Yes, here he was, and too late. And perhaps by the look and sound of him, it was just as well, because Kate wouldn’t have recognised him, talking of breakfasting and diligences and hiring traps. The cart was no longer good enough for him. Dear God! Could a man alter all this much in a year? And as if Kate’s voice was speaking in her mind it said, But he had been ready for it. There was something in him that had been working up to it, and he would have changed in one way or another wherever he was.
‘How is Hal?’
‘What?’
‘I said, how is Hal?’
‘Oh, he’s recovering.’
‘What do you mean, recovering? Has he been ill?’
‘Aye, I would say he’s been ill, just on dead.’
‘What happened? An accident at the mill?’
‘Oh, he’s at the mill no longer, but that’s another story. As to what happened, he seemingly took your place.’
He leaned towards her, his eyes screwed up, and she nodded at him, saying, ‘Your lady love tried to do him in. She couldn’t get at you, so she got at the next best thing.’
‘You mean…?’
‘Aye, I mean Miss Bannaman. She came across him looking round the house and her and her brother strung him up. Not by the neck, but they bent his body into half and fastened it to a beam and gagged his mouth, and there he lay for four days covered with hay up in the barn. It was his dog that found him, to all purposes dead.’
‘When was this?’ His voice was quiet.
‘Oh, not two weeks gone.’
‘Where is he now?’
‘Oh, on his farm.’
‘His farm?’
‘Oh yes, things have moved here an’ all, you know. We may be in the country but we don’t stand still.’
‘Mary Ellen.’
‘And don’t Mary Ellen me like that.’ She rose to her feet, but he remained seated.
‘Well, keep your tongue-cutting down for the time I’m here; at least, let us be civil.’
‘Oh aye, we can be civil. And you say for the time you’re here. You’ve got no intention of stayin’ then, have you?’ She knew he had none, but she had to say it.
‘My work is in London.’
‘Aye, and your fancy friends an’ all.’
‘They are good friends.’
‘No doubt. No doubt.’ She moved her head slowly. ‘But what if you had something to take back to London with you?’
Now he, too, rose to his feet, saying, ‘I don’t know what you’regetting at.’
‘Just a minute and I’ll show you.’
As she went past the scullery towards the steps leading to the attic she glimpsed Hal standing near the outer door. How long he had been there she didn’t know, but it was obvious he had no intention of making his presence known: he had seen the trap outside and had guessed who the visitor was. She went on as if she hadn’t seen him, mounted the ladder, picked up the basket in which the child lay, then bumping it on to her hip, she slowly let herself through the hatch and descended into the room again. And the motion, having roused the child, caused it to whimper.
Going to the table she placed the basket on it and not a couple of feet from Roddy, and she watched him stare down at it with a look that was a mixture of amazement and something else, and the only name she could put to it was horror.
‘There you are then. How would you like to take it and its mother back to town with you and introduce them to your fine friends?’
‘Mary Ellen.’ The sound of his voice was like a growl. It was evident he could find no words to say, but she could find plenty, for now she said, ‘Be sure your sins will find you out. That’s why you haven’t put in an appearance, isn’t it? You were afraid in the back of your mind what you would find.’
Now he did speak. His voice raised, he cried at her, ‘And whose fault was it? I’ll ask you that. You were like a crazed thing.’
They stood glaring at each other, both their faces scarlet. She saw him now as the old Roddy: the gentleman facade had dropped away, his voice and manner were recognisable as those of the boy and the man she had loved, and she was back on the quarry top, his voice growling at her, ‘You shouldn’t have made me do it.’
All of a sudden she felt utterly deflated, all the fight went out of her and in its place she experienced a wave of humiliation.
At the drooping of her head, he too felt ashamed, and he muttered, ‘I’m sorry. But you make me say these things. Anyway, you needn’t worry, I’ll support it. As soon as I’ve finished this course I’m being offered a position.’
