Dirty Deal

by Crystal Kaswell

"I won't start until the spring semester." I tug at the fabric of my dress. Same thing Lizzy was doing. "Most of them are in the northeast." None are anywhere near Stanford.

  Meryl smiles at Lizzy. "At least you'll get the apartment to yourself for a few months."

  "Oh, yeah. I guess you're not going to live here after you and Blake get married," Lizzy says.

  "After the honeymoon." He looks at me with love in his eyes. The pretend kind. "We can pick out furniture tomorrow if you'd like."

  Meryl shakes her head. "Please, my son has never picked out a piece of furniture. He has a decorator."

  "Oh yeah?" I ask.

  "You better take the reins, honey. His apartment and his office are so terribly utilitarian. Who can live like that? It's like a science fiction film," Meryl asks.

  Lizzy's ears perk. "Which one?" She looks to Blake. "Don't tell me you have an intentional aesthetic."

  "She hates art unless it's art direction in a sci-fi movie." I shake my head.

  Meryl laughs. "She's a plebeian. Like me. You'll have to leave the art and literature to intellectuals like you and Blake. The rest of us need explosions and drama."

  "True." Lizzy looks to Blake. "Where are you going? On your honeymoon?"

  "Paris," Blake says.

  Right. Paris. I knew that. I nod like it was my decision. It won't be so bad, fucking Blake in the City of Light. All that romance surrounding us…

  "Paris. How lovely." Something in Meryl's expression changes. More serious. "I'm glad you two…"

  "Mom?"

  "You seem happy. I never thought…" She stares at her wineglass. "I never thought Blake would find something real."

  Real. Right. I smile my biggest smile.

  Lizzy frowns, but she doesn't say anything.

  I think she gets it. How can she not? Meryl lights up the room. It's impossible to do anything but want her happy.

  The server arrives with our drinks.

  It's a perfect distraction.

  Lizzy buries her face in her soda.

  I drink half my gin and tonic in a single sip.

  Meryl studies me the way Blake does, picking apart my intentions.

  I'm not sure I can keep up my poker face. Between Stanford being official and our wedding in two weeks and Meryl coughing…

  It's too much.

  A loud hello interrupts my train of thought.

  Fiona steps into the room. Alone.

  We go through a round of introductions then she sits next to Blake. "You okay, Mom?"

  "Fine. Stop asking," she says.

  But Meryl doesn't look fine. Her skin has a slight yellow sheen. She's sweating. Her smile is strained. Her voice is shaky.

  "Are you sure?" Fiona asks.

  "I'd like to have one dinner that isn't about my condition. We're celebrating your brother's wedding."

  "Of course." Fiona taps my shoulder. "I'm going to use the restroom. Join me, Kat?"

  She isn't really asking.

  But what could she possibly have to say with me?

  She already offered me a small fortune in go-away money.

  I look to Blake for a clue.

  He nods go with her.

  He knows his sister better than I do.

  "Yes." I push out of my chair. "I need to fix my lipstick."

  I follow Fiona to the restroom. It's quiet. Empty.

  And beautiful. How can a bathroom be this beautiful? It defies logic.

  She stares back at me. "I take it you're going through with the wedding?"

  "Yes."

  "I guess that's your decision." She looks to the mirror and adjusts her hair. "I have to admit, I admire it."

  "Huh?"

  "Your prenup. You only get a million dollars if you divorce."

  Only a million dollars. What's wrong with these people?

  She looks to me. "The offer stands. I know a hundred grand is a lot less than a million dollars, but it's a lot faster."

  "I don't want money."

  She looks me in the eyes. "I believe you."

  My cheeks flush. "Then why are you—"

  "I thought I was sparing Blake before. Maybe I was. If you were a gold digger, you'd have taken the money and run. Or demanded a lot more in your prenup."

  "I told you—"

  "I know. You aren't after his money. You want to be with him."

  "Yes. Of course."

  "I know my brother. I love him. He's my best friend. But he's another rich man. He thinks the world revolves around his desires."

