But deep in his heart, CIan knew he’d lost himself in the process. And neither college nor Keira could give that back to him.
* * *
Liam shut the door to the study quietly, then walked to the glass wall that looked out over the swimming pool and the beach beyond. It really was a beautiful place, although he wasn’t going to lie and say he never got cabin fever.
But it suited Katya. After everything she’d been through, this was like medicine for her. No crowds, no strange people. Just a guarded compound, a small town to visit, and simple days. And anything that made Katya happy, made Liam happy.
He had the staff to supervise, Katya to worship, and he had his VIP—very important project. Some days he felt bad for keeping it from Katya, but he didn’t want her to worry. The time he’d spent in Chicago helping Cian and Finn two years ago had been hard on her. He’d promised then that he wouldn’t go back to his hometown. And he’d kept that promise. But there were still things he could do from his island retreat, and he’d begun them the day he’d returned after rescuing Lila.
The faint ringing of a cell phone came from his desk drawer and he opened it, sitting down as he answered the device.
"Hi," he said quietly.
"Hi," came the familiar voice on the other end.
"Were you able to set up the payments like I suggested?"
"Yes. And I found the perfect guy to do it. He used to work there, so he knows the protocols, but he’s been gone almost five years so it’s doubtful anyone will recognize him."
Liam clutched the phone tighter. They were so close.
"Good. I have names for you of the driver and the pilot. We can trust them."
"Email them to me after we hang up."
"Okay. But before we go, I have something else I want to talk to you about."
"Yeah?"
"It’s Finn. I have an idea…"
Chapter 21
Finn grinned as he stepped into the small coffee shop a few blocks from the beach in La Jolla. His brother, Connor, leaped from a chair and reached him in two strides.
They embraced for a long moment, and Finn felt the rush of shared memories, history, and a bond that could never be broken. With a slap on the back, Connor pulled away and looked at him hard.
"You look great," he said. "Just great."
"Where is she?" Finn asked. He’d been waiting for months to do this, and now that he was here, he didn’t want to wait another second.
"They’re in the back room, come on."
Connor was tan and fit, and dressed like a fucking hippy. Faded jeans, a surf t-shirt, Birkenstocks of all things, and shaggy sun-bleached hair. Finn made a mental note to give him crap about all of it later. The kid had gone full-on California. It was a beautiful thing to see.
They passed through a doorway with strands of beads falling over it and Jess stood, her pretty brown hair in a high ponytail that fell over one shoulder where the thin strap of her red sundress lay.
He smiled at his sister-in-law and then let his gaze drop to her arms. There she was. His niece, Molly Angela. She couldn’t carry the MacFarlane name, since neither Connor nor Jess did, but she would always be Angela’s granddaughter.
"Holy shit," Finn whispered as he reached Jess and stared down at the chubby cheeked baby with fluffy dark hair and the blue MacFarlane eyes. "Look at what you two did."
Connor stood alongside, grinning from ear to ear. "She’s a pretty one, aren’t you sweetheart?"
Finn didn’t even glance at Connor, he was so entranced by Molly. "Pretty? She’s fucking gorgeous." He looked at Jess, then held out his hands. "Can I?"
"You’d better," she chastised. "You’re her godfather."
He took the baby from her and held her up so he could look her in the eyes. She blinked at him, then made a raspberry as drool rolled down her chin. "You hear that? I’m your Uncle Finnegan, and it’s my job to make sure everything is always perfect for you and your parents." She cooed, and Finn felt his heart expand and warm.
He pulled her to his chest, and her little head rested against his shoulder.
"Come on, sit down," Connor commanded. "You want anything?"
"No. I’m good," Finn answered, sliding into the booth Jess had saved for them all. Connor and Jess sat down across the table, Connor slinging an arm around Jess’s shoulders. Finn watched their ease with one another—the warmth, the trust—and tried not to sigh out loud. Would he ever find that with anyone? Would he ever stop wondering if he could have had it with Keira?
