Follies and Nonsense

by Martin Hunnicutt

  “Lizzy… you were married before,” Lydia observed. “Tell me… the horses today were… Does it hurt when your husband…”

  Blushing brightly but seeing all four of her sisters waiting for her answer Elizabeth came and sat on the bed. “When you are with your husband, you will kiss him and he will kiss you. He will touch you and you will welcome his embrace and touches. And the first few times it is uncomfortable until you – uh – learn how to participate and enjoy. Then it is quite a lot of fun – because you are with your husband and he wants your pleasure as much as he wants his own.”

  “Does a man’s… does it get big like the horse…” asked Kitty.

  “Goodness, no!” Elizabeth replied seriously. “The poor man would not be able to walk if…”

  “Mamma told us this afternoon that when you are with your husband, that it is another way to make your marriage strong and happy,” Kitty offered. “Is that true Lizzy?”

  “Yes, and it makes happy memories,” Elizabeth replied.

  “It makes babies too!” Mary said and she turned to Kitty and Lydia. “That is why ladies cannot allow any gentlemen these favours until after marriage. Society and the church turn against a fallen woman when she increases outside of wedlock.”

  Lydia sighed, “Mary, you always know how to turn every conversation into a boring sermon! I am not going to let any man… put… not even my husband whenever I find one! I will not!”

  “You are very wise for fifteen years, Lydia,” Jane said as she kissed her three younger sisters goodnight and sent them to bed. Thereafter, Jane braided Elizabeth’s hair as they spoke of happiness and love in the few moments before retiring.

  ++**++

  Chapter 37.

  Lady Catherine Creates Problems

  At breakfast again at the White Pig, Fitzwilliam did not reply to Darcy’s comment about the fare offered that morning but changed the subject. “Last evening you seemed much more relaxed with Mrs. Hamilton. Her boy certainly is taken with you.”

  Now Darcy smiled. “I made an interesting discovery late yesterday afternoon.”

  “What discovery?” Fitzwilliam inquired as he ate toast.

  “I have been bouncing the Earl of Bailey on my knee these past two weeks,” Darcy said expecting his cousin to be surprised and to question his announcement.

  “She finally told you, did she?”

  “What? How did you know?” Darcy asked, his face showing his true surprise.

  Fitzwilliam’s hand clasped Darcy’s arm as he said, “I knew when I heard the boy’s full name and took the time to look closely at his face – he looks just like his father. Major Hamilton saved my life and later died by my side fighting for the king. I am not likely to forget his face.”

  “Why did you not tell me?”

  Fitzwilliam grinned, “Would you have thanked me for telling you? Would you have been angry with me or with the lady?”

  “She tells me she conceals her title until her father returns to secure his household,” Darcy admitted.

  “Good, now you know all. So, when will you propose and secure your future happiness?” Fitzwilliam asked. “Do not delay, cousin! Once the dandies sniff her out, there’ll be a line of carriages from Meryton to London with marriage-minded lords and ruffians clamouring for an audience with Mrs. Hamilton, morning, noon and night.”

  “His Lordship approved my proposal last evening – we are engaged,” Darcy informed his cousin. The colonel’s face showed only confusion for a moment before he grinned.

  “The young earl approved of your suit for his mother’s hand?”

  “He did indeed. Her Ladyship was speechless but His Lordship endorsed the notion and you know how hard it is to deny an earl his every wish.”

  Fitzwilliam roared with laughter. “I am glad for you Darcy. Mrs. Hamilton will be the making of you and you are the best man I know to raise the boy.”

  “It will never be dull. She will keep my head on straight,” Darcy replied.

  “More like she will box your ears when you scowl and scare the maids and stable boys,” Fitzwilliam joked. Darcy grinned and turned his attention to his breakfast.

  ++**++

  “Mr. Darcy, there are several letters for you,” the innkeeper said handing over the sealed pages later that morning. “I have never had a guest who receives as many letters as you do sir.”

