by J. P. Rice
Lowering my head, I said, “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“Oh, wait, what do we have here?” Felix pulled out a set of keys and jingled them in front of his face.
“You son of a bitch. I ought to slap the shit out of you.” So everyone was a fucking comedian now. We hopped in the car and I stared at the house. I couldn’t see any of the sorcerers.
Felix started the ignition and revved the engine. He pulled a much better U-turn than before, and we took off, away from the Seven Sorcerers’ hideout without the prize we had come for. Fuck. We’d just given them ample reason to kill Cyclone Woman and take her powers. Hindsight attacked in the form of a giant hand slapping me across the face. Of course, now it seemed like a stupid plan.
But we literally had her in our hands. We were on the way out the door. I knew it was too good to be true. The fact that they hadn’t killed Cyclone Woman actually gave me a glimpse of hope. It made me think that the sorcerers were using Cyclone Woman as bait to get at Great Grandmother.
If they killed Cyclone Woman, I had to believe that Great Grandmother would know her soul had died and stop searching. One thing had been made clear during this attempt. We needed some help. If the demon implant took over during another battle, we weren’t guaranteed to escape with our lives again.
“Do you know of anyone who might be interested in helping us out? Any pure magic practitioners you know of?” I asked Felix.
He took a hit off his vape pen and exhaled. He spoke with a high-pitched voice as smoke flowed from his mouth and nose, “I might know of a few people. They’re like me though. They likes to get paid, son.”
I had the sudden urge to backhand Felix. “Seems to be a trend with everyone. Everyone except me.”
He turned and looked at me with his eyebrows raised. “Bro, you just pocketed two mil from the mayor. I’ll bet that much cash will soak up all those faux tears.” He started to veer into the other lane.
I pointed at the road, and said, “Dude, you’re driving.”
His neck snapped and his eyes were back on the road again, straightening out the vehicle and getting back into our lane.
Why had he brought that shit up? I had never asked the mayor for money, he had offered it to me. But that was neither here nor there right now. I needed help, as hard as that was to admit. “Why don’t you put together a little list and have them contact me for an interview?”
“Interview?” he asked, shoving his vape pen between his lips.
What could be confusing about that word? “Yeah. Like a chance for me to talk to them and ask a question or two. You know, a job interview.”
“I’ll see what I can do. These aren’t the kind of people that carry around resumes or anything like that,” he explained.
My main point with the interview was to make sure I could work with the person without wanting to kill them. “I get that. Keep in mind that we are going to Japan soon when you make the list. I want this person to come with us, so make sure it’s someone who can leave town in the next few days.”
We pulled onto my block, and Felix said, “That shouldn’t be a problem, bro.”
I needed an insurance plan in case the implant kicked back in at an inopportune time. Sounded like a good idea since I had plenty of money. I just had to hire someone, so we could fill this Blood Goblet. Then we could stop the curse on Cyclone Woman, so she could retake control of the weather. My impatient half wanted to complete this case immediately.
But first, I had to add a mercenary to the squad.
Chapter 16
I waited for the last interviewee to show up as I sat back in my desk chair. The decision was all but officially announced. Felix had given me five names with a short bio attached to each candidate. Four interviews had already taken place. Three sucked and one blew me away with his knowledge of the supernatural worlds.
I checked out Felix’s notes under the final name, Glenda Gold. Sounded like a stage name.
Supernatural bounty hunter/hit woman. Brazilian. Early 30s? In your face attitude. Smart ass. Little rough around the edges. Likes to drink, smoke and gamble. She’s a badass, but you probably won’t want her since you don’t drink or smoke no mo.
Felix was right about that. I didn’t need that temptation right now, especially with how low I felt about killing Reg. It would be nice to be able to drown my sorrows in some Jameson.
Jonathan had been calling me three times a day asking if I’d seen Reg, and I had lied to him every single time. Each call felt like a knife in my chest. A friendly reminder of what a terrible person I was.
