by J. P. Rice
I looked out at a small town in the distance. A concrete jungle surrounded by natural landscape as far as the eye could see.
Owen and I pulled out our binoculars as Johnny pointed to a facility in the distance. Johnny said, “Main buildin’ yonder is where the Arawn feller likes to stay. Maeve, well she done sit there and watch the fights.”
“Fights? What fights?” I asked.
Johnny exhaled a giant cloud of smoke into the frosty air and said, “They gots them a clonin’ set up goins on down there. They’s takin’ orcs and faeries and the such and mixin’ them up. Then they makes them fight agin’ each other. Loser gets killt, then they clone the winner. And they keep them brawls goin’ all the live long day. End a the day, there’s seven winners.”
Owen asked, “And then they clone the seven winners?”
Johnny hit his cigarette two more times and flicked it over the precipice. I watched the glowing cherry falling and a sudden bout of nausea hit me, imploring me to take a step back.
Johnny said, “Sumthin’ like that, rebbit. The whore woman, Maeve, has herself a big ole public sex session with the winners. Suppose it’s only public if you is peekin’ like me. It’s a real hoot-an-ante, I tells ya. Then they take ‘em in the white buildin’ to clone ‘em. That damn yellow warehouse over there gots them flying orcs. Damn things is the size of giants. The blue warehouse gots them super sidhe warriors.”
“So basically they’re building up a super force of supernaturals?” As the words escaped my mouth, I realized I had stated the obvious.
Johnny nodded affirmatively. “Rebbit. My words ain’t near as pretty as the ones you gots, but you’s on the right train track. And all the jaw jackin’, cow flippin’, hee-hawin’, bull prancin’ in all the world ain’t gonna save no one, no how. We needs us a real krugger krooker that ain’t afraid a nothin’.”
“I’ll be your krugger krooker,” I said in my best Doc Holliday voice. Neither of the men got the Tombstone joke, so I got back to business. “Do you know anything about the building Arawn is in? We’re going to sneak inside and try to find out what their plan is.”
“Shoulda done known wit’ you. Don’t be doin’ nothin’ pigeon-handed now,” Johnny warned, although I didn’t really know what that meant. Ham handed?
Johnny Tango went on to explain the general layout of the building, including which doors were heavily guarded and where Arawn’s office would be. While he talked, I tried to figure out who he was. Because he for damn sure wasn’t just a western drifter. I’d met up with him many times but had never taken a long look.
His nose. The shape of his face. The way his strong jaw moved when he spoke. The big earlobes. The Neanderthal brow. Then it hit me.
Thor. Not a spitting image by any stretch, but numerous strong similarities.
“Here they a comin’. Bout to gets to fightin’ agin,” Johnny announced and pointed at the battle yard. How could the old man see that far without binoculars? I put the magnifiers up to my eyes and checked out the scene.
Maeve led a bunch of warriors out into the yard. Two men approached from the side, pushing wheelbarrows full of weapons into the yard. I tried to focus on the former Goddess of Earth and Fertility.
Her glowing tan was visible beneath the see-through white fabric robe. She didn’t shiver in the freezing temperature and stood proudly with her chest out. Her long platinum blond hair had thick black roots and I could see her purple eyes and lips with my binoculars.
Maeve had left the pantheon because the other Gods were getting sick of her party girl nature. She drank a lot and fooked a lot and was damn proud of it. She’d left about twenty years ago and formed a partnership with Arawn. It appeared I wasn’t the only one seeking revenge on the Celtic Gods.
“So what’s the operation? Maeve fooks ‘em and kills ‘em and then Arawn takes them to his new underworld?” I asked.
“Sumthin’ like that. Rebbit,” Johnny confirmed.
Two warriors walked to the middle of the yard and stood face to face.
Maeve put two fingers into her mouth, and I assumed she whistled because the two men crouched and circled each other. As I got a closer look at the combatants, I realized they were orcs.
