“Sure, that sounds nice. Let’s go.”
Night has fallen, and the neighborhood is lit with multi-colored Christmas lights and animated displays of reindeer, different variations of Santa, and every other imaginable North Pole character. Though I’ve loved every minute we’ve been with her family, Daisy and I could use a little time alone before she’s forced into my bed tonight. I more than welcome her presence, but I don’t want to scare her off by moving too fast this time.
We head off down the street, enjoying our stroll, soaking in the spirit of the season from all the festive decorations, and she inches closer to me with each step. Before long, I drape my arm around her shoulders, she locks hers around my waist, and our steps fall in sync as if this is our natural gait.
“Are you okay with sleeping in my bed tonight? If you’re uncomfortable with it at all, I’ll sleep on the couch or in the playroom with the kids. I don’t mind.”
“I’m fine with the arrangements. My reaction had nothing to do with sharing a room with you. I have a problem with others taking away my choice, and that’s exactly what Mom did when she made the decision without even talking to me first. If she’d asked me rather than told me, I wouldn’t have reacted the same way.”
“Does that mean you don’t like surprises?”
“That’s a loaded question.” She chuckles against my side. “I like surprises when I’m expecting them.”
“You realize that makes no sense, right?” I lift one eyebrow and peer down at her. She looks up at me from under those thick eyelashes with a teasing glint in her eye. “A surprise is the exact opposite of expecting something to happen.”
“It makes perfect sense. Christmas, birthdays, special occasions—most people expect they’ll receive some sort of gift without knowing what it is. That’s a surprise, and it’s expected.”
“Oh, yes, that’s perfect logic. Except you told me the adults don’t exchange gifts anymore, so you wouldn’t expect to receive anything.”
“Exactly. So there’s no surprise involved, and I’m okay with that.” She shrugs, as if her reasoning explains everything.
“I’ll make you a deal. If you’ll let me spoil you with surprises, I’ll never pick anything that takes away your choice in the matter.”
She thinks about my proposal for a few steps, no doubt weighing the pros and cons in her mind before coming to a decision. “All right, if it’s important to you, I’ll allow it on a trial basis. If you go overboard, we’ll negotiate a new agreement though.”
“That’s fair. You have my word.”
“What about you? Do you like surprises?” She doesn’t look up at me when she asks, which strikes me as odd. But I quickly dismiss the notion since she’s in my arms of her own accord.
“I love good surprises—like meeting you on a Caribbean island, spending the holidays with you and your family, having you move into my bed tonight. Those, I’ll take every day. But I can live without the kind that makes me feel as though the ground gave way under my feet and I can’t claw my way out.”
“Can you give me an example? I’m not sure I understand what you mean.”
“Like when I checked my voicemail and had a message from Juliana’s oncologist, that kind of surprise. Daisy, believe me when I say, I couldn’t think straight after hearing that message. I had tunnel vision, and all I could see was losing my little sister after spending my life raising her.”
“You reacted the way any sibling would have in the same situation—even if they hadn’t been a surrogate father. If I’d received that call about Marlee, I would’ve left all my belongings behind and rushed home without a second thought. Your actions were calm compared to what I would’ve done.” She tightens her grip around my waist—a squeeze of solidarity.
I respond by halting our steps, turning to face her, and pulling her fully into my arms. When I kiss the top of her head, feelings I’ve repressed erupt inside me like a super volcano, threatening an irreversible change in my world as I know it forever. Since the first day I met her, she has chipped away at the icy chamber where I’ve kept my heart stored. But simple affection has morphed into something much deeper now. The realization of what that sensation is slams into me and steals my breath. Blood flows hot through my veins from the mere thought of losing her.
She makes me feel excited and calm simultaneously.
I want to keep her only to myself while also watching her soar to all new heights.
If she decides I’m not the perfect man for her, I’ll be devastated. But I also want her to be happy, even if that means she belongs with someone else.
Though I can’t say the words yet, that doesn’t change the truth of the matter.
I love her… more than I’ve ever believed was possible.
“You’re quiet all of a sudden. What’s going through that handsome head of yours?” She tilts her head back and meets my gaze.
“I don’t deserve you or your kind heart. You didn’t have to give me this chance. In fact, you have every right never to speak to me again, but that’s not who you are. You’re generous to a fault. After meeting your parents, I understand better how that’s so ingrained in you. Despite the teasing and bullying you faced growing up, you didn’t allow that to define you. You won’t allow the bad memories to overshadow the good.”
She flinches and drops her eyes to my chest. Then she bites her bottom lip and softly shakes her head. “That’s not entirely true. There’s something from my past I haven’t told you yet. Since it’s something that may make you change your mind about us, I don’t feel right keeping it from you any longer.”
“There’s nothing you could’ve done that would make me turn away from you, Daisy. If it’s important to you, then it’s important to me, and I’ll listen to whatever you have to say. But I’d never want you to feel obligated to tell me anything you’re not one-hundred percent comfortable sharing with me.” I understand all too well how mistakes and regrets of the past return to haunt the present. Whatever secret she’s harboring makes her feel ashamed, that much is clear. But I know her better than she thinks I do. She’s incapable of doing anything even remotely as terrible as some deeds I’ve done in the past.
“I think that’s the most romantic and supportive thing you’ve ever said to me. You don’t know how much I appreciate it. In a way, I wish I could keep this a secret for the rest of my life. But that’s not only impossible, it’s also not healthy.”
