She tried to slow her racing breath. How could she break this news to him in a way with him not seeing through her hollow words? She stared at her clasped hands on the table. “I appreciate all you’ve done for me, but I can’t let you put your life on hold any longer.”
Why did she have to do this? Why couldn’t they just go back to her place and agree to face whatever Roberto threw at them together?
Because it wasn’t fair to Matty, and worse, it could ruin his life.
“Jenna, what’s going on?”
The wariness in his tone coaxed her to meet his eyes. For a second, she was lost in his warm, concerned gaze.
She shook her head, breaking eye contact and snapping herself back to the situation. “I don’t think this is a good idea.” She motioned across the table to indicate the two of them. “I’ve been nothing but trouble for you, holding you back from your life.”
Matty appraised her. “I don’t look at it that way at all.” He paused and put one hand on hers. “You’ve been the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. I spent today thinking about my future. I hope it includes you in it.”
She closed her eyes, immediately drowning with regret. Those words meant more to her than he’d ever know. That was the problem—he could never know them.
“Was I wrong?” he added.
“No… yes… I mean,” she stammered and pulled away her hands. She crossed her arms, rubbing one elbow. “I mean I thought about that too, but I don’t think it would work out for either of us.”
“Why not?”
“Because…” Ugh, how the hell could she convince him when every word rang false in her ears?
The server brought their drinks and took their food orders. Jenna didn’t have the stomach for anything, so simply ordered a cup of a soup. She then took a huge sip of her cocktail, the taste of coconut and rum lingering on her tongue.
“Because of Derek?” Matty ignored his beer as he watched her. “He’ll get over it eventually, right? After all, I’m not the worst guy in the world for you.” He grinned and arched a brow.
The way he ended the serious question on a lighthearted tone was so Matty. Unfortunately, her heart never felt so heavy.
“No, it’s not because of Derek.”
“Your ex? Did he do something?”
He rarely referred to him by name, typically using the ex term, as if by repeating it, it ensured that Roberto stayed in the past.
Only he wasn’t. He’d invaded her present, which pretty much shot down any hopes of a future with Matty.
“Yes, because of him.”
Matty straightened. His entire body appeared to harden and pulse with fury.
“That’s it, I’ve had enough of this fucker messing with your life. I’m going to find him.”
“No!” She reached out and touched his forearm. That was the worst thing that could happen. She glanced around to see if others heard her outburst. The din of the café with busy movement to and from the kitchen and the conversations of those around her must have muffled it since no one looked over. She lowered her voice and added, “That’s not what I mean.”
Matty leaned back and exhaled. “What is it?”
She pulled her hand back and tried to work through a way to run with this excuse. “After that disastrous marriage, I don’t know if I’m able to be in another relationship.” It wasn’t a lie. “I can’t downplay how much it affected me.” More like damaged. Devastated. And in some ways, destroyed.
“What are you saying? You want to take things slow?”
She inhaled and released it on a slow exhale. “No. We can’t do this anymore.”
Matty gulped some beer. After he put the glass down, he stared at the liquid as if filled with insects. “I don’t understand. I thought we were both happy. Have I been misreading things?”
Her insides tumbled inside, knocking into and over each other. His words pierced with unjust torment because he was right, she had been happy.
But if she cared about him, she had to let him go.
“Of course I’ve enjoyed spending time with you—but…” She pursed her lips. “I’m not ready for a relationship. I have too much baggage.”
Matty stared at her like she was a manuscript written in a foreign language. “If you think you have too much baggage, then I’m an entire cargo load of surcharge fees.”
He quirked a brow and flashed a playful grin. Her lips quivered, threatening to spread into a smile. That was Matty, finding humor even in serious moments. His sense of humor was one of the things she loved about him.
Liked, she clarified. It was far too dangerous to think of the other L-word around him.
Jenna took another inhale before continuing on a serious thread. “This weekend, we were on a high. But with all our extra weight, we’re bound to make whatever flight we’re on crash.”
What a time for a metaphor and a shitty one at that. The happiest moments she could remember since her crumbling marriage had been among those spent with Matty. And they’d all end because of Roberto.
She pictured him sneering with victory. He was probably watching them right now, relishing at how he exercised his power over her once again. She glanced around the restaurant and out the windows for sight of him.
“Do you see him?” Matty asked as if reading her mind.
“No.” She had to bend the truth to convince Matty. What came to her next might succeed in convincing him to move on, no matter how much it repulsed her. “I’m not worried about him anymore. We had a good talk today. He said he understands that it’s over and won’t bother me anymore.” The dishonesty burned like acid on her tongue, slithering down into her stomach.
“He accepts it?” Matty stared with wide eyes as if unconvinced.
Of course Roberto didn’t. That was why she was severing her relationship with Matty and it felt like she was slicing into her heart.
“Yes,” she lied. “So mission accomplished.” She nodded and forced a smile. “Thank you for a job well done. You played a perfect boyfriend.”
He grunted and glanced away. “I thought it was becoming the real thing.”
Why couldn’t the cafe open up and swallow her? Bury her beneath its foundation so she wouldn’t have to endure the agony of hurting them both?