At his shoulder, the baby began to tug on his earlobe, and he laughed before sitting her fat bottom on the table and giving her another thorough stare.
"So how is it going?" Finn asked. "You both look much too rested. Is she so perfect she doesn’t wake you up?"
"She did at first," Jess answered.
"Every two hours," Connor groaned.
"But at about four months she got better."
"Meaning, we’ve had an entire month of six hours a night," Connor finished.
The next hour flew by as Finn watched his younger brother in love—with his wife, their daughter, and their life. He couldn’t help the bittersweetness of it, his thoughts straying as he looked at the picture Cian had dreamed about, fought for, sacrificed everything to achieve. Connor was safe, with an FBI handler who checked in on him every month, and a contingency plan ready in case anything ever went wrong. He had the love of his life, a great job managing a popular downtown restaurant, and the most beautiful baby Finn had ever seen—not that he’d been around many babies, but hell, he knew beautiful girls as well as any MacFarlane man did.
When the baby started fussing, Jess gave Finn a warm kiss on the cheek, and took Molly home for a nap. Connor suggested they walk down the block to a nearby pub, and awhile later they were ensconced in a darkened corner, tumblers of Jameson in hand, just like years ago back in Chicago.
"So, how’s Seattle?" Connor asked, finally.
"It’s okay," Finn replied. "I like it better than Florida, but not as much as Denver."
Connor’s gaze turned thoughtful. "You’re not wanted by the Feds, and you have an alias, don’t you think you could stop moving around? Maybe settle down somewhere?"
Finn stared into his glass, that incomplete feeling nipping at his heels again. "I could. Just haven’t found the right place yet."
Connor set his glass down on the end table between their two armchairs. "Finn. What are you doing? It’s been two years. Liam said you wouldn’t stay with him and Katya. You don’t want to settle in any of the properties Cian had waiting. You won’t stay here with Jess and me. You can’t go back to Chicago with mom. We worry about you. You ought to be with family."
Finn’s gaze shot to his brother’s. "Like Cian? With family like he is? Sitting in a fucking prison cell, rotting while they delay his trial over and over. How can any of us just go on and live our lives like he’s not in hell?"
Connor’s gaze turned hard. "That’s not fair."
Finn dropped his voice to a murmur. "Trying for the death penalty, Connor. They’re trying to go for the death penalty. How can you talk about being with family when he’s facing that?"
Running a hand through his hair, Connor looked around the nearly empty pub, taking in all the details Finn had already. Always watching, always observing, always ready.
"This is what he wanted," Connor reminded Finn. "I hate what’s happening to him every bit as much as you do, but it’s disrespectful to avoid building a life when he sacrificed so much for us to do that very thing. He ordered me to take Jess out of Chicago and be normal. I live this way as much for him as I do for myself."
Finn’s conscience twitched at that, because he believed Connor. He knew that if Cian had told Connor to take Jess and live like vagabonds in the wilds of Canada, Connor would have done it. If he’d told Connor to take Jess and live on a Costa Rican coffee plantation, Connor would have done that, as well. Connor wanted to be with Jess. Beyond that, he would have made any sacrific
e Cian asked. Connor was fortunate all the oldest MacFarlane brother had ever wanted was for him and Jess to be happy and normal.
"I know," Finn apologized. "I just feel so guilty. Every damn day it eats away at me." And it did. Some nights he woke with Cian’s voice in his head, telling him to go, run, be free. And other nights he woke with Keira’s words there instead. The words she’d said to him before he left Chicago that night with Lila and Liam, running to a chartered plane to end up on the island where Katya and Liam had set up their hideaway.
"I wish so many things could be different," she’d told him. "I’ll miss you, Finnegan MacFarlane."
And he’d known then he would miss her, as well. What he hadn’t realized is that he would never stop missing her. He hardly knew her, had slept with her once. Hell, he wasn’t even sure he believed in forever, but somehow, he knew he’d miss Keira Watson always.
"Finn?"
He blinked and refocused on Connor. "Yeah. Sorry."
