by Lulu Pratt
The last thing I wanted was to give her false hope for something I knew would never happen. Anna-Louise and I had never had any romantic feelings between us, at least not from my end. And in her vulnerable state, it would be cruel to lead her on, even if it might kickstart her recovery. When I’d spoken to her therapist, he assured me that honesty was the best approach to helping her.
“No one has ever made me feel the way you have.” She stepped closer as I sidestepped to the den beside the foyer, desperate to put space between us. Anna-Louise was undeterred, following me until I was backed against a wall.
“I can show you how well we work together. Maybe you don’t remember, but I’ll never forget,” she whispered, licking her chapped lips as she gazed into my eyes. My stomach turned as I struggled to find the words to let her down easily without hurting her feelings.
Anna-Louise seemed to misread my lack of a response with some sort of invitation, and she reached for my collar, lifting on her toes to make a move. Our lips were close enough for me to smell the stale liquor on her breath when the glass screen door opened.
“I was hoping you’d leave the door open for me. I don’t want to wake Jasper,” Ashley’s soft voice felt like an alarm going off in my mind.
She glanced over to see me pinned against the wall as Anna-Louise pressed her thin body against me. I could see from the shock in her eyes that it looked as bad as it felt, but there was nothing I could do. A strange sense of guilt and shame rushed over me, like I’d been caught cheating, as I struggled to find words to explain.
Chapter 7
ASHLEY
SHOCKED AND embarrassed, I wanted to melt into the floor. Jake glared at me with an expression I couldn’t decipher. In many ways, he looked as embarrassed as me, but I doubted that was possible.
The woman looked distraught, like she had been crying for days. The three of us stood frozen in a standstill that felt like an eternity until Jake finally moved to free himself from her grasp. It was clear they were in the middle of something when I barged in, and I felt like an idiot for intruding.
“I’m so sorry. I thought the door was open for me. I should have never just walked in like that,” I began, my words rushed with anxiety.
“No, it’s not your fault. I did leave the door open for you. It’s better to not wake Jasper. I had an unexpected visitor.” He turned to the woman, who stood with her arms crossed against her chest.
“Ashley, this is Anna-Louise,” Jake spoke slowly, pausing like the words pained him, “Jasper’s mother.”
A pang of unexplained jealousy shot through me. I’d never considered Jasper’s mother. In the back of my mind, I guess I’d assumed that she wasn’t in the picture at all. What type of mother would not be present to care for her young son? Suddenly, a bit of my acting training kicked in, as I stepped forward, launching into character.
“Hello, it’s so nice to meet you,” I extended my hand.
“Anna-Louise, this is Ashley, the nanny I hired to care for Jasper while I’m at work,” Jake added.
“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” the woman stepped forward, accepting my hand. “Jake and I have been looking for someone to look after our sweet boy for some time. We’re so glad you could help us out.” She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. From her over pronunciation, I got the vibe that she was being territorial, which I’d learned some mothers could do with nannies.
“Of course. So nice to meet you,” I lied. Jake’s eyes were wide with shock as he looked from Anna-Louise and then back to me.
“I, uh,” he fumbled with words, his eyebrows scrunching together as if he were as caught off-guard as me. “Ashley, if you, uh, want to wait in the living room, I’ll be right in.”
“Okay, great,” I answered excitedly, anxious to end the awkward interaction.
“It’s great to have you join our family, Angela. We’re so happy to have you,” Anna-Louise said as I walked away.
“Ashley,” I corrected her.
“Right, Ashley,” she squinted her eyes in a way that let me know she’d intentionally used the wrong name.
Clenching my teeth, I made my way to the living room, wondering if this job could get any worse. First, the father was completely unavailable for his son, trying to throw money at the situation. Then, the mother was an emotional wreck with territorial issues. There was a small den between us, but I could still see the back of Jake’s body as the two continued the interaction I’d walked in on. Forcing a deep breath, I hung my head in my hands until a loud disruption jolted my attention.