“I’m sorry. I thought it was too, but I’m not ready.” She fixed her eyes on movement behind him near the kitchen.
“Look at me.”
No, she couldn’t do so. How could she look into his eyes as she hurt him? Hurt herself?
“Come on, Jenna, you’re braver than that. Look me in the eye and tell me this is over.”
Brave? She’d never felt more like a coward in her life. She was succumbing to Roberto’s will yet once again, but what else could she do? She had to protect Matty even if it meant breaking her heart in the process.
She commanded herself to look up, but wavered. Her lips quivered. If she glanced into his deep, searching eyes, her resolve might shatter. She’d admit the whole damn altercation with Roberto, and Matty, being the actual brave one, would go after Roberto.
That would end disastrously. He could face death or jail time just because he’d gotten involved with her.
“Jenna?”
She took a shaky breath. It was just a look.
She brought her gaze up to meet his. Before she lost herself in his gaze, she forced out the declaration in a vomit of words.
“I’m sorry, Matty, but it’s over.”
Those same words she’d said to Roberto so she could move on with her life, now sliced her like she was gutting herself with a serrated knife when she said them to Matty.
His eyes flashed with shock, but then he wiped all emotion from his expression. “Messaged received.”
She pulled her gaze to her drink and released a heavy exhale.
“I’m not going to give you a hard time and not accept it like your ex, Jenna, but I think something is up. Although I don’t know your reasons, I’ll respect your decision.”
>
Not like Roberto. Her breath came more quickly. He’d read her just as she feared he would. She rose, unable to bear the intense scrutiny and just seconds away from spilling the truth about what had happened.
“I need to go.” Her voice came out in a low whisper as she stood.
He stood. “No matter what happens, I’m still here for you.”
She nodded and rushed to the exit. Regret swallowed her. The urge to turn back and confess everything tugged at her feet.
Jenna forced herself to continue out the door. Once outside, she gulped for air like she’d been under water for far too long.
Her heart panged and she closed her eyes. That was only step one.
She reopened them and took a shaky breath. Step two was leaving town.
The only way to break free from Roberto for good was going somewhere he couldn’t find her, which meant she’d have to start over. Again.
Matty
What the hell?
Matty stared at the glass door long after Jenna had exited. Her drink remained half full and her soup untouched. He’d asked the server to leave it.
Why? She wasn’t going to return. She’d made that quite clear that whatever was going on between them was over.
Another big fuckin’ why.
This morning, they’d woken up together all warm and snuggly. She was smiling before she went to work and seemed excited about going to dinner later.
He stared at the nachos, but had no appetite—rare for him. His mouth tasted sour. What just happened?
Jenna had claimed she had baggage from her marriage. Was that it?
It made some sense, but he could see the conflict in her eyes.
She’d said her ex had accepted that they had moved on. Something wasn’t right there, but why would she lie? Matty pictured the fucker and his dangerous vibe. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would give up suddenly on something he wanted.
Or someone.
Had he convinced Jenna to end it?
Matty rubbed his beard. How? That didn’t seem right, either. She’d stood up to her ex before. Why would she cower now? Did it have something to do with Derek? Not likely. Matty had been the one bothered by guilt, not Jenna. Maybe his suspicion was another sign that he was searching for a battle that wasn’t necessary in the civilian world.
Well then, what the fuck was it?
Could he get her to confide in him without coming off as a controlling prick who wouldn’t let her go? That would make him no better than her ex.
And not worthy of her.
Jenna
“It’s okay, Trixie.” Jenna pet her.
Trixie whined at the unfamiliar location on Tuesday. Lola was off and exploring the nooks of the Airbnb Jenna had booked about an hour away from Newport, the first stop in her plan to escape Roberto.
What killed her was that it meant leaving so many things that she loved—her job, her classes, Matty…
She pictured the pain and confusion on his face when she’d left him at the restaurant last night.
No, she couldn’t bear to think about it again. It would only make things more difficult. Maybe once she was settled, she could reach out to him and explain everything, but not yet. Not until she’d escaped Roberto for good and ensured Matty was safe.
She returned to her car to get her last bag. This cabin was somewhat secluded on a dirt road in the woods. The scent of pines filled the air and sunlight drifted through with mottled shadows on the mossy earth.
The sound of a twig snapping in the distance drew her attention. She glanced around, searching through the trees for its source. Nothing.
It was probably just a small animal. Once she removed her bag from the trunk, she closed it with a thud and headed back into the cabin.
A footstep away from the door, a male’s voice asked, “Found a cozy escape for us, Jenna?”
That icy tone froze her in place. He’d found her.
Her pulse fired and goosebumps prickled her skin. She turned in what felt like slow motion. “Why did you follow me?”
“To bring you home.” Roberto’s cold, victorious eyes fixed on hers.
He took two steps closer to her. Her breath came more rapidly, but she raised her chin. “I’m not yours to bring anywhere.”
“Oh, I disagree.” Roberto pointed at her chest. “You’re mine just as I’m yours.”
Shit, this was bad. All her senses heightened in wariness. He wasn’t going to let her go. Ever.
