As Good as New

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As Good as New Page 27

by Jennifer Dawson


  He let her chin go and stroked a path down her throat, loving how she shuddered under his touch. “Tell me how to make you believe.”

  She said nothing, and other than the tears spilling down her cheeks, he had no idea what was going on in that mind of hers. He waited. Then she buried her face in her hands and started to sob.

  Unbuckling her seat belt, he gathered her up close, cradling her in his arms as she shook. He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back in slow circles as he murmured what he hoped were soothing noises.

  When she finally settled he lifted her chin with the crook of his finger. “I belong to you. I always have and always will.” Her attention skirted away, but that didn’t deter him. “You can’t get rid of me.”

  She pressed a finger to her lips.

  She didn’t speak, and he didn’t push. Everything about them was too raw, so he let her settle back into her seat. When she looked out the window again he sighed and pulled back onto the road. They drove in silence for fifteen minutes before she spoke. “Evan?”

  “Yes?”

  She didn’t turn to face him, just continued to stare out into the cornfields. “I love you too.”

  He took her hand and brought it to his lips.

  At least it was something.

  * * *

  They’d made the drive to Revival but the long, scenic roads did nothing to clear her mind. Evan had left her alone in the guest room at Maddie and Mitch’s house to take a call, and now she was alone with her thoughts.

  She touched the windowpanes that looked out over Maddie’s backyard. It was green and lush, filled with weeping willows and large oak trees. There were wildflowers, hydrangea bushes, and roses scattered through the yard, and beyond the trees lay the glimmer of a river running a lazy path.

  It was the most idyllic place Penelope had ever seen. Peaceful and serene.

  Later this afternoon they’d head down for a swim. There would be laughter, music, and alcohol. It would be like stepping into another time. Her muscles would relax, the sun would warm her skin, and they’d all catch a little buzz. And maybe, just maybe, this god-awful feeling would go away.

  She pressed her forehead to the glass and closed her eyes.

  Evan loved her.

  The only boy she’d ever wanted since she was six years old had just told her he loved her, and she couldn’t get rid of the heavy feeling in her chest. It was like a lead weight had settled on her sternum and refused to budge.

  Everything he’d said in that car had been right.

  She didn’t believe. Not the way she should. She didn’t trust him.

  But it was more than that; she didn’t trust herself. Not where he was concerned.

  Ever since she’d gotten her period she’d had to come face-to-face with the truth. She was scared, and she wanted to keep him.

  Being pregnant had guaranteed that.

  She hated herself for the thought. It was wrong. But true. She wanted to keep him so badly it had become twisted in her brain. How could she admit that to him? To anyone? She just had to figure out how to get over that feeling of loss on her own.

  The door opened and she lifted her head, opening her eyes when it clicked shut. Evan came up behind her and put his arms around her waist. He kissed her temple. “You okay?”

  “Yes.” Although her voice held the barest of tremors. She’d lost it in the car. She didn’t know what came over her, but it was like a dam had broken and her emotions were one big giant swinging pendulum. “Was everything okay on the phone?”

  “It’s all good.” His hold tightened around her waist, and despite her unsettledness a surge of desire pulsed through her.

  No matter what, she couldn’t keep from wanting him. Needing him. And maybe that was the problem.

  Evan was the one thing she couldn’t put into a neat little box. Nothing about him or them was contained, and for a woman who thrived on organization and order, it was uncomfortable.

  But he was trying so hard, and what she needed right now was so unfair, she had to start somewhere. She had to let him in, at least a little. That much she could do.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say,” she admitted.

  He let her go and tugged her toward the bed. When her knees hit the mattress he pushed her down before running a hand down her legs to take off first one shoe, and then the other. Then he climbed onto the bed with her and laid a palm over the flat of her stomach, propping his head on his other hand.

  He looked down at her, his green eyes intent, his features so gorgeous she wanted to reach up and trace the lines of his bones to make sure he was real. Flesh and blood.

  Mortal like she was.

  She didn’t know how to stop seeing him as the boy she’d idolized. The one who held all the power, and her heart, in his big hands.

  He slid his thigh along her leg, leaned down and brushed a kiss over her lips. “I’m sorry things are never easy with us.”

  Her throat grew tight. “You’re right. I don’t believe.”

  He nodded. “I know.”

  She swallowed hard, hoping against hope to quell the tears. “I thought . . . when all this craziness began . . . that it was just a matter of getting it out of our systems.”

  His hand smoothed over her belly. “That’s never going to happen.”

  “It’s hard.” She bit her lip. “I have all these years of watching you pretend to not care about me. Parading one beautiful woman after another in front of me. In all that time you never even hinted. You never even glanced in my direction. It was like after that night, what we’d done was a figment of my imagination. That’s the evidence I have. This, now, is the dream.”

  His expression clouded, turning as dark as a storm cloud. “I played my part too well, and now I have to pay the price. I told you when this started I’d pay, and I will, because you’re worth it, whatever the cost.”

  “But it’s not fair.”

  He shrugged. “Life’s not always fair. I can deal with that, I just don’t want you to shut me out.”

  “I’ll try.”

