by L.H. Cosway
“I'm fine, except for the fact that Anny is shagging somebody in our tent when I told her not to. What are you doing here? Didn't you go with Nora and the others to listen to some music?”
He scratches his head. “I wasn't really in the mood. I'll go see some bands tomorrow though. Where have you been?” he asks.
“Harry and Sean took me to do yoga. It was actually kind of fun.”
Nicholas crawls further out of his tent. “Now that's something I regret missing,” he mutters in a low voice.
What does he mean by that?
Anny's currently making these high pitched yipping sounds and our tent is shaking from side to side. The girl really has no shame. I feel kind of bad that I've never had a deep enough conversation with her where she could have told me what caused her to become so slutty. Perhaps she has daddy issues. As I said, she's only ever really been a casual “going for a night out” sort of a friend.
I let my face drop into my hands again. “Jesus, I can't believe all my things are in there,” I mumble. “Thank God everything's zipped up and I didn't take out my sleeping bag yet. I guess I'll just have to wait until they're finished.”
I glance back at Nicholas and he's glaring in the direction of my tent. “She shouldn't be leaving you with nowhere to go like this. It isn't right.” It looks like he's grinding his teeth in anger.
“Anny doesn't exactly think with her brain all too often; she's more inclined to go where her knickers tell her. I've only got myself to blame for organising to share with her anyway.”
Nicholas stares at me now, taking me in. “Come and stay with me for the night,” he says softly.
“Nicholas, I can't...”
“I don't mean like that,” he interrupts. “I just mean to sleep. I've got the biggest tent out of all of us and there's only me in it. I've got more than enough room.”
I glance at his tent. It's true, it is the biggest. It could fit at least four people. I turn back to him. “Okay then, but I haven't got any of my things.”
“I'll go and get them,” he offers, walking towards the shaking tent where Anny is still being way too noisy. You'd swear she was in there with Enrique Iglesias or something. I can't imagine Eric (or whoever she's with) is that skilled of a lover.
I stand up and pull him back by the arm. “You can't go in there, they're still...” I trail off and gesture animatedly at the tent.
Nicholas smirks. “I don't care what they're doing Freda, I'm getting your bags for you. Now go get in my tent. I'll be back in a minute.”
I nod and crawl inside, and God the whole place smells of him. It's almost too much to take. His sleeping back is spread out on top of a mat and it's slightly crumpled. So he was in here sleeping. I find the idea of Nicholas trying to get some shut eye while the young people are out getting wild and drunk so incredibly adorable. This big sexy man going to bed early. There's a discarded t-shirt in the corner. I check to make sure he's not on his way back yet and then pick it up and inhale deeply. Look, I'm not trying to be creepy, I've just missed his smell so much.
I hear him approach and then shove the t-shirt back where I found it. He crawls inside the tent with an amused expression on his face.
“What? What happened?” I ask, curious to know what he saw Anny doing.
Nicholas shakes his head and makes a show of zipping his lips. I can't believe he's not going to tell me what he saw. He hands me my stuff, then slips off his boots and jeans before getting back into his sleeping bag.
“Nicholas!” I exclaim. “You can't just not tell me. It isn't fair, now I'm dying to know.”
He turns over and props his head up on his arm. He sucks on his bottom lip for a moment. I watch the movement with riveted attention. He has really nice lips. And he broke my heart. I have to remember this.
“She has two guys in there with her, Colm and Eric,” he answers finally.
I put my hand to my mouth in shock. “Oh my God. This is a new extreme for her,” I say in surprise, and to be honest, a little edge of disgust. Two guys aside, she's only just met them. Plus, Colm's a sleaze bag.
I glance at Nicholas out of the corner of my eye. “I knew something was up, she was making an awful lot of noise. What were they doing?”
“I'll leave that to your imagination, I think,” he answers with a grin.
“Fine, I guess I don't really want to know anyway,” I say, and begin pulling off my boots. I open my bag and pull out my night clothes. Nicholas is watching me.
“Turn around for a minute would you?”