“You think I don’t know?” I could hear Anna-Louise say.
Jake’s words were too low for me to make out, but I could hear the tenderness in his voice. It all felt surreal, like I had stumbled on the set of a soap opera. In all my years caring for children, I’d never found myself dealing with so much so soon.
“I don’t give a shit!” she hollered so loudly, I shuddered.
Standing, I decided that no amount of money was worth this much drama. Jake could keep his generous salary, stipend, iPhone and everything else. He had a circus on his hands, and I wanted nothing more to do with it.
Just then, Jasper came running to the front of the house. Tears ran down his face as he rushed to the foyer, following the loud voices. When he saw me standing in the living room, he instantly changed course, spreading his arms as he ran to me. My heart split in two to see him choose me over his own parents, realizing how much he needed the affection and attention I gave him. After only one day together, he knew I could be his refuge, and that touched my soul. It was clear he needed a safe space, and I decided in that moment I would be that for him, regardless of what I had to endure from his irresponsible parents.
“It’s okay, sweet baby,” I comforted him, rubbing his back. His small body shivered as the cries broke through him, drowned out by the yelling in the next room.
When Jake and Anna-Louise grew silent, I thought for sure they must have heard his cries, and braced myself for them storming into the room for another tense exchange. Jasper’s cries were too loud to be ignored by any caring parent, but neither of them seemed to notice.
“I want answers!” Anna-Louise yelled.
Jasper’s body vibrated, the hiccups that follow a good cry, as he finally began to calm down. Slowly, I rocked him while pacing the room until I could feel his heart rate steady.
“That’s right. You’re just fine, sweetheart. You’re safe, okay?” I whispered, cradling his head gently.
Eventually, he lifted his head so our eyes could meet, and I wiped his reddened cheeks with the back of my fingers. “Someone doesn’t like being woken up, huh?” I smiled.
Jasper nodded his head, scrunching his dark eyebrows together. It was the first time I’d seen a trace of Jake in him, a similar expression he’d made earlier.
“You want to have a little snack before breakfast?” I asked, and he nodded again.
Singing a soft melody as I continued to rock him, I walked over to the kitchen. After putting him down for bed the previous evening, I’d prepped food until Jake returned from work. Taking a Tupperware of fresh berries from the refrigerator, I moved to sit Jasper on the kitchen island, but he whined at the thought.
“You want me to hold you?” I asked, and again he nodded.
“Okay, that’s fine. You can stay close to me today, okay?” I asked, hoping he would use his words, but instead he chose only to nod once more.
After opening the plastic container, I took one berry out, holding it up so he could see it. “Can you say ‘strawberry’?”
He looked at me, the first smile of the day pulling at the corner of his lips. He was fully awake now, and I wanted to help him move past the rough start to the morning.
“Skraw-berry!” He finally answered before clapping.
“Good job!” I smiled, rewarding him with a slice of the strawberry, which he loved. “Want to go play with some of your toys?”
Kicking his legs, Jasper silently fo
ught for his autonomy, remembering all the new goodies I’d set up for him. I’d barely placed him on his feet before he was running full speed to the makeshift playroom.
Following behind, I brought the berries as I watched him race to the table. With all the exciting toys to play with, the Army figurines were his new favorite. When he was lost in his world of make believe, I tiptoed back to the kitchen to make his breakfast.
The playroom was a perfect setup, just beside the kitchen, because I could still see him as I made meals. I’d just put the water on the stove to make oatmeal when Jake emerged from the front door.
“I am so sorry about that,” he announced, but I couldn’t even look at him.
I wanted to tell him that if it wasn’t for how much I cared about his son, I would have quit without question. He didn’t deserve such a sweet boy, but even more, Jasper deserved better than his parents fussing and screaming first thing in the morning. There was so much I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue, afraid of how my delivery would ruin the message.