She raised her head and looked at him again. He’d support the child. No talk of marrying her and taking her back. And this exclusion of herself from his life brought her tongue snapping again: ‘Thank you, but she doesn’t need your support. We have managed so far, we’ll manage the rest of the way…You said you would support her, what about me? I don’t come into it, I suppose. You didn’t say, ‘Oh Mary Ellen, I must take you back with me to live among my fine friends and show you a new way of life.’ I wouldn’t fit in, I suppose, for they wouldn’t be able to mould me like they have you.’
Now he came back at her, saying quietly but pointedly, ‘You’re quite right, Mary Ellen; for once you’ve said the right thing, because you wouldn’t conform, no matter where you were. You’ve got to say what you think without stopping to think. It’s always been the same with you.’
‘All right. That’s how I am, and that’s how I’ll go on being. But I’m going to tell you something. I’m going to tell you what you are, what I was too blind to see for years. You’re the biggest upstart that I’ll ever come across, no matter how long I live; you’re like the devil on horseback ridin’ to hell, an’ mark my words, you’ll reach it one day. That’s what I prophesy for you, you’ll reach it one day. And let me tell you something else. Had you come here this morning and, havin’ seen her’—she thrust her finger towards the child—’then asked me to marry you, you know what I would have said, in what you call this coarse, blunt way of mine? I would have said, thank you very much, but you are months too late, a year too late. And I say to you now, thank God you are, because I’ve realised since the very night she was conceived that what I felt for you was a silly childish emotion, the payment that all young girls have to go through. But from that night I knew I had been a fool and from the day she was born I knew who I loved, and who I’m goin’ to marry. Aye, widen your eyes, who I’m goin’ to marry. And that’s Hal.’
Her eyes flicked from his face towards the scullery door; then back to him again, to see that he was on the point of a great laugh, and the laughter was in his voice as he said, ‘Hal? You and Hal? My God! Never. You’ve torn at each other’s throats since I can remember. You and Hal?’
‘Yes, me and Hal. And you’re right, we did go for each other, but we didn’t realise it was a cover-up, at least I didn’t, until he saved me life when she was born.’ She pointed to the child. ‘But for him I wouldn’t be here, nor would she, because he brought your daughter into life and fought to keep me alive for days after. And after coming through snowdrifts that nobody else would tackle.’
‘My! My! Very heroic of him.’
‘Don’t you sneer, Roddy Greenbank, for he was a good mate to you for years. Aye, like me, he was foolish enough to trail you, ’cos you had a bonny face. Aye.’ She nodded as if to herself now. ‘Aye, I suppose that was the attraction, your bonny face. But look at it now. Have you seen yourself of late? You’re bloated.’
‘Shut up!’
‘Don’t you tell me to shut up.’
‘Well, keep that tongue of yours under control. Anyway, I came here to see Kate and settle her affairs.’
‘Settle her affairs! What affairs?’
‘Her personal affairs. I was nearest to her.’
‘Oh! Oh!’ She moved her head slowly up and down. ‘You’re talkin’ about the money behind the brick.’
‘Yes, I suppose, that an’ all. It happened to be mine.’
‘
It happened to be hers, and you told her that more than a few times.’
‘Yes, when she was alive she could have used it.’
‘Well, she took it as hers alive or dead, because she made out a sort of will.’
‘A will?’
‘Aye, that’s what I said, a will.’ She walked now across the room and from a drawer in the press she took out a sheet of paper, and as she handed it to him she said, ‘She got the doctor to do it for her so it would be legal like, because there wasn’t only what you consider to be your money behind the brick, but the bits and pieces she had made over the years and more so during these last months when she was training me in the use of the herbs so as I could make it into a business and support meself. Well, she started the business, you could say, right away for from then all her callers had to pay for their potions. So the money behind the brick mounted and what she left was seventy-eight pounds and nine pence ha’penny. She left it to me, as she did the furniture’—she spread out her hand—‘but more so, and above everything else, she gave me her love, because when it was known I carrying a bairn, I was turned out of me job at the farm and even me da closed the door on me. But Kate’s door was always open, as was her heart. So I’m afraid, Roddy’—she made slow motions with her head now—‘you’re goin’ back to London empty-handed. But then I shouldn’t imagine that you need any money: you’re got up like a gentleman; you can order a trap now whereas once the cart was all you could rise to.’