"If you don’t at least try to have some kind of real life, then Cian did it all for nothing."
Finn’s throat tightened.
"The last time I was able to talk to Liam, he said he checks on the attorney. They’re doing everything they can for Cian. What we can do is what he wanted—live real lives."
Nodding, Finn finished off his whiskey. "I hear you. I’ll think about it—settling somewhere. Maybe I’ll start a business. I’ve thought about some ideas."
"For real?" Connor looked excited, and Finn decided to play along.
"Yeah, you won’t believe this, but I think I might like to get my private detective license."
"Seriously? That’s the coolest fucking thing I’ve heard in years."
He began to describe the idea, and for a little while Finn let himself pretend that all the rest of it—Cian, Keira, Chicago—didn’t exist. Until he went to bed that night, it was okay to pretend. Especially when it made his baby brother so damn happy.
* * *
The next morning, Finn walked out of the church with Connor and Jess after Molly’s baptism. They’d invited a handful of friends they had in San Diego, and everyone was congratulating them as they stood in front of the small historic church. It was the same one they’d been married in, apparently, and he knew Liam and Katya had been there for that.
Finn didn’t know what plans Cian originally had for getting his brothers out of the life, but they’d each ended up in a different situation; Connor with witness protection, Liam on his island where no government or rival organization could reach him, but while Finn wasn’t wanted by the police, there was always the chance he’d lead a mobland enemy to one of his brothers. So he stayed out of Chicago, where eyes watched for any sign of the MacFarlanes, lived under a pseudonym and was very careful when he did visit Connor or Liam. In fact, he’d only been to visit Connor this once, and hadn’t seen Liam since the first few weeks after they escaped Chicago, leaving Cian to go to prison.
And Finn had managed to convince himself that he was fine with that. He’d moved from place to place since leaving Liam’s island, an island that honestly felt more like a prison than a paradise to him. He’d acted like a tourist everywhere he’d gone, seeing the sights, chatting with other newcomers, trying the local foods and events and experiences. Living in hotels because, just as with Connor, Liam, and Lila, Cian had left Finn a fat offshore bank account, and hotels had people in them—strangers yes, but at least they were people to talk to.
Most of all, Finn had pretended. He’d cast himself as a businessman, a photographer, a hotelier, even a talent scout for a casting agency. It kept him entertained, gave him things to talk about with people so they didn’t question him too much on where he was from and what he was doing there. But it didn’t keep him warm at night. It didn’t ease the ache he felt for Keira, or the guilt he felt about Cian.
Finn had spent two years pretending to be someone else, but it hadn’t changed his reality one bit.
While Connor and Jess spent time showing off the baby to their friends, Finn walked down the block to his car. He was planning to meet them at a restaurant for a lunch but wanted to go change out of the church clothes first. He drove five minutes to his boutique hotel in San Diego’s Gaslamp district and parked the car. As he entered the lobby, a man strode toward him.
"Excuse me? Mr. MacFarlane?"
Finn turned before his mind could stop him. He gazed into a pair of mirrored aviator glasses beneath short cropped hair and cursed his own stupidity. What a rookie mistake.
The man was dressed in narrow cut chinos and a short-sleeved button up. Finn adopted a tight smile. Nothing to do now but brazen it out.
"I’m sorry, I think you have me confused for someone else."
The man’s expression didn’t change. "I have a message for you, Sir." He held out an envelope and Finn hesitantly took it.
"Have a good day, Mr. MacFarlane," the man said before turning on his heel and walking out the front doors of the hotel. He climbed into the passenger seat of a nondescript Japanese sedan and the car slowly rolled away down the street.
Finn calmly walked to the elevator, then waited as it rose to the tenth floor, turning the envelope over and over, looking at it as if it might explode in his hands.
When he got to his room, he quickly took a look around to see if it looked disturbed. Aside from the clean towels and mints left by the housekeeping staff, he didn’t see anything that looked out of the ordinary. After a few deep breaths, he slid his index finger under the flap of the mystery envelope and broke the seal. Inside was a single scrap of paper that read:
The King will be free and your princess is waiting. Use Eden Charters. Fly to Chicago. Come to Darwin’s Coffeehouse at noon tomorrow. Your safety is guaranteed. She’ll be waiting.
