by Nina Lincoln
My mind circles with Tiffany’s warning and how terrible she looked. What could my fan possibly know that would have kept Tiffany under his thumb for all these years? And who else has he blackmailed? It could be everyone for all I know. Shit.
And Nate? I knew he was part of the boy’s game, but I guess I didn’t want to consider him as my stalker, although in some ways, it makes sense. He’s been angry more times than I can count over my relationship with Colt.
Sometimes when he doesn’t know I’m looking, he has such a dark look on his face, and it’s disturbing. Is he taking the game to the next level? Maybe he’s more invested in winning than the others? If so, he really is a creep, to say the least.
By lunch, I’ve decided to do a little sleuthing, Tiffany’s suggestion about Nate weighing on me. Besides, I have nothing better to do because, at this point, my only fucking friends at this school are presently sitting at the table with Colt.
Since Nate is one of the three who played their cruel games, it means he had direct contact with both Portia and Sarah - it would make sense for him to have taken the game next level, but it still leaves me unsettled.
Avoiding Colt, who’s still distant, I ignore the goosebumps rising on my arms at his proximity, an anomaly that happens whenever he’s nearby. It’s both annoying and exhilarating.
If we never work out, I’m screwed because I can’t get enough of him, and these days it feels like he’s slipping further away, despite his claims for me to wait.
Since I can’t be anywhere near Colt without slowly dying inside while simultaneously panting like a dog in heat, I approach Nate and his friends glumly. I’d rather be anywhere but here, and it’s with no little hesitation I give Nate a hesitant smile. I’ve got nothing to lose at this point, and Nate may have the answers I seek.
He eyes me with a weird look as I approach and smiles, but even so, I can see the distrust shining behind his eyes. It makes me sad that this is where we’ve come to because I thought he was a really fun and friendly guy.
He was the only one who seemed to like me because of me, except apparently even that was a lie. Tiffany’s words about things not being as they seem skip through me, and I’m reminded grimly, they genuinely aren’t. I’ve been part of a fucked-up game since I got here, and I still feel like I’m missing pieces of the puzzle.
I need answers, and I don’t know how else to get the information I seek except to go straight to the source, although I’m not sure of my strategy since I can’t exactly ask him outright.
Hey, what's for lunch? By the way, are you my stalker?
Yeah, no.
“Can I sit?” I ask.
He looks me cautiously over, and I try to maintain a placid expression while waiting for him to agree, and when he nods his head, I pull out a chair and settle beside him, glancing around at his friends. They mostly ignore me, probably because I’ve not put much effort into getting to know them and shame burns through me at that, but I ignore it. It’s not like I haven’t had other shit on my mind!
“So,” I say, clearing my throat awkwardly, “how have you been?”
“Why are you here?” he demands.
Okay, so no subtlety then, right.
“Look,” I say, taking a deep breath, “what you did was wrong, but maybe I should have allowed you to explain.”
Although true, the half-lie rests bitterly on my shoulders. I don’t like all the lies, but I’m tired of the deception and not above it with these assholes.
With a grimace, he looks away. “Fine. Fair enough. I agree it was wrong. There’s nothing I can say to make that better. We’ve just been doing it for so long. I guess I thought it was normal.”
“How long?” I murmur, disturbed by his belief this could ever be normal.
“Since forever, it wasn’t always girls. It was everything. We were bored and stupid. It became about girls with Portia because we all liked her,” he says grimly.
“And Sarah?”
“Well, like I said. We were stupid. It was only meant to be a contest to see who could win the girl, but Sarah was psycho, and with her, it became so much more. She was playing us all, just like we were playing her. It was fucking crazy.”
“How? How was she playing you?”
“She knew stuff about all of us. It wasn’t until after the fact I realized she was getting the info from Buck.”
“Buck?” I say, surprised although I shouldn’t be.
Colt mentioned that the information came via his wicked stepbrother. I guess with all the other surprises, it slipped my mind.
