“Just fucking do it,” I said. “Fuck me right now, Slam. I can’t wait any longer for you. I’m in love with you. I swear.”
I had never seen the look in his eyes like that moment. Had I surprised him?
Slam took his hands from the wall. He gently touched my face and curled his lip. He was angry. But it was so fucking sexy to see.
His hands grabbed the top of the robe and tore it open, exposing my heavy breasts. He grabbed my ribs, just below my breasts, and brought his mouth forward to my chest. As he kissed, sucked, and played, the gush between my legs got worse. I put my hand to the back of his head and let out a cry of relief. His mouth was everywhere on me. His tongue flickered up and down on my nipples so fucking fast, so fucking perfectly…
Then he pulled away again.
This time Slam turned and ran his hands through his hair.
“No, goddammit,” he snapped.
“What? Why?”
“You’re drunk, babe. I’m not doing this while you’re drunk.”
“Why does it fucking matter to you?” I shouted.
Yeah, I could tell then I was really drunk.
Slam looked over his shoulder at me. He was so amazingly perfect and beautiful. I would do anything to keep him happy for the rest of my life. I would become anything he wanted and everything he needed. Please, Slam…
“It matters to me, Belle,” Slam said as he turned back around, “because I love you too. I wasn’t supposed to let this shit happen, but it did. And I came here to talk to you and explain how I’m going to fix it all.”
My mind heard what he said but only registered one thing: I love you too.
“You love me?” I asked.
“Yes,” Slam said. “I fucking love you, Belle. I’m going to take care of you, I swear. But not like this…”
I stepped forward and slipped my fingers into the robe. I pushed it off my shoulders and dropped the robe to my feet. I stood there completely naked, completely vulnerable to Slam.
“Christ, babe,” he said as he gritted his teeth.
“Take me,” I said. “Love me, Slam.”
He touched my arms and shook his head. “Not like this.”
He kept repeating himself, like he was trying to sell the idea to himself.
I pressed my naked body forward to his chest. His leather cut was touching me, just like before. I was enraged with passion for him. So desperate that I felt myself starting to get emotional. Or maybe that was just old memories fighting back again.
“Come on, babe,” he whispered and kissed the top of my head.
Slam started to walk me toward the bedroom. Then he scooped me up. The entire world spun hard and fast for a few seconds. When everything stopped moving I was able to then realize that I was in the arms of an outlaw biker.
He took me to my bed and dropped me down. I hurried to open my legs, showing him that I was still wet. Still ready. I gripped the sheets, waiting for him to unzip his jeans and pull that monster of his out and attack me with it.
Slam made fists and put them to the bed. He kissed just above my belly button. I let out a groan.
“Keep going,” I begged.
“Babe, I can’t,” he said. “You know that.”
“Why?”
Slam stood up. He grabbed the covers and folded them over my body. He crouched down, not even joining me in bed.
“It’s not supposed to be this way,” he whispered.
“Fuck you then,” I yelled. “Fuck yourself, Slam. Mister tough guy. You’re a pussy.”
His lip curled. “That’s right. Let all that nasty shit out.”
“I’m offering. I know what I fucking want. I want you.”
I grabbed at his leather cut. He grabbed my hand and peeled it away. He softly kissed my hand. “You have me, babe. Goddammit, you have me.”
“Then fuck me,” I said, my words really slurring then.
Slam put a hand to my face and stroked my cheek. The room started to spin again. I felt my stomach do a few backflips. I let out a little burp and groaned.
I shut my eyes to keep from getting ill and when I opened them, Slam was nowhere to be found. Next to the bed was a garbage can. I sat up fast - too fast - and I quickly leaned over the can. I thought I was going to be sick but I kept everything down. I grabbed for the clock and saw that it was three hours later!
“Belle…”
I looked up and saw Slam in the doorway. He was spinning like ballerina… at least according to my alcohol induced brain.
“Slam. I’m naked for you.”
“Jesus, babe,” he said. “No.”
“You said you loved me.”
“I do, Belle. Get some sleep. I’ve got work to do.”
I heard the words but they were slow. Almost stuttered.
I reached from the bed and felt my stomach flip again. I crashed back down and clutched at the sheets. My fucking plan had gone to waste.
Slam entered the room and tucked me back in.
I felt the scruff of his face touch mine. “Sleep, babe.”
“I’m so sorry, Slam. I fucked everything up.”
Slam kissed my cheek. He didn’t say anything back to that comment.
He slipped away from me.
I wanted to reach for him. I wanted to throw up and be sober. I wanted to redo the entire night. Maybe then he would have had sex with me. I wanted to give it all…
I fell asleep in a head spinning haze of vodka, bad memories, and that terrible feeling of being rejected.
But at least Slam would be there in the morning to pick me back up again.
twenty-nine
(slam)
*NOW*
I couldn’t stand waiting around. I worked best in the night. I couldn’t face Belle again either. Not in the state she was in. Drunk? Desperate to give herself up to me like that? It felt like she was throwing me a favor, as though I had been pressuring her to let me get that pussy of hers. Shit, that had been the original plan. The fucking original plan had been destroyed and there it was, waiting for me. She put her damn feet up on the table and spread those sweet, pink lips wide open, and she begged for my dick.
