by Lisa Sell
68
Present
I interrupt Dad in his telling of what happened the day he tried to leave Mum. ‘I haven’t got all day. Say it.’ I don’t have the courage to voice my suspicions. Let him be the one to bear the shame.
‘If I tell you, your life will never be the same. I don’t want to hurt you.’
I grab his wrist. ‘Who killed Kelly?’
‘Mandy…’ He stares at the floor, urging me to figure it out and share the burden.
Tea sloshes in my stomach, threatening to reappear. ‘Don’t be stupid. Mandy wouldn’t hurt a fly. She was only a kid.’ I let go of his wrist, aware of my tightening hold.
Dad hangs his head so low he’s speaking to his chest. ‘Mandy saw Kelly being killed and told Mum. Patricia took great pleasure in sharing with me what Mandy witnessed and the effect it had on her.’
My suppressed indignation erupts. ‘How could she put a child through such torture? That creature wasn’t human. I’m ashamed we’re related and you’re no better for keeping this quiet for so long.’
Dad grips the edge of the table as if his life depends on it. ‘Please calm down. There’s more to tell but I can’t if you lose your temper.’
‘Afraid I might kill you? Violence runs in the family, after all.’
One look from him and I am undone. There is the face of the dad I loved; open and honest.
‘That was out of order.’ I briefly touch his shoulder. ‘Carry on.’
‘Your mum had an inkling who killed Kelly. She watched and waited. Mandy confirmed what she already knew. No one ever duped Patricia.’
‘Let me get this straight.’ My voice is strangely controlled. ‘My mother allowed me to think I’d killed someone when, at any moment, she could have saved me from living a life of guilt. She left Mandy to grow up, having seen a murder, and potentially being psychologically damaged. I can’t believe this.’ I shoot over a hostile look, daring him to interject. In response, he twists his fingers around each other.
‘Don’t make me say it, Jen. I’m trying to protect you. Please go home and leave this behind.’
I fold my arms to show I’m not going anywhere.
‘Patricia knew I wouldn’t leave when she told me who killed Kelly. She was prepared to turn the evidence towards you if I went. I’d never let that happen, no matter how much of a rubbish parent I was.’
I resolve to stay calm, knowing I must focus on the purpose for being here. With one word, one name, everything will change. Everything has changed. Dad stayed with Mum because he was looking out for me. He sacrificed his freedom for me.
‘Where is that son of a bitch?’ I ask.
A voice follows a shadow, emerging from the hallway. I should have trusted my earlier instincts. It wasn’t the cat.
‘I’m right here. So glad you could make it. Would you like to hear a story?’
69
16th October 1987
Liam Taylor always got his way. For seventeen years, everyone, except Patricia, bowed to his wants. That morning his mother had gone too far. When he announced he was enlisting for the Army, she wailed, begged, and blackmailed to keep him at home. He loathed her vulnerability. She wasn’t supposed to be like other females. Her callousness had been her greatest asset. The snivelling wreck on the kitchen floor was repulsive.
How could you love and hate someone equally? When she draped herself over him, he deliberated whether to return the embrace or snap her neck. The overwhelming strength of the second choice made him keep a distance.
Satisfied he’d left Patricia in misery, he slammed the door. Mastering her was thrilling, almost seductive. He hardened as he prowled the estate, seeking to scratch the itch.
The railway track lay ahead. A tree had fallen near the gap many used as a shortcut. Throughout the night, Liam watched the wind’s destruction. He revelled in cars swaying, debris flying, and the swings in the park tangling within the frame. The storm invigorated him. Liam left wreckages in his wake too.
Liam negotiated the slope, careful not to scuff his dress shoes. He never wore trainers or casual clothing. Nothing less than a crisp shirt and trousers with a sharp front crease would do.
Two people were already on the track. He sped across and climbed up the opposite bank. The remaining trees provided cover. As he crept forwards, he recognised Jen and Kelly. Before he could consider the strangeness of them spending time together, they began to argue. Thrilled at the altercation, Liam moved in, mindful of the twigs underfoot.