The door flew open and crashed against the wall. I jumped up and brought my magic to the surface. A thick, dark-skinned female with wavy black hair to her waist stood in the doorway. She cracked open a Pabst Blue Ribbon tall can and chugged it until it was gone. Foamy suds ran down her neck and soaked the collar of her blue t-shirt that had ‘We’re Not Alone’ written across the chest.
Glenda’s skin glowed as if the richest brown dye had been mixed elegantly with the brightest gold ever seen. Even her black hair, although dirty and messy, carried an argent sparkle. She stood a few inches shorter than me, probably right under six feet. However, the big woman probably outweighed me by a good bit.
Her brown eyes focused intently on me. She looked like a woman that didn’t fuck around. And it appeared she had the size to back it up. She was wearing jeans, big ass-stomping leather boots up to her calves and a blue long-sleeved t-shirt under an old army jacket.
Glenda set her hands at the top and bottom of the can. As she twisted and crushed it into the shape of a hockey puck, she let out a burp that Booger from Revenge of the Nerds would have been proud of. “Hey pantywaist, you got a garbage can or should I throw this out on the street?”
Although I didn’t like being called names, I liked her spunk already.
Without speaking, I leaned down, grabbed my garbage bin and walked around my desk. As I set the bin down, the woman I assumed to be Glenda Gold fired a fastball into the cylinder. A trail of leftover beer escaped from the holes in the can and hit my forearm. It smelled good. I bet it tasted pretty good too.
As I rose back up to my feet, Glenda sparked a red Bic lighter in her left hand and went to light the Black and Mild hanging from her thick lips, which were coated in shiny black lipstick.
I waved my hands and objected, “Whoa. No smoking in here.”
Her stern facial features twisted in confusion. “What are you, allergic to smoke?” She spoke with the Black and Mild dangling from her lips, bouncing up and down as she talked.
I already had one wiseass in my life with Dante. Did I really need another one? “No. I’m not allergic to smoke. I have rules here.”
“Then this won’t work.” She lit the cigarette and blew the smoke toward my face. “Later, bitch.”
She turned her big backside toward me and headed for the door. I wasn’t sure if the implant had taken over, but I spoke without thinking, “Wait. Maybe I can open a window.” The back of my neck started tingling like it did when I thought about my mother’s spirit. It whispered to my soul that I should at least talk to Glenda.
“Glenda, I assume. Take a seat,” I said, gesturing to the seat in front of my desk. My single room office was pretty sorry looking. I had my desk near the front door and two other chairs behind me. The only other piece of furniture was the chair Glenda was currently parked in.
“Glenda Gold,” she clarified and bowed her head mockingly. “Felix said you’re Mike, but you spell your name weird or something.”
I chuckled internally. “Mike is fine. Don’t worry about the spelling.”
“Cool, cuz I don’t give a peanut-filled shit about that,” she said, exhaling a cloud of cigarillo smoke out the window. She produced another PBR seemingly out of nowhere and opened it up. She took a few big gulps and belched again. “We need to get one thing straight if I am to help you kill some supernatural baddies. I don’t work for you or any other man. You might be paying me,
but I only work for myself. If you ask me to do something I don’t agree with, I’ma tell you fuck off.” She pulled a silver crucifix on a leather necklace out of her shirt and kissed it.
On second thought, she had an overflowing supply of spunk or pizazz. She kind of reminded me of me from a few years ago. Unfortunately for her, that wasn’t a compliment. “Why do you want to work with us?”
“I like killing those supernatural jagoffs. I’m good at it. Please tell me you’re going after vampires. Fucking hate vampires. I was born in Brazil and had a normal childhood. Then I started finding things in the woods and nobody believed me when I told them about it.” She started to get choked up and sniffled. “Nowadays, I’m the person they call when they see those things.,” she stated in a matter of fact tone.
I waited to see if she wanted to continue the story. After twenty seconds of awkward silence, I got the hint she wanted to change the subject. “What kind of magic do you practice?”