These two were bright green, both wearing different colored loincloths, and stood about eight feet tall. Dripping with muscle definition, they resembled the Hulk more than any orc I’d ever seen. Both men had a full head of black hair and, perfectly straight teeth. They moved gracefully despite being enormous.
The genetic modifications from the oafish, ugly orc I had always seen to what I was looking at were unbelievable. They’d turned an ugly station wagon into a sexy rocket ship.
Maeve slid out of her robe and massaged her breasts, apparently turned on by the impending action. Owen commented, “Oh, dear me. Look at that. She’s a big ole bag of ho.”
I smiled. Only Owen could screw that up. I corrected him, “It’s ho bag.”
He lowered his binoculars and looked at me. “Same thing, no?”
I took mine down and shook my head. “No.”
“Ah, well. Tomato. Tahmahto. I’ll get it bang on next time.” He raised his binoculars back up to his eyes.
The man next to the wheelbarrow tossed weapons onto the snow-covered lawn. The orc in the red loincloth backed away from the one in white and picked up a spear. His opponent stood as still as a stone.
Red drew his arm back to test the reaction of White, who didn’t move a centimeter. Red unleashed the spear and sent it sailing directly at the White’s face. The latter didn’t panic, and at the last possible moment, his giant hand sprang from his hip in a lightning quick motion, snatching the sharpened end of the spear out of the air. The momentum continued pushing the metal end through White’s closed hand, and the silver point came to a halt two inches in front of his right eye.
White tossed the object aside, his hand leaking fat drops of dark blood into the milky snow. He licked some of the liquid, leaned back and howled at the sky. I couldn’t hear it, but it had all the makings of a howl.
Red ran off to gather another weapon. Keeping one eye on his opponent, Red leaned over and picked up an Imacasa Condor Machete with a D-Guard handle.
White smiled and licked more blood from his hand. Red began to move with concern, questioning himself before backing away even though he had the weapon. It appeared White was getting to him psychologically.
“These ones ain’t nowhere near the scariest ones,” Johnny revealed as I kept the binoculars glued to my eyes.
Red looked over to Maeve for comfort, but the former Goddess only pointed for him to march into action. The orc charged ahead, and as he approached his opponent, he drew back his hand with the machete, ready to hack White into pieces.
The silver blade swung forward and the White simply slid his feet backward taking the rest of his body with him, his chest avoiding the onslaught narrowly. In the same motion, White reached out and grabbed his opponent’s wrist. Using Red’s momentum, he slammed him face-first to the ground and jammed his knee into his opponent’s elbow, snapping it the wrong way, the skin bursting open and exposing bone.
White jumped into the air and came down with a thunderous punch to the back of Red’s head. He flipped Red onto his back and released a fury of fists, the first punch shattering his opponent’s skull. White continued to mash bits of broken bone into the snow as fountains of dark blood erupted with every punch, speckle painting his face like a Jackson Pollack on a green screen.
I’d seen enough and turned away. Johnny said, “You’s gonna miss the best part. Maeve, she’s gonna have her way with the blood winner.” He chuckled.
I had no urge to watch the live porno and backed away from the edge of the mountain.
“Oh, heavens. No foreplay here. She went for it straightaway,” Owen commented.
Johnny added, “Rebbit.”
Their viewing party gave me a chance to sort out my thoughts. I didn’t want to fight one of those supercharged orcs. If Johnny w
as right that these fierce warriors were the weaker members of their army, I couldn’t let them start a war with the spear in their possession. Seeing the huge operation in person convinced me that they had the manpower to take over the world. It would take them a long time, but it was possible.
Johnny gave us the details to get inside the complex and find our way to Arawn’s office. Luckily, he’d informed us that the guards inside Arawn’s silo were normal sidhe warriors with no magical skills. Apparently, Arawn didn’t want any cloned creatures around him because he was afraid one of them would go berserk on him. I thanked Johnny Tango profusely, still wondering about the truth surrounding him.
