What did that mean? Where was he? And what had happened?
Suddenly it all came rushing back at her. The chaos in her family’s courtyard, the men who had come after her, and mounting her horse to leave before she had seen the rock hurtling toward her head. She must have been hit and fallen. How had she come to be here?
“How…how long—?”
“A few days.”
“Days!” Kyla tried to exclaim, but she could barely form the word. No wonder she felt so weak. It likely had been that long since she had eaten or drank anything. She settled her head back against the pillow, her eyes closing of their own accord. As the world before her went black once more, the only thought that echoed around her mind was where was Finlay?
She dozed on and off for the next couple of hours, waking time and again. Each time, Jane was there providing sips of water and bits of broth. Her father came as well. Apparently, he had been on the property, waiting to see if there was any change. Peggy also came to sit with her.
But where was Finlay? Kyla asked a couple of times and just received vague answers as those with her changed the subject. Was he continuing on with his regular work? She knew how much he cared about his duties, but he had been gone for some time now.
She longed for him to return. She knew, deep in her heart, how much she needed him. Before, she had thought she could live with him in mutual companionship. Now that she knew what love truly felt like, it could never be the case. She needed him to love her as she loved him. She could not live with anything less.
Kyla had planned to ask him what his feelings were toward her but perhaps… perhaps she had her answer now. If he could not be here with her, what did that say? She didn’t want to feel that she should be the priority above all else, but if it were the other way around nothing and no one could ever force her to leave his side. Why should it be any different this way?
She also realized with a pang in her chest that it had been three months since the marriage. She had promised Finlay she would stay that length of time to try living with him, with the McDougalls.
Now she had a decision to make.
Kyla lay there, the thoughts running through her mind. How much simpler it would be if she returned back to the MacTavishes with her father. She could take over running things for him, and Rory could do whatever it was that Rory chose to do. She could prevent situations like yesterday—or the day before, or the day before that, whenever it had been—and create peace as well as a better system of management.
Was peace worth giving up her love for Finlay? It was, she thought, forcing herself to prevent any tears from falling down her face, if he didn’t feel the same.
Her emotions now in tangles, when her father returned to her side in her room, she told him her thoughts.
“I want to go home with you,” she announced.
He looked at her, incredulous.
“But you’re married.”
“I know. I shall remain married. But I feel it would be best I return with you and begin to manage everything once again.”
Niall narrowed his eyes at her, apparently considering the options.
“Manage the holdings when you’re well, you mean.”
“Aye.”
“And why don’t you want to stay with your husband?” He tilted his head, confusion now reigning.
“I want him to love me. If he’s not here, well then….”
Niall opened his mouth as if he were about to say something, but then closed it again. Instead he slowly began to nod his head.
“If that is what you truly want, daughter,” he said with a sigh. “When do you want to leave?”
“As soon as we can.”
Niall looked at her. “Are you well enough to ride?”
“I think so. I’m weak, but if I ride with you—”
Rory suddenly burst through the door.
“Kyla, you’re awake!” he enveloped her in a hug.
“Rory, I didna know you were here as well.”
“I was, and then Fi—”
“Rory,” Niall cut him off, and Kyla meant to ask Rory what he had been about to say, but then she began to follow her father’s words. Her head was still fuzzy and the world around her somewhat hazy. “Kyla has decided to return home with us to manage the clan. It will allow you the freedom to do as you please and I can retire from the daily operations. It seems she finds her husband’s absence to be unforgivable, which is a sentiment I agree with.”
She saw him give Rory a look that she wasn’t sure how to interpret.
“I—I suppose.”
Rory looked like he was struggling to know what to say—odd for him.
Niall resolved his dilemma by asking, “Do you think you can ride with Kyla, support her back home?”
“Aye. But—”
“We’ll prepare to leave immediately then.”
Niall ushered in one of the women who had come to help the McDougalls while Kyla was injured. She looked perplexed as she followed Kyla’s directions to gather a few small belongings. They would later send for the remainder of her clothing. The woman washed Kyla as best she could before helping to dress her in a simple plaid. Finally, Niall and Rory returned from the corridor, Rory picking up his sister, despite her protests. Together they made their way downstairs. Only Jane was in the hall when they passed through to the door. She stood suddenly when they entered, her face a mass of confusion.
“Kyla is coming home,” Niall said firmly as he bid Rory to take her outside and mount a horse, “for good.”
“What are you on about? She is home,” Kyla heard Jane exclaim as Rory led her out the door, causing tears to well in her eyes.
“She gave him the three months he requested and now she wants to come home. I believe that was more than fair. I dinna believe it should matter what he has to say.”
“I’m sure Finlay will have something to say about this. You canna force her to go, Niall, she is Finlay’s wife now and he should, at the very least, have the chance to speak with her. Let me go find him—or Duncan.”
“We must leave now. As you say, it is late. Goodnight, Jane.”