  "He won't—"

  "Exactly. He won't. That's a full sentence. All those things you dreamed of as a little girl, the romantic walks on the beach, the candlelit dinners, the long, sweet kisses. He won't offer you that. He won't make time for it. And when you get sick of it—and you will, trust me—you'll leave him. And it will crush him. I don't want that."

  "I won't leave. I love Blake."

  The second the words are out of my mouth, I know they're true. I love Blake. I'm madly, crazy in love with him.

  My stomach flip-flops.

  I'm madly in love with him, and the best he'll ever be able to muster is I care about you.

  My knees buckle.

  Oh, God.

  Talk about fucking things up.

  I grab onto the counter to stay upright.

  The bathroom door opens. Lizzy. Her face is the picture of concern. "Blake's mom collapsed."

  Fiona goes white. "Is she okay?"

  "They're calling an ambulance." Lizzy shakes. "We should— Kat? What do we do?"

  Fiona rushes out of the bathroom.

  I take a deep breath. "We follow the ambulance."

  Chapter 31

  The E.R. is an awful place. The air is stale. The tile is squeaky. The light is blindingly bright.

  Fiona paces back and forth.

  Lizzy sinks into the scratchy grey chair.

  Blake leans against the wall, his eyes on his shiny leather shoes.

  I press my palms into my thighs. What can I say? Meryl is dying. That isn't news. But now it isn't something far off in the future either.

  Blake moves towards me. He kneels in front of me and looks up at me. His palm presses against my cheek.

  He rubs my temple with his thumb.

  "It will be okay." His voice is steady. Reassuring.

  I believe him, even though it isn't true. It won't be okay.

  She's going to die.

  She's going to die believing this bullshit.

  He wraps his arms around me.

  I slide off the seat and sink into his touch. It's so strange, Blake on the E.R. floor in his thousand-dollar suit. Bringing himself to my level. Comforting me.

  He does comfort me.

  He does everything to me.

  We sit like that forever.

  Eventually, Lizzy stands. "I'm going to get a soda. You want anything?"

  Yes, but nothing out of a vending machine. I shake my head.

  "Come with me anyway." She offers her hand and shoots me a we need to talk look.

  I take it. I let her pull me up and lead me away from Blake. Into a quiet hallway. One away from the sounds of emergencies and screaming patients.

  Lizzy finds a vending machine in the corner and digs a dollar out of her purse. "You okay?"

  I shake my head. "It feels like last time. Not as bad, but the same kinda thing. I lost almost everything that day."

  My sister hugs me. "I don't want to fight. You're my best friend. Always. And whatever happens with Blake, I support you. Okay?"

  "Okay."

  "I love you."

  "Love you too." I hug her tightly. "I'm going to miss you so much."

  "You can visit anytime."

  "I will." I release Lizzy and turn my attention to the vending machine. I'm not big on soda. Too sweet. And I don't need the caffeine. I'm wide awake as is. "You should go home. You have school."

  "It's Saturday."

  "Still," I say. "Go home. Sleep. Study. I might be here a while.
"

  Her brow furrows. "Are you sure?"

  "Yeah."

  "Tell you what—I'll stay another ten minutes. If you still want me to leave, I will."

  I nod. It's nice having Lizzy around. Comforting.

  We move back to the E.R. A doctor is talking to Blake and Fiona.

  He holds strong.

  She trembles.

  Whatever he says must be good, because Fiona is sighing with relief.

  We move closer, so we can hear their conversation.

  "She's okay." Fiona nearly smiles. "She's okay."

  The doctor nods. "She's sedated. You can visit in the morning."

  He leans in and whispers something.

  She shakes her head. The near smile falls from her lips.

  "Can we see her?" she asks no one in particular.

  He nods, whispers some directions, and turns back to the hallway.

  I follow her and Blake to Meryl's room.

  It's small. Private.

  It's so much like that day three years ago.

  We're separated by iron and glass.

  I can see her, but I can't get close.

