I had considered re-sending Jay and Meathead friend requests on Facebook – with Charlie’s endorsement this time – but it smacks of desperation and might trigger an online comment from one of his idiot friends that could alert Lewis. Besides, Charlie is happy to spy on my behalf.
This morning, I’m trying to remain positive. Ellie will call again tonight and I am going to persuade her to leave. Unfortunately, that might be more difficult than I anticipated because Ruth is insisting on doubling up with me again. When she had said she wanted me to keep her involved, I hadn’t realised how much.
‘You do know Ellie will only speak to me, don’t you?’ I ask when Ruth finds me alone in the kitchen.
‘I understand that, but if you explain that I’m right there and I know what’s been happening, if she knows she doesn’t have to worry about upsetting me, she might be persuaded.’
I turn away to put the milk back in the fridge so I can hide my reaction. I don’t know what would be worse, Ellie discovering my betrayal or Ruth hearing in graphic detail what Lewis does to her. ‘Perhaps she will want to speak to you, but not yet. We can’t risk frightening her off.’
‘It’s your call, but will you at least suggest that she brings me into her circle of trust?’
It isn’t like Ruth to be so insistent but I understand why. She sees this as a chance to redeem herself, but it’s mine too. It might have been Lewis who stole Meg away from me but I didn’t stand in his way. Our drunken kiss had made me too afraid to speak out against him for fear of him telling Charlie, and I can still remember how utterly powerless I felt every time he smiled at me.
‘What’s up, Jen?’ he’d asked, surprising me one time as I was heading out of the sixth form block.
I swallowed back the gasp. ‘Nothing.’
When I tried to keep walking, Lewis stepped in front of me, blocking my way. ‘Have you seen Meg?’
‘We don’t see much of each other these days,’ I muttered.
‘I suppose you think that’s my fault,’ he replied.
Holding my nerve, I looked Lewis in the eye. ‘Isn’t it?’
‘Meg does what Meg wants, you know that,’ he said. I thought he’d let me go, but he held his ground. ‘Does she ever talk to you, Jen? I mean really talk to you.’
There had been a time when I would have said yes straight away, but Lewis knew this was no longer the case. Anger bloomed in my chest. He hadn’t needed to ask. He was driving home the point that I was no longer in her life – and he was.
‘It’s probably better that you don’t know what’s going on her head,’ he continued, his eyes darkening until he realised he was staring at me. He forced a smile. ‘Judging by that look, I don’t think she’d want to know what’s going on inside yours either.’
‘Whatever I’m thinking, it’s got nothing to do with you,’ I told him with a sniff.
Lewis’s smile widened. ‘Protective as always. I knew there was a reason I liked you, Jen.’
‘And what are you two smiling about?’ Meg asked as she came up behind me. Her voice was croaky and she was out of breath as if she’d sprinted over to break up our tête-à-tête.
‘We were talking about the old times,’ Lewis replied, suggesting an intimacy I didn’t like.
‘Old times? You’ve only known each other two minutes.’
‘I was just saying it’s been ages since you’ve been out with the gang,’ I dared to add. ‘We’re starting to think you’ve forgotten us.’
‘Sorry,’ Meg replied, her uncharacteristic apology coming as a surprise to us both. Something was wrong. She looked pale and twitchy. I hadn’t seen much of her since the start of our last year at sixth form, but there were times I’d glimpsed her staring out the window in the common room and I’d swear she wanted to jump right through it.
‘We’re all going to the firework display at Sefton Park at the weekend. Why don’t you come with us?’ I asked.
‘Meg has coursework to finish,’ Lewis answered for her.
She rolled her eyes at him. ‘Aren’t you the hard taskmaster?’
‘I’m only thinking of you,’ he replied.
‘You deserve a break,’ I tried but Meg couldn’t pull her gaze from Lewis who had slung an arm around her.
‘Are you trying to lead her astray?’ Lewis asked. ‘I thought you were a better friend than that, Jen.’
There had been that smile again; the snake always ready to strike.
‘Why don’t you come back to mine now?’ Meg offered. ‘I could power through my essay and then we could all go out at the weekend.’