The Queen.
Finn’s heart sped up and he nearly forgot to breathe. He knew it had to be a trap. A rival organization trying to use him to get at one of his brothers. Possibly the Bratva thinking they could take him and lure Liam out of hiding.
But whoever they were, they’d tracked him down in San Diego. Where Connor and Jess were. Shit. He needed to get as far away from them as fast as possible.
He pulled his phone from his jacket pocket and five minutes later he had a flight scheduled for first thing in the morning. Then he logged into the encrypted email server that had been set up by Lila for the MacFarlane men to use to contact one another. He emailed Liam, explaining what had happened, where he’d be in Chicago and when.
Then he sent the message, turned the phone off, and found a ballpoint pen to pop open the sim card port. After he’d removed the little digital record, he opened the window and tossed the phone onto the street ten stories below. The phone shattered beneath an SUV’s tires, and Finn sighed, before crushing the sim card beneath the thick bottom of a glass.
Taking a deep breath, he packed his bag in five minutes, walked downstairs to the parking lot where he started up the car, and pulled away from the hotel. If they were watching, he wanted them to see him leave. He wanted to be as far from his younger brother as possible. He’d stay the night at a motel up the coast near the airfield. It was safer for everyone. He couldn’t take any chances.
And as he drove, Finn realized that he’d been waiting for this. Waiting for two years for something to happen. Something final and real. He’d left Chicago with unfinished business, and now he was going to learn the ending of the story. If it killed him, so be it. He was sick of pretending to be things he wasn’t, of acting like he was relieved to have left behind the only life he’d ever known. Of realizing that the only people he’d ever been useful to—his brothers—no longer needed him.
Finn was ready for fate to intervene. Even as he knew full well that fate was usually a bastard in a cheap suit carrying a gun.
Chapter 22
"Finn is in San Diego for Molly’s christening," Liam said as he looked at the email on his phone.
"This is good," Katya told him with a smile. "He spends too much tim
e alone, going from city to city. And he can take pictures. I want to see her."
He pulled her closer where they sat on a swing on the back veranda of their beachfront property. She rested her head on his shoulder.
"I bet she’s beautiful. MacFarlane babies are smart, strong, and gorgeous. Just ask my mother." He winked and Katya rolled her eyes. "Thank fuck Lila set this special server up so we can all email. Even though it’s not safe to see Connor and Jess, it helps to be able to hear from them.
"We also have a message from Lila," he continued.
"I do not ever understand why she choose to live all alone. She could be here with us." She raised a brow. "But maybe she does not like us?"
Liam shook his head, realizing he understood her so much more now than he had two years ago. "I don’t think that’s it. Cian set these places up, each on a separate island so it made it harder for someone to get at all of us. He was fucking smart about it, like he always is. He bought so much property the government can’t touch us, and he kept all the properties separated so a threat could only get to one of us at a time."
Katya nodded. "If Lila were with us, it would be less safe?"
Liam snorted. "I doubt it. I think Lila lives a two-hour boat ride away because it’s the house Cian chose for her, and it’s how she feels closer to him."
"Ahh," Katya said. "I understand now." She paused, a furrow in her pretty brows. "But still it is not…good for her to be all alone."
Liam kissed her softly on the temple. "I think you’re right. So maybe this message is a good thing. She wants us to come see her day after tomorrow."
Katya nodded. "Good. I will go with you this time. I think she would like another woman there."
He smiled. He wasn’t sure about that, but maybe Katya was right. Mostly what mattered about Lila was that she was as loyal and as tough as any MacFarlane brother. He’d developed a great deal of respect for her in the last two years, and he took his responsibilities to her very seriously—as long as he was alive, he would protect her, because she was the love of Cian’s life. He’d do anything she needed, give up his life to save hers.
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