Abbie wondered why he had never made her feel that way. She thought back to their months together. They had rarely spent time with each other’s family or friends; their relationship had been restricted to dinners out and nights in.
‘Jack, I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m staying with my sister, trying to find work. I want to come back to London but it won’t be for a while.’
‘Our clients miss you as well. And at the last team meeting, we missed your ideas. I think some of the partners are wondering if we made a mistake,’ he said in a low voice. ‘Maybe I did too.’
Abbie couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘Maybe you should have all thought about that before you sacked me then. Look, Jack, I have to go. I am trying to get back on my feet and that’s my focus right now.’
‘Maybe I could help? I’ll have a think. I want you back in London with me. If that’s where you want to be?’
‘Of course it is,’ she replied, meaning the city, but she realised too late he might take it to mean back with him too.
‘I knew you missed me too. Talk soon, darling.’ He hung up before she could clarify what she had meant. She put her phone away, as Louise’s road came into view. Oh, well, what did it matter? If Jack wanted to help her get back to London then she wasn’t going to stop him. She still blamed him for not giving her a heads-up that she was about to lose her job. She could have been looking for another one weeks ago and might have even been safely in a new position by now. Plus, quitting would have looked so much better to potential employers than the redundancy, but no, he had done what his colleagues had asked and pulled away from her. Now it seemed like he regretted it and Abbie wasn’t quite sure how to feel about that.
Chapter Eight
Louise was in the middle of a night shift and the ward around her was dark and far quieter than in the daytime, which meant it was harder to focus on the tasks in hand. Thoughts of Peter kept invading her mind, especially when she went to say goodnight to Hazel. Watching the little girl clutching her teddy and falling asleep brought that familiar ache for a child of her own. She knew as soon as she started her nursing training that she wanted to work with children. She had always loved kids and she had been so sure that she and Peter would end up with a large family. Why was it so hard for her to let go of that fantasy when he had moved on to someone else?
Louise sat down later to check everything had been done that needed to be. Her fellow nurse, Julie, was trying to persuade one of the kids that it was bedtime, but the noise was finally dying down around them. She pushed a strand of her hair behind her ears and then touched her earlobe. It was empty. She felt the other one, which still had an earring in. She checked around her chair. The diamond stud must have fallen out somewhere that evening. She had had both in when she left the cottage. The earrings had been her twenty-first birthday present from her grandparents and she had always treasured them as it felt like the last piece of them, particularly after they had sold their beloved home in Cornwall. And now that had gone.
‘Ugh, can I have any worse luck right now?’ she murmured as Julie came over. ‘You haven’t seen my earring, have you?’
‘No. Have you checked the ward?’
Louise walked down it, peeking into cubicles and checking the floor, but there was no flash of the diamond. She thought back to where she had walked that day. She had grabbed a coffee from Brew on her way in but that was it. She decided she would go and ask Harry and Joy if they had seen it after her shift, and in the meantime she would text Abbie to look around the cottage for her. Louise wasn’t at all hopeful that something so small would turn up, but she carefully took out the remaining stud and zipped it up in her pocket, just in case.
Louise walked back to her desk with a heavy heart. She knew it was silly to be so upset about a lost earring, but after Peter’s news, it felt like the universe was against her, and uncharacteristically she felt hard done by and just wanted to go to bed and shut out the world.
But with six hours left of work to get through first, she had to pull herself together and focus on the children who needed her care.
***
The sun was rising in a haze of orange sky as Louise drove back to Littlewood from the hospital in the early hours. She checked the time and was relieved that Brew would be opening soon. She needed a coffee before she headed home and wanted to see if she had dropped her earring there.
There had been a voicemail from her mother while she was on her shift. The news about Peter had reached her and she had wanted to check Louise was okay. She knew her mother meant well, but she couldn’t face having to pretend that the news hadn’t affected her when it had made her question everything, so she was putting off calling her back. Parking outside Huntley Manor, Louise got out of her car and called out to her sister who was strolling across the grounds.
‘Blimey, you’re up early,’ Louise said when Abbie turned back to greet her.
‘It used to take me an hour to get to work so I’m used to getting up early and I wanted to speak to the staff I haven’t met yet, not that Thomas has anywhere near enough to run the place properly.’
‘You’re really taking this seriously, aren’t you?’ Louise was a little surprised that Abbie was throwing herself into saving Huntley Manor when she was so desperate to get back to the city.