“Yeah. Sarah was fucking him, too. The bitch got around,” he huffs.
Buck? Just what was she trying to achieve? If she genuinely wanted Colt, why would she sleep with his half-brother? It doesn’t make sense. Something is missing.
And how did she get caught up with my fan? Unless it truly is Nate or Buck.
With a shiver, I lick my lips. “What about Portia? I heard she was playing games too?”
He laughs, but the sound is bitter. “Portia was an amateur compared to Sarah, but she liked being wanted by all of us, and she used that as a weapon.”
“Then, why me?” I ask through dry lips. “Why didn’t you stop after her and Sarah? Especially after what she did?”
“Because,” he says quietly, “Colt always got the fucking girl. It was my turn to win!”
“Win? So, it wasn’t about me at all?”
“Not at first,” he says grudgingly, “but when Colt tried to back out, I got curious. And you were...you.”
“He tried to back out?” I ask, turning my head his way to find him staring between Nate and me with an icy cold expression.
Yeah, he’s not pleased with me sitting here. Well, too bad, I’m not pleased he’s got some chick hanging all over him, which he’s ignoring, but so what? How would he feel if I made out with Nate?
Ugh. Maybe Colt wouldn’t care.
“Yes,” Nate says grimly. “But it doesn’t matter because he started the shit in the first place. You see it, don’t you? He’s a dick. He doesn’t care about you. Only fucking winning!”
Maybe it’s just a coincidence, but the words ‘you see’ and the tenor of his voice remind me of the notes I receive from my fan.
“Yes, I see,” I murmur uncomfortably.
I’m not sure approaching him was the best idea. If he is my fan, I may have just riled the beast, and if he isn’t, well, I’m still a little disturbed. Nate’s got an intensity to him that’s not healthy.
He’s far too obsessed with winning, as he calls it. With him, I’m sure it truly wasn’t about me because even in this conversation, he’s focused on Colt. There’s jealousy there, which I don’t understand, perhaps born out of childhood machinations.
At this point, I may never know. What I do know is Nate isn’t the person I thought him to be, and I’m just as confused and heart sore as before.
“Did you know she was pregnant?” I ask, glancing back at Colt.
He’s still watching us with laser intensity. I never got the chance to confront Colt about Portia’s pregnancy, what with my abduction and the fallout after.
“Sarah?”
Rearing back, I look at him, shocked. Sarah too?
“Sarah’s pregnant?” I ask.
“I don’t know. Why are you asking me?” he mutters. “I wasn’t the one fucking her.”
“Oh. I meant Portia,” I mutter. I don’t know if I should be relieved or suspicious of Nate’s response.
“Oh, um, yeah,” he says uncomfortably, looking away from me. Hmm.
I’m wasting my time. Nate isn’t going to be honest with me, if it means admitting anything that puts him in a bad light.
Smiling wanly, I move to stand, but he grabs my arm and stops me. “Finn, I think you’re amazing. Don’t let this come between us.”
“Nate, I appreciate that I do. But I have a lot to think about,” I say, tugging on my arm.
His lips form a grim line, his avid eyes begging m
e, but for what I don’t know.
“Why is it always him?” he demands. “He’s the fucking ringleader of it all! And he gets the girl?”
Looking into his angry eyes, I say firmly, “Let me go, Nate.”
“No! I want to know! Why? He’s a fucking dick. He doesn’t care about you!”
“And you do?” I say softly.
His lips pull back in a sneer as he pushes me away, causing me to stumble but, before I can so much as protest, a roar sounds behind me.
Startled, I turn to see Colt easily jump over the table he was sitting at and barrel right for us, his formerly icy cold gaze filled with rage as he comes at Nate rapidly. I step into his path, but he goes right around me as though I’m not even here.
“Colt!” I shout, but he ignores me.
Helplessly I watch as he slams into Nate, and they both tumble to the ground. Nate grabs him around the waist and bucks beneath him, but Colt is not having it and slams his forehead into Nate’s without care for the potential damage.