“I wasn’t expecting Anna-Louise. It’s not something that you will ever have to experience again, I hope,” he added. I could sense the embarrassment in his tone, and when I looked up, it was all over his face.
“That’s honestly none of my business. Your life is your life, I’m just here for Jasper,” I finally spoke, a bit sassier than I’d intended.
“I see you’ve created a room for him. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. You’re more than I expected, or deserve.” He chuckled at the last bit, but I felt it was the most honest thing he’d said.
He didn’t deserve someone to come in and take over all his responsibilities, but I’d made up my mind I would not quit on Jasper. Forcing myself to be silent, I smiled and nodded to prevent myself from speaking my thoughts – that I was surprised he’d even noticed the changes.
“Um, well, I figured with all you had to get yesterday, you’ve probably run through the stipend,” he reached into his back pocket. “I appreciate everything. I can’t stress that enough.”
“I placed all the receipts in the envelope on the refrigerator,” I pointed to the blue envelope that was filled with cash on my first day.
“Oh, don’t trouble yourself. I trust you,” he smiled, but I couldn’t return the gesture. I hated the way he thought money could fix things. “Here’s a bit more if you need anything today. I’ll leave it here.” He placed two hundred dollars on the kitchen island, placing the new glass saltshaker on top.
“Thanks, but I think we’ll be fine. There’s plenty of food,” I nodded to the refrigerator again.
“I saw! It’s the most we’ve ever had. And you made me lunch! Thanks so much! I almost forgot,” he smiled, opening the refrigerator before removing the lasagna I’d set aside for him.
“No problem. There’s bottled water, too. You should take one of those with you,” I suggested, feeling myself warming up again. I never liked making anyone feel uncomfortable, especially in their own home.
“Thanks so much, Ashley. I’ve got to get to work, but I just wanted to apologize again. Anna-Louise is a bit…” he paused as he searched for the best description, and I waited patiently for the ending of his sentence.
“Erratic. Unpredictable,” he said slowly, over pronouncing each syllable.
“Seriously, it’s none of my business,” I reiterated, unsure of how to decipher his take on the woman he still obviously had an intimate relationship with. There was no doubting where they were headed when I walked in on them.
“Right,” he smiled tightly, again embarrassed. “Well, I’ve got to get to work. I’ll be late again. Is that okay?” he asked without making eye contact.
“Sure. That’s fine.” I tried to sound extra kind, again regretful for making him uncomfortable about the awkward start to the day.
Jake excused himself, going into the playroom for a quick exchange with his son before leaving for work. Inside, I was thankful that he at least said goodbye to Jasper this time, but my feelings on his parenting skills were unchanged.
Chapter 8
JAKE
“HEY, I THOUGHT you weren’t coming in,” Rick greeted me as I made my way to my assigned section.
My work at the private security firm was always changing. Today, we were scheduled to work a high-profile golf tournament. The sun was shining bright, but that did little for my mood. I’d been in a rut the entire drive to the course, regretting not only that Anna-Louise popped up at my house, but how I’d handled it with Ashley.
I wanted to tell her there was nothing between me and Jasper’s mother, but feared she would take it as some sort of pick-up line. I wanted to keep things professional between us, but I hated the idea that she could think something was going on between me and Anna-Louise.
“I almost didn’t come,” I admitted to Rick. A veteran like me, Rick was my closest friend at work, so we made sure to always work the same events. A bit older, Rick was nowhere near fight weight. A plump stomach hid whatever physique he’d left the military with. His graying hair was indicative of how long it had been since he donned the camos.
“You look shook up. What’s going on?” he asked before moving, nodding to let a man holding a yellow badge through the security checkpoint.
“I just had the worst morning.” I shook my head, still trying to get over the awkward tension.
“Well, there’s not much going on here at the moment. So, spill it,” Rick suggested.
