“Come with me,” he says, holding out his hand.
I grab onto his hand, letting him take me wherever he wants to.
Stefan is... kind. Gentle. Out of all the guys, he is the one I trusted the quickest. I don’t know what it is about him, but he breaks through whatever defenses I have up, and I can’t bring myself to not let him in. The thought of pushing him away or hurting him makes my chest ache.
At first, I think he’s going to take me to the boys’ dormitory, but he doesn’t. He takes me past where the dorms are, to the fourth story of the building. I hadn’t even known there was a fourth story. Once the door opens, I see that it actually leads onto the roof. I step out on the top, the chill hitting me immediately. Not even my school blazer is enough to keep me warm.
I look around and notice guards standing around, guns ready to shoot if any intruders happen to make it as far as the school. Maybe the thought should scare me, but it doesn’t. It’s kind of comforting. I feel safe here.
Stefan drapes something around me, and I notice that he’s taken his jacket off.
“You should wear this. It’s cold up here,” I say.
“I’m fine,” he says, grinning at me. “It’s not that cold. You’re just used to perfect weather year round.”
Maybe he’s right.
I put my arms through the jacket and then Stefan takes my hand again, leading me over to the edge so I can look over the school grounds.
The school is beautiful, honestly. It is in the middle of a small town and the entire town has a huge wall around it. I’ve never actually seen a wall so massive before. I’m not sure a bomb would ever put a dent in it. But beyond the wall, there are mountains. It’s absolutely breathtaking.
“My parents aren’t married either,” Stefan says. “Divorces don’t happen often with couples from Spy School. I don’t know what it is. Maybe it’s the fighters in all of us—we don’t give up on anything, especially not a marriage.”
“That sounds nice,” I say. “When I fall in love, I want it to be forever. I don’t want to go through another divorce, especially not like my parents did.”
“My parents never married each other,” he says. “My mom was fifteen when she got pregnant with me while she was attending this school. She had to drop out. She says she doesn’t regret it, but I can see that she does.”
“Stefan, there is no way anybody could regret you,” I say.
He smiles. “You’re sweet. But I ruined my mom’s life.”
“No. Your mom ruined her own life,” I say.
“I suppose,” he says, turning forward.
“What about your dad?” I ask.
“He stayed. Graduated,” he says. “He is still employed with Spy School and last I heard he was stationed somewhere in Iceland. He is married and has three daughters. I’ve only met them a handful of times, though.”
“Oh,” I say. “That’s sad.”
He shrugs.
“What about your mom?” I ask. “Did she get married?”
“She did,” he answers. “He was a great guy. More of a dad to me than my father ever was. But he passed away two years ago, in a car accident. My mom is still heartbroken. I don’t imagine she will ever get remarried.”
“I’m so sorry,” I tell him, not knowing what else to say. I’ve never lost a family member who is close to me, and I can’t even imagine what it would be like to lose my stepfather. To know that he had to go through so much pain breaks my heart.
“It’s okay,” Stefan says, his eyes meeting mine. “I miss him, but I am forever grateful for the time I got with him. Who knows how I would’ve turned out without him as a father figure.”
I want to give him a hug. But I feel like I don’t know him well enough for that, so instead, I just squeeze the hand he is holding, and then face forward again.
“It’s beautiful here,” I say.
“It is. My mom always talked about this school when I was growing up, but I never imagined this,” he says.
“Yeah,” I say. “I was wondering something about the school, actually.”
“What is it?”
“Why do I get the feeling that Spy School is so much more than just a school?” I ask.
“Because it is. It’s an entire organization and there are several countries involved,” Stefan says.
“And everybody who goes to school here is forced to work for them after we graduate?” I ask.
“No. We get a choice. Spy School rewards us for staying. But some leave to join other organizations,” he says.
It’s good that they give us a choice. I was a little worried that I wouldn’t have a choice, just like I didn’t choose to come to this school. Not that I think this school is bad, it’s not. I actually love it here.
“Are you going to work for Spy School once you graduate?” I ask him.
He nods. “Cam, Dylan, Tristan, Austin, and I are going to be a team.”
“That’s cool,” I say. “I don’t think anybody would want to be on a team with me.”
“That’s not true,” he says. “Maybe someday you’ll be on my team.”
“I could join your team?” I ask.
“It’s a possibility,” Stefan says. “We’d have to all agree to it, but we all like you. You’re not like the other girls here.”
“You mean I’m not a bully?” I ask.
He laughs. “We should probably get back to the dorms so we can finish our homework before dinner.”
“Okay,” I say. “Thank you for bringing me up here and for telling me everything you did about your parents. It means a lot.”
We walk back inside. Stefan heads to the boys dorm and I head to my own. I don’t have a lot of homework, but it wouldn’t hurt to get a little ahead on my assignments.
Complicated.
Before dinner that night, I call my mom. I haven’t talked to her since I got here, and I’m really hoping I can get some answers out of her. I need to know something.
“Hello,” Mom answers.
“Hey, Mom,” I say.