Nate falls back in a daze, groaning at the impact, and immediately, blood pours out of the wound on Colt’s head, dripping onto Nate’s face.
At the sight, I break out of my frozen state, running forward and grabbing Colt’s shoulder as I shout, “Colt!”
He swings his head my way, and for a moment, I don’t recognize him, the feral anger causing me to step back.
Only then does the expression fade as he frowns, and pain flashes behind his eyes as he pulls himself up, and avoiding my stare, walks away.
Spinning on my heel, I follow, waiting until we’re on the other side of the doors to call out, “Colt!”
But he just keeps going, and I jog to stay close, my throat clogging with tears. What have we come to?
“Colt, please,” I plead, breaking on a sob.
He swings around so quickly that I stumble into his chest, and unable to stop myself, I wrap my arms around him and sob as he reflexively grabs me up.
Crushing me to him, he says, “Oh, Princess, sh.”
Burrowing into him, I let the last of my resistance go. I need him, and he needs me. I’m not willing to lose him over this because, despite everything, we’re better together.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I whimper.
He stiffens around me, his arms going rigid as he tries to pull away, but I just grab on tighter.
“Can’t what?” he asks gruffly.
“This is tearing me apart….”
“What are you saying?” he demands, his icy demeanor back in place.
Dropping my arms, I stare at him helplessly. Is this it? Have I pushed too far?
He’s shut me out again, and I can’t see through the pain, but I have nothing left to lose, so I say through wobbly tears, “I love you. I can’t do this without you. I-I don’t want to.”
My heart skips a beat when he stares at me silently for a moment, pained anticipation surging through my veins. What if he says no?
But his eyes melt into a soft expression, and he steps forward, grabbing my face and looking me in the eye.
“I love you, too, Finn,” he breathes.
Melting against him, I clutch onto him desperately, the violent need to feel him close rushing through me. I’ve been so empty, and he fills me with love, passion, acceptance, and a strange wholeness I can’t put into words.
Rocking me gently, he murmurs sweet words in my ear, kissing my forehead as we stand in our bubble, immune to everything around us until the bell rings.
Annoyed by the intrusion, I pull back and say mulishly, “I don’t want to go to class.”
His beautiful pale eyes brighten, and with a devilish look, he grabs my hand and pulls me toward the door. “Then let’s get out of here.”
*****
Colt brings us to the lake. It’s a beautiful day, and I look around with appreciation as we walk hand in hand along the shoreline.
I feel alive and more peaceful than I have in a while because Colt, I’ve come to realize is my center, and I’ve been off balance since we parted. I don’t regret our confrontation because it had to happen for us both to realize who we are and what we need, but I’m happy just the same to be here with him now.
So much so, I’m smiling from ear to ear, and I don’t give a damn.
Squeezing my hand tucked firmly within his, Colt kisses my knuckles, smiling into my eyes. Thankfully his wound from his fight with Nate was superficial, but he’s got a nasty bruise forming that hurts my heart.
For Colt, anger bubbles below the surface all too often, and I wish I could take his pain away. Maybe with time, we can heal each other.
“We shouldn’t be seen together,” he says grimly, turning the topic to serious shit.
Nothing with us is ever easy.
The sullen thought makes my chest clench painfully, and taking a deep breath, I say shakily, “I can’t go back to before.”
“Oh, Baby, me either. But I don’t want anything to happen to you,” he says softly, squeezing my hand for good measure.
“Is that why you’ve stayed away?” I whisper.
“Yes,” he says, looking off into the distance. “Tiffany warned me off, and I just, I would die if something happened to you, Finn,” he says fervently, looking me in the eyes.
“I know,” I say softly, “me too. So, what do we do? The fucker is always around. He knows everything.”
“We make him think he’s won,” he says simply.
“But Colt-“ I protest.
