by V. Vaughn
My mate strokes my cheek with his finger, and it sends a tiny shudder through me. “I know you think you’re failing at this, but you’re really not. It can take months for werebear to get a handle on it.”
“But Nessa and Tori--”
“Stop. Don’t compare yourself to them. Did you ever think that maybe this means you have more werebear in your blood than they do? And that it probably makes you even stronger?”
Great. I’m the freakiest of freaks. My throat gets thick, and I blink back tears, but I can’t hide them from Adrian. He asks, “Babe, what is it?”
I shake my head. I can’t tell him that I wish he’d never changed me. That I hate my new life, and while it was one thing to fall for a guy from the wrong side of the tracks, I never meant for him to pull me there. I was supposed to bring Adrian into the world of nice cars and country clubs when I became the famous surgeon I planned to be. My world is crashing down around me, and I can’t make it stop.
The annoyingly familiar prickle of a shift coming burns at my skin, and much like a panic attack, I begin to hyperventilate. Damn it! I scramble off Adrian as my bones crack and my skin stretches like a rubber band. I thud to the floor and wish I could run away. Every muscle in my body wants to move, but we live too close to town for me to take off as a bear.
As my mate, Adrian can speak telepathically to me. He says, “Babe, breathe.”
“I’m breathing!”
“Okay, hon.”
He’s on the floor before me and reaches out to stroke my fur as he usually does. But I don’t want Adrian’s comfort right now and move out of his reach.
“Ginny, you can do this.”
“Get the fuck out of my head!” I really need to run. I know I shouldn’t, but I get up and lumber out of the room toward the back door.
“Ginny!” Adrian’s panicked voice is the straw that breaks the camel’s back, and I pick up speed to smash my way through the door. Wood splinters, and the house shudders as I burst free. The forest is down the street, and I pass a few houses before I’m welcomed by the cool darkness. My paws thud on the woodland floor as the dank odor of dead leaves and brush wafts up to me. The aroma appeals to my bear, and with each powerful flex of my legs, my rage fades. I run with everything I’ve got. My limbs burn as my breathing is labored with my efforts.
Twigs snap behind me. I guess Adrian is following, but I’m still not ready for his comfort, so I lead us farther into the woods. The river isn’t far now, and it becomes my end goal. Adrian could easily catch up to me if he wanted, but he must sense I need to be alone and hangs back. When I spy the water, I find a way to move a little faster, like a runner’s finishing kick, and launch myself into the air to dive in.
The river is icy cold, but it doesn’t seep through my fur immediately, and I stay submerged while I wait for the chill to cool me down. When I pop up, Adrian is in the water with me. Guilt floods my veins. Not only did I lose control and shift, but I exposed myself as a bear and ran through the streets of Brunswick. The fallout from this could be huge if the town decides to go on a bear hunt. And even worse if the human hunters that want to eradicate werebear hear about it.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“No. I’m the one that’s sorry. I’m making this too hard on you, and I think we need to go to Orono.”
Orono. Where my sister Tori is the alpha of our biological father’s clan, and where there are hundreds of werebear. The other side of the tracks, and apparently the only place I now belong.
3
It’s funny, I never thought of myself as a snob. My sister Nessa took on that role, while Tori was the logical one, and I’m supposed to be the free spirit, the adaptable one. Yet I’m the triplet struggling the most with being a werebear and no longer being human. I don’t want to be a beast. When Tori came to Bowdoin last fall to let Nessa and me know we were half werebear and able to become one, I was fascinated. Nessa was horrified. Now Nessa is happily mated, Tori is an alpha, and I’m the one that can’t embrace what I’ve become.
I gaze out at the vast expanse of pine forest on either side of the interstate. We’re in Northern Maine now, and it might as well be the end of the earth as far as I’m concerned. I thought Brunswick was the middle of nowhere, but I don’t think we’ve seen another car in more than an hour. Adrian cracks the windows, and air rushes through as he asks, “Doesn’t it smell wonderful?”
I inhale the odor of decomposing plant life. I crinkle my nose even though part of me finds it intoxicating. “No. It smells like a compost pile.”
