by Abra Ebner
She made it sound so easy, though I knew it was anything but. Above all else, I was almost certain she was just trying to solidify the fact that only I could do this, though I doubted that that was completely the case. I could see a cat overcoming the same feat. She was just too stubborn to admit it.
I shook the fear from my hands, my palms now sweating. “Okay,” I mumbled, “I can do this.” I was still pacing.
“You can do this. This is the only way through. You know it’s inevitable,” She urged with confidence.
Sam had nothing to say on the matter so he stared at me instead, a glimmer of anxiety in his eyes. He was sworn to protect me, but this task was mine alone and there was nothing he could do to help. I saw his weight shift from one foot to the other, finally nodding toward me and giving me the ok.
I squeezed my eyes shut as tight as I could, concentrating on flight and wondering what that would feel like in the painting. It was then that I was able to change and I opened my eyes, veering tightly to avoid crashing into the stone wall, Margriete and Sam ducking as I found it close to impossible to control where I was headed.
My feathers glowed in the dim light of the cave, adding a clear white hue to the blue light of the worms. On my second pass, I took a deep breath, aiming now for the painting and preparing for the splash of its thick contents.
I looked at Margriete and Sam once more, both poised and still as stone. Closing my eyes, I tucked my wings and picked up speed, my body shaking as I tried to imagine what to expect. I blinked one last time as I crashed through the paint, the sound around me muffled as it drowned my ears.
As I opened my eyes, I found that everything was blurred and melting, as though I needed glasses. I flapped my wings hard, feeling the paint smear its way through my feathers but finding they fought back, slicing it with little effort. It was as though I had just dived into a pool of water and I tried to imagine it as such in order to prevent panic. I swam as swiftly as I could toward the door, the breath I had held not yet stinging my lungs but my muscles now burning from the lack of oxygen.
I could just make out the soft muffled voices of Sam and Margriete behind me, urging me to hold on. As I reached the door, I quickly concentrated on my body, changing with such haste and fear, that I knew I had lost my clothes. Despite the embarrassment, it was easier to move through the paint now and I grappled for the handle, feeling my hands slip against its solid mass as I grasped it. I yanked hard as I felt it finally give, a soft sucking coming from beyond as the open door tried to spill me out and beyond, into a place I was certain I did not want to be.
I turned and pressed hard against the current, changing back into the raven as I went and finding the wings better use for cutting through the paint. I pressed as hard as I could, my body now weak and tired, screaming to let go. My mind began to doubt itself as my eyes closed in pain and determination. Suddenly, Edgar’s voice echoed from somewhere next to me, distracting me from my exit as I looked to the sound.
“Darling, I’m here, don’t go.”
His voice was clear, as though the paint was no longer clogging my ears. I looked through the thick streaking rays, barely able to make out his face as he stood in the corner, smiling in a way that made my heart melt.
“Elle you can’t leave me here,” he pleaded.
I continued to press forward, opening my mouth to reply, tasting the paint as it gushed in. “You’re not real!” I screamed, my only breath now escaping my lungs as tears tried to fall from my eyes, washing away in blue streaks. My chest began to sting as it urged me to inhale, to drown.
“But I am Elle, I am real. I’m right here.” Edgar’s blurred image reached out to me, his hand just inches away.
My body began to feel tired, my mind intoxicating itself with the lack of oxygen, no longer knowing what was real or fake. I reached one wing out to him, a smile now blurring across his familiar face as he reached back. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but there was no breath left.
I was just about to give in and take a deep breath when I felt my body being pulled to the side, a large hand grabbing my arm as I changed back into my human form. Edgar’s figure fell away from me and I screamed one last time, my lungs seizing as paint gushed in. Crashing through the painting, I fell hard to the floor, landing on Sam and Margriete. I coughed in violent spurts, spitting paint all over the walls of the cave as my mouth burned from the oils. I had managed to keep my clothes this time, but they were now saturated and heavy, my weak body unable to stand.
As I wiped the paint from my eyes, I saw that Sam and Margriete were both furiously panting, Margriete’s head and arm completely soaked and Sam’s face streaked with blue and green, vibrant against his clean skin. I let out the laugh of a mad man as I spit more paint on the floor, realizing how close to death I had come.
Margriete pushed my sopping hair away from my face. “That was close,” she breathed, finding no humor to the matter.
Sam had a disgusted look on his face as he stared at his sodden arm and face, also not seeing the humor, but rather the disdain.
My laugh withered to a frown as my sanity returned. “Edgar was in there,” I tried to calm my breathing, finding my heart refused to believe it was safe. “I saw him.”
Margriete scanned my eyes, never breaking her stare, “It wasn’t real Elle.” She grabbed my hair and rung it out, “He was just in your mind, tricking you. You need to recognize this.”
Sam grumbled as he slung paint against the wall, pacing in a circle as though hoping he could run away from it.
I shook my head, my eyes finally welling with tears, “No. It was him this time.” My emotions were like a rollercoaster, flitting through my mind in a manner that kept my senses confused. I looked back up at the painting, but there was no one there.
Margriete still had her hand on my head, “It’s not real Elle. It’s all in your head.”
