Alyssa felt a blush cover her cheeks. How could she be so foolish? She was a grown lady with a grown daughter. And Edward was hardly a lad in his teens. They were both mature adults, yet Alyssa felt the same as she did when she was a young lass. She felt as if this were the first time she’d ever fallen in love.
“Do I want to ask your thoughts, my lady?”
Alyssa lifted her gaze, then quickly lowered it. She knew the redness in her cheeks wasn’t due to exerting herself on the dance floor. When Edward tipped his head back and laughed, she realized that he knew it, too.
“I think we’d best step outside for a bit,” he said when they were near the terrace doors.
He gracefully turned her, and without breaking stride escorted her onto the terrace, then down the steps to the garden, then kept on walking. When they were far out of sight from any of the other guests, he turned her in his arms and kissed her.
He held her close and kissed her with the passion that was growing between them. His kisses deepened and she gave to him what he demanded from her. His mouth opened above hers and she followed his lead.
Again and again he kissed her. The passion he felt for her was evident in every exchange.
When their breathing turned harsh and desperate, Edward lifted his mouth and broke their kiss. He gathered her more closely and wrapped his arms around her.
Alyssa wrapped her arms around him and held on. If she didn’t, she feared her legs might give out from beneath her.
“I need you to know how I feel, Alyssa. It’s important that you realize that I’ve fallen in love with you.”
“As I’ve fallen in love with you, too, Edward. I never thought I would fall in love again, but you have shown me emotions I don’t want to live the rest of my life without experiencing.”
Edward, Duke of Townsend, lifted his gaze to the heavens and smiled. “I was the one who thought I could never chance loving anyone again. I’d lost all faith in the emotions shared by a man and a woman. Yet you showed me that it was worth the risk if you loved the right person. And I have found the right person in you.”
“I love you, Edward. I think I fell in love with you the minute you asked me to dance.”
“And I think I loved you the second I saw you standing at the top of the ballroom stairs.”
Alyssa lifted her hand and cupped her palm against Edward’s cheek. She couldn’t imagine anyone more perfect.
She couldn’t wait for the danger Edward had involved himself in to be over. She couldn’t wait to know that he would be safe and that she would never lose him.
Chapter Twelve
Alyssa stood in what Edward called the lilac room, although the colors on the walls and the Turkish rugs on the floor were more burgundies and grays than anything resembling lilac. She and Elizabeth had been invited for tea.
Alyssa had wanted to decline Edward’s offer, but Elizabeth had begged her to accept Edward’s invitation. It was the first time Alyssa could recall her daughter begging for anything. And Alyssa knew why she was so desperate to come. His name was Joshua Winslow, and Elizabeth was sitting in Edward’s garden with the young man.
The pretext was that she would read to him while he took the fresh air, but Alyssa could see that there wasn’t as much reading taking place as conversation. And the expression on Elizabeth’s face when she looked at Winslow sounded a series of warnings. Alyssa realized she’d made a bit of a mistake by allowing her daughter to spend so much time with young Winslow.
This was the third afternoon in a week Edward had invited them. The first two times Alyssa had been as eager as her daughter to accept Edward’s invitation, but now Alyssa realized how wrong she’d been to put her own desires above her daughter’s welfare.
“Is something wrong?” Edward asked.
“No. Not really.”
“That’s not what the expression on your face says.”
Alyssa breathed a heavy sigh, then turned to face Edward. “The expression on my face indicates that my daughter is far too young to be as deeply infatuated as she is. Elizabeth hasn’t even had a Season. Mr. Winslow is the first handsome man she’s met. She doesn’t know him well enough to… to…”
“To marry him and find out later that she’d made a tragic mistake…like you did?”
Edward’s words struck with a force that stole her breath. She wanted to run, but there was no place to escape where the truth wouldn’t find her. She wanted to deny his accusations but knew he’d recognize her words for the lies they were.
“Yes,” she admitted when she could find her voice. “I don’t want her to be as foolish as I was.” Alyssa let her gaze rest on her daughter. Elizabeth was so young and naïve. The same as Alyssa had been when she’d met Kendrick.
“Kendrick was one of the most sought-after lords in London. Everything about him was perfect. He made every female giddy with delight when she was the recipient of one of his smiles. He made every female nearly swoon when he asked them to dance.
“He was tall and good looking, and had enough wealth that no female he married would ever go without anything she desired. And I was determined that I would be the female he chose.”
Alyssa walked away from where she could see Elizabeth and Mr. Winslow. “Although he was older by several years, I was captivated from the very first, and no one could have convinced me that he wasn’t the most perfect man in the world. Because he was.” Alyssa paused. “Only not for me.”
Her eyes filled with tears, but she didn’t care. “Everything was ideal in the beginning. I began my married life exactly as every new bride does, with dreams of what her future would be like. There would be balls and parties, and nights at the theatre and the opera. There would be dinners and summer house parties, and quiet evenings at home, just Kendrick and me, enjoying each other’s company. And there would be the children I’d always dreamed of having. And even if he didn’t love me at first, I was convinced he would in time. But he never did. That wasn’t the way it was.”