He sucks on his lip again and I have to clench my thighs together, because just watching him do that makes me tingle between my legs. It reminds me of when he went down on me. After another second he shakes his head and turns over. I pull my dress up and over my head and then shimmy into my shorts and t-shirt. I leave my socks on because it will probably get cold later. I'm busy tying my hair in a bun when I glance up and suddenly realise that Nicholas has turned back around.
“What are you doing?!” I exclaim indignantly.
He smirks and shrugs his shoulders. “I thought you were finished.”
“I would have told you if I was finished,” I huff and roll out my sleeping bag, before zipping it open.
“It's not anything I haven't seen before,” he whispers.
“That's not the point,” I whisper back.
“Do you want to know what my favourite part of your body is?” he asks, leaning forward.
“I'll take a wild guess, shall I?” I roll my eyes and nod to my chest. There are goosebumps on my arms. Goosebumps I'm having a hard time ignoring.
“Nope, though they are a close second,” he says, looking smug and playful. I love him when he looks playful. I hate that I love him when he looks playful.
“Go on then, enlighten me,” I say, trying to sound bored. It's not like I'm dying to know or anything.
He reaches forward and traces his hand over my stomach. “This part. It's all round and soft. I'd love to fall asleep right here.”
He flattens his palm out low on my belly, the ends of his fingers are a little too low, brushing the top of my knickers which are beneath the shorts.
I suck in a breath and try to regain my composure.
“Good to know. You can move your hand now,” I breathe, my husky voice betraying me. Nicholas telling me that his favourite part of my body is the part I'm most insecure about is too much, too close.
He rubs his thumb over the skin peeking out of my t-shirt and then pulls his hand away. I lie down and try to get comfortable, but when I close my eyes all I can see is his face, all I can feel is the memory of his hand on my stomach. I shift my sleeping bag over a little so that there's more space between us.
“Those two nights we spent together in Edinburgh were the best of my life,” he whispers into the darkness of the tent. I can hear far off noises and music, but that doesn't negate from how quiet it feels right here, how strongly his words mark me. “I've never been with a woman that intensely before. It feels like forever since I was last inside of you.”
My breathing becomes heavy. “Let's just go to sleep, Nicholas,” I whisper back. “I'm exhausted.”
“I'm not sure if I can sleep with you right over there.”
“You're going to have to try.” There's pleading in my voice. I hope he can hear it.
He lets out a long breath. “All right, sweet dreams Freda.” I hear him shift in his sleeping bag and then he doesn't say anything more.
It takes me ages to get to sleep, but I drift off eventually. When I wake up it's morning and there's condensation built up on the roof of the tent. I glance over to the side to find that Nicholas' sleeping bag is all rolled up and he's nowhere to be seen.
I dig in my bag for a make-up wipe and rub it over my face. It'll have to do as a replacement for washing. I put on a dab of moisturiser, not bothering with make-up because I'm too tired. I quickly change into some clean underwear, a new pair of socks and a dark green cotton dress. Then
I grab my toothbrush and toothpaste and crawl out of the tent to go in search of one of those temporary sink units they have at festivals.
After I've brushed my teeth and relieved myself in the cleanest porta-potty I could find (which wasn't very clean at all if you must know) I head back to the camp site.
Everybody is sitting on the grass eating breakfast and soaking up the morning sun, except for Anny, Colm and Eric.
“Fred, I got you some food,” Nicholas calls and pats the space beside him on the grass.
I sit down and say, “You didn't have to do that,” as he hands me a steaming paper coffee cup and a bacon sandwich. I take them and place them down on my lap. Apart from the small shadows of grey beneath his eyes, he doesn't look like he just spent the night sleeping in a tent. He's got a clean t-shirt on and a pair of low hanging jeans. His hair is neatly combed. I have this strange urge to reach over and mess it up.
He tucks a stray curl that's fallen out of my bun behind my ear, as I take a sip of coffee. I can't stop myself from closing my eyes and savouring his touch.