‘This place deserves to be saved,’ Abbie said firmly, gesturing behind her. The sun was peeking out from behind the grand building, casting a glowing light down on top of it. It did look particularly special that morning. Louise could
n’t imagine Littlewood without it watching over them. Someone could end up tearing it down if Thomas did lose it and Louise knew the town would suffer if that happened.
‘I think it’s great. Is Thomas open to your ideas though?’ Brew was opening up so the sisters walked slowly over to it. Louise knew that Abbie was always enthusiastic about her ideas and couldn’t quite picture Lord Huntley being as thrilled by Instagram posts or being retweeted by someone famous.
‘He will be.’
Louise laughed. ‘He doesn’t know what’s hit him yet, does he?’ She waved at Joy who was unlocking the door.
‘You two are keen,’ Joy said, as she opened up.
‘I just got off my shift and spotted Abbie heading to Huntley Manor. I think we both deserve a coffee and a croissant.’ She turned to Abbie. ‘You didn’t find my earring, did you?’
‘No, I’m so sorry. I looked all around the cottage but there was no sign of it.’
Louise looked at Joy. ‘You haven’t seen a diamond earring, have you? I’ve lost one.’
‘I didn’t spot one cleaning up yesterday, no, I’m sorry,’ Joy said, starting up the coffee machine.
Louise’s heart sank. ‘Then I think it’s gone for good.’
‘Why don’t you put up a message on the Kindness Board in case someone finds it?’ Harry suggested, putting a croissant into a bag each for them. ‘It’s worth a try at least.’
Louise nodded and went to the board to put a kindness plea up there asking for people to look out for her earring. She noticed an act of kindness written up there in sloping writing.
My boyfriend John for looking after me when I got out of hospital – I couldn’t have got through my operation without you!
Louise tried not to feel jealous of this girl – she’d had an operation, for God’s sake, no need at all to wish she could swap places with her, but then she thought back to her relationship with Peter. Louise had always wanted to help people, and Peter was no exception. She would help him revise for his exams; she helped him apply for university and then for jobs. She didn’t even think about it at the time. It was automatic for her. She loved him; they were partners, so she naturally wanted to help him. But seeing this simple thank you up on the board, Louise wondered if he had ever really thanked her for anything she had done. And she wondered if his new fiancée was now doing all the things she used to do. Or maybe now he was with someone he really loved, he was doing them for her instead.
Louise turned away from the board, hating that he still had the power to make her feel so hurt. She took the coffee and pastries from Harry and then she and Abbie left Brew. Outside, the morning sunshine was in full force, promising a lovely day.
‘I hope someone finds your earring,’ Abbie said. She looked at her sister. ‘Are you okay, Lou?’
‘Just tired,’ Louise replied, not wanting to admit how much the news of Peter’s engagement was still playing on her mind. She was sure Abbie would have put him behind her by now. ‘I better get home and to bed. I’m off tomorrow, so we could do something?’
‘Sounds good.’ Abbie waved to her cheerfully and Louise headed back to her car, weary from her shift and thinking about the past. She wished you could just put your feelings into a box and seal them tightly up inside and never have to deal with them again.
Chapter Nine
Eszter held Zoe’s hand as they walked to her afternoon shift at Brew. She had spent the last couple of days going over and over her first meeting with Anne Harris. She was still angry and upset but acknowledged that her mother-in-law must have been shocked to see her and was a grieving mother who deserved compassion. Eszter knew she had to try again but had been clueless as to how to approach her. That morning, however, inspiration had struck as she had sat watching the sunrise with her coffee, her husband’s letter in her hands.
Who better to tackle Mrs Harris than Nick himself?
‘Who lives here?’ Zoe asked as they paused at the top of the driveway.
‘Your daddy’s mother,’ Eszter replied, knowing she couldn’t lie to her about this. ‘I’m just going to give her a letter.’
‘Shouldn’t we knock and say hello?’
‘We will, but it’s going to be a big surprise to her, so I think we should tell her we’re here first.’ Eszter wished she had done this before turning up on her doorstep, then maybe she wouldn’t have had such an unwelcome first meeting with her mother-in-law. She slipped up the driveway and thrust the copy of the letter through the letter box. She didn’t trust Mrs Harris not to just destroy it so had taken a copy of it at the library, just in case. She couldn’t bear to ever lose the last thing that Nick wrote to her. She looked up at the second floor of the house and swore she saw the curtains twitch. She wondered if Mrs Harris was watching them. And what she would think of Zoe.
