by J. P. Rice
Flidais pulled her hand out and held it up in front of her chest. She warned, “Be careful of your actions. If the Gods found out you killed one of our own, there will be dire consequences.”
The Morrigan smirked, her red pupils growing fierce. “How about this? I kill her, then I kill you. Then I tell the Gods about your evil plan. And guess what, neither of you will be alive to dispute my version of events. Just let me know when you want to start. For instance, the next time your hand dives into that hideous shirt of beaver pelts, she’s dead and the blood is on your hands.”
Danu objected, “Wait now. I’m sure we can come to an amicable resolution here.”
Why was Flidais stalling? She had to be planning something, but I wasn’t sure of her exact intentions. I kept my electric hands at the ready, in case Flidais made a sudden move.
Merlin’s voice sounded from the other room, “Why don’t I hear work being done?”
His words caused the Morrigan to spring into action and she twisted her hands violently as bits of silver enchantment circled Danu’s head. The resulting crunching sound turned my stomach as Danu’s soft blue eyes rolled back in her head.
Unsatisfied, Mo kept twisting until Danu’s head turned around completely, facing backward. The Morrigan released her and the dead Goddess fell face first to the ground, the silver enchantment mingling with the kicked-up dust mites.
Before the body went still, Flidais extended her arms toward the Morrigan, so I blasted her with lightning, sending her flying backward into the wall. I watched black smoke plume from Flidais’ body as she writhed around in pain. Someone grabbed me by the hair from behind and swung me to the ground.
The attacker was wise because the dead cells of my hair didn’t carry the electricity and the harsh impact with the floor chased that magic out of me. I smacked my left hip when I landed and saw a pair of shiny purple boots leading into elk skin pants.
I lunged at the Bounty Huntress’s legs and wrapped my arms around her calves. Lowering my arms toward her feet, I drove my shoulder into the front of her shins, right above her ankles. Nobody could remain on his or her feet with this move, and like all the rest, the Huntress toppled onto her backside.
I released my grip as she hit the ground and pounced on her, my knee landing on the middle of her chest. I closed my right hand into a white-knuckled fist and unleashed four punches. The first two landed firmly, but the Huntress blocked the last two, covering her face with her hands, so I switched up my attack and started choking her.
Warren ran past me, heading for the exit. I’d been so caught up with the Bounty Huntress that I’d almost forgotten about him. Apparently, he didn’t know battle magic. Quickly, I conjured an invisible rectangle of dense mass.
With one hand still choking the Huntress as she clawed at my face, I used the other to launch the attack. Before Warren reached the door, I heaved the magic at him. The invisible block smacked into his back. The object, which was about two feet wide shoved him forward. He tried to fight against it, but his chest and forehead smashed into the wall. I heard the empty thud of his skull smacking the wall and he collapsed to the ground, knocked out. I peeked over at the Morrigan, who was locked in an intense lightning battle with Merlin and Flidais.
I went to focus on the Huntress, but as soon as I turned back to her, she drove her thumb into my eye. Fighting against the excruciating pain, I had to act quick or lose an eye. Her palm was right in front of my mouth, so I chomped down on her meaty flesh, my sharp incisors digging through several layers of skin. She yanked her hand back, but my teeth were still clenched, and a big chunk of her palm ended up in my mouth.
She rolled onto her side, squealing in pain. I spit the piece of bloody flesh at her, hitting her right below her left eye. I felt proud of myself until she reached for the gun on her hip. Oh, shit. With blood dripping from her hand, she drew the weapon and aimed at me. Her hand was trembling from the injury and intensity of the moment, but she managed to pull the trigger.
A projectile that resembled a green paintball charged out of the gun barrel and raced toward my midsection. I turned, and as I sucked in my gut and slid off to the side, the portal ball barely missed me. She fired another round, this time her shaky hand sending the pellet to my left, where it splattered harmlessly against the wall.
I took a quick peek at the Morrigan, who was being overpowered by the combination of a Goddess and one of the most powerful wizards of all time. The Bounty Huntress got to her knees. Thinking fast, I positioned myself with the Morrigan, Merlin and Flidais behind me.
