by Kelly Oram
I wasn’t about to explain it. “Look, it doesn’t matter, okay? Russ stopped him.”
“Because you wouldn’t!” Russ accused.
“Because I couldn’t have!” I said, finally raising my voice to match theirs. “He’s a vampire! He’s stronger than me! What would have been the point?”
“You still try! You always have to try, Grace!”
I felt the return of my numbness. I’d already heard that once tonight. Andrew said the same thing, like, ten minutes ago.
“You have to fight back, Grace,” Russ continued on. “If he’s too strong, call for help. Call Ethan. That’s what he’s here for.”
“And give him another reason to resent me?” I asked. “No, thanks.”
“Grace,” Ethan started, but then stopped when I glared at him. He couldn’t deny my accusation.
“At least Andrew seems to really want me,” I said bitterly. “My father wishes he’d never had me. Ethan hates me. My friends are only my friends because the resistance needed a connection to the White House, and you’re only here because you want to know how I’m connected to your girlfriend.”
“No, Grace. I like you. You’re my friend.”
“How can I be? You can barely stand to look at me half the time!”
Russ flinched. “I—I—” he stammered.
“It’s okay. I get it. I look like her, but I’m not the one you want. I never will be.”
Russ looked downright nauseated. He couldn’t find the right words. His struggle to find a way around the hurtful truth made me cry again.
“It’s not that I wouldn’t want you,” he said quietly. “You’re nice and you’re beautiful, but I can’t love you. I can’t love anyone but her.” Russ’s face went dark and he muttered, “My father made sure of that.”
I was amazed at the emotion Russ was sometimes capable of displaying. Ethan always kept his thoughts hidden—unless, of course, he wanted me to know how angry he was—but Russ, more often than not, wore his heart on his sleeve. You could plainly see the rainbow of emotions he experienced as he felt them.
“Why do you do it?” I asked him suddenly. “Why do you fight? Your home, your family, and the girl you love…Everything’s been taken from you. Why keep fighting?”
Russ answered without hesitation. “Because I’m pissed off. Because the council can’t get away with what they’ve done. They need to be stopped so that they don’t do that to anyone else. And because if I don’t fight, then what? There’s nothing else for me to do. It’s like you said. I have nothing left. You should fight back, too.”
“Why?” I asked. “How? Fight back against what?”
“That asshole, for one,” Russ said, throwing a hand in Andrew’s direction.
We all looked back, but there was nobody lying there anymore. We’d been so caught up in our argument that none of us had noticed Andrew wake up or heard him slip away.
This time the very bad word came from both Ethan and Russ. “Get her inside,” Ethan barked as Russ scooped me off my feet. “Stay with her until I get back. Even if her father comes home.”
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Never mind” was all Ethan told me, but from the look in his eyes, I knew. He was going to find Andrew, and I doubted that if he found him I’d have a vampire stalker much longer.
Russ carried me inside, and not a moment too soon. I’d been balancing on one foot in my driveway for fifteen minutes. My entire leg was throbbing.
Russ noticed me wince when he set me down on the couch and went searching in the kitchen. He came back with some Tylenol and a glass of water. He waited wordlessly while I took the medicine, then set the glass on the coffee table and sat down next to me.
“Long night for you,” he said.
When I didn’t respond, he surprised me by pulling me into his lap. He wrapped his arms around me and I lay my head on his shoulder as if we’d done this a million times. The action was so natural it was unnatural.
I felt as if I’d been freezing to death without knowing it and Russ had draped a warm blanket around me. His supernatural energy, if that’s what I was feeling, was working its way through my body. When it reached my heart, it felt like it was somehow gluing the pieces back together.
Maybe it was just a guy thing, but Russ didn’t hound me for any details. We sat in silence for a long time. I was grateful Russ hadn’t decided to give me any more lectures. He hadn’t even asked me what was wrong. I doubted he knew about my dad or Cynthia, and I know he had no idea Andrew had done a lot more than attempt to kidnap me tonight.