  Considering his answer for only moment, Darcy smiled and said, “There are many associates who desire my opinion and direction on business matters. Your establishment provides a quiet environment during the day that allows me to complete my correspondence easily.”

  Pleased with the praise, the innkeeper smiled and returned to his work and Colonel Fitzwilliam nodded with approval.

  “Cousin, you must hire a secretary to handle your correspondence. Find an honest man with a good pen, an excellent memory, and put him to work. With the additional work of the Bailey estate, I am certain that Mrs. Hamilton will appreciate a secretary to assist with the letters.”

  “The lady and I shall discuss it but I believe you are correct, Richard,” Darcy answered. “But as you have counselled me, I shall only take such action after consultation with Mrs. Hamilton.”

  Richard smiled and turned back to his newspaper. “I need to report back to Greenwich.”

  “Will you return for the ball at Netherfield?”

  “Are you still invited?”

  “Mr. Bingley and I shall repair our friendship,” Darcy replied. “Besides he hopes to be my brother in the next year and he will need the consent of my future wife to take her sister as his wife – of course I shall attend the ball.”

  Darcy sifted through the letters quickly – there were only six this morning and one was from his sister. Setting the others on the table, he broke the seal on Georgiana’s letter first.

  ++**++

  Mayfair, London

  Brother, you must come to London and deal with our aunt. Lady Catherine has been in residence at the Fitzwilliam home for three days and she has been at our door demanding entrance twice a day for the last two days. The first day, there was an incident in the kitchens where one of her footmen sought entrance to the house through the back gardens. His intent was to open the front door for Lady Catherine. I fear it is only a matter of time before she comes to the back door herself.

  Mr. Banks ordered the gardener to block the gates with the carriage and the garden gate is guarded day and night.

  Please come! I cannot fathom what our aunt is about but I fear she intends to take me to Rosings or establish our cousin Anne within the house.

  Hurry, William!

  Georgiana

  ++**++

  “God’s teeth! Lady Catherine will be the death of me!” Darcy cursed and Colonel Fitzwilliam reached for the letter. After quick consultation, the two men prepared to return to London that afternoon.

  ++**++

  Later in the morning, the innkeeper himself delivered a note from Mr. Darcy to Mrs. Hamilton.

  ++**++

  White Pig Inn

  Meryton, Hertfordshire

  Dearest Elizabeth,

  Thank you for making me the happiest man in all the King’s realms yesterday with your consent to become my wife. I cannot remember a day when I have been more excited and a night when I slept sounder.

  I cannot visit Longbourn this afternoon or take supper with you tonight – there is an issue with my aunt Lady Catherine de Bourgh and she is besieging my home in London. My sister is terrified and my aunt will not believe my servants when they tell her that I am not a home and that she is not permitted entry.

  Colonel Fitzwilliam and I shall be on our way to town by the time that you receive this note but I shall return as soon as I am able – two or three days at most. Until I see you again, have I your consent to laugh at follies and nonsense whenever I can?

  I shall write again tomorrow and send my letter by express.

  May I say that I love you?

  Fitzwilliam Darcy


  ++**++

  Chapter 38.

  Lady Catherine in London

  The trip into London was uneventful though muddy and, on the street, leading into Mayfair, the cousin’s parted company.

  “I shall go to the Earl and Countess,” Richard said referring to his parents. “My father may know Lady Catherine’s mind.”

  “Richard! I would never have thought you a coward to run from battle.”

  “Coward? No,” Richard replied. “But I shall prepare before battle by spying out the land and selecting the battlefield of my own choosing.”

  “Come in the morning and break your fast with Georgiana and myself,” Darcy said, turning his gelding toward his house.

  Upon arrival at his home, Darcy had to wait for the door to be opened. Mr. Banks and two footmen guarded the door still and his butler explained the delay as being that he had to fetch the key from a hidden alcove before unlocking the door.