The Bounty Huntress set the barrel of the gun on her left forearm to steady the shot. Standing on my toes, I waited for her to fire. After a few tense moments, she pulled the trigger, sending a portal ball screaming at my belly.
I shifted to the left and turned my body. The paint ball missed me narrowly and kept flying across the room. I watched with bated breath as my plan would be either a crowning achievement, or a death sentence. If the ball hit Merlin or Flidais, it could save the Morrigan’s life.
But if it hit the Morrigan, that would send her to the Lair of Justice and leave me alone with three powerful entities. Effectively committing suicide. I called magic to my hands in case it turned out for the worse. I ground my teeth together, knowing I had sealed my fate.
My heart dropped into my boots when I noticed the ball headed straight for the Morrigan’s back. My mind raced. I checked the exits again as I wondered how I could escape with my life. Just as the ball was about to smack the Morrigan, she jostled Flidais and reversed their positions. Both Goddesses twisted around, trying to overpower the other.
Chapter 29
Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. With the Goddesses’ foreheads only inches apart, the projectile sailed right in between and busted through the cardboard covering on the window behind them. With no time to waste, I took the pink ball of electric fire in my right hand and threw it at Merlin. The wizard was trying to free Flidais from the Morrigan’s death grip so he wouldn’t even see this coming.
Because of the fiery mass’s odd shape, it veered to the right and dipped at the last moment and grazed Merlin’s right butt cheek. The wizard howled and grabbed for the wound. Dark blood poured out over his hand and down his burgundy robes.
With his left hand, he heaved a ball of blue fire at me, but his wild throw missed badly and burrowed through the porous wall, traveling into the other room. Smoke lingered around the hole and splintered wood fell to the ground.
I didn’t have time to enjoy Merlin’s pain and turned back to the Bounty Huntress. The bitch had made it back to her feet, but the clicking sound coming from the gun and her cursing indicated she had run out of bullets. It appeared she hadn’t anticipated an O.K. Corral-type shootout.
She flipped the gun around, moving her hand onto the barrel. She drew her arm back and tried to pistol whip me. My hand flung up naturally to block the aggression. I stopped most of her momentum, but the follow through hit me on the bridge of the nose, causing my eyes to water.
The gun fell to the dusty floor, and I unleashed a stiff left jab, connecting on the front of her chin. The punch dazed her, and she backed up a few feet.
“That’s right. Run away, little boy,” the Morrigan screamed.
I peeked over my shoulder and saw a flash of burgundy. Despite his huge gut and worn out sandals, he darted across the room and dove through the hole in the plywood covering the window. Fookin’ coward. Leave the real action to the women.
With Merlin gone and Flidais locked in battle with the Morrigan, I set a spell to make myself invisible, hoping the Huntress’s magical vision wouldn’t detect me. I finished the spell, and noticed an emerald object in the Bounty Huntress’s hands. She heaved the glowing green magic at me and I dove to the side, narrowly avoiding the impact.
“Where the fuck did she go?” muttered the Huntress. She spun in circles trying to locate me as I rose to my feet.
I moved silently to the left and conju
red an invisible club. As I felt the handle materialize in my hand, the corners of my lips curled up. With the Huntress still battling confusion, I moved in closer.
I lined up the target, then reached back with both hands and swung with all my might. The fat end of the club blasted the Huntress in the side of the head. Her jaw popped as she dropped to her knee, reaching for her lopsided face. She yelped in agony and spit out two blood-covered teeth.
Before her teeth hit the ground, I wound up again and drilled her in the shoulder. She toppled to the ground, searching for the invisible assassin as blood poured from her mouth. Before she could get up, I bashed her in the head, denting her purple afro and cracking her skull.
Dazed, the Huntress fell on her back with her arms out at her sides. Her arms and legs moved pathetically, making a snow angel out of the heavy layer of dust on the floor.
I dissolved my weapon. This needed to be personal. Bitch had been trying to kill me for almost a century.