‘Is it Daddy’s letter?’ Zoe asked when her mother returned to her side.
‘Yes. I think she should see it and then she’ll know we’re here to see her.’
‘I hope she’s nice.’
‘I’m sure she will be,’ Eszter replied, glancing nervously back at the house as they carried on walking. She hoped that her daughter would get to meet her grandmother this summer and that it would go well. Zoe didn’t deserve any more upset in her life. ‘I think we need a slice of cake when we get to Brew, don’t you?’
‘Sometimes I think all we do at the moment is eat cake.’
Eszter was always surprised when Zoe made an observation like that, but she didn’t know why; Zoe was as sharp as her father, even at her age. Eszter knew she was overcompensating for Nick being gone. She didn’t think she’d gone as far as to make her daughter sick of cake though. ‘Well, if you’d rather not have any . . .’
‘I didn’t say that,’ Zoe replied cheerfully, making her mother laugh.
Thank goodness for Zoe, if Eszter was by herself right now she wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about what Mrs Harris would make of the letter. Nick had made Eszter swear not to open it until he was gone. It had sat there for days burning a hole on the table, but she had kept her promise, and when the time had come to open it, she had ended up putting it off, unable to accept his death; opening it seemed to acknowledge he was gone. Eventually, though, curiosity had become too much and the need to hear her husband’s voice again, even if just in the form of words, had been too strong to ignore.
My darling Eszter,
You’re reading this, so it must mean that what we both wished would never happen, has. I never wanted to leave you or my lovely Zoe and I can’t believe that this is the hand we’ve been dealt. The only thing that has made it bearable is knowing that I had the most wonderful life with you both and that you’ll look after each other when I’m not there. I love you both so much.
This last week I’ve been thinking a lot about the past. I know that you never understood why I was so reluctant to talk about where I came from, and you were shocked when I told you I was estranged from my parents. The truth is, I let my pride stop me reaching out to them. When they didn’t reply to our wedding invitation, the one you rightly pushed me to send, I was done with them. I suppose I always presumed that we had time, to talk, to face the past, to heal. Then my father passed. I didn’t tell you, but I phoned my mother when I heard the news. She asked me to come to the funeral and I said no. I wish I had gone now.
I have always wanted my mother to meet you and Zoe. I know she will love you as much as I do. I should have done more when I had the chance, but now I must ask you to do it instead. I’m sorry, Eszter. You’re going to have so much to cope with after I’ve gone, but please do this one last thing for me. Enclosed are two plane tickets to England for you and Zoe. I want you to go to my home town of Littlewood. I want you and Zoe to see where I grew up. And to meet my mother. I want you to give her the watch back. I shouldn’t have kept it all these years. I should have gone home to see her, to say I was sorry for cutting off contact with her, and to tell her I should have gone to my father’s funeral. For her sake, if
nothing else. But I let the past hold me back. And now it’s too late.
Please do this for me, Eszter. And then hopefully we can all rest in peace.
You and Zoe are my world. I am so sorry I have to leave you. Please forgive me. Know that I will love you both always and forever and I will watch over you and be there for you whenever you need me.
Tell my mother I love her too.
Be kind to her. Be kind to each other.
Do what I was unable to do.
All my love, Nick
Eszter was sure that Nick would never have expected his mother to actually read the letter, but she hoped his words would soften her. It would show her at least that Eszter had no ulterior motives in trying to contact her; that she was there only to fulfil her husband’s last wishes. She remembered talking late into the night with Nick after he had learned of his father’s death from a family friend. He had told Eszter that he couldn’t face the funeral.
‘It just feels hypocritical. I walked away from them, I walked away from him, and if I turn up at his funeral and pretend to the world that I’m sad that he’s gone, then I would feel worse than I would not going at all.’
‘But he was your father.’ Eszter hadn’t understood. She couldn’t imagine not being there for her mother if, God forbid, anything happened to her father. ‘Besides, funerals are for the living, not the dead. Won’t your mother need you?’
‘She didn’t need me when she let me leave all those years ago. They didn’t come to our wedding, Eszter. That was their opportunity to make things right. I invited them and they didn’t even bother to RSVP.’
‘I just think you might regret not going,’ Eszter had said. She knew now she had been right. Although he had never told her, he had obviously regretted it. When he realised he wasn’t going to survive the cancer, it had been on his mind more than she had even known, causing him to write that letter and book her the flights. She felt a small prickle of anger at Nick for making them deal with this by themselves.
Random Acts of Kindness Part 1 Page 5