“Did you sleep okay?” he asks in a gentle voice, not failing to notice me close my eyes.
I nod and take a bite of the sandwich. It's salty and warm and tastes really good.
“At least one of us did.”
“You couldn't sleep?” I question.
“I slept some, but I wanted to watch you. This could be the last chance I'll get,” he answers, his tone sombre. My gut squeezes.
“Nicholas...” I trail off then, because Anny interrupts me as she comes crawling out of her tent, moaning loudly about having a thumping headache. I glance over at her to see she's wearing a t-shirt, boy shorts and her Wellington boots.
Nora turns in her seat to see what's going on and I snicker when I see her jaw drop open at the sight of Colm and Eric coming out of the same tent as Anny.
She glances at Richard, her eyes widened as she mouths, “Oh my God.”
Richard smirks and shrugs his shoulders.
“Well, well, well,” Harry chimes. “What do we have here? Three in a sleeping bag and the little one said roll over, was it?”
Anny scowls and crosses her arms over her chest. “Shut up, Harry.”
Colm and Eric look half embarrassed, half proud of themselves that everyone knows they participated in a threesome last night. Ugh. Colm spots me and gives me a little eyebrow waggle, as if I should be impressed with him or something. I don't bother hiding my disgust.
The three of them get a change of clothes and go to buy some breakfast for themselves. When they get back they sit down with the rest of us and chow down. There's a couple moments of awkwardness, before everyone starts chatting and it disappears as if nothing out of the ordinary happened in Anny's tiny little tent last night.
I'm just finished up with my sandwich when Colm starts talking to me from across the way.
“Hey Fred, are you planning on flashing some of the bands later on?” he asks with a wink.
I can feel Nicholas instantly tense up beside me at the remark.
I sneer at him. “Why would I do that?”
“For fun. Just make sure you give me a heads up so I can reserve myself a front row seat.”
I muster my best condescending tone. “Colm, we're at a music festival for yuppies in the countryside, not a cock rock video from the eighties. Oh yeah, and there was something else, what was it again?” I rub at my chin ponderously. “Oh right, that was it, go fuck yourself.”
Everybody laughs. Colm wipes some ketchup from the corner of his mouth and grins, not backing down.
“I've been trying to get you to fuck me for the last two years. When are you going to do me a favour and put me out of my misery?” he asks.
I think he might still be a little bit drunk from last night. He's normally a dickhead, but not this much of a dickhead.
Nicholas leans forward on his elbows. “Shut your mouth, mate,” he says in a low voice. He sounds threatening.
Colm lets out a big, sputtering laugh and gets to his feet. “What are you gonna do about it if I don't?”
Harry winces and says, “Colm, please just sit down and stop offending people.”
“No Harry, I want to know what that lady boy thinks he can do to shut me up.”
The irony of Colm calling Nicholas a lady boy in front of his openly gay brother doesn't escape me.
Nicholas raises an eyebrow and casually remarks. “I'm not the one who spent the night having a three way with another dude.”
Colm's jaw drops open and he sputters, “What? No I - I never touched him, we were both only doing shit to her,” he throws an arm in Anny's direction.
“That's not what I saw,” says Nicholas with a shrug. I glance at him and grin.
“You saw nothing,” Colm hisses.
Nicholas laughs. I adore that sound. He raises his hands in the air. “All right then mate, I didn't see anything. But if I hear you make another comment like that to Fred I think I might remember that I did see something.”
What did he see? Or is he only trying to spook Colm?
Colm gives Nicholas a look that could kill and then marches off to dispose of his rubbish in the nearest bin. Harry shakes his head at his brother's retreating figure and then carries on with the conversation he'd been having with Nora and Sean.
I lean in to Nicholas and ask, “Did you actually see anything?”
He turns and shifts close to me, placing his hand flat on the grass about a centimetre away from my bottom. “Not really. He's a fuckwit though, and it pissed me off how he spoke to you. Hopefully now he's learned his lesson to shut up and keep his hands to himself.”