She watched his face turning to almost a purple hue, but she went on undaunted, saying more quietly now, ‘But are all these outward trappings just somethin’ for show, cast-offs from Mr Cottle?’
She stopped and watched him pull at his breath and she heard it hiss through his teeth. Then he said grimly, ‘Mr Cottle died nine months ago. And now, for your information, I can tell you that I am marrying Mary…Mrs Cottle at the end of the year.’ And bending slightly towards her, he continued, ‘I shall tell her of this.’ He extended a flat hand towards the child lying in the basket. ‘She is a very understanding person and will likely offer to adopt it.’
‘What! You dare, you dare suggest such a thing!’
‘Well, if she’s mine it would only be the right thing to do, wouldn’t it?’
She glared at him, fear in her eyes for a moment, before she said, ‘But you can’t prove she’s yours, can you? I could have been with Hal, or half a dozen, because let me tell you, it isn’t for the want of chances. They’re around me like flies; I’m practically vying with Maggie Oates.’
He was gaping at her in amazement now. When he had last seen her she had been a very young girl, pouring her love over him, determined to tie him to her with it; here was no girl, but a woman, a bonny woman, even more, a beautiful woman; she had a figure now where she’d had none before. Some buried part of him stirred and he knew a moment of regret and longing, together with envy of his one-time friend: London, Mary Cottle, the art galleries, the high-flown conversations, the select little dinners, prospect of what he might in the future achieve in the art world, were all arrayed at one side of the table and at the other was this woman. Had he been a fool? Was he being a fool? No, no. Looks or no looks, she was still Mary Ellen with a tongue that could clip clouts. Yet, in town she would have been considered witty. Well, if not witty, quick on the uptake, especially for a woman. Yet, as she had said, she could never have been moulded, she would have always remained what she was, a country maid, capable of handling any domestic chore that a farm required. No, you could never alter a vixen, and she was a vixen. And he said as much now. ‘You know what you are Mary Ellen, and always will be? A vixen.’
‘Aye, well, it will be good for you to keep remembering that. Let you or your fancy lady lay any claim to her and you won’t know what’s hit you. Hal’ll see to that.’
‘Oh, Hal! Hal! You know’—he gave a sarcastic laugh—‘that amazes me, you and Hal. Huh! You and Hal. Anyway, I wish you luck, both of you. You’ll need it, because, you see, I know you, both him and you.’
‘Aye, you do, or you did. You knew us for two soppy fools trailin’ after you. Anyway, when we’re givin’ out luck, I’ll give you mine an’ all, with your old woman.’
She thought for a moment he was going to raise his hand, and she narrowed her eyes at him and turned her head slightly to the side as if in warning. She watched him grind his teeth and saw the muscles of his jaw moving against his skin. But he did not come back at her; instead, he snatched his hat from the table and made towards the door; and as he did so, a wave of remorse came over her, and she wanted to rush to him and say, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Don’t let us part like this. I don’t wish you any harm. But as she reached the door and saw him mount the trap, the look on his face stilled her tongue, and the thought came to her: He hasn’t even asked what I’ve called her.
After he had turned the trap around she took three steps towards it, calling in an ordinary voice now, ‘Are you goin’ to the cemetery? She’s buried on the left-hand side.’ And for a moment it seemed he was about to answer her, but he whipped up the horse and it went into a trot.
She stood watching it; then suddenly she turned about and ran round the side of the cottage and there, putting her head out against the wall, she bent over and vomited.
When she felt the touch on her shoulder she become still, and when she turned around she kept her head bent deeply on her chest.
Hal now slid his arm about her and walked her along the side of the cottage and into the scullery, and there, she drew herself from him and, going to the sink she took a mug from the side bench and dipped it into a bucket of clean water, and swilled her mouth; then taking the corner of her apron, she ran it round her face. But she didn’t move from the sink until his arm came about her shoulder again.
