His voice dropped back to his normal register and he almost whispered, “I was afraid you’d get scared and leave and I’d lose you.”
I glared at him for a moment, but the knowledge that he was right extinguished my anger like a wet blanket. If I’d known, I probably would have gotten back on a plane and gone back to Seattle, never to be seen again.
“You’re right,” I began, but was unwilling to unconditionally grant the point. “But you should have let me make that choice, Lee. I’ve had so many choices taken away from me, and you took another one.”
He winced as I spoke, and I knew my words had hurt. Dammit, he deserved them! Lee dropped his head into his hands, and I could see his shoulders shake. I knew this time it wasn’t from laughter.
“I’m so sorry, Mason. Not just for you, but for the others. The ones before you, I mean,” he said, looking up at me, eyes red and swollen, tears streaking his face. “There hasn’t been anyone since.”
I sighed and handed him a tissue.
“Well, at least you admit it,” I said, my tone exasperated.
He blew his nose, then looked at me, his eyes suspicious.
“…Admit, what, exactly? Did you just record my confession or something?” I saw him brace himself and realized that he very likely could have been arrested and charged with the murder.
“Nah, you admit that I’m beautiful,” I teased gently. My attempt at humor only earned me a ghost of a smile.
I sat there for a few minutes, mulling over all he had shared with me.
“I… I understand,” I said, finally, then sighed. “Or at least, I’m trying to.”
I remembered the pictures from the event Lee mentioned had been on the web posting he’d seen. I knew I’d looked a hell of a lot older than eighteen in them, which had kind of been the point. The tux had been a gift from a wealthy customer of Ricky’s, a state representative who had wanted me at the event as arm candy.
Ricky had insisted on the pictures and been so proud of how they had turned out, because he was trying to convince Drey to break into a higher level of clientele, more escort than whore. I just remembered when I put the suit on how fake it all felt. Completely unreal.
“It’s just… it’s a lot, Lee,” I sighed. “Y’know? It was the best and worst time of my life. Worst, because my uncle was trying to kill me. Best, because he died, instead of me. It just so happens to have been you who killed him. I thought the Universe was fucking with me before. Now I know it is.”
He nodded. His green eyes dark. The emotions that had been rampaging through him marched across his face. I saw anger, fear, resignation.
“I understand, and I’m so sorry, Mason. I should have told you the moment I realized who you were. I… I was a coward,” he said bitterly.
I laughed. I couldn’t help it, then waited for him to smile as well at the joke. He was probably the bravest man I’d ever met in my life and he thought he was a coward? He had to be joking.
“What?” He snapped peevishly, his face tight. “I’m glad this amuses you.”
“You’re joking, right?” I asked as I continued, searching his face. “I mean, you are so obviously not a coward. I know a lot of up close and personal when it comes to fear. You are about as far from a coward as it gets.”
I didn’t spot the expected humor in his face. God, could he really think himself a coward? The pained look that crossed his face seemed to confirm it and he looked away.
“Lee,” I said, leaning toward him, my voice softening. “Most people would have run away that day. Or turned a blind eye. At the absolute most, they might have called the cops for me, but that was extremely unlikely. You did more. You came back into that hellhole and you shot Ricky and saved my life. You bandaged my wounds and you held my hand. He was getting ready to kill me when you shot him, did you know that? That’s what he always did to his victims… brand them, fuck them, then shoot them. We were well into the ‘fucking’ stage by that point. I don’t think I’ve told you how much I appreciate you doing that, by the way.” I said, continuing to try to convince Lee of my sincerity. “I still have nightmares about him to this day. I shudder to think how much worse they would be if he was still alive.”
Lee looked at me from across the couch, his face a blend of confusion, sadness, regret, and something else. Frustration? Longing? I wasn’t sure. But he was looking at me like I held the biggest treasure in the universe in my hands and he would do anything to earn it.