I sighed, “Well you saw him right?”
Margriete and Sam stole a glance before she replied. “Er…” her lips became a straight line, “No, we saw nothing but you.”
I held my gaze, wondering if she was telling the truth or not. I didn’t need them to protect me, I know what I saw and there’s no reason to keep me from feeling the sadness, at least I’d know whether or not I was crazy.
Sam walked toward us and offered us both a hand. My grip slipped through Sam’s fingers, paint squeezing out between our linked knuckles. The mood changed to laughter as Margriete fell on her butt in a puddle of paint, leaving her with a painful frown of embarrassment.
Re-grouping to try again, she grasped both her hands around Sam’s arm and managed to stumble to a standing position. Letting out a breath of completion, we all simultaneously looked at the now open door, analyzing its interior with caution. As I approached and my eyes adjusted I saw that there was a staircase that began just inside the small dark space, swirling downward in an endless spiral like a whirlpool.
Sam placed his hand on the door knob, leaning his weight against it as he peered in and down “Well, I guess it’s all downhill from here.”
Margriete and I stared at the journey ahead, my body screaming for a rest and my clothes ruined and cold.
“We can’t stay here, we must press on,” Margriete finally said, the light in the room now fading as the power from the worms began to die. She placed one hand on my sunken shoulders, “We’ll rest soon, but not now Elle.”
DOWN AND OUT
The stairs continued to spiral downward, my mind dizzied and my head aching from being turned in the same direction for so long. My thighs now burned more than they ever had and even Sam was struggling to remain stable, showing his first signs of weakness. Light filled the space from somewhere above, as though the tower of stairs had an open roof to the sky, though that seemed impossible. By now, it was clear that we were deep beneath the earth’s surface, far deeper than any explorer had ever been.
Margriete was breathing in even waves, her stride never breaking as though in a trance. Fro
m time to time she flickered into her changeling of a cat, her thoughts struggling with the repetitive nature of the stair well, and the fact that as a cat, she seemed to flow in a more comfortable gait. I tried hard to keep up, though my body begged to take a break.
I was not so lucky. To change into a raven would mean spiraling out of control. The stairwell was narrow and tight, and I knew that once I picked up speed, I would only continue downward without a place to land.
I rubbed my palms against my thighs. “Grietly, how much farther?” I whined.
She seemed startled as her repetitive gait broke. “Almost there,” she barked. “I think.” Her eyes turned to look at me and I noticed how puffy with sleep they had become, her skin already drawn.
Sam groaned behind me, obviously bored from the sudden lack of action. The paint had dried on all of us and was now cracking as sweat gathered beneath it, leaving a trail of color down the stairs. I was mostly covered with white paint, being that in the painting, I was the white raven, at least for most of it, so I was happy for that.
I thought about Edgar as I had seen him then. Despite the blurriness of paint, I was still convinced it had been him. His voice was unmistakable, if not overly seductive. I shuddered, remembering how it felt when he had touched me, that undeniable feeling that we were one soul, bound for eternity.
You would think it would be easier, that our lives would just go on in a happily ever after. But like most things in life, perfection is too coveted to be easy and free, and contentment can ultimately lead to self destruction if you’re not too careful. Our love had become our demise, and ultimately, would forever hold us in this tumultuous cycle of crisis and meaning.
Up ahead, more light poured into the space, but this time from the side as though there where a window. I blinked hard, trying to discern the rays that poured through, trying to decide what in earth could possible resemble the sun.
“Is that sunlight?” I asked, tilting my head as we continued to lope downward and ahead.
Margriete laughed, “Yep.” Her eyes began to clear as she saw it too.
“But,” I paused, looking toward the top of the tower, now so high, that the light there was but a pinhole. “But, we’re underground!”
Sam said nothing, but there was an obvious look of curiosity in his eyes.
“Well, your dreams were never sunless, were they?” Margriete slowed slightly, allowing herself to catch her breath and speak. “Put it this way, you wouldn’t think that that gods would let the humans have the only sun do you?”
“Well,” I thought for a moment, “No. But there is that little issue called space and gravity. I mean, isn’t the sun rather large to fit inside the earth?”
Margriete snorted and it echoed through the chamber. “You have to think differently Elle, anything can happen, and will. Besides, it’s not like they’re trying to heat the entire universe in here, think on a smaller scale.”
I pursed my lips and lifted my eyebrows, finding that her explanation had clarified my thoughts. “I guess I could understand.”
The window was approaching us now, and Margriete slowed even further, her steps now landing one at a time, rather than the steady trot she had held for so long.
Sam finally spoke, “Wait, I know this place.”
I turned and looked at him, his face now glimmering with the light, whiter than I had seen in what seemed days.
“This is…”
Margriete cut him off, “Yes Sam, it is.”
The window was right before us now and I found myself holding my breath in anticipation of what I would see. As I rounded down the last spiral, I could now just barely make out what was contained beyond. Exhaling slowly, I stepped in front of the frame, the sunlight pouring across my skin and the sudden warmth sending waves of comfort throughout my body, a feeling so much like home, that I couldn’t help but forget where I was.