Lewis’s silence unnerved me.
‘I’d better not. I’ve got deadlines too and I could do with the peace and quiet,’ I said, not only backing down but backing away.
If only I had gone back to Meg’s house, we might have talked. I might have built up the courage to make a pre-emptive strike and tell my version of events before Lewis turned it into something it wasn’t. She might have forgiven me and we could have avoided the arguments to come. I missed my opportunity with Meg, but I won’t miss it with Ellie.
Ruth is waiting for an answer about bringing her into the circle of trust. She doesn’t think I can convince Ellie on my own, and given my most recent memory, she might have a point. ‘I don’t know,’ I say honestly. ‘Shall we see how it goes tonight? She might not even phone.’
My comment was meant to field any more helpful suggestions but as my heart clenches in dread that Ellie won’t ring, it’s Ruth who grimaces.
I’m standing perilously close to one of the floor-to-ceiling windows that looks out over the concourse and when my forehead touches the glass, it isn’t because I’ve overcome my fear of it caving in at any moment, it’s simply that I’ve been sucked into a far more terrifying nightmare. I’m directly above the main entrance watching all the comings and goings, and in the last fifteen minutes there have been a few stragglers late back from lunch, but not one of them was Ruth.
‘Should you be doing that?’ Geoff asks as he appears next to me.
I raise my head but my eyes are slow to follow, and when I do look at Geoff, he’s rested his hands on the window to join me in my search. His gaze leads him to the pedestrian crossing on the corner of the Strand.
‘She might use the crossing down by the Albert Dock,’ I tell him.
‘Have you tried phoning her?’
‘Yeah, but I didn’t leave a message. Did you?’
‘Several,’ Geoff confirms. He looks at the clock on the Liver Building. It’s twenty-five past two. ‘This isn’t like her, Jennifer.’
‘I could take a walk over to Liverpool One,’ I suggest.
Geoff makes a noise that might have been a chuckle if his nerves had allowed. ‘I’d say my wife knows the shops far too well to get lost in one,’ he replies. The sigh he releases knocks the wind out of me. ‘Something’s wrong.’
I step back from the window and, as I straighten up, all hope leaves me. There isn’t a simple explanation for Ruth’s extended lunch break. She’s ignored my warning and gone in search of Ellie again, and judging by her delay in returning, she’s found her. ‘She hasn’t told you, has she?’
‘Has this got something to do with Gemma again?’
‘No, not Gemma,’ I reply as adrenalin surges through my body.
‘Then who?’
‘Who do you think?’
Geoff closes his eyes briefly. ‘I think you’d better come into my office and tell me everything.’
‘Could we go for a walk instead?’ I suggest. ‘It isn’t the kind of conversation we should be having in here, and with any luck, we’ll catch Ruth walking back.’
I’m buttoning up my jacket as we begin our descent. Geoff knows me too well to insist we take the lift and the deserted stairwell gives us some privacy. This is the third time I’ve told Ellie’s secret and it’s getting easier.
‘Ruth found out that Lewis’s new girlfriend works in John Lewis and she’s been trying to track her down.’
‘She’s been doing what?’ Geoff asks. He’s behind me but I don’t need to see his expression to know that his anxiety has given way to anger. ‘Jennifer, this is insane. What on earth does she think she’s doing? The solicitor’s letter was bad enough but God knows what he’ll do when he finds out she’s harassing his girlfriend.’
My guess is he’ll wear Ellie down until there’s nothing left, just like he did with Meg. He’ll erase her and everything he did to her. He thinks no one can stop him but he’s wrong.
‘What else do we know about this girl?’ Geoff asks.
‘Apparently she looks a bit like Meg,’ I reply as we make our way past reception. ‘She’s called Ioana.’
There are two sets of large automatic doors and the glass rattles loudly as a strong gust of wind crashes into the building. I hear Geoff repeat Ioana’s name and have to raise my voice when I say, ‘She’s originally from Romania.’
We keep our heads down as we step outside and are buffeted by the gales. There are people waiting for the lights to change at the pedestrian crossing but we choose to keep moving and walk further along the Strand.