“You don’t have to thank me for that,” he said hoarsely. “I’m just so damn angry. Angry at myself for having gone there. Angry at my damn leg for being too slow. Angry at the adults who should have cared for you. Angry at your uncle for…” He sighed, his breath exploding from him all at once. “Fuck. For everything.”
Lee’s chest was heaving as he spoke, the emotions coursing through him barely contained.
“I’m sorry, Mason. So sorry.” As he spoke my own eyes began to cloud with tears. “I’m sorry I was too damn slow to catch Dreyven. I know it makes me a monster, but if I had the chance today, I’d end him without a second thought for what he did to you, and I’d sleep like a baby.”
I used the back of my hand and swiped it across my eyes, clearing them of tears for a moment. No one had ever stood up for me like Lee had. Lee looked at me with that beautiful face and I saw the deep guilt he carried. This beautiful, incredible man, this hero… didn’t understand that he was a hero.
“I’m so sorry, Mason. I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough. Good enough. Just… wasn’t… enough,” Lee’s tears began in earnest now, sobs choking their way out of his chest. “I’m sorry I didn’t kill him.”
I knew, somehow, that Lee wasn’t just talking to me, he was also talking to the ghost of Mack. I waited a moment, every instinct in my body screaming that I needed to reach out and comfort this man.
“I’m glad you didn’t,” I said finally, my hand reaching out and wiping the tears from his face. I moved and stood in front of him, my hands cupping his face.
“You have enough demons in your own nightmares. You don’t need to add mine.”
Lee looked up at me, the tears he’d shed shiny on his face. He took a deep breath, as if preparing for a blow.
“So, where does that leave… us?” he asked, his body stiff as he asked the question we were both struggling with.
“I… I don’t know,” I said honestly. I saw the pain flit across his face, but he quickly shuttered it.
“Okay,” he said, reaching for his phone. “I understand. I’ll see if maybe you can stay with my friends, John and Anna until— .”
“No,” I said, my hand reaching out and covered his. “No.”
Lee looked up at me in confusion.
“I meant what I said the other night, Lee,” I said, stroking my fingers over the knuckles of his hands. “I want this,” I said, gesturing between us. “Whatever this is. Whatever this becomes. Friends. Lovers. Whatever we are, or are becoming. I. Want. This.” I said, punctuating my words with silence. “I want you.”
He looked at me, hope lighting in his beautiful eyes, his lips firming under my gaze.
“You… You mean that?” he asked, hesitantly.
I nodded, every second more sure of my decision.
Suddenly, his arms were around me, pulling me close to him.
“Oh my god, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for forgiving me. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, I’ve done just about everything I could to fuck this up…” he sighed, then one hand fisted in my hair, the other wrapping around my waist. “I was so afraid I’d never get to do this again…” he said, his lips coming down toward my own, but he froze, just a breath away from me.
“Mason. May I kiss you?” he asked. I just nodded. His tongue licked gently against my lips in silent question. I opened my mouth to him, our tongues tangling for a moment of heat and passion. I slid my own hands down, cupping his ass and pulling him closer to me, our cocks grinding together deliciously as I pressed.
“Lee…” I whispered into his ear, nibbling on his earlobe. “Lee, I want to fuck you.”
He froze, then pulled back to look me in the eyes. His own his face inscrutable for a moment, then turned until we faced each other.
“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice deep, a divot of concern appearing between his eyebrows.
I reached up and smoothed that crease away, laying kisses along his neck, face and forehead.
“Definitely,” I said.
23
Lee
The walk toward the bedroom was a blinding blur of hands and skin and mouths. By the time we made it to the door, we were both naked. Our bodies stroked against one another as we moaned and gasped. I’d even admit to the occasional whimper of need. Whimpering during sex was still manly, right? Don’t answer that, I told myself. Just go with it.
Fuck, now I was talking to myself. Mason was rubbing off on me.