“Several forms. Brazilian, Druidic, Greek and Egyptian mainly. But I dabble in as many as I can.” She dented the can right under the mouthpiece so that it would flow out faster. I’d used that trick in my heavy drinking days.
I shifted my vision to check out her magical vines. Holy shit. Unless it was a decoy, she was five times more powerful than any of the other candidates. Even though I felt like shit and wanted to die, Glenda gave Felix and me the best chance of surviving a battle with Shuten dōji.
Now that the meet and greet was out of the way, it was time to get down to brass tacks. “Are you willing to travel to Japan for this job?”
Her eyebrows arched, and she asked, “Do they got booze and weed in Japan?”
“They probably do. Do you need those things for a job? Wouldn’t you be better off being sober when you fight this legendary demon?”
“Nope.” She belched and smiled. “I need those things to get in the zone.” She leaned back in the chair and kicked her feet up on my desk.
“Sure, make yourself at home. The thing is, we are going to have to hike up a huge mountain. Carrying a couple of cases of beer doesn’t sound like a good idea.”
She covered her mouth and muttered, “Pussy.”
“Excuse me?” I asked as her charm started to wear off.
She looked up at the ceiling. “Oh nothing. I meant to say that you’re a really brave guy.” She barely finished the last few words and cracked up laughing.
I didn’t mind her sass, but I needed people that could function under any circumstance. “Let me throw out a hypothetical. Would you be able to operate if you didn’t have booze and weed?”
She looked at the can of PBR. “I can get by with just the booze and B and Ms or Newports.”
I warned her, “If you buy beer there, you are responsible for transporting it. I won’t help you and I doubt Felix will either.” I sounded like a parent.
She laughed and took her feet down off my desk. “I might be a girl, but I’m no bitch. I’ll carry my own shit. You just worry about yourself. How much you payin’ me?”
I hadn’t given that much thought. “You’re the first mercenary I’ve ever hired. I’m not sure of the going rate.”
She leaned forward in the chair and put her Black and Mild out on the inside of my garbage can. As she sat back up, we made eye contact. “Ten grand or I walk out that door and you never see me again.” She pointed blindly behind her. Although she wasn’t actually pointing at the door, her message was clear.
The negotiator inside me sprang to life. Without much thought, I said, “Five. You would have major bragging rights if you were to bag Shuten dōji. You’d be primed for future jobs around Pittsburgh. I’ll make sure Felix mentions your name to the press.”
She rolled her eyes as a look of disgust spread across her face. “I don’t give two shits about that nonsense. Listen up, little boy. You got me traveling to another country, climbing a damn mountain and I gotta mule my own swill up the hill. Ten grand, pansy.” She lit another Black and Mild cigarillo and blew her smoke in my direction. She stood up, eyeballing me the entire time. She hit her smoke a few more times and filled my office with a big cloud. Through the haze, I watched as she purposely tapped her cigarette next to my garbage can and the long silver cap fell onto my carpet.
Bitch. No, a stone-cold bitch. I really liked her now. If she wasn’t going to take any shit from the guy who was paying her, I almost felt sorry for her enemies.
Money. It didn’t really matter to me. I wanted to see if it did to her. She’d made a few nice points and her magical skills appeared to be head and shoulders above the rest of the applicants. “Ten grand it is. Be ready to leave tomorrow.”
She smiled and waved some of the smoke in the room out the window. “Oh wait. I can’t leave tomorrow.”
“Really?”
“Just kidding.” She smiled and finished her Pabst Blue Ribbon. “You gotta relax there, bud. You seem like you’re wound tighter than an about to explode hot dog.”
“What? What does that even mean?” I settled down and explained, “I have to be serious because everyone looks to me to solve all these supernatural cases. It’s a lot of pressure.”
Glenda smirked and tossed the empty can in my garbage can. “That’s why I’m here to help you out. Let’s go to the bank now.”
“Go to the bank. What are you talking about?” Did she really expect to get paid up front?