When he finally did speak, I was surprised at his train of thoughts. “I don’t understand you and Ethan,” he said.
It wasn’t technically a question, so I didn’t respond.
“I’ve never really had any friends besides Dani, but he seems like a really cool guy, and you’re so nice. I don’t understand why you don’t get along better.”
Again, I chose not to say anything.
Russ sighed and then said what was really on his mind. “He was trying to explain a little bit about his connection to you tonight. It sounds pretty intense.”
I shifted awkwardly and Russ squeezed me a little tighter, thinking my fidgeting had been an attempt to pull away. It wasn’t, though. I didn’t really care for this conversation, but nothing could have made me break our connection right then. I was silently hoping he’d hold me this way forever.
“Does that connection go two ways?” Russ asked. “Do you feel everything he feels?”
I shook my head. The few things I’d heard Ethan say about his bond—about feeling my emotions and needing to be near me—I didn’t have any of that. “I can talk to him and I’ve heard his voice in my mind, but that’s it.”
Russ nodded thoughtfully and then said, “He does want to keep you safe. You need to let him help you. You need to trust him.”
“He’s bound to me. He has to protect me. He doesn’t want to.”
Russ shook his head. “You’re wrong. I don’t know all the details—the guy’s as messed up as either of us—but you didn’t hear him talking tonight. He thinks he’s failed you and he hates himself for it. He wants to fix it. He wants to help you. He just doesn’t think he can. He doesn’t think you’ll ever forgive him.”
We lapsed into silence again, but it only lasted a minute. “He’s a good guy, Grace. You should cut him a break.”
I sighed. I’ve never been one to hold a grudge, but Ethan got to me like no other person ever did.
“If there were any way I could break this connection for him, I would,” I admitted. It was the best I could do. “I didn’t ask for him to be bound to me. I don’t want to be such an unwelcome burden in his life. If there were any way to let him be free of me, I’d do it.”
“Is that why you jumped in front of a bus tonight? You think he’d be free if you were dead?”
I shrugged. Trying to kill myself isn’t exactly something to be proud of, but I still didn’t see any other way. “Not just him. My father’s life would be a lot less complicated. Cynthia and her brothers wouldn’t have to follow me around anymore. Everyone I know is physically stuck with me. I was just trying to help.”
“Grace, killing yourself wouldn’t help anyone. Especially not Ethan. It would destroy him if anything ever happened to you.”
I highly doubted that.
“As much as you don’t want to believe it, there’s something about you. You’re special. Obviously the Creator needs you alive if she’s gone to such lengths to give you your own protector. You heard what Ethan’s mom said. Creating a warrior is a huge sacrifice. They didn’t do it just to play a cruel joke on all of you. You’re needed in the bigger picture. If you’re anything like Dani, and I suspect you are, then most likely the survival of the whole world is somehow dependent on you.” He gave me a smile that could melt the polar ice caps. “So do me a personal favor and try to stay alive because I’ve got a few scores to settle before I go.”
And just like that, I was laughing again. It was a weak laugh, but it was a laugh. He was right about my needing him to cheer me up instead of Ethan. He was good at it.
Russ sobered himself and smiled a little more seriously this time. “No more buses, okay?” I nodded. “And if you get into trouble, call for Ethan. Let him do his job.”
I sighed and Russ pulled my face up to meet his again. “Promise?” he asked.
I saw the worry in his eyes and couldn’t say no. “All right.”
“Not good enough.”
“I promise, Russ.”
“Thank you.”
Russ, feeling content now, settled me back against his shoulder and rested his head on top of mine. We stayed like that until Ethan came back. I’d fallen asleep at some point and the slam of the door woke me up. From the looks of it, Russ had been sleeping, too.
“He’s gone,” Ethan said, eyeing Russ and me, as if debating whether or not to comment on our position.
“What do you mean ‘he’s gone’?” Russ asked with a yawn. I climbed off his lap and he pushed his body into a big stretch.