Johnny placed his hand on his hip, near his Peacemaker, and danced what I could only assume was the tango. The soles of his cowboy boots shuffled around the snowy dance floor. In my head, the twang of an acoustic six-string reverberated around. As Johnny’s feet moved faster, the steady strumming of the guitar followed, trying to keep up the pace.
With one hand still firmly on his hip and the other attached to the brim of his black hat, he moved with the graceful authority of a young dancer. There was a momentary pause in the music, then the crack of a whip and the drums kicked in. Bum-da-da-bum-bum. Bum-bum-da-da-da. The eruption of forceful guitar strumming joined back in.
Johnny’s feet were a blur, a tornado of movement, dislodging chunks of snow in the air. His eyes widened in panic and his mouth opened in awe. Raising a shaky index finger, he pointed over my shoulder. As I turned, I lifted my forearm up over my face in defense, expecting to see some great terror.
I saw nothing out of the ordinary and turned back to Johnny, but he had vanished, replaced by a dissipating blue cloud that smelled like a bonfire of his rolled cigarettes. A sharp gust of wind carried Johnny’s smoky remains out over the edge and the azure-tinted fog faded into a distant cloud. Dissolving into nothingness. Just the way he wanted to keep it.
It was almost as if I was getting too close on the trail of his identity, and he had to pull a miraculous escape act to throw me off the scent. He had made dramatic exits before, but this was over the top.
Owen and I made our way down the mountain and headed toward Arawn and Maeve’s compound.
Chapter 14
We waited until sundown and hung our coats over the branch of a tree just outside the complex. I set a powerful illusion spell over Owen, and then one for myself. It would make us and our clothes invisible to the guards. We planned to get inside Arawn’s office, if possible, and steal the spear. At the very least, we needed to gather intel.
I took a step back and couldn’t see Owen any longer. “Can you see me?” I asked. After a short silence, I said, “Well?”
“Right, sorry. I was shaking my head. No, I cannot see you either,” he confirmed.
“Perfect. You ready to do this?” I said with enthusiasm.
“I would suppose. But how will I know where you are?” he asked.
I walked to where he was standing and reached out. I bumped his soft hand and traced up his arm to grab his shoulder. We walked to the main entrance where the vehicles came in. It was set up like an outdoor parking lot with a worker inside the enclosed booth.
We moved over against the brick wall and squeezed by the lifting gate. We entered an open area and all the buildings stood in front of us. We veered to the left, avoiding the random guards patrolling the area and headed for the three-story ivory building. They appeared to be normal sidhe men and I couldn’t smell any magic in the air. Johnny was right again.
A guard opened the door to leave, and we sprinted to sneak inside. Just before the door shut, I jammed two fingers into the gap. Through the tiny crack, I peeked inside and nobody was near the entrance so I opened the door, let Owen in and wedged myself through.
We went left, down a drab hallway with yellow walls and long fluorescent lights guiding the way. It came to a fork where we took another left. We quickly arrived at another split, and I turned to Owen. “This is your post. If anyone is coming, use the whistle.”
Owen nodded silently, or at least, I hoped he was nodding. I let go of him and walked down the hall toward Arawn’s office where I encountered two guards stationed on either side of the door. I almost forgot I was invisible and panicked for a moment, then regained my mental balance.
The guards were dressed in tan pants and tight red long-sleeve shirts. I stared at the black belts around their waists and didn’t see any weapons. It seemed Arawn was paranoid his guards could turn on him. Without magical ability or weapons, the sidhe didn’t stand a chance against Arawn.
Arawn’s office window was in between the guards and me, but I still needed to remain wary of them. I remained calm, tiptoed over to the office and stood in front of a window with drawn blinds.
With the guards only a few feet away, I channeled the dragonfly blood inside me to wake up and supply me with super hearing. As the blood circulated slowly, I perked up my ears. Within a few moments, I could hear the conversation on the other side of the thick pane of wired glass.
I recognized Arawn’s voice. “He says he has it, but we need to go to Pittsburgh to make the deal.”
Another man spoke, “Why go there? Why won’t they come here?”
Arawn answered, “That was part of the deal. If you know someone who claims to have the other half of the spear, then by all means, set up your own deal.”