He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him. “I miss you, Jenna. Especially at night. We were good together. Don’t you miss me?”
His breath fanned her cheeks, and she shuddered.
“No.” She tried to break from his hold. “We were a mistake and fought all the time. You’re remembering what you want to remember.”
Roberto’s face twitched. He dragged her inside the log cabin and slammed the door. “I’ll prove to you how we’re meant to be together. We’ll spend the night here and then start over tomorrow. We’ll go back to Aruba, just like our honeymoon. Cocktails on the beach. Watching the sun set while we eat dinner. Making love with the sounds of the ocean outside.”
She cringed at that memory. That period in her life was over. And now she was trapped on her path to escape with the person she was fleeing from. Her pulse quickened, palms turned hot and sweaty.
“You need to stop this! Move on with your life and let me move on with mine!”
“With that SEAL?” He grunted.
Her stomach hollowed. That was over, too, thanks to him. “I ended it with him like I said I would. Happy? That means you promised to leave him alone.”
“The idea of him touching you sickens me.” He yanked her body against his, pulling their faces dangerously close. “I don’t like other men touching what’s mine.” He grabbed her ass.
“Stop it!” She squirmed out of his grasp, but he didn’t let go of her.
Trixie barked at Roberto’s pant leg. She never liked him.
“It’s okay, Trixie.” She tried to calm her before Roberto grew aggravated and kicked her.
He released her, and she bent down to pet Trixie.
When she rose, Roberto pulled a gun out from under his shirt and lowered it to his side. “I’ve had enough of you playing around, Jenna. If you want your toy soldier to live, you cut the bullshit and come back to me.”
She stared at Roberto. Ice pulsed through her veins, leaving her frozen. She forced herself not to cower.
“Okay, Roberto.” She raised one hand slowly and motioned toward him. “You know I hate guns. Please put it away.”
He tapped it against the side of his leg. “Will you go with me to Aruba tomorrow—without any trouble?”
Her bottom lip trembled. Her legs lost their sturdiness, as if made out of sponge cake. She forced herself to stand still and think. Did she have any other options? Any way out? He had her trapped in a cabin with a gun.
Trixie whined, rubbing Jenna’s lower leg. What about Trixie and Lola? She couldn’t leave them here.
“Only if we make arrangements for them.” She motioned to her fur babies. “And you swear to leave Matty alone.”
Roberto’s smile sickened her, gloating with his triumph. “I’ll agree to that.”
Her stomach hollowed. She was his captive and didn’t see any way out.
Chapter 18
Matty
Matty rolled on his feet on the grass in his parent’s back yard and called Angelo. The April sky hovered between sun and storm with bright blue in one area and gray clouds in another. Yellow buds dotted the forsythia bush, one of his mother’s favorites signs of spring and the air smelled of their neighbor’s freshly mown lawn.
“What’s up?” Angelo asked when he answered the call.
“That’s the problem.” Matty paced, the way he often did on the rare times when he spoke on the phone. “I’ve been trying to figure it out all night.”
“Start at the beginning.”
Matty gave a quick sum
mary of what happened since they’d left Providence—and how he’d second-guessed himself. Everything.
“It doesn’t make sense.” He kicked a small rock across the grass. “Why would she want me yesterday morning and then change her mind by the evening?”
“Why do you think?”
Matty groaned. “Come on, Angelo. You’re gonna shrink me? If I knew, I wouldn’t be calling.”
“If I tossed out random possibilities contemplating what happened, I wouldn’t be helping.”
True. Matty grunted and leaned against an oak tree.
“What does your gut tell you?” Angelo prodded.
Matty rubbed the rough bark with more pressure than he intended and yanked his hand away from the unyielding force. One explanation that had been niggling at the back of his mind stepped forward like a hesitant volunteer for an undesirable task.
“That she was lying about her ex accepting it.”
“And why would she do that?”
Matty clenched his jaw. “Because he found a way to coax her.”
Angelo hmphed. “Sounds plausible to me.”
“Shit.” Matty resumed pacing. Maybe it wasn’t some twisted scenario he’d imagined after all. Derek had asked him to look out for Jenna from the beginning. Now with Angelo validating Matty’s suspicions, it couldn’t all just be in his head.
“Want me to come down?” Angelo asked.
“No, I need to talk to her. See if she’ll tell me the real reason about what’s going on.”
And do so without coming off as a persistent prick no better than her ex.
Matty called Jenna, but it went to voice mail. He followed up with a text and continued to pace. Ten antsy minutes ticked by.
“Fuck it.” He drove to her apartment.
He rang the bell, and rolled on the balls of his feet. She didn’t answer.
“Jenna, it’s me.”
He tried again. Nothing.
“Jenna?”
He peeked in a window. No signs of movement.
His muscles tightened. If she wasn’t home and she had the day off work, where would she be?
He had a key. Should he let himself in? It would be a total invasion of privacy considering how she’d ending things last night. But something didn’t sit right, and he’d learned never to ignore those types of feelings. If her ex had gotten to her, she could be in trouble.
Matty: A Navy SEAL Romance Page 16