She turned to face Edward and found him standing near her. “Kendrick didn’t want a companion. He didn’t want someone with whom he could share his thoughts and ideas. He’d married me because his father was pressuring him to marry. Because he needed someone to provide him with a son to inherit his title and his estates. But he never intended to love me.
“He didn’t have time in his busy life to concern himself with the demands of a wife who expected to be loved. He only had time for the other loves in his life: the children’s orphanage, the wounded soldier’s hospital, a home for young mothers without husbands, the running of his estates, and the managing of his ships.”
Alyssa lifted her gaze and looked at Edward. “All I wanted was to be loved. To make my husband happy. But that was impossible. I wasn’t a charity, or a downtrodden refugee who needed his help.
“I wasn’t something he could build, or improve, or support. I wasn’t someone who made him feel as if he fulfilled another goal in his life.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “The only time I felt loved, or at least somewhat appreciated, was the day Elizabeth was born. I’d given him the only thing he couldn’t make or buy or build by himself. Kendrick wasn’t disappointed that the babe was a girl. He was sure that more children would follow. But his happiness gradually faded when I didn’t conceive again.”
Alyssa locked her gaze with Edward’s. “I don’t want Elizabeth to make that same mistake. I see how she looks at Lord Winslow. Like he’s the sun and the moon in her life. As if he’s everything she’s ever dreamed of having. That was the same way I looked at Kendrick.”
Alyssa walked back to where she could see her daughter. “I see how she adores him. But she doesn’t really know him. How can she? The time they’ve spent together has been anything but normal. I want her to realize that this isn’t how life will really be.”
“And what would you have your daughter do? Wait until she’s thirty, or older, and the first bloom of youth and love have passed? Wait until she’s been courted
by every eligible male in London to make her choice from only the eligible men left? Will that give her the experience you think she needs to make a choice that will make her happy? Or perhaps you prefer she doesn’t choose anyone at all?”
“You know I don’t want that,” she argued.
He stepped up next to her and clasped his hands around her arms. “Alyssa, there aren’t any guarantees in life. I, more than even you, know how different someone can be from how you think they are.”
“You’re talking about Ernesta, aren’t you?”
Edward looked at her, and Alyssa saw a coldness in his eyes that startled her. “I’m sure she had several commendable qualities, Edward, although there was a side of her that wasn’t admirable. She could be—”
“She was a cold-blooded murderer.”
Chapter Thirteen
The chasm of silence that stretched between them seemed so vast Edward wasn’t sure it could be breached. The expression on Alyssa’s face was indescribable. It ran the gamut from incredulity, to disbelief, to shock, to revulsion, and finally to horror.
“I know you can’t mean Ernesta murdered anyone, but—”
“That’s exactly what I mean.” Edward stepped to the sideboard and filled a glass with liquor. He took a swallow, then turned to face Alyssa. She had lowered herself to a chair close to where she’d been standing. As if his words had weakened her legs and she’d had to find the nearest place to collapse.
Edward took another sip of the liquor in his glass, then walked to the lifeless fireplace and stared into the cold ashes.
He’d never intended to tell anyone what Ernesta had done, but it suddenly seemed important that Alyssa know. What he felt for her had developed into something more serious than anything he thought he would ever feel for another woman. He couldn’t allow their feelings for each other to continue without telling her everything.
Honesty between them was essential. There was always the possibility of a scandal, and he wanted her to know the risks she took by becoming involved with him.
She’d just suffered through a scandal involving herself and the murder of her husband all of Society thought she’d committed. How could he expect her to suffer through another scandal? Especially one she wasn’t aware of.
“This isn’t easy,” he said without facing her.
“If it helps,” she answered. “You may be assured that I won’t repeat anything you tell me.”
He smiled. He knew his family’s scandal was safe with her. If he didn’t think it would be, he wouldn’t consider telling her.
He took a deep breath, then slowly related Ernesta’s demented acts. He spoke past the painful weight that lodged in his chest to explain that Ernesta had poisoned his first wife, Rebecca. That she’d murdered the doctor treating Rebecca because he’d discovered what she was doing. That she’d continued with her plan to poison his son Gideon, because she wanted her own Benjamin to be the next Duke of Townsend.
He left nothing out. He included everything that Ernesta had done, including kidnapping Benjamin’s baby daughter, and her final act of killing the accomplice in her crime. That she’d attempted to kill Winnie, her own daughter, so no one would be left to testify against her.
Edward’s glass was empty when he finished. He set it on the mantel and gripped the marble edge. He hung his head between his outstretched arms and closed his eyes. He’d never felt less a duke. Never been so humbled as when forced to admit how completely duped he’d been. When forced to admit what a fool he’d been to love a woman so vile and evil.