Jen raged at Kelly mentioning Patricia. In his mind, Liam congratulated Kelly for hitting his sister’s Achilles’ heel. He swallowed a gasp as Jen attacked Kelly. The push was forceful and Kelly’s clumsiness made it a sight to behold. Soon after, Jen’s little boyfriend, Johnny, emerged from hiding and ran away in the opposite direction. Liam found it too marvellous for words. J&J would be no more after this.
The blood leeching from Kelly’s head disrupted his thoughts. The pooling of the fluid that gave her life was hypnotic. Fascinated by the inner workings of the female, he inched closer to watch it flow. At no point did he feel a sense of duty to help. If Kelly died, it would be an advantage. Liam’s earlier stirrings returned as he considered how much she wanted him. She claimed to be a virgin when he’d made the first move, and asked for gentleness. He shrugged off the perceived lie. Everyone knew her dad had been there already.
Liam wooed Kelly. He refused to view it as a perversion. They met in alleyways, secluded nooks, and even this railway track. He’d sat with her at the foot of the bridge and reeled lies of her special status, while concealing disgust at puppy fat that had forgotten to disappear and a grateful smile of wonky teeth. Kelly suited his purpose for a while. Older girls he’d hooked up with became wise. They wanted relationships, not an abnormal frenzied deviant act. When he first charmed her, Kelly was thirteen and compliant.
As she rose from the track, Liam’s hope of her death plummeted. Kelly had become needy, often declaring plans for them to be together forever. He told her to be quiet. Sometimes he had to show her. She always behaved. He had Graham to thank for her subservience. Liam thought Kelly’s father had prepared her sexually too. He soon realised his mistake. Their first time excited him. He knew something many didn’t. Graham hadn’t sexually abused Kelly. Liam defiled her, although he preferred to call it “an education”.
Kelly held the back of her head, walked to her bags, and sat upon them. Liam felt assured her vulnerability would make her more appreciative of him being there. He needed to let off steam and Kelly was always good for that. Wearing her school uniform was practically a written invitation. She knew what he liked.
Before he could move, Claire Woods marched past. Liam considered, as he often did, how her cheerfulness should be erased. She carried a tape recorder, wittering away into it about fallen trees and using unsophisticated vocabulary. Her dream of being a reporter, like Ellen, was a joke. Working on the local rag was hardly hitting the journalistic big time.
Claire noticed Kelly. Liam listened to Claire’s feigned concern, amused by the hypocrisy. Nearly all the estate kids hated Kelly, and most of the adults did too. Their shunning made her more receptive to Liam. She was desperate for someone’s attention. Liam could be most attentive when he wanted to be.
Kelly saw Claire off. Her confidence surprised Liam. Maybe being with him had toughened her up. He decided to reward her when Constance appeared. The train track was more popular than Piccadilly Circus. The storm had ignited people’s curiosity and nosiness led them to the track.
Liam scowled when he spotted Scruff. The scar on Liam’s ankle, inflicted in retaliation for cruelty to the dog, flared. It was worth it. The memory of attacking the animal always brought him to the verge of ecstasy.
Liam enjoyed hearing others talk about Constance’s misery at her dog’s injuries. Unfortunately for him, Scruff made a good recovery and stared at his attacker, crouched behind the trees. Liam controlled his breathing, not daring to make a sound. Constance pulled the an
imal away and became interested in Kelly’s business.
Liam listened as Constance checked Kelly over and suggested she see a doctor. As Scruff growled, Liam thought he’d be discovered. When Kelly insisted Constance take the dog home, Liam decided to thank Kelly in his own particular way. With Constance out of sight, Liam decided Kelly would see that, unlike the rest of the estate, he cared. At least she would think he did. He hadn’t left her alone on the track. He knew how to make her feel special. Liam descended from the bank. Kelly was in his sights.
70
Present
Liam narrates his part in Kelly’s death with the emotion of reading out a shopping list.
‘I can see you’re somewhat shocked.’ His roaring laugh is sickening.