‘And how do you know all of this?’ Geoff asks eventually.
‘Ruth hasn’t spoken to her but I have. She’s been phoning the helpline for a while. She’s one of the reasons I went to see Lewis. I knew he hadn’t changed.’
‘What do you mean? What has this girl been saying?’
‘Lewis made the mistake of telling her exactly what he did to Meg,’ I explain. I want my words to be gentle but I have to talk above the howl of the wind and rumble of traffic. I doubt it matters. There’s no easy way to break the news, I should know that by now.
‘And what did he do?’
I take a breath only to release it with a sigh. ‘I know how Meg got the partly healed bruises that were found on her neck. It wasn’t an earlier suicide attempt.’
Geoff’s pace slows and I’m tempted to race ahead but he reaches out and grabs my arm. ‘You need to tell me what you know. I promise, I can take it.’
I’m not sure he can but I continue anyway. ‘Lewis has a thing for silk scarves, like the ones Meg had. He likes to force them into Ellie’s mouth to keep her quiet. But that’s not all he does … He uses them to choke her, Geoff. Ellie says he doesn’t hide the fact that he’s imagining she’s Meg when he does it.’
Geoff lets go of my arm. ‘Ellie? I thought you said her name was Ioana?’
‘When she phones the helpline, Ellie is the name she uses,’ I explain, thankful that Geoff has focused on the inconsistencies of my story. Neither of us want to dwell on the horrifying picture I’ve painted of Meg’s bright scarves and the equally colourful marks they left on her neck. ‘I didn’t know her real name until Lewis blurted it out, and it was Ruth’s friend who mentioned she worked at John Lewis. We had pieces of the same jigsaw and we’ve only recently put them together.’
‘So Ruth knows all of this?’
‘No, not everything. I couldn’t tell her about the scarves and – you know.’
Yes, Geoff knows and he remains tight-lipped as we walk towards the pedestrian crossing that links the Albert Dock to Liverpool One. Whether it’s deliberate or not, we’re heading towards John Lewis. The more I talk, the more I’m convinced that’s where Ruth is now.
The lights change, bringing the traffic to a halt, but Geoff doesn’t move. When I put my hand on his back, I can feel his body shaking. As difficult as it was for me and Charlie to visualise the sick games Lewis played, I can’t begin to imagine how tortuous it is for Geoff. He had been Meg’s protector. I know this better than most because the care and love he showered on his daughter, he extended to me.
‘I wish Ruth had never given that stupid interview,’ he says at last. ‘People keep telling us how strong we are but we’re not. We’re really not.’
‘You have to be,’ I tell him. I know it’s not what he wants to hear, but for Ellie’s sake, now is not the time for resignation.
When Geoff remains immobilised, I feel panic swelling up inside me.
‘Geoff?’
The lights change again and as a lorry thunders past, he turns to face me. I want to look away but I can’t pull my gaze from the tears slipping down his cheeks. I’ve never seen him cry before. I doubt anyone has.
When my mobile vibrates in my pocket, it gives me a start. Geoff has obviously received a message too and checks his phone at the same time. It’s a text from Ruth.
I’m with Annabelle at the Royal. Gemma is in theatre and we don’t know if she’ll make it. I’ll keep you posted x
The ice in my veins freezes my body. It’s not a bad feeling, it’s not a feeling at all. I’m numb and that’s how I want to stay.
Geoff releases a strangled cry and jabs a finger at his phone. ‘Is this what we have to look forward to for the rest of our lives? This is precisely why I wanted to give Ruth a fresh start in Stratford. This is no way to live, Jennifer. No way at all!’
Geoff storms off through the sandstone turrets that mark the entrance to the Albert Dock. He stumbles on the cobbles and I think he’s going to fall, and although he doesn’t, he’s broken nonetheless. He slumps down on a nearby bench, holding his head in his hands.
I don’t know how to respond or even if I can. It’s wrong seeing Geoff like this, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t want me here. I should slope back to the office where I can reply to Ruth’s text because, despite being an unwitting spectator to Geoff’s anguish, it’s Gemma that occupies my mind. Is this something Ryan did to her? If my mistakes, or Ruth’s interventions have led to this, then it’s not only Gemma’s life in the balance but Meg’s legacy.