“Night has fallen. Surely you can all stay until the morning, at the very least?”
But the door slammed at her words, the night gone with it.
“I never said goodbye to her, Rory,” Kyla said, tugging at her brother’s arm to be put down. “Take me back in, I—”
“No,” Niall said, having caught up to the them that moment. “You wanted to go home, Kyla? Then home we go. Now.”
* * *
Kyla’s heart was breaking in her chest as she leaned against her brother on the ride back to Darfield. She did not want to leave Finlay. Truly, she did not. But what could have been so important that he would leave her at such a time? Clearly no one wanted to tell her the truth, as when she asked, they all hid it from her—Jane, Peggy, her father and brother.
Even the two MacTavishes had been there at the castle for her, and they had rarely supported her throughout her life. In fact, she often had wondered if they even cared. Apparently, they did.
Her feelings for Finlay aside, she saw no other way to keep the peace. Clearly her father and brother were incapable, and she didn’t want the disruptions of the MacTavishes to make their way to the McDougalls. This way she could keep things under control and protect Finlay’s family. She sighed at the realization of what the rest of her life was likely to look like—living alone in the large keep, maintaining the ledgers and making decisions with no one to share the joys of life with. How lonely it will be, she thought miserably, but could see no other way out.
A tear slid down her cheek and she sniffed, but it hurt her head. Perhaps she should have waited for the physician. She had made her decision to leave fairly hastily and was beginning to realize it was a foolish one. It would have been better to stay for the night. Even if Finlay didn’t love her, she knew he cared for her, and she should have said goodbye, at the very least. Once she mentioned the idea, he
r father had been so insistent to leave, and she hadn’t had the strength to argue with him but instead had let him sweep her out the door.
When they arrived home, she resolved to send Finlay a note to explain why she had left. Hopefully, he could understand.
The tears poured steadily now, and she leaned her head back against her brother, finally falling asleep the rest of the way home.
21
Finlay eventually composed himself, ashamed at the emotion he had allowed to overcome him. He was glad, however, he had managed to keep it to himself with only Hurley as a witness. It was not a display he would have wanted Kyla nor any of his family to see.
Adam may have had an inkling of his turmoil, for he had been waiting outside the stable doors when Finlay had finally emerged, with nothing but a nod for his brother before they strode up to Galbury together.
When they entered the front door into the hall, Finlay knew immediately something was wrong. His mother and his sister stood together staring at him, as if they had been waiting him for some time. Kyla’s brother and father were nowhere to be seen. He assumed Roderick was still fetching the physician. When his father walked into the room and Finlay caught the expression on his face, his knees nearly gave out and he just managed to sit down in time.
“What’s happened?” he asked, though he didn’t think he could breathe. Peggy had just told him Kyla was awake. What had changed? Had she… she…he couldn’t think it.
“She’s fine, darling,” his mother said quickly before anyone else could speak, as she read the concern on his face.
“Then what’s the matter?” He held up a hand, stopping them before they said anything else. “Never mind. I will go see her now.”
He started for the stairs when his father spoke.
“Son,” Duncan said slowly, deeply. “Kyla isn’t upstairs.”
“What do you mean, she isn’t upstairs?” He turned around, his gaze pinning his father.
“She left, with Niall and Rory, back to Darfield.”
Finlay could only stare at his father with an incredulous expression.
“What do you mean, she left? She has been unconscious for over two days and the moment she wakes up, her father takes her to their home? That was where this all started, does no one recall that? She isn’t safe there. Why did you let her leave?”
His anger built along with his words, as he stormed at his family since the true objects of his ire were no longer present.
Jane cleared her throat, and came over to put a hand on his arm.
“Kyla chose to leave,” she said gently. “Niall said she felt she had fulfilled her promise of three months and it was time for her to return to the MacTavishes.” She looked at him quizzically. “Finlay, what three-month agreement was he talking about?”
Finlay wrenched his gaze from the table up to his mother’s eyes. He paused for long moments before finally answering her question.
“When we discussed marriage, she had some stipulations before she agreed,” he finally reluctantly explained. “She said she would live here for three months, and then make the choice of whether or not she wanted to stay here and remain living with me.”
“Oh Fin,” Peggy said, stepping forward, her eyes filling with tears. “She must not have been in the right frame of mind. I’m sure she would never have wanted to leave—”
“She made her choice. She left,” he said, standing abruptly. “No one knew the agreement but her. If that’s what she wants, then so be it.”
Ignoring his family, he pushed his chair back and took to the stairs. When he reached his chamber, however, he couldn’t enter, not into the room they had shared over the past while.
He left again, back to the stables, saddling his horse and heading out into the night. Roderick came chasing after him as he rode out of the yard, but Finlay didn’t look back. He gave Hurley his freedom, and together they raced out into the night.
* * *
Kyla was miserable.