  “Very good,” Darcy replied to the explanation. “Is my sister on this floor or above stairs?”

  “Miss Georgiana and Mrs. Annesley are in the music room sir,” Mr. Banks said.

  “I shall speak to her. Please have Mrs. Banks arrange my bath and then plan to attend me in an hour. I have no idea as to what clothing is in my rooms.”

  “Your valet is not joining you tonight sir?”

  “No, I anticipate only being in town for two nights at most. Do not put the knocker on the door,” Darcy explained. “My cousin, Colonel Fitzwilliam will join me for breakfast tomorrow.”

  ++**++

  Georgiana held herself rigid at the pianoforte, unable to relax and lose herself in the music this afternoon. She found herself imagining Aunt Catherine barging into the room and dragging her out the front door and into her carriage, and then locking her in a dark room at Rosings.

  “I would be a mouse just like Cousin Anne within a month,” she decided.

  Seated beside Miss Darcy, Mrs. Annesley spoke softly to her charge, reassuring her that she was safe and secure in her brother’s home. When the door opened and William stepped into the room, Georgiana rose and rushed to her brother and began to cry with relief.

  “Georgie all will be well,” Darcy assured his sister. “I shall resolve Lady Catherine’s complaints. You know her tirades and histrionics always involve money.”

  “Make her go away, William. She bangs on the door and demands entry!”

  “I shall make her go away and we shall have peace again!” he promised. “Now, let me look at you.”

  He stepped back a pace and smiled at her lovely face and elegant form. “You are lovely as ever Georgie!”

  “And her lessons are progressing well, Mr. Darcy,” added Mrs. Annesley. “Miss Darcy has mastered another composition for your entertainment.”

  “Will you play for me tonight?” Darcy asked his sister and she nodded in agreement. “Now you will forgive me if I leave you until supper time. I smell of the highway and horses. A bath and some clean clothes await me.”

  “You do smell brother,” Georgiana agreed with a smile. “And you must tell me all of your adventures in Hertfordshire.”

  “Now, Miss Darcy, let us try the new piece again,” Mrs. Annesley said drawing Georgiana back to the pianoforte.

  ++**++

  After scrubbing in the tub and dressing in clean clothing, Darcy joined Mr. Banks to outline additional measures for the evening.

  “I want the winter shutters closed on all the windows on this floor tonight,” Darcy decided. “And a footman is to remain awake at the front and the back door all night.”

  “Very good sir,” Banks agreed. “Mr. Darcy, the servants have been on edge for the last three days due to Lady Catherine de Bourgh’s visits. The first day, she had her footman come to the back door and attempt to enter through the kitchens but cook threatened him with her largest cleaver and convinced him that no one was permitted entrance.”

  “My sister wrote to me of the incident,” Darcy replied.

  Mr. Banks frowned. “The servants below stairs are scared sir. The maids whisper of murder and robbery. Mrs. Banks has assured them over and over that you would resolve the matter but even Mrs. Evans is on edge.”

  Fitzwilliam Darcy cursed his aunt out loud, but then apologized to his faithful servant. “Let us go to the kitchens and speak with Mrs. Evans and the maids.”

  There was an increase in noise below stairs as Mr. Darcy came into the kitchens – no one could recall the last time the master had set foot in this portion of the house. All the staff rose to their feet when the master came into the kitchen and the cook prepared herself for a severe tongue lashing if not dismissal for treating Lady Catherine’s servant as she had earlier in the week.

  “Mrs. Evans, I understand you defended the kitchen from an uninvited visitor. Could you describe the encounter?”

  Her mouth a thin line, the cook looked the master in the eye – hadn’t she scolded him often enough when he was a youth for sneaking biscuits and once an entire cake out of her kitchen. “Indeed, I can, Mr. Darcy. I heard this commotion coming through the door where the boys bring the meats for my kitchen and one of the under maids came through screaming that it was robbery and murder. I had my cleaver in my hand and I was determined to protect my kitchen.”