I couldn’t believe Mason was able to forgive me my portion of his hell. If positions were reversed, I didn’t know if I would have been able to do the same. If he’d had anything to do with Mack’s death... The thought of Mack made me pause and Mason noticed my hesitation.
“What?” he asked, sucking gently on the skin of my neck.
“I—” He nipped gently, and I lost the thought.
We moved together slowly, tentatively at first, as if we hadn’t already spent hours exploring each other’s bodies, but everything was suddenly new again.
Mason moved with unexpected skill as he stroked my body. I realized with a shock that there were many years of experience behind his actions. Even though I knew his history, logically, it would still take getting used to. He came across so inexperienced in so many ways, I forgot that he had a lot of experience with sex.
Sex, though, not love. I’d have to teach him love.
I looked into his eyes and couldn’t keep from smiling. His blue-gold eyes were still shiny from the tears, but now were turned on me with a heat and passion that I didn’t think I’d seen in them before. Teaching him about love would be no hardship. After all, it was something I was passionate about.
“Mason,” I whispered as my hands cupped his face, then stroked down his sides, around his waist, then over the tight mounds of his ass.
“Yes, Lee?” He asked, his head leaning towards my chest, his tongue flicking out to lap across my nipple.
“Fuuuuck…” I groaned, sliding a hand around to stroke across Mason’s length.
“Yes, I think that’s what we’re doing…” he muttered.
“Smart-ass,” I said, slapping his ass lightly with my other hand. He grinned up at me, his teeth nibbling at my nipple gently.
“You like my ass, just the way it is,” he said, soothing the sharp bites with licks.
I could only nod repeatedly in agreement as he moved his attention to my other nipple. The man’s mouth was wrecking me.
“God, Mason…” I whispered again, moaning as his hand reached down to cup my balls and knead them gently.
“Yes, Lee?” He asked, a devilish grin lighting up his eyes.
“Will you please, please fuck me?” I begged, taking both of our cocks in my hand and stroking them together. “That is… if you’re ready.” I added. I didn’t want to put pressure on him, especially after the previous night, but the things he was doing to me were driving me crazy.
Mason hissed as my tugs increased in pressure and speed.
“Fuck, yes. Fucking. Yes, moving on with the fucking…” he babbled. He was adorable when he babbled, and I couldn’t help but grin at him. I was so certain I was in charge of this encounter and so enthralled by the feel of him and the words he was saying, I didn’t notice he had maneuvered us to the bed.
He stopped all movement and looked at me, that mischievous grin back on his face. With an unexpected wink and laugh, he pushed hard against my chest and I tumbled backward onto the bed, arms windmilling.
“Wha— Ooof!” I exclaimed, the air momentarily knocked out of me as I landed unexpectedly on the bed. Mason laughed as he practically pounced on top of me, raining kisses down across my face.
“I’m going to make you crazy with need, Ripley David Devereaux,” he whispered in my ear, sucking one earlobe into his mouth. The sound of my full name on his lips caused my dick to jump and do a little jig between us.
I looked at him in surprise. “Who told you my middle name?” I demanded. I hated my middle name. It was just so… normal.
Mason laughed.
“I may or may not have traded some sketches for the information with a certain female member of the Devereaux household,” he teased.
“Well, that really narrows it down,” I said, reaching up and wrapping my arms around Mason, pulling his tight body against my own. “I mean, there’s only three of them.”
“Well, Weaver might have also promised me some naked baby pictures, too,” he trailed off.
“Traitor!” I snarled, but my growl turned to a groan as his fingers slid between us and down around my balls. “When did she do that? You haven’t even met her yet!”
“Bishop was kind enough to introduce me to the family chat,” he grinned, his eyes twinkling at me mischievously.
I groaned as he caressed me, but a thought occurred to me and I grabbed his hand, stilling him for a moment. I pulled his hand up between us, which halted most of our movements.
“I really don’t want to talk about my family right now. We should have had this discussion already, but I have to ask two questions,” I said, and despite my best efforts at being responsible, my hips rocked back and forth, stroking our cocks together. “First, are you sure about this?”