I had been so hard, my cock raging so bad, I felt myself leaking. Fucking pre-cum absorbing into my fucking boxers as I struggled with temptation and the beautiful innocence of a drunk woman.
That was my chance and I gave it up. Worse yet, I told her I fucking loved her.
I had taken everything and twisted it up more than anything in my life. Uncle Jakey was right. The Reap was built on action, not this mind game bullshit. We were tough, strong, and smart through our movements. Fuck us and we go after you.
Taking Tommy to Chief had been a smart move, but making one smart move required a second, third, fourth, goddammit. It was too much to think about.
Belle finally fell asleep and stayed asleep. I stood at the edge of the bed and watched her sleep. I put the trash can next to the bed, hoping she’d make it if she needed it. Chugging goddamn booze because of me. Because I put her in a position to give up her darkest secrets. Secrets that I had already known but still had her go through the pain of telling.
I really was an asshole.
Standing there lamenting about me being an asshole wasn’t going to get a single thing done. The wheels were already in motion with I had started with Chief. The easy thing would have been to just kill Tommy and let everything else fall into place. But I put the pressure on Chief and I gave him another piece of information. I spilled the intel I had about his wife’s murder. About Belle’s mother’s murder. That put me right back in the driver’s seat.
I was going to find out who did it. I was going to find a way to make things right, at least in the sense of an outlaw. The guy who pulled that trigger on Belle’s mother would never see prison. He would never see a judge or jury. Hell, he would never see anything in the sense of justice.
What he would see was the reaper.
I leaned over the bed and kissed Belle. It pained me to have to leave her. But I was better off on the hunt rather than sitting there, thinking. Somewhere inside my heart I refused to go back to the clubhouse, down whiskey, and let some woman suck me off. I confessed my love to Belle and I was going to keep that part of it all straight.
Even if everything else was fucked.
I left the apartment with the deep weight of regret. I had already done enough damage to Belle without fucking her. It wasn’t the first time in life I hated myself and it wouldn’t be the last.
Chief Richards called me a dog, saying I couldn’t retrieve bodies and dump them on him looking for respect or to give a sign of loyalty. What he didn’t get was that that was how the Reap showed loyalty and respect.
And the point was simple.
Someone had killed Belle’s mother, changing the course of Belle’s life.
I was going to find out who did it… and make sure they never lived another day.
“You look like shit.”
Knox patted me on the back and sat down across from the table. I held the entire coffee mug with one hand. Ana shuffled into the kitchen, wearing some damn skimpy looking PJ’s. She had a fucking fine post-pregnancy body to her. I couldn’t help but pause from life and check it all out.
I felt Knox kick at me under the table. His eyes were wide with jealousy.
“What?” I asked. “Your girl is beautiful.”
Ana looked back at me. She ran a hand through her hair. “Me?”
“Yeah you. Looking great, Ana. Seriously.”
She smirked. “Thanks, Slam.” Ana poured herself a coffee and right on cue, a whine echoed through the house. She sighed and turned, saluting me and Knox. “Back to work for me. Baby Knox needs his milk.”
“So does Daddy Knox,” Knox said. He grabbed for Ana and pulled her to his lap.
I had to endure a few seconds of tongue fucking, but I didn’t mind. Ana’s top pushed down and the way her body turned, it pushed her left breast way up. Those things were fucking huge still, full of milk.
Ana stood up and wiped her bottom lip, her cheeks red.
She walked toward me and I looked up at her and smiled. “My turn?”
She snorted. “Good seeing you, Slam.” Ana leaned down. “Thanks for saying I look good. I feel like a cow.”
“Aw, babe, don’t ever think that. And if this asshole in front of me does, you come see a real man like me.”
Ana kissed my cheek and left the kitchen.
I raised my coffee mug and winked.
“You feel good about yourself?” Knox asked.
“You’re a lucky man.”
Knox yawned. “Yeah. Tell that to my sleeping schedule. Baby Knoxville is a beast. That fucking kid wants Ana’s tits more than I do.”
“I can’t imagine that being true.”
Knox laughed. “Shit, brother, tell me you’ve been sitting up all night at my table.”
“Put it this way, this coffee is ice cold.”
“Christ. What are you going through here?”
“She offered herself to me last night,” I said. “She was dead drunk. I fucked this all up, Knox. You all were right. So I have to fix it. Bury the hatchet with everything. Get Ricky to get his fat ass moving faster than ever.”
“You’re really going after someone that has nothing to do with the club?” Knox asked. “That’s… risky.”
“You all can vote me out,” I said. “I’ll put my cut down and walk away.”
I stood up from the table.
“So that’s it?”
“That’s it,” I said.
“That’s what you thought about all night at my table?”
“Brother, I sat here and listened to your baby cry. I listened to you and Ana wake up, together, as parents, and love the shit out of that kid. I’m in a house you bought for her. You’ve been tied to that piece for years. You’ve got a great life here. You run outlaw because it’s your blood. I run outlaw because it’s my survival.”