First, I kneeled on her upper arms, pinning her down. Then, I lunged for her neck, wrapping my hands around her throat and applying pressure. She flopped around, choking and gagging as foamy white spittle jumped out of her mouth.
I relinquished my invisibility spell. The Bounty Huntress needed to see the person who was killing her.
I stared into her clouded, watery eyes and turned her line around on her. “Gotcha, bitch.”
She clawed at my hands and face ferociously, but my grip didn’t loosen. I continued choking her violently and started ramming her head against the wooden floor. She gargled grossly, her eyes went dead and her body stopped moving.
I didn’t stop. She could be trying to fool me into releasing her too early. I strangled the lifeless body for another twenty seconds to be certain the bitch was dead. Finally, I loosened my grip, and she didn’t move. I let go of her neck and backed away. As I stared at the body, I remembered I had unfinished business to handle.
I checked the Huntress’s pockets, and it wasn’t there. Then I noticed the gold chain around her neck. She was wearing it? I was more pleased about having killed her now. I searched for the clasp and unhooked it. Moving her dead head around, I removed my necklace and watched the golden half-heart locket pop out of her collar.
A smile was starting to take shape on my face, when I remembered the situation. I jumped up and shoved a heavy printer aside on the table in front of me. The Morrigan had her back to me. I worked my way around the table, ready to help her with Flidais.
To my surprise, the Morrigan was standing over Flidais’s still body. Holding her arms at her sides, Mo barked, “Yeah, bitch. How’d that work out for you? Told you not to fuck with me.”
Her gloating was cut short when the side door to the room flew open. My head jerked to the left, and I noticed the outline of a big man. Merlin bolted into the room and extended his staff toward the Morrigan. I watched the translucent ripple of magic cut through the stale air, knocking the bits of dust out of its path.
The Morrigan rounded toward the door and the wave of magic crashed into her body, lifted her off the ground, and slammed her into the wall. The small of her back hit first, then her head whipped back and cracked into the wall, causing a loud thud and a stressed dent.
She collapsed to the ground in a heap, kicking up a cloud of dust. I quickly stuffed the locket into the waistband of my pants and charged at Merlin.
The wizard spun to meet me and extended his staff, stopping me in my tracks. Using telekinesis, Merlin definitely held the upper hand. The soles of my shoes squeaked against the hardwood floor as the force pushed me back. Merlin kept peeking over his shoulder at the Morrigan, who was still down for the count.
However, his constant head movements were weakening his attack. I fought back with some mind magic of my own. It caused me to stop as Merlin and I locked horns in a mental battle.
Overwhelmingly overmatched in this arena, I knew what I had to do and screamed across the room, “A woman had to save your ass back at Machu Picchu.” I hadn’t had sex in over five-hundred-years, but I was about to mind-fook the shit out of Merlin.
Merlin’s lips trembled and an electric anger surged in his eyes. I’d hit him in his most vulnerable spot. His pride. If I could get his mind to drift from total concentration, Merlin’s attack would be useless.
“Remember when Balor was about to smash you with his giant fist until I shoved your scared ass out of the way?”
His already rosy cheeks darkened and his nostrils flared. My magic started overtaking him and pushing him backward. Yeah, motherfooker. A slow smile took form on my face as his sandals screeched against the floor, leaving little trails of smoke.
In a sudden move, Merlin rapped his staff on the ground, and the floor quaked. My knees buckled and I crashed to my knees as the violent shaking slowed before finally coming to a stop. As I regained my bearings, a blur of burgundy darted out the doorway.
I yelled, “That’s right, you fooking coward. Go tell my mom what happened, you pansy.”
Feeling energized by running off a mighty wizard, I’d almost forgotten about my fallen comrade. I raced over to the Morrigan and slid down on my knees next to her. I stuck my finger under her nostrils and waited. Nothing. Son of a bitch.
I put my finger on the side of her neck. Surely she had a pulse. A few moments passed and I felt nothing. Panic snaked through my body. The Goddess of Death couldn’t die. Could she?