He stood with his back to Alyssa for several long, agonizing minutes. He struggled to find the courage to release her from any commitment to him. Struggled to offer her the opportunity to excuse herself from any obligation she thought she owed him. Struggled to find the determination to tell her that he expected nothing from her, especially her loyalty, or her devotion. But the thought of letting her go was suddenly more difficult than anything he’d ever had to do.
“I will go now,” he said, knowing everything had changed between them. How could it not. “When you are ready to leave, I’ll have Bierly—”
“Edward?”
Edward hesitated, not wanting to see the look of horror on Alyssa’s face. Not wanting her disgust to be the last expression he would remember when he left her. But he’d never been a coward. He would not be one now.
He turned, expecting Alyssa to be standing with her hand on the door, ready to leave. Instead, she stood close enough to touch him.
Their gazes met, and she wrapped her arms around his waist.
“How you’ve suffered,” she said, holding on to him, comforting him as no one had ever comforted him.
For the first time since Rebecca had died, there was someone willing to share his burden. Someone who was willing to understand the hell he and his family had gone through. Someone who offered to stand with him so he didn’t have to face his nightmares alone.
“How have you survived knowing what Ernesta had done?”
Edward held Alyssa closer. “There were times when I didn’t think I could. My heart died when I discovered the kind of woman I’d married, the way she’d put my children at mortal risk. I went through the motions of pretending I was alive, but inside I was dead. And then I met you.”
He tipped her chin upward and looked into her eyes. “That night I saw you at the top of the stairs, challenging the ton to do their worst, my heart stirred for the first time since I’d discovered what kind of woman I’d married. I’d come to the ball because I wanted to introduce Gideon to Society. He’d been locked away most of his life, and hadn’t been allowed to take his rightful place. He would be the Duke of Townsend one day and I had to do my duty to him. But I dreaded every moment. I was filled with terror that our scandal would be revealed. Until you showed me that it was possible to face Society and survive.
“I knew the courage it took for you to face the ton. And I thought that if this delicate-looking female is brave enough to take on all of Society, how could I think to cower? Surely I could match a portion of her strength.”
Their gazes locked. Edward cupped her cheek in his palm. “You were the bravest person I’d ever seen. I think I fell in love with you that very instant.”
Edward lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers.
A new and enduring connection overtook them. For the first time, Edward knew what it was. He hadn’t expected to ever feel anything for any woman again. He didn’t think he’d ever risk loving anyone again. But Alyssa wasn’t just anyone. She was someone special.
He deepened his kiss. He wanted her to know how important she had become to him. How much he admired her. And with the depth of the kiss she returned, she was telling him that he was as important to her as she was to him.
Their kiss wasn’t the kiss of uncontrolled passion, but an exchange that represented a comfortable union that fit to make two halves whole.
Edward lifted his head and looked at Alyssa. He kissed her once more, then gathered her to him.
She pressed her cheek against his chest and clung to him. He loved having her here. Loved having her in his arms.
He loved her.
Alyssa sat on the sofa, as close to Edward as her skirts would allow. They held hands like two innocents, when what she really wanted was for Edward to hold her in his arms. Or what she wanted even more was for Edward to take her to his bed.
She should have been embarrassed by such a thought, but she wasn’t. She loved Edward. Loved him with all her heart. And she couldn’t risk losing him.
“There’s more you need to tell me,” she said, looking into his eyes.
“More?”
“Yes, more. And it involves Joshua Winslow. Why is he here? How was he injured?”
A smile formed on Edward’s face and he tapped her nose with his finger. “You are much too perceptive, my lady. You are supposed to think only of balls and fashion and social events.”
“Oh, how boring. Who is Joshua Winslow and
what happened to him?”
“Very well,” Edward said, the expression on his face turning serious. “But this is highly confidential.”
“Are you worried I will repeat what you’re about to tell me?”
Edward shook his head. “If I were, I wouldn’t tell you.”
“Thank you, Edward.”
Edward reached for her hand again and squeezed her fingers. “Joshua Winslow is an agent for Her Majesty.”
“He’s an agent?” Alyssa couldn’t hide her shock.
“Yes. The house on Conner Street that your husband was interested in purchasing is being used to hide smuggled goods from France. Winslow was sent to investigate, but was unfortunate enough to walk in on their operation. He was captured, shot and beaten, then left for dead.”
“Oh, my.”
“Yes. I didn’t think he would survive, but somehow he did.”
“That’s why Kendrick was killed, wasn’t it?”
“Yes. Somehow he discovered what was going on and it cost him his life.”
“Who is behind the smuggling ring?”
“We don’t know.”
“But you have an idea, don’t you?”
“Yes, I have an idea. But I don’t have proof, and until I do, we can’t arrest him.”
“When will you have proof?”
“When the next smuggled shipment arrives.”
“When will that be?”
“Tomorrow night.”
Alyssa had barely been able to survive the day, and now that it was nearing evening, she found it more impossible to contain her nervousness.
Edward had promised that he would let her know the minute everything was over. He’d promised that he would tell her what they’d discovered. And he’d promised that he would be safe.
Her Majesty’s Scoundrels Page 20