She rolled her eyes, indicating I was being an idiot. She spoke slowly, mocking me, “Well, let’s see. I mean let’s go to the bank. So you can give me the money for the job.”
I stared into her dark eyes. “You’ll get paid at the completion of the job. Nice try.”
Glenda stood up and her chair flew backward. She shook her head. “No way, sucker. What if I get killed during the job? I always get paid up front, so I can go on a bender and live it up in case I die. It’s a little ritual of mine that seems to be working.”
Her nagging reminded me of Dante when he wanted something. But she gave Felix and me the best chance of coming home from Japan. Alive, of course. My bones being sent home for burial wouldn’t count.
I said, “See if you can keep your burping to a minimum at the bank. And if you’re good, I’ll make sure they give you a lollipop. Beer flavor if they have it.”
Glenda Gold smirked and shook her head. “Ass.”
And with that offhand comment, it looked like I had a new member of the squad.
We were ready for Japan and Shuten dōji now.
Chapter 17
I sipped my ginger ale in the back of the limo on the way to pick up Glenda. Soon, we would be on our way to Japan. Leaning back into the soft leather, I took the plastic cylinder of Dramamine out of my pocket.
I’d never flown on a plane before, but I’d read that this stuff helped with motion sickness. As I popped the lid off, we hit a pothole causing me to spill a few pills onto the seat. I brushed them onto the floor and tossed two pills into my mouth. Reaching out, I grabbed my drink from the cupholder.
Tilting the glass back against my bottom lip, I chased the pills down. Felix sat across from me wearing his giant headphones. I could hear the music faintly as he bobbed his head around. He took a hit from his vape pen and exhaled a monster cloud of cinnamony smoke.
Somehow, I was getting used to his vape machine. At least the smell of it. I still wasn’t convinced that it was safer than cigarettes, but it smelled a hell of a lot better than them. Felix was turning into a good friend. After a rocky start when I’d thought he was trying to pick up my girlfriend, we’d put all that stuff aside. We made for a pretty solid dynamic duo.
I wasn’t sure what to expect from Glenda on the trip. Other than some extremely colorful banter, of course. And maybe her drinking half the sake in Japan. We were picking her up at the tail end of her bender. I could only wonder what condition she would be in. Luckily, she could sleep the entire flight so that wouldn’t be a problem.
I was worried more about her going through withdrawal if
we couldn’t find any sauce in the remote areas of Japan. I’d only heard of sake and Sapporo, so I wasn’t exactly an expert on Japanese booze.
The Dramamine was causing a little drowsiness, so I closed my eyelids. My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out. Phone call from Satoku. My ex-girlfriend. I tucked the phone back into my pants. Now wasn’t the time for that call. I waited for the phone to buzz again for a voice message, but it never did.
The driver pulled off onto the side of the road. His voice came over the intercom, “Gentlemen. We seem to be having a slight problem with the engine. Not to worry. Help is already in the area.”
Felix removed his headphones and asked, “What’s going on? Why we stopped?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “Engine issues.”
Felix asked, “Are we still going to be able to make the flight?”
“I think so.” I knew Jonathan ran a pretty tight operation, so I trusted the driver’s assessment. “It’s a private jet, anyway. They can’t leave without us, right?”
“They still run on a schedule. You can’t just change that time because you’re late. I hope this doesn’t take long.” He put his headphones back on and leaned back.
Less than a minute later, a Cadillac Escalade pulled up and parked behind us. Two vampires in business suits emerged, shielding the sun from their eyes, even though they were wearing sunglasses, and walked toward the limo. That was quick.
Felix gave me a thumbs up and closed his eyes. I did the same and tried to relax. Hopefully, this would only take a few minutes. Just when I was ready to fall asleep, the back door opened.
My eyes shot open. An arm in a suit jacket entered the vehicle, lunging at me. Four long fingers tipped with claws wrapped around my ankle. As I called on my magic to come to the surface, the powerful hand pulled me toward the open door. Another arm reached over the first man and grabbed my other ankle. Both men worked together and dragged me out of the vehicle.