Adrian reaches over and takes my hand. I thread my fingers through his as my eyes fill with tears. I know I need to find a way to deal, but right now I feel as if I’ve been sent to prison. I sniff and swallow down the lump in my throat. I never thought I was a drama queen either. Adrian is my true mate and loves me unconditionally, and so do my sisters. Yank up those big girl panties, Ginny. This is your life.
I glance at Adrian. “I’m sorry I’m so cranky. I’m lucky to have you.”
He squeezes my fingers. “I feel the same way. Remember Annie? She helped the first few human women that changed, and she’s going to work with you on controlling your shift.”
A car whooshes by us in the passing lane. I met Annie over the holidays when we spent time with Tori. She’s one of those women that has probably always mothered people. Her home smelled like apple pie, and she’s a hugger. Which is good, because I bet I’m going to need a few before this is over.
When I don’t respond, Adrian says, “The best part is that when you do shift, you’re going to get to run free. I think part of your problem is that your bear is cooped up in Brunswick. My free-spirited mate, your bear needs room to breathe too.”
“You might be right. It felt really good to run yesterday. Really good.” I gaze out at the woodlands we’re winding through, and when I inhale the odor now, it’s not so bad. My bear growls with the urge to be free, and my chest rumbles.
“I can tell,” says Adrian. “We’re going to get you used to your bear in no time. You’ll see.”
I lean over and kiss him on the cheek. “I love you.”
He smiles. “I love you too.”
We exit the interstate to travel through a small town before we get to an isolated area. The kind of land that I imagine is a place bear can roam free. I didn’t notice that when we came for New Year’s Eve. I glance down at my phone and click it on for the directions to my sister Tori’s house. As the alpha of the Veilleux clan, she inherited a mansion that her mate, Keith, and she moved into a month ago. I say, “We need to turn right in about a mile.”
As we get closer, my emotions fluctuate between excitement at seeing my sister and shame for being such a failure that I need a shifting trainer. I sigh, and Adrian says, “I wish you’d stop beating yourself up over this. I swear I wasn’t lying when I told you most of us struggle with control when we first change.”
“I believe you. I know I should stop comparing myself to my sisters.” And I do get over my self-shaming for the whole minute it takes before we turn into Tori’s driveway. It’s a long paved road that is framed by ancient oak trees and leads up to a huge Victorian-style home that has to have at least ten bedrooms. “Wow.” I glance at the crocuses that seem to have spilled out of a bucket on the lawn, and I’m amazed that the grass is so green even with patches of snow near the tree line of the forest. She’s living the dream I planned for myself, and jealousy seeps into my veins. I give myself a mental head shake, because one semester off from college doesn’t mean I can’t become a doctor.
Adrian glances at me, and sometimes I think he can read my mind, because he says, “With this huge house comes enormous responsibility.”
I nod because he’s right. Tori leads a clan, and it can’t be easy. When the engine cuts off, I grab Adrian’s arm and grip the solid muscle. “Hey.” He turns to me, and I smile as I lean in to kiss him. “There’s a reason you’re my true mate. Thanks.”
When we break apart, h
e tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and says, “This trip is going to give you a lot of answers, babe. Now let’s go inside so Tori and you can talk on top of each other while Keith and I fend for ourselves.”
I roll my eyes at him before I step out of the car. Stones crunch under our feet as we make our way to the door. It opens before we get to the top step, and Tori rushes past the butler toward me. I want to laugh at her royal highness in sweats and a University of Maine T-shirt that has a stain on the front. She says, “I’ve been bouncing around waiting for you to get here. You have no idea how excited I am.”
I crush her in a hug. “Same. God, it’s so good to see you again.”
Tori steps back and gives me a once-over with her vivid-green eyes that are a Veilleux trait I share. “You look fantastic. Now come on inside. Carol made cookies.” Carol is her cook, and she makes the best desserts. Once we step through the door, our bags thud when Adrian sets them down. Tori steps over to him to exchanges cheek kisses. “And you, I swear you got more handsome.”
Adrian chuckles at her. “I see you have Ginny’s charm.”
