by John Larkin
Hey D. Hope you’re surviving.
Mum took my phone.
Email when I can. Love L XXX
The elderly lady stands up and takes my hand as I slip the phone in my pocket. ‘You must live, young man. There are people who need you. People who love you.’
I look at her and smile. ‘I’m okay,’ I say. ‘I had a bad moment but I’m going to be okay now.’
I hitch on my backpack and, a little lighter in my step, head off towards the stairs.
The Pause has been a long journey, both personally and professionally, creatively and mentally; a journey that I simply could not have taken alone. To that end I would like to say a special thanks to the following: Chantelle Larkin, Damian Larkin, Gabrielle Larkin, Louisa Chen, Natalie Chen, Daniel Chen, Jack Green, Alison Aprhys, Belinda Bolliger, Kerry Cumming, Ian Harrison, Richard Halliwell, Jacquie Harvey, Ian Harvey, Linsay Knight, Paul Macdonald, Russell McCool, Kathryn Morelli, Ted Quan, Irini Savvides, Bob Thomas, Stephan Wellink and Tara Wynne. Also to my wonderful friends and colleagues at Knox Grammar School – to name individuals would leave me in danger of inadvertently omitting someone which would be a terrible oversight, so a huge, heartfelt thanks to all of you. To the staff of The Hills Private Hospital’s mental health unit and Hornsby Ku-ring-gai Hospital’s Psychiatric Emergency Care Centre for their amazing and gentle care. To Don Ritchie, the real ‘angel of The Gap’. To Ali Binazir, for his blog Meanderings over heaven, earth and mind (you can find his post ‘What are the chances of your coming into being?’ at blogs.law.harvard.edu/abinazir/2011/06/15/what-are-chances-you-would-be-born/). To Richard Baker and the legendary (in our own minds, at least) Pendle Hill O/45s football team. And last, but by no means least, to the incredible staff at Penguin Random House, especially Zoe Walton and Bronwyn O’Reilly. To all of you, because the sun has shone on me again, I owe you a debt that I can never repay.
If you’re going through a tough situation that you don’t feel comfortable talking about with friends or family, you can find help elsewhere. Reach out to a counsellor on a free anonymous hotline or website.
www.beyondblue.org.au or 1300 22 4636
www.kidshelp.com.au or 1800 55 1800
www.lifeline.org.au or 13 11 14
Was Declan’s breakdown preventable? What were the factors that contributed to it?
Declan’s story contains examples of strategies you can use to help you recover from, and manage, mental illness. What strategies did Declan use? What else could he have done that might have helped?
‘I thought I would be stuck with this agony forever. But I just had the wrong mixture of chemicals whirring around in my brain. But how was I to know? … My mind was broken. And when your mind breaks you need help. External help. Because the thing you rely on most to get you through the screaming darkness is the very thing that’s broken.’ (p. 40) Declan’s brain sends his body pain signals, so that he feels as though his nerves are rupturing, but in reality his pain is caused by a chemical imbalance that is contributing to his depression and anxiety. In what other ways can our brains deceive us?
How significant do you think Declan’s family and friends are in his recovery? Or do you think that his recovery comes from within?
‘I’m sorry to you, my teachers, who might have blamed yourselves and wondered why you hadn’t spotted the signs – signs that simply weren’t there, signs that only became apparent to me after it was too late, after I was gone. Signs that I’d learnt to hide from everyone – myself included.’ (p. 185) Do you think there were any signs of Declan’s mental illness? Do anxiety and depression manifest themselves differently in teenagers versus adults?
‘My friends have been amazing since I returned to school, but everyone else has given me a wide berth. It’s just too much to deal with. I’m kind of like a social leper.’ (p. 183) Why do others find it difficult to talk to Declan after his breakdown? Have you experienced this in your life? How can we create change in our society so that mental illness can be discussed openly and honestly, and without discrimination or stigma?
‘Blokes don’t do this stuff very well, but to compare, teenage boys are so clenched up we make our fathers look like Oprah.’ (p. 183) Do you agree with Declan that teenage boys are less likely to show their emotions and talk about their problems than others?
Declan’s mother shielded her husband from the truth about what Great-Aunt Mary tried to do to Declan. Did she do the right thing? Would Declan’s relationship with his father have been different if his father had known the truth? What other secrets in the book contribute to the suffering or emotional wellbeing of the characters?
‘Life is about enjoying the little moments … We’re all going to fall on bad times and go through sadness, through breakups, through death, bereavement and depression. It happens. It’s a part of life. But those moments will pass and you’ll have good moments again. You’ll have great moments. You’ll have beautiful moments.’ (p. 145) Should we be happy all the time, or do we need to experience sadness and a range of emotions in order to appreciate the ‘beautiful moments’?
Humour is an important part of Declan’s story, and plays a role in his healing. How important is humour to you in your life?
Can humour also be destructive? (For instance, when Declan and his mother make fun of Declan’s father?) What is the difference between healing humour and destructive humour?
Look up Don Ritchie, the real-life ‘angel of The Gap’, who saved many lives by offering a cup of tea and someone to talk to (as ‘Bill’ helps to save Declan, and tries to save Mary, in the story). Do you think Don saw himself as a hero, or was he just doing what anyone would do in his situation? What other strangers, as well as health professionals, help Declan in The Pause?
Sydney-based author John Larkin was born in England but grew up in the western suburbs of Sydney. He has, at various stages of his writing career, supported his habit by working as a supermarket trolley boy, shelf-stacker, factory hand, forklift driver, professional soccer player and computer programmer. He now writes and teaches writing full-time. John has a BA in English Literature and an MA in Creative Writing from Macquarie University. John’s The Shadow Girl won the Victorian Premier’s Literary Awards 2012 Prize for Writing for Young Adults.
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Version 1.0
The Pause
9780857981714
First published by Random House Australia in 2015
Copyright © John Larkin, 2015
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
A Random House Australia book
Published by Random House Australia Pty Ltd
Level 3, 100 Pacific Highway, North Sydney NSW 2060
www.randomhouse.com.au
Random House Books is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com/offices.
National Library of Australia
Cataloguing-in-Publication entry
Author: Larkin, John, 1963–
Title: The pause / John Larkin
ISBN: 978 0 85798 171 4 (ebook)
Target audience: For young adults
Dewey number: A823.3
Subjects: Teenagers and death
For young adults.
Cover illustration and design by Astred Hicks, designcherry.com
eBook production by First Source
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