“Zara! What a pleasant surprise.”
I hear Charlotte and Chloe both yelling in the background after they hear my name.
“Wait your turn,” Mom tells them.
“Mom, I was hoping I could talk to you,” I say. “For a minute.”
“Stay with Francesca,” Mom says.
Francesca is Chloe and Charlotte’s nanny. I imagine my mom is walking to a quieter part of the house. I hear a door shut before she speaks again.
“I hope you’re not calling me to ask to come home,” she says.
“No, I’m not,” I say. “I actually really like it here. I’ve made some really good friends and the classes are kind of fun. They’re not as easy as they are in California. I’m kind of glad you sent me here.”
“That’s good,” she says, but she almost sounds... disappointed.
“I’m calling you because I found out something last night,” I say. “And I wanted to ask you a question about it.”
“Wow. You’re calling me for advice; and not your father for once,” Mom says.
She’s going to be disappointed.
“Who is Zach Stone?” I ask.
There is complete silence from the other line for so long that I think my phone lost connection.
“Mom?”
“I’m here,” she says, taking a breath. “Where did you hear that name?”
“Well, this school is kind of really hard to get into. You have to have connections,” I say. “Anyway... my friends and I were curious, so they helped me break into the administration office so I could look at my file. Some guy named Zach Stone demanded I be let in.”
“That’s... odd,” she says.
“Yeah. But then somebody had a picture of him. I guess he is kind of a big deal around here. And he looks familiar, Mom,” I say. “I saw him at my birthday party when I was seven.”
“Honey, are you sure...”
“Mom,” I say, cutting her off. “Are you ha
ving an affair?”
“What? Why would you ask that?” she asks.
“You cheated on Dad, right? It’s why you two got a divorce?” I ask.
“Your father and I were complicated. We had issues that we just couldn’t work through. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“So, you’re not cheating on Brad with Zach Stone?”
“No,” she says, now raising her voice. “Zara Summers, what has gotten into you?”
“I just... need to know why I’m here.”
“You are there because I want you to be. End of story,” Mom says. “Now I am going to hang up this phone and forget we ever had this conversation.”
“Okay, Mom,” I say, sighing. “I love you.”
“Love you, too.”
The call comes to an end and I lay on my bed for a minute, staring at the white paint on the ceiling. After my conversation with her, I feel like I have more questions than before. She’s definitely hiding something, I just don’t know what.
Spy School is complicated.
The door to my room opens, Taylor walks in; an unpleasant look crosses her face when she sees that I’m here.
“What’s the matter? Did Camden dump you already?” she asks.
What?
Since when did she think Cam and I were dating?
Okay, fine. Maybe I implied something when I said I was going to hang out with him in his room, but that was only to rile her up. I doubt Cam wants anybody thinking we’re actually dating, but I just can’t help myself when it comes to Taylor.
“I’m actually going to his room later tonight,” I say.
And because I hate lying, I have to now ask Cam if I can go to his room tonight.
Uh.
“And Camden is okay with you dating that other boy, Stefan?” she asks.
I raise an eyebrow. “Since when am I dating Stefan?”
“Since Harlow saw you two holding hands on your way to the roof,” Taylor says. “Everybody goes up there to make out after curfew. Though, I guess you guys needed to hide somewhere so Camden wouldn’t see.”
I think back to my time with Stefan. I suppose he did hold my hand, but a few of the guys have. They aren’t doing it in a romantic kind of way. She’s crazy if she thinks any of those boys would be interested in me as anything more than a friend. They’re way out of my league.
“If you’re so interested in Cam...den, why don’t you go after him?” I ask, barely covering my slip up of almost calling him Cam.
She narrows her eyes. “I think I will.”
“Good luck,” I say, already knowing how Cam feels about her.
“I don’t need it,” she says, walking out the door. She slams it shut behind her.
That girl...
Democracy.
At dinner that night, I can’t stop thinking about the conversation I had with my mom. She seemed really upset when I mentioned Zach Stone’s name, and I wonder why. Part of me wonders if I should call my dad and ask him, but if my mom really did have an affair with this man, I don’t know if I want to bring it up to him. The last thing I want to do is hurt my dad.
“You’re quiet tonight,” Austin says.
“Am I usually loud?” I ask.
“Not loud,” he answers.
“But talkative,” Cam says.
I look up at him and shake my head.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see somebody walking towards our table. I look up and notice that it’s Taylor walking over. She has changed out of her school uniform, which she was wearing earlier, and is now wearing a short skirt and a top that is too low. Her hair, which is normally pulled into a messy bun, is down and she’s wearing bright red lipstick.
I put my head down slightly, closing my eyes tightly. I actually feel embarrassed for her, and slightly guilty. I know she’s coming over here to confess her feelings for Cam and he’s going to turn her down. And it’s my fault. I feel... guilty. It was a mean thing to do, even if it was said out of anger, in the heat of the moment; that is no excuse. I’m a better person than that.
“Hey, Camden,” Taylor says.