He walked into the house as if he owned it, and forced us into the lounge. We knew not to resist. He never hit me when we were younger, but he had a threatening air I never messed with. The man sitting here is even more menacing. Assessing eyes reduce Dad and me to helpless spectators.
‘How did you get in here?’ I ask.
‘He has a key,’ Dad says. ‘Patricia insisted he kept it. Liam lives next door.’ It’s the most Dad has said since Liam appeared.
‘Thank you, Father. I can speak for myself.’ Liam still hates others taking over. I store the information away, thinking it could be useful.
‘Why aren’t you at work?’ Dad asks him.
‘I’m working from home today. Not that it’s any of your business. Glad I’m here. I couldn’t miss this.’
‘It was you at the window,’ I say. ‘I never had you down as a curtain twitcher. A bit nosey neighbour, isn’t it? Still on the estate as well?’ I give an exaggerated frown. ‘Weren’t you getting out and joining the Army?’
He leans over from the chair to the sofa where Dad and I huddle. A tree trunk arm extends a shovel hand that twists my wrist. After he lets go, finger marks pulsate on my skin. I don’t react, remembering how frustrated he gets when denied pleasure.
Back in the spotlight, Liam continues. ‘Where was I? Right. Kelly was injured because Jennifer went psycho. I finished the job. Then Mother found out. She didn’t tell you, Jennifer, and you took the blame. Well, blamed yourself. I got off scot-free.’
He’s in danger of bursting from his shirt if that chest is pushed out any further. Someone’s become familiar with weights and probably steroids. Liam is certainly a lot angrier than he used to be. Back then he kept it hidden behind a cool exterior.
‘Why did you dredge it up?’ Liam asks me. ‘You could’ve got away with pushing Kelly.’
‘Some of us have a sense of decency.’
‘Decency? So, you were an upstanding citizen in going straight to the police? Have you told them since then?’ He scans my face for the answer. ‘You’re no better than me.’
‘I’m nothing like you, you sick bastard.’ I will not ally with this thing.
He raises his arm and my traitorous reflexes make me flinch. His hand advances upwards and then rakes through his hair.
‘Did you think I was going to hurt you? Silly, Jennifer. Not yet.’
Dad whimpers.
‘Scared, old man?’ Liam says. ‘You should be. I’ve had enough of living next door to you and playing happy families with my wife.’
Dad finally speaks. ‘Mercedes is a good woman.’
‘You married Mercedes?’ I cannot hide my bewilderment. He taunted the “pretentious” Smiths. When the girls were in the garden, he pelted them with stones. Not only is he married to a Smith, he’s living in their house.
‘Snigger all you want, Jennifer. I had no choice. Mother said if I ever left the estate, she would tell the police everything. She forced me to marry Mercedes too. What a wonderful marriage it’s been.’ His tone conveys it’s anything but.
‘You’ve got three lovely daughters,’ Dad interjects.
A vein protrudes at the side of Liam’s forehead. Dad sinks against me. I hold on to him, confused by how I’m shielding my parent. Dad’s arm is spindly. He’s diminished. An unfamiliar sense of pity overwhelms me.
‘Mercedes is obsessed with our offspring. She never wanted me, just the necessary juice to make it happen,’ Liam says. ‘All you lot ever want is to have babies. If Kelly hadn’t told me she was pregnant and sorted it out herself, she might still be alive.’
71
16th October 1987
‘I don’t want to. My head is sore.’ Kelly swiped Liam’s hand away from her backside.
He’d considered an ear nibble, Kelly’s favourite foreplay, but the blood staining her neck would taint his clothes. Instead, he pulled her towards the fallen trees.
‘You’ll soon be in the mood,’ he said.
‘I don’t feel like it.’ Kelly rooted her feet.
Affecting sympathy, he kissed the parts of her that weren’t bloodied. The frown melted. She always gave in.
‘I’ll be gentle.’ He trailed a finger along her mouth.
Kelly’s frown returned. ‘Will you? Last time hurt a lot.’
He had slammed her against the alley wall. She’d complained about the abrasive bricks. Immersed in pleasure, Liam ignored it. Her discomfort excited him.
‘We can’t have sex anyway.’ Kelly further resisted. ‘It might not be good for the baby.’