I grabbed for her wrist in a panic, my heart racing out of control. How was I going to explain all this to the Celtic Gods? I put my ear to her chest and listened for a heartbeat. Nothing.
“Hey, I just like you as a friend,” a manly voice broke the silence.
I jumped back and saw a huge smile on the Morrigan’s face. “You bitch. Why did you let me do that? I almost had a heart attack.” I slapped her on the shoulder.
I heard the door slam open and wheeled around, ready to kick some more ass. A large figure in a hooded obsidian cloak entered the room, looked at the carnage, and exclaimed, “Holy shit. Is that who I think that is over there?” He pointed his hickory walking stick at Danu and Flidais.
“You know it,” the Morrigan said. “I’m taking care of them. I guess you’re here for her.” She thumbed toward the Bounty Huntress.
“Indeed,” he answered and looked at me, impressed I was still standing. Cassius’s gaunt facial features covered with blue-tinted skin made him look like a dead body. Short silver hair poked out of his hood as he knelt next to the Bounty Huntress.
Cassius tapped his walking stick on the ground seven times. The grainy image of the Bounty Huntress’s soul sat up and separated from her body. Cassius extended a bony hand.
The Bounty Huntress’s confused soul asked, “What’s going on? Where am I going?”
“Worry not, child. I’m here to take you home,” Cassius reassured her.
The groggy Bounty Huntress’s soul put her hand in the Grim Reaper’s and rose to her feet.
Cassius said, “There we are. We have but a short trip ahead of us.”
“Okay,” the soul agreed. Holding hands, Cassius led her out the door through which he had come. He peered over his shoulder and gave a quick nod as the black cloak trailing his footsteps disappeared.
A loud groaning sound caught my attention and refocused me. Warren. I spun around and saw that he was crawling on his belly toward the open door.
I flashed across the room and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. You aren’t going anywhere. And look around. All your bodyguards are dead.”
Warren sighed and moaned as he stood up. “I suppose I shall be following them to the grave.”
“That depends. You better spill your guts if you want to live,” I told him.
He leaned forward and put his hands on a table. “Where do I even start? I suppose I should start by saying that I don’t hate you in the least. With that said, there is no shortage of beings who hate you.”
“I know all this.” I smelled fire and no
ticed smoke pouring in through the hole Merlin had created with his blue fireball.
As I questioned Warren, the Morrigan went over to the window and whistled through the opening, alerting her crows that there was work that needed done.
Warren stood up straight and scratched the back of his head. “I’m not sure you understand the extent. Your mother and Merlin have been pushing for your demise for a very long time from the way they talk. They set up the Supreme Magic Council specifically to put you down after your amazing display at Machu Picchu. They say you are the number one threat to destroy the world.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, get to the part of how they made the death cards,” I said.
“It’s why she married me. Probably the sole reason. I should’ve known better. Why would a Goddess want a stupid technomancer? I was being used the whole time. Why couldn’t I see it?” he cried, shaking his fist in the air.
I said, “I feel really awful about all that, but cut to the chase.”
Warren nodded and continued, “We’ve been trying to pull this off for years. Adding pieces here and there. Then a few months ago, all the stars aligned and we saw signs that it could work, but we needed a special material that is only available in the underworld of Hel.”
That explained a lot.
“What is my mother offering people to get involved with this?” I asked.
Warren explained, “She has promised everyone that they could print the cards of their enemies as payment for joining. When she found out you pissed off the Norse, Hel became a ripe target. And when we found out she could provide the materials we needed, it seemed like the perfect match.”
“Fookin’ Hel,” I mumbled.
Warren peered around the room at the destruction. He fanned some of the smoke away and said, “She was supposed to be here today, but she hurt her knee and couldn’t make it. Anyway, Loki sent her to kill you and she went to Merlin first because she knew the wizard would know your whereabouts. Loki is none too happy with you, it should seem. Breaking up the deal for the spear with your shock and awe tactics has angered many fallen Gods.”