“I know, Finn. We’ll find a way around it. I can’t stand the distance either. We just have to get creative,” he mutters, pulling me into his arms.
“How?”
“I’ll sneak over to your place,” he says, wagging his brows playfully.
Laughing, I smack his shoulder but then glance around uneasily. “Maybe we shouldn’t be here.”
“Probably not, but we can stage a breakup tomorrow.”
Sighing, I turn away, “When is this all going to end?”
“Soon Finn, we just have to figure out who this dick is. I’ve been trying to find Ben.”
“Colt, no! He warned me off from doing that!”
“What?” he growls.
“Yeah,” I explain the warnings from my fan about searching out the others, and we drop into a grim silence.
I hate that we have to talk about this shit. I hate that it's defining our relationship. We deserve a moment just to be, but we never fucking get it.
After a few minutes of brooding, I ask, “What did Tiffany say anyway?”
Glancing at me sideways, he shrugs, and I pull him to a stop to give him a fierce glare, “Colt!”
“Finn,” he sighs, running his hands through his hair. “It’s not good. It’s...this dick is scary shit.”
“How so?”
“He threatened to kill Tiffany’s younger sister.”
Holy shit! Blanching, I turn away. I mean, I knew the dude was bad news, but this? Fuck.
“Finn,” he says, grabbing my shoulders. “I don’t think she knows who it is. But we’ll figure this out!” he says fiercely.
I desperately want to know what he did to get the information from her, but I let it pass. I dumped him, and any ties to me didn’t bind him - besides, he did it for me. It doesn’t ease the jealousy, though, nope that sits on my chest like a fucking immovable weight.
Taking a deep breath, I turn my thoughts to more important matters. “Colt, are there any other surprises I need to know?”
He steps away, and I turn to him, my stomach sinking painfully at his cool expression as he says, “No, you heard the worst of it.”
“What about Portia?”
“What about her?”
“Was she pregnant with your kid?”
“What? No! By the time she got knocked up, we weren’t hanging out anymore,” he says passionately.
“And Sarah? You played the game with her? Was anything you did with me to get back at her?”
“Yes, we played the game. Bu
t no, Finn, everything I did, fucked up or not, was about you,” he says, running his hand through his hair.
“How did she know? About the crane? The things you said? How did he know about the light? Did you say them to her? To either of them?” I ask hesitantly, not sure I want to hear the answer.
Those words are what I clung to when everything seemed shaky, they felt real to me, and if they weren’t...well, I just don’t know.
“No! I swear I have no idea. Finn, I never said those things to her because she didn’t matter.” His face falls after he says that, and he rushes to explain, “She didn’t make me feel the way you do. Obviously, she mattered. Shit, I mean-“
Chuckling, I step into him and cover his mouth with my hand, relief making me weak in the knees.
Stopping him before he digs himself a deeper hole, I ask, “Why didn’t you tell me it was Sarah who outed your family secrets?”
His face falls, and he says gruffly, “Because she was already a sore spot. I didn’t want her to come between us.”
“What is the game, exactly, Colt?”
Glancing at me quickly before turning away, he says softly, “A competition.”
“To do what?”
“Get the girl - whoever bagged her first won. At least at first,” he says sourly.
“And after?” I whisper, unsure if I want to know, but I can hardly move past anything if I don’t have the full truth.
“Well,” he says, wiping his hand over his face and grimacing, “bagging chicks was too easy after a while. So…it got more…intense.”
“Intense, how Colt?”
“Fuck!” he swears, turning away and hunching his shoulders. “We made them fall in love with us and then dropped them.”
Appalled, I step back a single step before he turns to me with an intense stare and grabs my arms. “What we did, what I did was fucking wrong, Finn, and I regretted it the minute you walked onto the lot at school. I didn’t do any of this right, and I’ll be fucking sorry until the day I die, but I want you. I need you. Please don’t let this come between us.”
Cocking my head to the side, I study his earnest expression before nodding.