“Ohhhh, you don’t play fair, Lee Devereaux,” he moaned, his eyes practically rolling backward in his head. “But seriously,” he paused all movement below the belt and looked into my eyes. “Yes, I am absolutely sure I want this. I want you.”
“You’re right, I don’t play fair. I play to win,” I grinned at him, one hand gently pinching a nipple. “But I think I told you that already.” I smiled wider as he groaned in response, then continued, “Second, I want you to know I’m negative. I had a physical about six weeks ago when I was cleared to work for Uber and I had the doctor checking everything else, too. I was given the all-clear and I haven’t been with anyone since,” I said, my eyes captured his, but my hands stroking his sides.
Mason smiled at me. “Me neither. I mean, other than you. I got tested six ways from Sunday when I was in the hospital and for months after I moved in with the Grahams. I felt so… dirty. I was almost pathologically afraid they might catch something from me if I didn’t,” he said, rolling his eyes at himself.
“You know—” I started, but he interrupted me.
“Yes, I know. I couldn’t have spread HIV, or anything else for that matter, if I wasn’t engaging in sexual activity with them, but I was young, and stupid. Ricky did his best to keep me ignorant about a lot of things. Thank god for public libraries with internet access,” he said, grinning at me. “I know a lot more now than I did then.”
He smiled at me again, his smile bittersweet. My heart hurt for all he’d gone through to gain this knowledge. I swore to myself if I had anything to say about it, Mason wouldn’t have to struggle with anything else as long as he was with me. I knew it wasn’t a vow I could really keep, but my intent was there. I intended to love and cherish him for the rest of our lives.
Fuck. That sounded awful permanent.
Mason snagged my thoughts away from the rabbit hole they’d started to go down by thrusting against me.
“So.” he said, once again starting to rock his hips against mine. “Now that we’ve been all adult-y, are we cleared for sexy naked time?”
“‘Adult-y?’” I asked, looking at him dubiously. “I don’t think that’s a word.”
“Do you really want to spend the next few minutes challenging the Word Boy of February when we could be doing this?” he asked, his fingers sliding down and exploring my crease.
“Fuck, no,” I said, my skin prickling at the feeling of his fingers sliding across my ass.
“Oh, goody…” he said, grinning. Mason reached his hand over to the bedside table and fumbled with the drawer, pulling out the lube and condoms. He laid them on the bed, then looked up at me. I anticipated what he was going to say and started to move off him, planning on getting on my hands and knees on the bed.
Mason lay on his side looking up at me.
“Wait,” he said. “I need… Lee, I need to see you.”
I paused for a moment and berated myself. I'd thought about this earlier and had figured that face to face would make things easier on Mason. I’d meant to suggest it myself, but in the heat of, well, everything, I’d forgotten.
I lay down next to him, my mouth pausing for a moment to lay long, drugging kisses on his. He looked up at me, his eyes a little glazed.
“Like this?” I asked, rolling onto my back, bringing my feet up on the bed. I felt horribly exposed for a moment, not because of the expected, but because all my scars were facing Mason. I closed my eyes a moment, reminding myself we both had scars. When I opened my eyes to see Mason watching me closely. As I focused on him, he smiled, his beautiful lips pink and swollen from our kisses.
“Just like that,” he said, his voice thick with the arousal that was evident by his hard length jutting toward me.
I stifled a groan as he moved between my legs, his hands and fingers playing over my skin.
He stopped when he was between my legs, then leaned forward without warning and wrapped those perfect lips around my cock, sucking me down to the root.
I wasn’t porn star large, but I was thick enough that some men used to have trouble coaxing my cock all the way into their throats, and I’d never had anyone deep throat me before. Mason had no such problems, just sighing and relaxing the muscles of his jaw and throat as he pulled me deeper into the hot, wet cavern of his mouth.
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