I don't mention that Colm never tried to touch me. I suppose the intention was there.
“I'm grateful to you for sticking up for me and all, but you didn't have to do that.”
He moves his hand and presses it lightly to the base of my spine. “Fred, I will never like the idea of another man touching you or making innuendos about you. In fact, I am very much opposed to it, hate it even.”
“I hate the idea of another woman touching you,” I whisper in response, unable to hold back.
Nicholas presses his hand harder into my lower back and replies, “Well then, we're both on the same page.”
“I still need time though,” I say to him quickly. “I'm still not sure...”
He puts a finger to my lips. “Hush. I know. I'm willing to wait until you decide what you want from me. Friends. Lovers. Nothing. It's your decision.” His voice seems to catch when he says the word “nothing”.
“Thank you,” I reply, moving my mouth against his hand.
It takes him a minute for him to pull his finger away. He watches me as I involuntarily lick my lips after he does so.
“Spend the day with me?” he asks, his tone unsure.
I hesitate, before nodding. “I think everyone's going to stick in a group today anyway. You can help me to ignore Colm if you like.”
Nicholas' grin lights up his face. “Done and done,” he stands and pulls me up with him.
Once everybody's ready to go we make our way out of the camp site and towards the main stage where there are bands playing. The friendly atmosphere from yesterday isn't as prevalent today. Anny, Colm and Eric are carefully avoiding one another. I don't get why people enjoy having uninhibited, drunken sex when they have to deal with the embarrassment the next day.
Harry is throwing his brother harsh looks every chance he gets after the way he behaved earlier, and Colm is sending negative vibes Nicholas' way by bumping into him and talking over him, supposedly unintentionally. Nicholas seems to be making a concerted effort not to punch the guy in the face.
All of this I notice, yet it pales in comparison to my awareness of Nicholas as we stand in a field close to the back of the crowd at the main stage and watch some band called Wild Beasts play. Harry and Sean go to get in a round of drinks for everyone. Nicholas tells them that he'll just have a bottle of water. He must still be try
ing to stay sober. In a way I'm proud of him, especially now that I know about his past drinking problems. I also feel a little ashamed of my own excessive drinking while in his company.
The grass is a bit more muddy and littered than it had been yesterday, so there aren't as many nice patches to sit on. Richard sits down and Nora perches herself on his lap. Nicholas offers for me to sit on his and I'm not sure whether I should. In the end I shrug and sit down, because I don't want to get my dress dirty. He puts his arms casually around my waist and rests his hands lightly on top of my thighs. We let the music wash over us.
I try to forget the decision I need to make about whether I want us to be friends, or lovers, or nothing. I just soak up the contentment his closeness brings me.
Sean hands me a beer and I ask him what happened to all those oranges from yesterday.
“All gone I'm afraid,” he says, with a sad little sigh.
“I'm definitely going to do that trick if we come back next year,” Nora puts in.
“If we come back next year I'm bringing a watermelon,” Harry announces.
Nicholas' hand on my thigh moves by the tiniest fraction. It's almost nothing, yet I feel it so intensely. I move a little in his lap and take a sip of my beer. I can feel him breathing heavily against the back of my neck.
Everybody's currently having a conversation about what other fruits you could inject alcohol into.
“What do you think of the band?” I ask Nicholas, turning my head to him a little.
“Not really paying attention to the band Fred,” he answers, so low I almost don't hear him. His thumb brushes against the fabric of my dress.
I swallow hard. “Well you should, I think they're good. They kind of remind me a little bit of Muse.” I manage.
“Mm hmm,” he mumbles, his thumb now lazily rubbing against my thigh.
I feel a pulse of electricity shoot right from my lungs to down between my legs.
“What do you think Fred?” I suddenly hear Harry ask me.
“Huh?” I glance over at him and he gives me a secret knowing smirk. “About blueberries, do you think it would be worth the effort?”
“Um, that depends on how dedicated you are to the cause,” I quip. Nicholas hasn't stopped moving his thumb, damn him, it's edging closer to my inner thigh now.