  She's sleeping. Her heart rate monitor is steady. It's the same as Lizzy's was. It promises she's surviving.

  But this time, she isn't.

  My legs go weak. I clutch at Blake's arm, but, still I crumble.

  He catches me and helps me to a bench. It's private. Sort of.

  It's far enough away from everyone that we can talk.

  He brushes the hair from my eyes.

  It calms me.

  It soothes every nerve in my body.

  Of course it does.

  I'm madly in love with him.

  And he's looking at me with every ounce of concern in the world.

  "I'll make sure you get your money," he says. "Even if she dies before the wedding."

  "I don't care about the money."

  "Let's do it here, tomorrow. There's a chapel down the hall. Your dress should be ready. Ashleigh can call the tailor. I'll offer him double to get it done overnight."

  I take an easy breath.

  Blake's expression is desperate. He needs control over this. He needs to go through with this lie.

  But I need something he can't give me.

  I can't marry him like this.

  "No," I say.

  "Kat, please."

  "I'm sorry." A tear rolls down my cheek. Meryl is going to die and there's nothing I can do to save her.

  There was nothing I could do to save my parents.

  There's nothing I can do to fix this.

  "Kat. Think about what you're saying."

  I swallow hard. Just one last time. I lean in and press my lips to Blake's. He tastes good. Like whiskey and like Blake. "Goodbye." I push myself off the bench. "I'll visit her in the morning."

  "Kat. You can't."

  I shake my head. "I have to. I… I'll find a way to pay you back for the apartment. Somehow."

  "It's only one day. Half an hour. Then she can die happy."

  "I'm sorry." I pull the ring off my finger and press it into his palm.

  "But why?"

  "Do you love me?"

  "Kat…"

  "That's the only way you can change my mind."

  And it's never going to happen.

  He's never going to fall in love with me.

  Chapter 32

  Room 302. A windowless room in the middle of the hallway.

  Hospitals are always depressing, but this takes the cake. There's no life in this room. It's ugly. Still. Plain.

  Meryl lies in her hospital bed. Her face is still a strange, pale yellow. She looks weak and tired, but she looks happy too.

  "Sweetheart, what are you doing up so early?" she asks.

  I pull up a chair next to her bed and get comfortable. I'm going to be here a while. "Visiting hours started three minutes ago."

  "I'll forgive the delay." She looks me over carefully. Her eyes fix on my unadorned left hand. "You're no longer obligated to visit me."

  "I was never obligated." I squeeze my purse handle. "You've been so kind to me. You really accepted me as your daughter-in-law. I'm sorry that I can't be… that Blake and I won't…"

  Her brow furrows. "What happened?"

  "I can't bother you with my relationship problems."

  She scoffs. "Sweetie, it's not a bother. Anything is better than sitting here with everyone looking at me like I'm going to die." She grabs the bed's remote control and adjusts it so she's mostly upright. "I can help. I know my son."

  "Then you know the problem."

  Meryl frowns. "He said you got into a fight about the wedding. He wanted to move it up. You thought that was a transparent attempt to appease his poor dying mother."

  I can't help but smile. She has a damn good sense of humor. "Did he really say all that?"

  "I read between the lines." She sips her glass of orange juice. "He says it's a fight and that you'll make up soon. But from the look on your face…"

  There's a look on my face? God damn Sterling ability to read people. I try to smile, but this time it's not coming naturally. "It's unlikely."

  "Was anything he said true?"

  Tension stirs inside me. I'm not lying anymore. Not to her. "It's his version of it." I stare at the white tile floor. "He and I never… he never…"

  "Sweetheart, I know you were pretending."

  My heart is beating so fucking loud. "What?"

  Meryl offers a sly smile. "I don't know the details, but I can tell. It's almost sweet. I never realized he cared this much about making me happy."

  "He does." My gaze goes right back to the floor. It's scuffed with ugly white lines. "And he's stubborn."

  "Very."

  I force myself to make eye contact. She has the same blue eyes as Blake. They're just as piercing. Just as good at picking me apart. "How did you know?"