Someone had broken the spear in half.
The other man said, “Just seems fishy. Why is the spear in two pieces? Almost feels like a trap.”
Arawn sighed. “I appreciate your counsel, I really do. And I will take that into consideration. Be ready to leave in a few days. We haven’t set up a meeting location yet. There are still a few details to iron out, but the deal is as good as done.”
“What’s the plan from there?” the man asked.
Arawn responded, “As soon as we connect Lugh’s Spear, we come right back here and go on the offensive. We start with this state, then the region, then the entire United States. Once we capture all the military might of the U.S., we move on to other countries. Country by country, continent by continent until the world is ours. Then I will rule over Ireland and realize my prophecy as King of my homeland.”
Those words made my ears bleed. My father was the only King of Ireland that I would ever recognize.
The man added, “And with the spear in hand, there will be no way you can lose.”
Arawn sighed again. “Thank you for repeating the obvious. We must be careful they don’t unload a fake on us. If these jokers try anything stupid, we might not rule the world, but we will make Pittsburgh a veritable wasteland. I’ll kill anyone who’s ever heard of them without question.”
After seeing their setup and hearing the plan, I realized that Arawn and Maeve were a serious threat. I’d heard many people discuss conquering the world and laughed in most of their faces. However, this was a viable option. With the cloning operation, they could resupply warriors as they went along. Conquering more land would allow them to expand the facilities.
Arawn spoke in a deeper voice, “Once the world is under our thumb, we go after the Gods. One day, the Celtic Gods will serve me. All Gods for that matter. They will all bow before me. There won’t be a set of ears in any world that hasn’t heard the name Arawn. Sorry, Zeus. Sorry, Odin. But there will be a new supreme ruler. The Celtic Gods will rue the days they were rude to me. The Dagda, especially. I haven’t forgotten.”
His assistant said greedily, “I always wanted some slaves to serve me and my property.”
Arawn told him, “You will have your pick of the litter. Many will choose death over enslavement, but if they don’t, they are yours to do as you please.”
I heard a commotion coming from down the hall. Owen screamed, “Help, my invisibility has worn off.”
I spun around and charged down the hall, unworried about making any noise. For some reason, the guards in front of the door stood pat. I rounded the bend and saw Owen surrounded by five guard
s. They were beating him mercilessly as I arrived. My invisible hands grabbed two unsuspecting guards and tossed them aside.
I punched another guard in the nose, and he flailed his fists around wildly in response, keeping me at bay. One of the other guards grabbed Owen and placed one hand on his chin and the other on the top of the cat man’s head. In one quick motion, the guard broke his neck. I felt the ominous sound in my soul and my stomach turned.
Owen’s eyes rolled back into his head, then his eyelids shut as he crashed to the ground, possibly dead. I kicked the flailing guard in the balls, and he doubled over, clutching his crotch. With him in a vulnerable position, I swung my forearm around and popped him in the jaw.
The other two guards kneeled down to continue attacking Owen. One after the other, I booted them in the face and proceeded to stomp the shit out of them until they were unconscious. Why weren’t the guards from outside the office here yet? Then it hit me. Protecting the spear was the goal. But surely outside resources would show up soon.
Knowing the clock was ticking for enemy backup to arrive, I leaned down and scooped up Owen. Summoning all the strength I could, I slung his dead weight over my shoulder and navigated down the hall. More confused guards showed up, wondering why they could see Owen, but not the person carrying him.
I made it down the hallway and neared the entrance to the building when the guards closed in on me. The guards punched, pulled, clawed and slapped at my invisible body, trying to tear Owen away from me. Considering he was likely dead, I allowed them to pull my friend away so I could formulate a quick attack.
I panned the area and noticed five guards dragging Owen back toward Arawn’s office. Three more guards were blocking the entrance door. I could take out these eight opponents easily if nothing else happened. As I prepared to free my friend again, the alarm system went off, replete with flashing red lights and an eardrum-piercing siren.