Ethan’s eyes darted back and forth between us a few more times and then he decided not to say anything. “I mean there’s no trace of him. The estate is empty. The entire coven is gone. Looks like Grace was his last stop on his way out of town.” He shot me an angry look and muttered, “You’re lucky you’re not halfway over the Atlantic right now.”
I didn’t understand how Russ could translate any of Ethan’s behavior into wanting to help me, but I’d promised Russ that I would try from now on, so I met Ethan’s glare as best I could and said, “I’m sorry.”
Russ smiled at my apology, but Ethan didn’t seem nearly as impressed. He rolled his eyes and fell into a chair, exhausted.
Whatever. If Ethan didn’t want my apology, I wasn’t going to cry over it. I sunk back into the couch, preparing to sulk, until Russ elbowed me. When I looked up, he pointed with his eyes at Ethan. His look clearly said “Try harder.”
I scowled, but it only made Russ grin. He was infuriating, but also so cute I couldn’t ignore him. Russ knew when he won the silent argument and winked at me. I pried my face away from his grin back to Ethan’s brooding scowl. “I mean it, Ethan,” I said, trying not to sound annoyed because Russ would get a kick out of it. “I really am sorry. If there were some way to break our bond, I’d do it. I swear.”
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say. Ethan’s head snapped up. “You hate me that much?” he snarled.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I was trying to be kind and he was mad at me for it. He was always mad at me. “I hate that I’m ruining your life!” I shouted. “I was only trying to do what I thought was best for everyone, and since you weren’t going to let me kill myself, letting Andrew take me was the only thing that made sense. If I went with him, he’d have what he wanted and wouldn’t be threatening my dad anymore. I also couldn’t be used as a tool by the resistance anymore, so whoever’s trying to kill me could stop worrying about it. Plus, you’d be free, Cynthia could go back to school with all of her real friends, and Caleb could marry whomever he wanted. Everyone would be better off. Consider me pathetic all you want, but I wasn’t wallowing in self-pity. I was thinking of everyone but myself. If anyone here’s feeling sorry for themself, it’s you.”
By the time I finished yelling at Ethan, Russ was gaping at me, slightly horrified. I suppose that wasn’t exactly the apology he’d been talking about. I was as surprised by my outburst as he was, but Ethan was more shocked than either of us. He looked completely overwhelmed by the rebuke. I didn’t care. I was sick of him thinking I was a pathetic waste.
Eventually he found his voice and asked, “What do you mean Andrew is threatening your dad?”
I hadn’t planned on telling anyone about that, but since Andrew didn’t get his way tonight, I didn’t see the point in keeping it secret. The world would know soon enough.
“He made his mom use her vampire mind control thing to seduce my dad when we went to dinner that night. She’s married to the head of an organization that gave very generously to my dad’s campaign fund. They have pictures. Really clear ones. Ones that are probably splashed all over the news now. He won’t just lose his job—he could go to jail, and he doesn’t even know it happened.”
“Andrew was blackmailing you?” Ethan asked.
His incredulity was an insult. I didn’t bother to hide my disgust when I said, “You really thought I agreed to be his girlfriend live on CNN because I was desperate for attention, didn’t you?”
Ethan had to look away from me. That’s exactly what he’d thought.
“The answer to your question is yes,” I said quietly. “Right now I think I hate you that much.”
Russ threw me a shocked look, startled by how much I meant what I said. I just shrugged helplessly. He might have liked Ethan, but I couldn’t.
“You think you know me, Ethan, but you don’t.” I took a deep breath and tried to make my voice a little less harsh. “Being able to feel my feelings doesn’t mean you understand them. I haven’t done anything to deserve the opinion you have of me. I have never complained about my father or the way the kids at school treat me, and I certainly don’t wallow in self-pity over it. I made the best of my life and was mostly happy despite everything. I never felt bad about myself until I was forced to spend time with you.”
It got really quiet for a really long time. I had more to say, but I let Ethan stew in his own thoughts. It looked as if he needed it. Eventually I broke the silence with a sigh. “Don’t worry. I’m not actually suicidal the way you think, and I promise I’m not going to try to take myself out of the equation again.”