  They fell silent for a while, just lay on the bed, their bodies close, their breathing moving in time, perfectly synchronized.

  She didn’t care what he said, she couldn’t keep doing this to him. To herself. It wasn’t healthy, and she’d always been proud of how she handled life. She either needed to believe, or she needed to let him go.

  It was really that simple.

  There was a soft knock and Maddie called through the door, “We’re all going down by the river. Are you coming?”

  They looked at each other and Penelope called back, “We’ll be right down.”

  “Good, ’cause he’s had you long enough. I need my girlfriend, Evan.”

  He laughed and shook his head. “In a minute.”

  Evan ran a hand through his hair and she moved to get up, but before she rose, he placed a palm on her stomach, immobilizing her. “Before we go, let me ask you something.”

  Brow raised, she looked at him.

  “You were a good actor too. We’ve fooled a lot of people over the years, including your best friends. You never hinted either. But it was all a lie, wasn’t it? Hidden away, beyond all that efficiency and control and dismissal, you still wanted me. Right?”

  There was no use in pretending otherwise. “Yes.”

  He leaned down and kissed her, a soft, deep kiss that filled her with a hope and promise that made her want to cry. Then he pulled away and trailed a finger over her jaw. “Isn’t it possible that if you felt all that for me and managed to hide it, that the same could be true for me?”

  She blinked. Was it? She didn’t know.

  But she wanted to believe.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Evan left Penelope to catch up with the girls while he met the guys down by the river. Blankets were already stretched out on the grass, speakers blared classic rock, and drinks had already been passed. It felt almost like high school, although back then they’d spe
nt their time in the woods of a forest preserve. He grabbed a beer from the cooler and sat down on one of the beach chairs next to Shane and Mitch before twisting off the cap and throwing it into the makeshift garbage. Opposite them, James and Mitch’s best friend, Sheriff Charlie Radcliffe, were involved in some sort of intense discussion about forensic evidence.

  If things with Penelope weren’t so precarious, life would be pretty close to perfect. He’d never play football again, but he would be a wide receiver coach, and he actually felt pretty damn good about it. Penelope had been right that night she’d come to him; football was a young man’s game, and in that world he’d been almost past his prime. Yes, he could have played for a couple more years, but the truth he hadn’t wanted to face was that that part of his career had been coming to an end. Life had a way of taking decisions out of your hands, but he was starting to come to peace with it.

  He’d still get to be part of the game he loved and in the city he loved, close to his family.

  And Penelope. If she let him in. Right now that seemed a big if. There was something wrong, something she wasn’t telling him, and he had some ideas of what it might be but hadn’t puzzled it all out yet.

  Shane cocked a brow. “How’s it going?”

  “Pretty good.” Evan flipped his sunglasses over his eyes and stretched out his legs. It was hot and humid, but the sun felt good on his skin. He nodded at Mitch. “You taking care of my sister?”

  A huge grin spread over Mitch’s face. “Always.”

  “Good. How’s life over in small-town prosecution?”

  Mitch shrugged. “Fairly boring but sane. I’m thinking of making a move to the state attorney’s office.”

  Shane scrubbed a hand over his jaw. “Come back to Chicago and work for me. You’re there all the time anyway.”

  Mitch grew up in Chicago and had been a big-time criminal defense lawyer but, after a fall from grace, moved to Revival and never left. Every once in a while Shane liked to suggest Mitch come work for him, but Evan suspected it was all in good fun.

  Mitch shook his head and gave Shane a no-fucking-way glare. “Not in a million years.”

  Shane grinned. “Everyone thinks I’m so hard to work for, but look at Penelope. She manages to survive quite nicely.” He took a slug of beer before shifting his attention to Evan. “And speaking of our girl, how is she doing?”

  “My girl,” Evan corrected before flashing his brother a grin. Things were better between them and they were both trying to let go of the past and focus on being brothers. “Does Cecilia know you’re this possessive over Penelope?”

  Shane laughed. “Yeah, she’s learned to live with it. Although you sleeping with her helps considerably.”

  “Glad to help you out,” Evan said, his voice wry.

  Shane moved in his chair. “But seriously, is everything okay? She seems stressed, which isn’t at all like her. I tried to talk to her, but she basically stonewalled me.”

  Evan made sure to keep totally still, to not tense his muscles at all. “She’s fine.”

  Shane looked at him for a long time before taking another swallow of beer. “All right.”

  Before there were any more questions, James’s head shot up and his brow furrowed. “Woman, where are your clothes?”

  Evan turned in the direction of James’s dark scowl and about choked on his beer. Gracie strolled down the path in the most minuscule excuse for a bathing suit that was ever invented. The bikini was the same color blue as her eyes and it somehow managed to support her overflowing breasts while still being skimpy.

  “Oh no,” Shane said under his breath. “I swear she lives to get him all riled up.”

  Mitch chuckled. “Gracie? No, never.”

  “Doesn’t sound like her at all,” Evan agreed.

  All three of them shifted their chairs to watch the show.

  Gracie beamed, her hair up in a ponytail, tendrils curling around her face. She waved, her new diamond ring flashing in the sun. “I assume everyone’s ready for a good time.”