As I continue to watch Geoff, he lifts his gaze to the choppy waters of the docks. He doesn’t acknowledge me when I take a seat next to him. I don’t say a word. He knows he’s not alone, and I hope that’s enough.
24
Ruth
The crowded waiting room is filled with the chatter, thumps and crashes of hospital life but it’s completely drowned out by the noise in my head. There are so many questions.
I hold onto Annabelle’s hand but it’s a while since we’ve spoken. It seems only minutes ago that I’d listened to her phone her ex-husband, Evan, but when a shadow looms over us, I know it’s him.
‘What’s happening?’
‘We should be allowed to see her soon,’ Annabelle says as she lets go of my hand. We rise to our feet but if she’s expecting a comforting embrace from her ex, she’s left wanting.
‘Why the hell didn’t you warn me about him?’ he asks through gritted teeth. ‘I met him, for Christ’s sake. I bought him a pint and we chatted about the footie match like he was normal. Why didn’t you tell me he was a psycho, Annabelle?’
‘If you were so pally with him, why didn’t you work it out?’ she snaps back, but her anger is short-lived. ‘I didn’t want to go behind Gemma’s back. She had enough reason to blame me for interfering and I’d just got her back. I thought she was safe.’ Her hand flies to her mouth to stifle a sob.
‘I should have been told,’ insists Evan. ‘I would have sorted him out. He’d be the one in hospital right now, not our Gem.’
My mind searches for some shred of comfort to offer but Annabelle’s next response to Evan stabs at my heart. ‘I thought we were doing the right thing,’ she says, her shoulders shaking as she begins to weep.
I’m not sure if Evan puts his arms around his ex-wife to offer comfort or to hide his own tears, but it gives me the excuse to escape before he asks who in their right mind told her any of this was right.
Stumbling through the hospital, I find the exit and hurry outside. Light is fading and sheets of rain blur the edges of a day that’s more than ready to submit to the night. Sheltering beneath the narrow roof space where the upper floors overhang the front of the building, I take my first lungful of fresh air for hours, only to find it laced with cigarette smoke. Visitors and patients alike are ignoring the no-smoking signs, so
I keep moving.
Taking my mobile from my pocket, I ignore the missed calls and text messages and dial Geoff’s number. When it goes to voicemail, I cut the call and stare at the photo of Meg that’s set as my wallpaper. It’s one of the last photos taken of her laughing and that was only because her brother was tickling her. I blink away the tears and take a breath. It’s ten past five and I’m supposed to be on the helpline with Jen.
I was determined to speak to Ellie tonight, whether Jen approved or not, and I might be interfering in her life right now if fate hadn’t intervened. I’d been in John Lewis again when I found out that my recklessness might have cost another mother her daughter’s life. And if that isn’t a message, I don’t know what is. Why did I think I could help any of these girls when I couldn’t save my own child?
I can’t do this any more.
I try Geoff’s number one more time but he’s still not picking up, so I try someone else.
‘Is she all right?’ Jen asks before I have a chance to speak.
‘She’s in critical care,’ I tell her, raising my voice above the sound of rain bouncing off the tarmac. ‘The operation went well but she’ll need to go back into theatre tomorrow, if she’s … If she makes it through the night.’
‘What happened, Ruth?’
From the brief texts we’ve exchanged, all Jen knows so far is that Gemma was in a road traffic accident and that it was deliberate. It won’t prepare her for what I’m about to say and I can’t say it with others close by. I follow the curve of the hospital until it gives up its shelter. I’m soaked within seconds.
‘Ryan followed Gemma and her mum to the supermarket and waited in his car for them to come out with their shopping.’ I lift my face to the storm but the rain can’t wash away the intense hatred I feel for Ryan, and all men like him. ‘When Gemma was returning the trolley …’ I take a breath, but my next words are little more than a whisper. ‘He mowed her down, Jen.’
‘Shit.’
‘The only reason she’s still alive is that he chose to do it in a congested car park and he couldn’t pick up speed.’
Don't Turn Around Page 17