He’d been one of the few people I confided in since starting the job. My new life was more dramatic than I was used to, so I needed someone to share the crazy details with. Thankfully, Rick never seemed to judge, and instead doled out advice like a father figure.
“I told you about the new nanny…” I began, certain he knew who Ashley was after how much I’d spoken about her.
“Of course.”
“She’s even better than I expected. I left her a stipend yesterday, and she transformed the house. Jasper has a little playroom off the kitchen, the fridge is stocked with all types of fruits and vegetables,” I smiled as I glanced down at the bag in my hand. “Hell, she even packed me a lunch for today.”
Rick nodded, looking away for a second to allow another pass carrier through the checkpoint. Our job today was robotic, something anyone could do. I often wondered why they needed veterans to fill the positions when what we did required no actual training.
“Well, this morning, the doorbell rings and I assume it’s her. I open the door, and there’s Anna-Louise, looking like she hasn’t taken her meds or a shower in weeks. Her eyes were puffy, and she’s fussing about needing answers,” I explained.
“Did you set up any type of schedule when you took Jasper?”
“She wasn’t nearly in a condition to discuss anything. Besides, there’s nothing to discuss. I don’t want to hurt her with the truth, but there is no way she’s getting Jasper back. She’s just unfit.”
“I understand that, but we’ve already discussed how important it is to be honest about that. No need in leaving a door cracked when you know you won’t allow her through it,” Rick said, calling me out on avoiding the hard discussion that needed to happen.
“The thing is, I don’t know what I can legally do yet. So, until that’s settled, I don’t see the need in being too concrete about what’s going to happen. The truth is – I don’t know. I want Jasper to stay with me long term, but I’m not sure if that will actually come to fruition.”
“I understand that,” Rick nodded, pausing before continuing. “That makes sense. So, Anna-Louise comes over to your place and is upset,” he summarized.
“Right. She starts with the questions about Jasper, and then it turns to questions about me and Jasper, like we’re a package deal.”
“Which you are,” Rick added.
“But not to her,” I said.
“True.”
“She’s causing a scene on the front porch, so I brought her inside. Like always, she doesn’t hear anything I
say about there being no future for us. Before I can stop her, she’s making a move, leaning in for a kiss, and Ashley walks in.”
Rick broke out into a smile at the conclusion, and I found myself laughing at the absurdity. Just hearing myself explain how ridiculous the situation was made it amusing even to me.
“Ashley looks like she’s seen a ghost, stumbling through her words, but she remains professional. I introduce them, and Anna-Louise launches into this speech of gratitude about how happy we are that she’s joined our family to care for our son.”
I paused, waiting for the reaction. Rick didn’t disappoint, cocking his head back he left out a roar of laughter and I joined him. It was obvious what Anna-Louise was doing, but anyone with an understanding of our history would understand how shocking it was to see in action.
“Marking her territory, huh?”
“And she knew I wouldn’t just call her a liar to the girl. I just had to stand there and let the shenanigans play out until Ashley excused herself. Then, Anna-Louise accused me of sleeping with her, and Ashley was right in the living room. I can’t even bring myself to wonder if she heard her. She was so loud, I wouldn’t be shocked if the whole neighborhood heard her,” I sighed, rolling my eyes.
“So, riddle me this,” Rick rubbed his hands together as he did when he was being tricky. “Are you upset because Anna-Louise broke protocol, or because this might ruin your chances with the hot nanny you can’t stop talking about?”
Rick never held any punches, and usually it was what I liked about talking to him. But today, I didn’t want to think of what I might have wanted with Ashley. Regardless of what was building in my subconscious, it was ruined today.
“Hot nanny? You’re a mess,” I chuckled, looking away to avoid his eyes.
“Seriously, this girl means something to you. I can see it in your eyes when you talk about her. It doesn’t have to be serious, but you want something there. I think it’s good for you. A little excitement. And she sounds like a nice girl.” He returned to the serious role he liked to play.