  “Please tell me what happened.”

  “It was a big man, dressed in a garish outfit – like you see at the hiring fair on Lady’s Day – the man was dressed like the man who leads a dancing bear about,” the cook explained. “I caught his attention with my cleaver and he looked me in the eye.”

  She grinned now as she told her story, “I asked him which he preferred to lose first – his head or his arms – and he suddenly turned pale and fled!”

  Darcy grinned and turned to the butler, “Mr. Banks, please provide the staff with two bottles of wine or a small keg of beer – oh hang it, give them both for supper tonight – in celebration of Mrs. Evans’s defence of our home.”

  He turned back to the cook and bowed formally. “Madam, you have my sincere thanks for your gallant defence of your realm. I hope your reign here continues for many more years!”

  Shocked beyond words for a moment, the cook finally remembered to curtsy to the master.

  ++**++

  Elizabeth spent the afternoon worrying about Darcy and his family problems. “I feared Mr. Wickham created more problems for William and his family before he died but now, he writes of Lady Catherine.”

  She watched Charles Bingley lifting Matthew up to bat at the crystals in the small chandelier in the parlour and wished it was William lifting her son.

  “How can I help William? I need to clear my head!”

  Lydia remained sulky – bored and restless – so Elizabeth approached her youngest sister and asked, “Shall we ride this afternoon Lydia?”

  Startled but then grinning, Lydia agreed. “Jane, will you and Mr. Bingley ride with Elizabeth and me this afternoon?”

  Glancing at Mr. Bingley for his nod, Jane agreed. “It will be a pleasure to ride this afternoon in the pastures.”

  “Could we not ride on the roads?” Lydia asked.

  “Only in the pastures, Lydia,” Elizabeth answered. “The ladies of the barn do not need to be muddied.”

  “May I ride Dreaming Lady?”

  Glancing at Jane for agreement, Elizabeth nodded. “She will require your full attention, Lydia. And no jumping fences!”

  ++**++

  Chapter 39.

  Confrontation with Lady Catherine

  During breakfast the next morning, with Colonel Fitzwilliam and Georgiana listening to Darcy’s description of the fox hunt at Netherfield Hall, Mr. Banks came to the room and announced that Lady Catherine de Bourgh was at the front door demanding entrance. Glancing at her brother with wide eyes, Georgiana rose and came to stand by his side. Darcy took her hand and assured her that Lady Catherine would be dealt with.

  “I shall return to my rooms,” his sister said and fled up the stairs to the third floor
where her rooms were safe and secure. Darcy and Richard exchanged glances.

  “My mother does not know Lady Catherine’s purpose in town,” Richard whispered as they walked to the front door. “My father is in the country and I understand my mother sent the earl a strongly worded express yesterday threatening his future enjoyment of the marital bed unless he appeared at their London townhouse soon to handle his sister.”

  Darcy’s frozen mask dropped into place as Banks unlocked the door but before the butler could open the door fully, Lady Catherine pushed her way inside followed by two footmen – dressed as Mrs. Evans had described in garish uniforms – and by Mr. Henry Harper, an attorney with the firm that Darcy used for all Rosings business. Seeing her nephews standing before her, she frowned and pointed at Mr. Banks. “Nephew, you must dismiss this insolent man immediately! He has refused me entry for the past three days!”

  Ignoring his aunt’s statement, Darcy asked, “Lady Catherine, what is your intent with a call at this early hour?”

  “Speak to this man now! Tell him that he is dismissed for denying me entry,” Lady Catherine demanded.

  Darcy turned to his butler and said, “Mr. Banks, I commend you for following my instructions and denying entrance to uninvited and unwelcomed people.”

  “Unwelcomed! I am your aunt!” Catherine cried.

  “That does not mean you may enter my home on demand.”

  Catherine’s face began to turn red with anger. “I do not want to speak with you here in the hallway in front of your servants – we must speak in private conversation.”