I say, “It’s a sister thing.”
We’re in a large entryway, and I gaze at the hand-carved woodwork as Keith comes walking down the hall toward us. He and Adrian grasp each other’s hand in hello before he leans down and kisses my cheek. “How’s my favorite sister-in-law?”
I shake my head. “You say that to all of us, don’t you?”
His eyes twinkle. “Just the one I’m talking to.” He nods down the hall. “Come on in.”
We follow Keith to a room that is decorated in deep burgundy and dark wood that says old money. I detect the faint odor of whiskey and cigars, but Keith doesn’t look the part in loose jeans and a flannel shirt. He asks, “What can I get you to drink? Beer? Wine? Soda?”
Adrian says, “I’d love a beer.”
Tori has my arm, and she leads me to the couch. “We’ll take the white wine I like.” She smiles at me. “After all, this is kind of like a vacation.”
I sink into a leather couch that is softer than I expected as Tori says, “Are you sure you can’t stay more than a few days?”
“I’m sure. We have a gig on Friday night, and we can’t cancel on them with such short notice.”
Keith says, “That’s right. I’ve heard you’re becoming rather famous.” He hands Tori and me a glass of wine, and Tori leans back with a sigh.
Adrian says, “I don’t know about that, but they’re paying us now, and we might get to play more than once a month, so I guess we draw a crowd.” He chuckles.
“Stop,” I say. Adrian is a big part of why the crowds are coming, and he’s being modest. “They’ve always paid us. But now we get more than our bar tab covered.” When I first formed our band, Second Sound, Andre was the only Lindquist brother to play with us. My friend Jacob was the official bandleader, and he wasn’t the best at negotiation. He and our drummer, Brita, ran off to California together over holiday break, so I sucked in the other three Lindquist brothers and handed over the bandleader title to Aleck. He may be quiet, but he keeps us in line and has a knack for getting us what we deserve from club owners.
I sigh. “I’m a little nervous about Friday night. Adrian’s brother Aleck composed a song for us, and he seems to think I have mad skills on the keyboards, because on one part I can’t seem to go fast enough.” I glance at Adrian. “I kind of lost it when I was practicing, and that’s why we’re here.”
Adrian rubs my arm as he asks, “Keith, what was it like for you when you first tried to shift?”
“Oh man, it sucked. There’s a reason parents joke about sending their preteens off to an island for a few years. It’s a mess.”
Tori asks, “So you didn’t have control of your shift right away?”
“God no.” He glances at me. “My first shift was so embarrassing. I was one of the first in my peer group to do it, and it happened in the middle of gym class when I got hit by a ball.” He sighs. “I couldn’t shift back, and the school nurse had to talk me down.”
Tori says, “Oh, wow. How old were you?”
“Fifth grade.” He shakes his head. “Kids are so mean. I endured snickers behind my back for weeks. I think it was two months before I could shift back to human on command.”
Adrian glances at me, and I ask, “So is it pretty normal for full werebear to have trouble with shifting?”
Keith nods. “Definitely. Annie and a lot of other girls had trouble shifting into a bear. Her twin, Brady, is my best friend, and the two of us had to make her mad for it to happen.” He grins. “That was pretty fun.”
“Thanks,” I say. “You’ve made me feel better about my problem.”
Keith says, “Good, because if you ask me, Tori and the other human women are the freaks for making it look so easy.”
Tori’s touch on my arm makes me turn to her. “He’s right. And you have to remember, we don’t know what normal is for halves like us. This is brand-new territory.” Tori is referring to the fact that it’s only been a couple years that the Northeast Kingdom bears even knew halves could change.
Adrian says, “You know, in polar bear clans, those that work the hardest to keep from shifting in the beginning are recruited as warriors.” He waggles his eyebrows at me. “Maybe you’re destined to kick my ass.”
I speak in his head as I picture the perfect round globes of his backside with the hollowed-out sides I love to hold. “I’ve got plans for your ass, and it’s not kicking.”
“Bring it, babe.”
Tori clears her throat, and I guess she smells my arousal. She changes the subject back to music. “I didn’t get the music gene.” She grins at me as she says, “Did Ginny ever tell you how they wouldn’t let me sing in the car?”