Ethan glanced up at me, and I shrugged. “Andrew probably released the pictures of my dad first thing after Russ kept him from taking me tonight.” When Russ gasped I quickly added, “I’m not blaming you, Russ. I’m selfish enough to be grateful you stopped him. I just meant that killing myself isn’t going to help my dad anymore, so there’s no point in doing it.”
“Maybe he hasn’t released them yet,” Russ said hopefully. “If he had, you’d have heard about it already, right? Your dad would have called you. Maybe Ethan and I can still find Andrew and stop him.”
“He won’t release them,” Ethan mumbled.
“What?” Russ asked while I said, “You can’t know that.”
“I do know that,” Ethan promised. “Andrew may have a fixation, but he’s not stupid. He broke like a dozen council laws using your father like that. Big laws. If he released those pictures, especially since your dad won the election, his crimes would earn him a death sentence. He only did it because he knew you wouldn’t know any better to call his bluff. Your father is perfectly safe.” Ethan looked at his lap and dropped his voice to a whisper. “It’s you I’m worried about.”
I couldn’t take it. I wanted to be so mad at him. I hated him, I truly did, but he looked so pitiful right then I had to do something. “Tell me what I have to do,” I said, sighing. “Whatever you need me to do, Ethan, just tell me. I’ll stop being difficult. I don’t like you, but I’ll work with you from now on.”
Ethan looked up at me in utter shock, which again I found insulting, but at the same time I found myself taking pity on him. “If you really do want to protect me, then I’ll let you do your job,” I promised.
It took Ethan a minute to get over his surprise enough so that he could respond. When he did, his thank-you sounded so genuine I got angry again. “Don’t thank me,” I grumbled. “I don’t want your gratitude. I’m not doing this for you. If it were possible, I’d still want to break our bond.”
I tried to ignore the hurt in Ethan’s eyes. I didn’t like making him feel bad, but I suspected nothing else was going to get through his thick head. If we were going to be stuck together forever like this, then I needed him to know how I felt.
“Unfortunately, Russ is right. Sacrifices have been made in order to give me a warrior, which means there�
�s a reason I’m supposed to be alive. I owe you nothing, but your parents deserve more from me so I’ll do my part.”
After a moment more of thought, I demanded, “But I want to know why. If my life is so important that you have to devote yours to protecting it, then I need answers. My dad gave me the day off tomorrow. I want you to take me to the consulate. I think I should meet Dani.”
Ethan wasn’t really listening to me—he was still too overwhelmed by his own thoughts—but Russ was on my case instantly. “No, Grace. Not a good idea.”
“I need answers, Russ.”
“Dani doesn’t have them. She doesn’t even know you exist. The council doesn’t know anything about this, and that’s the problem. They won’t have answers, but they’ll be desperate to find them out. They won’t care that you’re the president’s daughter. They’ll do whatever they have to—no matter what the cost.”
I suppressed a shudder and tried again. “But Duncan said he could arrange for me to meet her privately.”
“No,” Russ said again. “Maybe, if it were just Dani. But it wouldn’t be. She’d bring Gabe with her and I don’t trust him. I don’t even really trust Duncan.”
“But—”
“Please, Grace,” he begged. “Don’t do it. Forget Dani. Don’t go anywhere near the consulate.”
The depth of his desperation startled me, and it wasn’t until I saw the pain in his eyes that I realized I was just as desperate as he was. “But she’s the only clue I have, Russ.”
“No, she isn’t,” he insisted. “You have him.”
I followed Russ’s finger and gasped. “Ethan? You think Ethan knows more about this than we do?”
“No, but his father does.”
Ethan startled at this and finally joined the conversation. “My father?”
Russ’s face darkened. He became determined in a way I’d never seen anyone look. “If my dad can raise a demon,” he said, his voice hard, “then I can summon an angel.”
“Summon…” Ethan’s voice drifted off as he tried to wrap his head around what Russ was suggesting. From the look on his face, he either believed it couldn’t be done or he didn’t like the thought of meeting his dad.