I open my eyes to look at Cam. He starts coughing as he looks at her, and then swallows whatever he was eating.
“What do you want?” Cam asks, clearly annoyed that she has come to our table. Everybody in the dining hall is not-so-subtly looking our way, and I resist the urge to hide underneath the table.
“I’m having a little trouble with French and was hoping you could help me,” Taylor says. “Maybe on the roof tonight? After curfew.”
French?
Okay, one, Cam doesn’t speak French. He’s taking German, like the rest of us. And two, on the roof after curfew? Does she have to be so obvious?
“I don’t take French,” Cam says, clearly not getting the innuendo.
“Neither do I,” she says.
Cam’s face turns bright red. “I’m hanging out with...” he looks up and sees me. “Zara... after curfew.”
Seriously?
Now she’s going to think he’s helping me with my French.
I clear my throat. “Taylor, I’m actually fluent in French if you need help.”
She glares at me before turning to walk away.
The boys all start laughing as soon as she’s out of earshot.
“Are you really fluent in French?” Tristan asks.
“Yes,” I answer. “My nanny was from Paris and she only spoke to me in French, per my mom’s request. I think she regretted it, because as a toddler, I used to switch back and forth between the two languages and nobody but my brother and nanny understood what I was saying.”
“That’s cool,” he says.
I look at Cam. “Did you have to tell Taylor that you’re hanging out with me? She hates me enough already. Now she’s going to think I’m trying to steal her man. I have to live with her, you know.”
“I am not hers,” Cam says. “I don’t even like Taylor. And I’m sorry, I just couldn’t think of anybody and I look up and saw you. I figured she’d think I was into you or something and leave me alone.”
“Taylor is the gossip queen of this school,” Stefan says. “If she thinks you’re dating Zara, the whole school will know before the night is over.”
“At least girls will leave me alone then,” Cam says. “I don’t see how this can be a bad thing.”
“What about me?” I ask. “I mean, what if I was interested in somebody else... but now the whole school will think I’m with you.”
All the boys turn to look at me, not saying anything.
“What?” I ask.
“Who are you interested in dating?” Dylan asks.
“Nobody,” I say. “I’m just saying, what if I was? Or what if I am in the future?”
“Let’s put it to a vote,” Cam says. “All in favor of Zara not dating anybody at this school raise your hand.”
All the boys raise their hand quickly.
“Majority rules,” Cam says, clearly pleased with himself.
“This is not a democracy,” I say. “I am the dictator of my own life. You don’t get to vote on it. Besides, everybody here hates me—besides you guys, so I doubt I’m going to be asked on a date anytime soon.”
“Nobody will ask her out if they think she’s dating Cam,” Tristan says, now talking about me like I’m not sitting at the table with them. “They’re all scared of you.”
“Uh,” I groan. “You guys are worse than my older brother.”
“Why do I feel like there is a story?” Stefan asks.
“Because there definitely is,” I say. “But I’ve been embarrassed enough for one day, so the story will have to wait.”
Team.
That night, I get a text from Cam telling me to meet him on the roof. Since it’s after curfew I have no idea how to get there without getting caught, so Cam comes to my room to help me. Taylor is gone from her bed. She hasn’t been in our room all night, and I wonder where she is.
Cam climbs through my dorm room window at 10:30
that night, nearly giving me a heart attack.
“What the heck, Cam?” I ask, looking down from the two story window. “Did you just scale the building? That’s really high.”
“I just climbed down from my room,” he says. “Come on, we’re going to the roof.”
“You want me to climb up the side of a building to the roof?” I ask.
“Yeah,” he says, climbing onto the seal of my window. He holds out his hand to help me out.
I don’t move. Not even an inch. “There is, literally, no way you can get me to climb up the side of a building. In case you haven’t noticed, I can barely walk without tripping over my own feet. And heights make me uncomfortable.”
“Not for long,” he says. “It’s time to face your fears. Besides, I promise I won’t let you fall.”
“It’s okay. I’ll just stay here,” I say. “I’m kind of tired, anyway.”
I’m not tired at all, but maybe I can convince him that I am.
“Are you going to spend your life letting fear control you, or are you going to take a chance and come with me?” Cam asks.
Why did he have to say it like that?
I kind of do let fear control my life. In Malibu, I was scared to leave my house very often because paparazzi were always around. I hated it. I can’t remember the number of times I didn’t go shopping with my mom because I knew they would be snapping photos of us.
I was also scared to tell my mom that I wanted to move in with my dad. So scared. Even though I always knew I would be happier with him in Napa Valley. The paparazzi doesn’t care about him anymore, not for a long time now. I could’ve lived a relatively normal life there.
I don’t want to be scared anymore. And, sure, maybe climbing to the roof of a four story building is probably not safe, but I believe that Cam won’t let me fall.
“Face your fears, Zara Summers,” he says.
And in that moment I make up my mind. I decided to jump. Not literally, but figuratively. I grab onto Cam’s hand and let me pull me outside the window. I hold onto him and then... stand.
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