Once more he was leading her, and into the room now, and to the settle. And after lowering her onto it, he dropped to his knees in front of her and, lifting her chin up, he looked into her face and muttered, ‘Mary Ellen. Oh, Mary Ellen!’ And with a swift movement now he thrust his arms around her waist and buried his head in her lap, and so strong was the trembling of his body that it came through into hers, and she placed her hands on his head and stroked his hair.
When, still holding her, he turned his face to the side and said, ‘I love you. I love you. I do. I do. Oh, Mary Ellen!’ she put her hands on his face and raised it upwards and, bending down towards him, she whispered now, ‘I love you, an’ all, Hal.’ Then with a gulp in her throat, she said, ‘You heard it all?’
‘Aye. Aye, I heard it all, and I’ve never been so happy in me life afore. Chalk and cheese, we might be, but you’re for me. I’ve known that for years. But that you should care for me, ever…that’s something I faced up to a long time ago an’ all, ’cos I never thought it would come about, never, never. Yet I started to hope a little bit after the child was born. That was when you changed towards me, wasn’t it?’
‘No, no, Hal.’ She shook her head. ‘It was from—’ Now she looked to the side, slightly ashamed of what she was about to say, ‘It was from nine months afore that, from the night she came into being. Something happened to me then, although I wouldn’t face up to it. I thought, you can’t stop lovin’ somebody just like that, you’ve got to go on lovin’ them, if you’ve always loved them, you can’t change. And then, as the months grew and she became heavier inside me, I realised there is love an’ love, different kinds. What I had for him was…was like the mania that attacks all young lasses: they think they’ll die if they don’t get what they want. I…I thought it was love, but it was just the pains of growing. I knew what love really meant when I saw you comin’ through that door rimed with frost and snow day after day, bringing us the milk and things, caring for us. I knew then I was learning what real love meant. And you’ll never know how ashamed I felt of the way I used to go at you, cuttin’ you with me tongue.’
He smiled broadly into her face now, saying, ‘You only came off second-best in that way. Now you must admit that.
I was a master of it.’ Then the smile disappearing from his face, he said, ‘It was a cloak that I donned early on. I think you were about fifteen when I had to face up to what had hit me. Mary Ellen, I’ve loved you for a long time, and I’ll love you to the day I die.’ Slowly now he rose and drew her to her feet. Then he kissed her, not gently, nor tenderly, but with fierceness that, after a moment of shock, found a response in herself and they clung together for long seconds. And when at last they stood apart, they looked at each other shyly, their hands gripped tightly now. Then slowly and simultaneously their faces moved into laughter, and they fell against each other, hugging each other like two children.
When they were once more seated on the settle he said, ‘We’ll have to see the parson. He’s a nice fellow.’
She could only nod at him because there was a lump in her throat and a smarting in her eyes.
‘And…and about this?’ He now moved his hand round the room. ‘It’s rented, isn’t it? A shilling a week. But it doesn’t come under the mill so they can’t claim it for a worker once you move out. I’ve been thinking about it. Well, sort of planning, wishful thinkin’, you could say. It belongs to the Ribbons, doesn’t it? And he won’t mind who has it as long as the rent’s paid. So I’ve thought about letting Annie have it.’
‘Annie? Comin’ to live here on her own?’
‘Aye. Poor old Annie, she’d give her eye-teeth to get away from her father and the farm. She’s nothing but an unpaid slave there like the rest of them. She even asked me some time ago if I’d take her on full time and she would sleep in the loft.’ He pulled a face at her now. ‘Imagine…imagine the oil that would have provided for the tongues. Yes, yes, indeed.’
She pulled a similar face; then they both laughed again, and he drew her close once more and began to kiss her, until she pressed him away, saying, ‘Listen. Listen. You were talkin’ about Annie.’
A Dinner of Herbs (The Bannaman Legacy) Page 34