  "The boy doesn't have an impulsive bone in his body. If he really was seeing someone, I'd have known about it months ago."

  Something in me relaxes. It's not that he's incapable of love. At least, she doesn't believe he's incapable of it.

  I nod. "Part of it was true. We met when I was leaving an interview, and he offered me the job. If you can call it that." I pluck the stray threads from my purse's handle. "I feel awful about lying to you."

  "Don't. You get something good in exchange for this?"

  "Really good."

  "Sweetie, as far as I'm concerned, we never had this conversation. Take Blake back, marry him, divorce him, and take him to the cleaners."

  "We signed a prenup."

  "And how much would you get?"

  I hold my purse against my stomach. "A lot."

  Meryl raises a brow. "He won't miss whatever he offered you." She pushes herself up so she can lean closer. "It's a hard world for women. You have to use whatever you have to get yours. You're beautiful, smart, and a damn good liar."

  "You really want me to lie to your son so I can divorce him and take his money?"

  "It was his idea."

  "Apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I laugh. God, this whole thing is absurd. My life was a lot easier before I met Blake, but it was a hell of a lot less interesting. "I really wish I could."

  She grabs my wrist. Her eyes get serious. "Honey, you can. And you should. You two would be much happier than Fiona and Trey are."

  "Probably."

  "Of course, she hasn't been happy since she was Homecoming Queen." Meryl shakes her head. "My kids, my problem. They don't know what it's like to grow up with nothing. Their father did well. He spoiled them rotten. And he was insured to the hilt." Her expression softens. "They're successful. What every mom is supposed to want. God. I'm a cliché, whining about the state of my children's marriages, or lack thereof."

  My stomach is twisted and torn. This confession isn't exactly freeing us. Maybe Blake was right and it was better to lie. Better to die happy believing a lie…

  I study Meryl's expressi
on, trying my best Sterling stare. Her eyes are especially yellow but they're also bright. Alive. Her lips are turned into a smile.

  She is happy, considering the circumstances.

  "You want the truth?" I ask.

  "Of course, sweetheart."

  "I'm an idiot not to marry Blake. That money could be my ticket. I could spend ten years in school and another ten traveling the world. But I won't be able to do any of it with my heart broken."

  Her eyes go wide. She leans closer.

  "I love Blake. I love him, and he's never going to fall in love with me. I can't live like that, constantly wanting him in a way I'll never have him. It would kill me."

  "Oh, sweetie." She pats my arm. "I'm sorry."

  I prepare myself to blink back a tear—this whole love thing has me in pieces—but it doesn't come. I'm too tired, too numb, too something.

  "You have to take care of yourself." Meryl studies me. She pulls her arm to her side. "Do me a favor and run down to the gift shop."

  "Sure."

  "You have cash?"

  I nod.

  "Get me the trashiest romance novel you can find. And get yourself a cup of coffee. You look like hell."

  A laugh escapes my lips. "You got it."

  "Blake would take great care of you," she says.

  "He would." But it's not enough.

  I buy Meryl one copy of each romance in here—there are only three—and buy myself a can of iced coffee.

  It's a short walk to Meryl's room. I keep my gaze on the white tile floor.

  Room 302. I reach for the door.

  Shit.

  Blake is here.

  He's in jeans and a t-shirt. Messy hair. Bags under his eyes. He's undone. Not like the animal Blake, the one I understand.

  He's some other version of Blake.

  One I've never seen before.

  I step inside with my best I don't give a damn my ex is here swagger. My shoes squeak against the tile floor. I force a smile.

  Blake's eyes fix on mine. "Kat."

  My name is a plea on his lips. But not for what I need. Not for every ounce of my love and affection.

  I hand Meryl her books. "I should get going. I'll come back tomorrow."

  Blake's eyes stay on mine. "Stay. Talk. I can come back."

  "No, that's okay. I have a lot of work to do. Deadlines for my applications." I press the can of coffee against the inside of my wrist. It sends a chill straight to my spine. "I hope you feel better."