She lay in her room, attempting to eat and drink to regain her strength. The physician had attended to her and pronounced her healthy. He didn’t believe any permanent damage had been sustained from the injury, and said the fuzziness in front of her eyes and the pain in her head should clear in time.
Wonderful, she thought.
After a few days, she had the strength to assume some of her old duties around the house. Primarily, she returned to her father’s study and reviewed the ledgers once more. He hadn’t done much at all within them since she had been gone. They were losing money now, of course, without any rents being paid. Many of the crofters had also abandoned the land to go south to the Lowlands or west across the sea. The land would have to be reallocated, she mused, if someone hadn’t already encroached upon it.
When she was feeling up to it, she would have to go see for herself. Although this time, she would be taking reinforcements.
Opening their lands to hunters was helping, though not much. It had not been very productive without the proper management. She sighed. She had some ideas for the land—for working with the clan members who could become guides and gillies for gaming visitors from the south. But she hadn’t the motivation at the moment to do anything further than run the idea through her head.
Rory had managed to stay for one entire day before returning to his “business interests” in Glasgow. She rolled her eyes at him. Apparently, it had been such a burden sitting around waiting for her to wake up. He seemed jumpy, on edge. A few times it seemed as if he had something to say to her, but each time she asked what was bothering him, he just shook his head.
Her father went back to half-running the lands. He didn’t actually do particularly much, just drank with his closest friends and told her what she could and couldn’t do when she brought ideas to him. Was this to be her life now, for the rest of her days? How to better the estate had been on her mind for some time now, but she didn’t want to do it this way. She didn’t want to do it alone.
Finlay never came. She hadn’t expected him to. He was a proud man, and she knew that he would have been slighted at her leaving. He may not love her, but he would have considered it a broken contract, even though she provided him with the three months, just as she had stipulated.
She could also understand that in his view, all had likely gone quite well. They had learned to resolve many of their differences, had reached an understanding, had even truly lived as husband and wife.
But that wasn’t enough for her. Not anymore.
She hadn’t thought of it when they had agreed on the three months, but it had basically taken them to just before Hogmany, the New Year’s celebrations. What a sad time to begin a life alone. She had looked forward to spending this time with the McDougalls. Somehow, she knew it would have a lot more life than the traditional celebrations with her family.
She had written Finlay a note when she arrived back at Darfield. It was short. She merely told him she was sorry she had to leave, but it was necessary, and thanked him for all he had done for her in their short time together. She said they would remain married in name, and she would visit soon to discuss their business interests.
But still part of her, a tiny piece of her heart, waited for his arrival.
If he loved her—if he truly loved her as she wished he did—would he not have raced after her, desperate to see her and want her back?
As she thought of him, she realized she longed to see him again. Perhaps a business meeting could be arranged? She had been thinking on their marriage—in truth, she could not think of much else—however, in terms of business, she felt they should take it one step further. If they truly combined the administration of the clans into one, they could be much more profitable. She would oversee everything from the MacTavish side, Finlay on the McDougall’s. They could provide her father and Rory with a stipend each month so they would agree to the plan, but effectively she thought she could manage it.
Yes, perhaps it was time to speak with Finlay about it. A small smile c
rossed her face as she thought of seeing him again, as painful as it might be.
* * *
Finlay sat behind his desk in the study, re-reading the note that he had kept on him at all times since receiving it.
Finlay,
I am sorry to have departed so suddenly, but it seemed the timing was right.
As much as I would have liked to have stayed with your family, it was necessary that I return to the MacTavishes and Darfield Keep.
Thank you for all you have done for me, in protecting me and establishing our business relationship. Our marriage will continue in name, and I look forward to meeting again to discuss our land holdings and business of mutual benefit.
Yours,
Kyla
He understood why she had left. He wasn’t always easy to get along with. He was stubborn, and hard to please. He had thought they had found something together, but clearly it was not enough to keep her with him. He had hoped three months would be enough time for her to develop feelings for him. He had tried, he truly did, to show her that he cared, that he could be happy and honest and what she was looking for.
He had failed.
“Still sulking?”
Peggy entered the room, her skirts swaying as her wide brown eyes took in his misery.
“What do you want, Peg?”
“I want you to saddle up your horse and go get your wife,” she said. “She loves you. You love her. But neither of you will let it be known! Whatever is wrong with you?”
“She doesn’t love me, Peggy,” he responded without emotion.
“She does. Tell her how you feel, and I guarantee you will hear that she loves you just as well.”
He was shaking his head at her when a knock came at the door. As Peggy opened it, Finlay recognized the MacTavish plaid the man wore and sat upright.
When Peggy brought him the note, he read it quickly. Kyla wanted to meet with him to discuss a business proposition. Was the following day acceptable? She would be happy to meet him at Galbury. He hastily scrawled a reply agreeing and sent it back with the messenger. How slowly the time would pass as he awaited her arrival.
Finlay’s Duty: The Victorian Highlanders Book 2 Page 15