“You want a house? You want a baby? Go see Belle right now and talk it all through. Tell her the truth and let the rest of this bullshit go. We rattled Chief Richards. Things are starting to settle.”
“Not for me,” I said.
A loud cry burst through the house. That was followed by Ana calling Knox’s name from the top of the steps.
“Shit,” Knox said.
“Go take care of your family,” I said.
I turned and Knox chased me down. He turned me around and pinned me against the wall in the kitchen. His forearm was against my throat.
“You do the same, brother,” he said. “Take care of your family. Don’t lose sight.”
“I don’t have a fucking a family, remember?”
“You do, Slam. Me. The guys. The Reap. And if you do this all right, Belle.”
Ana called for Knox again.
The fucking prick then kissed my cheek and slapped me across the face.
I left the house, tired as ever since the caffeine wore off. The sun was bright, too bright, making me growl. I was like a vampire, ready to burst into flames.
I had to go face Belle again.
The truth waited. I held it.
Before I could start my ride, my phone started to ring.
I didn’t recognize the number.
“Who is this?” I asked.
“Ricky,” a voice said. “I have what you’re looking for.”
thirty
(belle)
*NOW*
The hangover lingered for most of the day. Greasy food, a shower, and a meet up with Ashley took care of it. I convinced her I was just feeling run down and nothing more. She bought it. Her wedding dramas continued and I sat there, sipping coffee, listening. I think her stress helped to calm my pounding head. By that end of our meet up, she was the one popping pills for a headache. Then she took out some pink liquid for indigestion. That’s what marriage does to a person?
I took the long way home, heading west, wondering if I should go to the coast. I said fuck it and just started driving. I went right to the spot where Slam had taken me. Right to Angie’s pizza place. I didn’t go inside or anything. I didn’t want to stir up any weird conversation. I pulled to the side of the road and battled my way down the rocks to get to the ocean. More than once I slipped, trying my best not to scream so I didn’t attract attention to myself.
I found a decently dry rock and sat down.
The water rushed to the shore, waves slamming against the rocks. Then the water was sucked right back out, only to repeat the same thing over and over. Some kind of cycle of life. My mother told me there was meaning behind the ocean. The push, the pull. The waves. The tides. That it all represented life. The last few months we had together all we did was go to the ocean. And she talked about things I didn’t understand until she was gone.
I cried a little but I thought even more. I shouldn’t have done that to Slam. Putting him on the spot. Tempting him like that. I must have seemed so desperate and pathetic, telling him I loved him as I stood there, stripping naked, describing how wet my body was.
Just thinking about it made me blush.
I stayed until the sun started to set.
I didn’t want to drive the long and winding roads in the dark.
I climbed back up the rocks - without slipping once - and walked to my car.
As I drove away, I felt like I was saying goodbye… to everything.
I held myself together. Halfway through the drive, everything changed.
I thought I saw something on the side of the road so I slowed down. I wasn’t sure what the hell it was at first. Definitely not a car. It was getting too dark to really see, but my headlights took care of that part.
Within seconds I couldn’t believe my eyes.
It was Slam.
On the side of the road with his motorcycle. He leaned against it like he was just so casual about it. Like h
e was waiting for me.
I was in shock for a couple seconds.
Then I pulled to the side of the road up behind him.
He didn’t move an inch until I opened the door and climbed out of the car. I turned the car off but twisted the key enough to get the headlights to turn back on. I had no idea what to expect and we didn’t have much light left from the setting sun.
“Slam?”
He turned and stepped from the motorcycle. He stood between the two beams from the headlights.
In any other world this would have been a scary situation. A guy like Slam, so big and menacing, standing there, staring me down.
“We have a lot to talk about,” he said to me.
“What are you doing here?”
“Showing you something I’ve never shown anyone else.”
I stepped toward, into the light.
I could see into his eyes and they were as intense as ever.
“Which is what?” I asked.
“I’m giving you everything of me,” he said. “I don’t give a damn anymore about everyone else, Belle. I singled you out to hurt you because of your father. Because he hurt me. Because he took my freedom. So I wanted to take yours, babe. That’s why I went after you so hard. I knew things about you before you told me. You were a project to me. A purpose. A goal. That was it.”
I heard the words one by one, striking my head first, my heart second.
The sun kept setting. The world kept getting darker.
And Slam just stood there like a giant.
“That’s the fucking truth,” he said to me. “But the second I saw a glimpse of your heart, it changed my entire life. I’m the asshole muscle of the Reap, babe. I pick fights for fun. You saw what I did to that guy at the bar, right? That was the first night I met you. From that second you were stabbing daggers into my chest. I’m sorry I can’t change everything for you. I can’t go back and stop it all from happening. But what I can do is try to make it acceptable. I see it in your eyes, Belle, you have a little piece of an outlaw in you. All that you want. All that you feel you can’t have. That’s bullshit, babe. You want something, take it. You’re too beautiful to just sit in the background, waiting.”
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