With amazement, I looked out on what appeared to be a lush valley. Wind was blowing through the perfectly green leafy trees and a fresh fragrance poured from the space and into my nostrils. The air was sweeter than I had ever smelled, laced with the pollen of a hundred fragrant flowers.
My heart leapt as though pounding it’s way through my chest in its longing need to play within this world, to forget earth all together and be here, once and for all. This was not just the place of dreams, but it was also my heaven.
Looking to my left, I saw that there was a river that poured past the tower and down the hillside. We were still about fifty feet in the air, but I could see now, we were close to the bottom. I looked toward the sky, finding the sun of this world, amazed that I could look at it directly without the familiar sting in my eyes. It did not seem smaller than the one I had grown used to on earth, but the fact that it was indeed closer suggested that it was smaller after all. Though it looked the same size, it did not look the same in color as I noticed how the inner glow of the light was blue, slowly radiating out to a warm white.
Clouds began to slowly pass before the light, fluffy and thick with rain. As the light flowed away from me, it drew my vision further into the landscape. In the far distance stood a city through the misty air and it was difficult to recognize much more than the few tall structures, all too plain to be the castle I had imagined, but what did I know?
It was then that there was a yell from below and my head snapped toward the sound, finding it a strange reminder of my past. Margriete placed her hands on the sill of the window, also shocked by the sudden disruption. Sam, feeling left out, came up behind us, placing one hand on each shoulder and looking over our heads.
There was a man below, dragging a canoe across the soft earth toward the river, heaving hard and swearing under his breath. I watched him for a moment, finding something about his physique oddly familiar as well. The man stumbled, falling on his butt as a word, I will not repeat, left his lips and echoed through the valley. As the man struggled to right himself and straightened the awkward glasses on his nose, I gasped.
“Scott!” I yelled, my body surging with excitement as I jumped up and down, placing my hands firmly on the sill as I contemplated flying down to him.
Scott jumped and looked around him, frightened by my voice as though figuring he had been the only person for miles.
He tilted his head. “Elle?” he asked, more to himself than the air around him, looking as though he’d thought he’d been hearing things.
“Scott!” I yelled again, now waving from the window.
Scott seemed confused as he finally realized there was a giant tower before him. He looked upward, his mouth gaping and his glasses still crooked on his nose as sweat glistened on his forehead. As his eyes met mine, he repeated himself, but this time it was as though he wasn’t sure he was seeing what he had. “Elle?” he paused, a smile creeping across his face as he finally saw that I was real, “Elle!” He ran toward the tower.
“Scott! You’re here!” My voice cracked.
“Elle! What are you doing here? This is my dream!” he yelped, now standing directly below us.
“I know Scott! But we’re here!” I turned inside and faced Margriete and Sam, “We have to get down there!” I looked back down at Scott, “Stay right there, we’ll be right down!” I yelled.
Sam waved in compliance, placing his hands on his hips and turning back toward the river, his eyes flitting between it and the canoe.
“Come on guys, let’s go!” Adrenaline now pulsed through my veins and I forgot about how tired my muscles had been as I skipped full steps down the last few flights. At the bottom, arched doors lead out onto the valley where ivy engulfed the opening like a curtain. I pressed the curtain aside, my feet welcoming the soft give of grass as I bounded through the door.
I halted as the sun streamed across my whole body where I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them, Scott was standing directly in front of me.
“Elle? What are you doing here!?” He was surprised, as though he hadn’t remembered he’d already seen me,
his face reacting in a replay of earlier.
“Scott,” I furled my brow. “Scott you already saw me, we went through this. You know, up there?” I pointed toward the tower and the window.
He looked down at the ground, up at the tower, and then back to where his discarded canoe lay near the rivers edge. “Oh,” he paused, turning back to me, his beady eyes dilated behind his glasses. “Oh yeah!” he slapped his leg, finally remembering as the pieces fell together in his head.
I laughed and gave him a big hug, “That’s ok Scott, you’re dreaming.”
He nodded with wide eyes. “Unfortunately,” he replied. “I was studying for this big test in the plant lab and I must have fallen asleep.” He slapped his leg again, “Darn it! I needed that A.”
I patted him on the back, “Don’t worry about it Scott. Besides, what’s better than being here with me?”
He smiled, now rubbing his leg and finding that slapping it twice was careless, “Yeah, that’s true.” He pressed his brows together as Sam and Margriete emerged, he looked at them both with a look of both fear and interest. “Who are they?” he looked around him, then back up at the tower, “And where are we?”
I followed his gaze as he looked skyward. The tower went on for what seemed an eternity, skyward and into the clouds where there was no trace of the outer walls, or the caves. It was like being on the surface of the earth, and for a moment, I second guessed myself.
Sam and Margriete approached behind me as Margriete offered an answer to Scott’s inquiry, “This is the outlying fields of the City of Angels.” Margriete stuck her hand out toward Scott, “Hi, I’m Margriete.”
Scott was understandably slow, as was expected, he was dreaming after all. He hesitated for what felt like minutes before grabbing her hand and giving it a shake. “Hi, I’m Scott.”
Margriete choked on a laugh, “Yeah, I know, I’ve met you before.”