Adrian speaks telepathically to me. “See? We all have our gifts, babe.” He says to Tori, “Surely you’re not that bad.”
Keith snorts and quickly takes a drink from his beer bottle. I say, “Oh, she is.”
“I was tortured for it, and I refused to take music lessons,” says Tori. “So my mother let me go to math camp instead.” She chuckles. “And I came home to convince my sisters that math geeks were much hotter than band ones.”
Keith says, “Hey. I was a math geek.”
Tori winks at him. “I know.”
I glance over at Adrian and think about how the girls fall all over his brothers and him when we play. When band geeks grow up to be rockers, they’re totally hot too.
Keith says, “We’re invited to Annie and Tristan’s for dinner. Why don’t I show you where you’re staying so you can get settled before we go.”
Keith brings us back down the hall toward the front door, and I glance into a large room that makes me think of fancy parties. I imagine gowns and tuxedos as champagne bubbles in glasses. A grand piano is at the other end of the room, and its polished wood glistens in the sunlight that fills the space. We climb up the stairs and end up in a large room that overlooks the backyard. I gaze out the window and stare longingly at the forest as my bear growls again. Adrian comes to stand next to me, and he puts his arm around my shoulders. “Your bear likes it here. This is her home.”
“Does it really work that way?” I turn to gaze at my mate, who came here from the Arctic. “Does your bear miss your home?”
He shakes his head. “You are my home, and as long as I’m with you, I’ll always be happy.”
Adrian kisses me, and I drink him in as I wonder if my bear will ever be that content.
4
Annie is the sister of the Le Roux clan alpha and true mate of Tristan, the De Rozier clan alpha, while Tori is my alpha. When Adrian and I get married, I’ll most likely become a De Rozier, which means Tristan would become my alpha. It occurs to me on the drive over to Tristan and Annie’s house that I should probably be nervous. I know an alpha is a big deal, but because my sister is one I probably don’t give it the honor it deserves. Keith is driving the Jeep, with Adrian riding shotgun, and Tori and I
are in the backseat together. The shocks squeak as we bounce along a dirt road, and I ask her, “Hey, should I bow or anything when I meet Tristan?”
“Tristan is more formal than I am,” says Tori. “So you might want to shake his hand and treat him with respect, but I don’t think you need to be submissive or anything.”
Keith says, “That’s right. Since only Tori can alpha order you, she’s the one you should be worried about.” He chuckles. Because the Lindquist brothers live away from the clan, I’m not aware of most clan rules. They haven’t mattered.
“Interesting.” I say as I turn to Tori, “I forgot you can make me do anything you want. I can think of a few times in the past that you would have liked that.”
She nods but is serious when she says, “It’s not a power I take lightly.”
I imagine being able to control hundreds of people, and I don’t like it. Tori has no choice in where she lives, and I bet she spends a lot of time dealing with clan politics, which must make it difficult to get schoolwork done. No wonder she dropped to part time. My life could be so much harder.
I sigh thinking about how I wish I could finish out the semester instead of taking incompletes I’ll have to make up over the summer.
Tori touches my arm. “Hey, what’s going on?”
“I was just thinking about school.” I paste a smile on as I think about how Tori’s life was turned upside down and she was handed some pretty big shoes to fill. It makes my problem look pale in comparison. I say, “But once I learn control, I’ll get to return. This is just a minor detour.”
“I hear you,” says Tori. “Dear old Dad sure left a legacy.” Victor Veilleux, the previous alpha of our clan, was our biological father, and when he impregnated our human mother, he set destiny in motion by passing on the alpha gene. Only my sisters and I didn’t know we were half werebear or even that such a thing existed until a few months ago.
I nod as we turn onto a long, straight driveway. The gate is wrought iron and tall enough that I crane my neck to see the top. As we approach the house, I take in a building that is a modern version of a mansion. And when we get to the front door, I grin at the height. Most of the De Roziers must be about seven feet tall like the Lindquist brothers, and of course they’d want to live in a home that accommodates their size.