He ceased dragging her across the track. She stepped back and shielded her stomach.
‘You what?’ Liam kicked the gravel. Stones sprayed in Kelly’s face.
Her look of maternal love gave way to confusion.
‘How can you be pregnant?’ he whispered. ‘I use condoms.’
‘One must have split.’
He wrenched her arm. ‘Have you been with someone else?’
‘I love you. You’re the only one.’ Kelly tried to loosen his hold.
‘Get rid of it.’
‘I couldn’t ever kill my child. I’m keeping it.’ She shrugged his hand away.
He despised how she loved the thing growing inside her more than him.
‘Let’s have this baby and maybe get married one day. We might be able to live in our own house on the estate.’ Kelly never knew when to stop. She refused to acknowledge the dark cloud descending over Liam.
She didn’t see him launch.
Another Taylor struck Kelly Pratt.
Her head slammed against the track.
Red rage smothered Liam. Kelly could ruin his life. He would be trapped on the Rembrandt Estate, in a miserable existence with Smelly Kelly and her brat.
He stood over her, deaf to the pleas.
Her extended hand was invisible.
He held the slab of concrete, crumbled from the boundary.
Her cries not to hurt their child went unheard.
He drifted into the darkness.
The boulder dropped.
A thud brought Liam back to reality. He wore a crimson fireworks display. Kelly had created another mess. Liam kicked the body to check the problem was resolved. Confirmation of Kelly’s death revolted and invigorated him.
Crisis averted, Liam climbed the bank and made his way home.
72
Present
Dad touches my knee. The gesture confirms I’m not alone with my murdering brother. Liam’s excitement in relating how he killed Kelly is almost more terrifying than hearing how it happened. He tilts forwards in the armchair. Dad and I slink away. When Liam slaps his thigh, I refrain from commenting on the rubbish pantomime villain parody.
‘Fortunately for me, a train came through not long after Kelly died,’ Liam says. ‘It eradicated the evidence and made it appear she took her own life.’
He awaits a response. Dad seems too stunned to speak. I know better than to feed a psychopath. Liam sleeks his razor sharp eyebrows; a graduate of the Patricia Taylor Academy of Preening.
‘I’ll confess I was amazed I killed her. I’m not an animal.’ He looks over, daring us to contradict. ‘I didn’t plan Kelly’s death, as such, although I had been considering how to get her ou
t of my life. Maybe I wanted to kill her. Who cares? It’s done. For a few moments after she hit the track, I thought someone would find her and the police would trace my fingerprints on the boulder. When the train came through, crushing Kelly and the evidence, I couldn’t believe my luck.’
He kneels and takes hold of my hands. Their smooth clamminess is repulsive. Much to Dad’s amusement, Liam went with Mum for manicures. From the look of his shaped nails, I expect he still has them. As I try to move away, Liam pulls me nearer. Throughout, I do not break eye contact.
‘Do you recall when we were kids and I dropped a brick on a rat?’ he asks. ‘You came with me to the field because I said I’d found you a pet. So gullible. Remember the sound it made as the rock struck it? A human head makes a lot more noise and mess when a boulder drops on it.’
I wrench free to slap him. His punch blasts across my face. Pain zaps below my eyes and blood gushes from my nostrils. Dad rushes to help. Liam raises his leg, places a foot on Dad’s chest, and kicks him backwards.
‘Jennifer.’ Liam takes a seat. ‘If you attack me again, I’ll do worse than that. Maybe your head will be smashed open like Kelly and Priscilla’s were. Oops. Silly me. I wasn’t supposed to mention her.’
He meant to tell us.
He killed Priscilla.
Liam enjoys killing females.
I have no doubt I’m next.
73
Present
Claire scowls at her mobile. ‘Jen’s phone’s still switched off. Are these cars ever going to shift?’
Since they left Doreen’s house, Ellen has tried to put her foot down. The traffic on the outskirts of Aylesbury conspires against her.
‘I always believed Liam was strange but I can’t believe this.’ Ellen’s knuckles turn white on the steering wheel.