  James narrowed his eyes. “I believe a question is on the table, Grace.”

  Grace. That was new.

  She winked at Shane, Mitch, and Evan before waving a hand over her spectacular body. The woman belonged in a Playboy spread, no question about it. “What? This old thing?”

  His brother’s jaw turned hard. “Are you trying to get me worked up?”

  She laughed, low and seductive. “What was your first clue, honey?”

  James closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I will not give in. I will not give in.”

  Gracie shrugged and lay down on the blanket right in front of James. “Suit yourself. I’ll just rub this oil all over.” Then she proceeded to do just that, really slathering it on with elaborate care.

  Evan watched, amused at this woman who’d captured his brother’s heart and made him crazy in the best possible way. Much like with Penelope, it was a match nobody saw coming, but it was clear the two were perfect for each other, balancing each other out and making them stronger as individuals.

  It’s what he wanted to be for Penelope, but he was pretty sure he was failing. The key to her heart a mystery to him.

  James ran a finger over the curve of Gracie’s breast. “You missed a spot.”

  She grinned and arched into his touch. “Do you mind?”

  James’s gaze flicked over her. “You can manage. I know you have plenty of practice touching yourself.”

  Gracie slicked an unnecessary amount of oil onto her stomach. “Careful, or everyone might think you can’t satisfy me.”

  He laughed, as if the idea was completely preposterous, which Evan was pretty sure was probably true. “Or maybe they all know you can’t resist putting on a good show.”

  Charlie chuckled in that low, lazy way that revealed the last hints of his Southern roots. “He’s got you there.”

  “You just shut up,” she said with a glower before pouting at James. “Shouldn’t you be jealous? He’s, like, staring right at me.”

  Once upon a time Gracie and Charlie had a friends-with-benefits relationship that ended about the second she met James, although it had taken a good long time for the two most stubborn people on the planet to admit they were attracted to each other.

  James glanced at Charlie, sighed, and said in a deadpan voice, “I’ve gotten used to him.”

  “You are no fun, Professor.”

  “Too bad you’re stuck with me.”

  Gracie huffed and adjusted her bikini top. “It’s quite the hardship.”

  James pinched her and she let out a yelp. “I should drag you to the garage apartment and teach you a lesson, but I’d hate to ruin your fun.”

  Evan had no idea what James did to Gracie in that apartment, but he’d heard screaming more than once and he guessed it wasn’t from torture, with the way she sucked in her breath.

  She licked her lips. “Promise?”

  James traced a path over her oil-slicked belly. “Promise. This bathing suit is already on the list. Do your worst, baby girl.”

  Gracie shuddered, and after that seemed to miraculously settle down, making Evan wonder if that’s what she’d been after all along.

  Ten minutes later the rest of the girls came down the path. His sister and Sophie wore their swimsuits, but only Penelope looked all proper in her cover-up. A black number that zipped from her neck, all the way to her knees. Her hair was in a ponytail and her skin was free of makeup. She looked a lot less pinched than when he’d left her, and he was grateful his sister and Sophie had obviously done the trick.

  And jealous, because he wanted it to be him.

  Shane looked around them. “Where’s Ce-ce?”

  Maddie waved toward the house. “She had to take a call, she’ll be here.”

  Penelope glanced at him and offered a small smile before shifting her attention to the water. “Is it nice?”

  “Cold, but nice,” Mitch said, reaching up to Maddie’s arm, before rubbing a hand over he
r stomach. “Everything okay?”

  Maddie grinned and pushed his hand away. “Everything is fine.”

  Penelope still stared out at the water. “I’ll warm up first.”

  She walked over to the cooler. “Anyone want anything?”

  Maddie sat down next to Mitch and Sophie plopped down on the blanket as Penelope fetched cans and bottles from the cooler. After handing out drinks, Penelope looked around, her brow furrowing as she chewed her bottom lip. Her gaze fluttered toward him before looking away.

  He silently willed her to come to him, but he supposed old habits die hard, because she sat down next to Sophie. A second later she pulled her sunglasses from the top of her head and covered her eyes.

  Evan stifled his sigh.

  Sophie perched up on her elbows. “Pass me the sunscreen, Pen.” Penelope picked up a bottle of Coppertone and passed it to her friend, who frowned. “Aren’t you hot?”

  Penelope shrugged. “I’m okay.”

  Sophie squirted a big blob of lotion on her hand and passed it to Penelope. “Stay awhile. Relax. Get some sun.”

  Penelope glanced up at the afternoon sky. “I could use a little color.”

  “Exactly,” Sophie said.

  Penelope unzipped her cover-up and tossed it to the grass down by her bare feet. She wore a black bikini, with gold circles on either side of her hip and between her breasts that held the suit together.

  Evan immediately wanted to cover her back up, suddenly sympathizing with James.

  Maddie whistled. “Damn, girl. That is a hot suit.”

  Damn indeed.

  “That’s enough out of you,” Penelope said.

  Charlie rubbed his jaw and gave her a long, appreciative once-over. “New suit, Pen?”

 

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