She squeezes her eyes shut and leans her forehead against my chest in the spot she attempted to drill holes through me with her stare. I feel her inhale deeply and realize she’s preparing to tell me something thoroughly awful—at least in her mind.
“I’ve purposely avoided telling you about Landen’s father. In fact, I’ve never told anyone the whole story of what I’m about to share with you. Not Tracy, Marlee, or even Mom. Tracy knows more of it than anyone, but not everything. I’m trusting you with this, Rod.”
“You won’t regret it, love. I’m not going anywhere.”
“When I was a sophomore in college, I went to this huge party at a fraternity house where all the most popular athletes pledged. Before that night, I’d been more of a wallflower than anything else. Tracy was the outgoing one, while I was the quiet one. But I decided I’d stood in the shadows long enough and wanted to have a little fun for once. She had a date that night, so I worked up the courage to go alone.
“The brothers of that house came from wealthy families, so the alcohol freely flowed like a river. When I walked through the door, someone shoved a red plastic cup of beer into my hand. When I looked around the packed room, I realized everyone had one—some had one in each hand—so I took it. The crowd immediately around me to start chanting, urging me to chug it. I didn’t want to appear more out of place than I felt, so I held my breath, turned it up, and drank every drop.
“Then another full cup replaced my empty one almost immediately. At that point, I couldn’t taste the beer, so I mingled with the partiers while I finished
the second alcoholic drink I’d ever had in my life. I was more of a lightweight than I realized because that second cup almost knocked me out. The room started spinning, all the faces became blurry, and I could barely walk. I remember trying to find someone I knew to help me, but it was as if someone had turned the lights off and I was stumbling around in the dark.
“My last coherent thought was getting outside the house to get some fresh air and hoping to find somewhere I could sit alone and sober up. After that, I can only see flashes of scenes that don’t make sense, but none of them are pleasant. Nothing is crystal clear, but somehow I realized I was in the backseat of some guy’s car. There were two other girls in the car too. One kept her arm around me, talking to me the entire ride. I don’t know what she said, but I remember feeling comforted by her voice.
“My only solid memory is when I woke in the emergency room, even though I was still very woozy and didn’t know where I was at the time. I don’t think I’d been there long because I was still in my regular clothes. They were torn and stained with blood. I freaked out—completely lost my shit—and ran out of the hospital, despite several nurses yelling for me to stop.
“But I couldn’t, because at the time, I didn’t even realize where I was. It was several hours later before any of it made sense. All I knew was I had to get away before I had a complete mental breakdown in front of everyone. When I reached my apartment, I locked the door behind me and didn’t come out for a solid week. Little by little, I put the pieces of that night together. Three months later, I accepted the fact that I was pregnant with Landen.
“Mom, Marlee, and Tracy know an abbreviated version of the story, but I couldn’t bring myself to share all the details. How could I tell them I had sex with someone when I was drunk, have no recollection of it, and have no clue who he was? I don’t remember a name, a face, nothing about him.”
She still hasn’t made eye contact with me, and I’ve never been so relieved for her to avoid looking at me. I’m stunned and completely speechless, but not for the reason she thinks.
As painful as this will be for both of us, I have to find a way to fill in some gaps for her.
“Daisy, did you really think I’d fault you for that? It wasn’t as though you chose to sleep with him. He raped you, baby. He took advantage of the situation when you were incapable of saying no.” I purposely keep my voice soft and my tone judgment-free.
“Why wouldn’t you fault me? I blame myself for allowing it to happen. If I hadn’t gotten drunk, I would’ve known what I was doing.”
With my finger under her chin, I gently lift her face, silently asking her to trust me. When she relents and raises her eyes to mine, I see the fear and guilt swimming in her eyes. I gently shake my head and softly glide my fingertips along her jawline before cupping her face in my palm. She leans into it, seeking compassion and support.
“Part of what I’m about to tell you will be hard to hear, but please let me finish before you react. If you can.”
She nods slowly, confusion etched in her brow.
“From the moment we met, I felt a connection to you. Normally, this would sound like some corny pickup line, but it’s the honest to God truth. The instant link I felt with you was as if my soul knew you, as if we were destined to be together. I dismissed it too many times to count, because I convinced myself I didn’t believe in fate. But I can’t lie to myself anymore.
“That backseat you were in was mine. Juliana went to the same party at the Delta Tau Chi house with her college buddy. Juliana wasn’t acting like herself, so her friend called, asking me to come get them. She knew something was very wrong. As we were leaving, movement behind a dumpster caught my attention. Then I realized some fucker was raping a woman right there on campus.
“I saw red. I jumped out of the car, snatched him up by his hair, and beat the shit out of him. When I released him to help, well, you, he scrambled to his feet and limped off. It killed me to watch him leave, but I couldn’t leave you three girls there alone to chase after him. Juliana’s friend helped me get you into the car so we could take you to the hospital too. He beat you up pretty badly, and your hair hung like a curtain in front of your face. I couldn’t get a name or anything out of you. All I knew to do was get you and Juliana to the hospital so they could help you both.”
She audibly gasps and her entire body becomes as hard and as unmovable as concrete. Her eyes widen and her bottom jaw is slack. She searches my eyes, darting between them as she searches for any indication to confirm my story.
“That was you?”
“Yes, it was me. I was in Juliana’s exam room when you ran out of the hospital. One of those voices calling for you to stop was mine. I tried to keep an eye on you while you were sleeping, but since we weren’t family and I didn’t even know your name, the staff stopped me really quickly. They threatened to kick me out if they caught me at your door again. Knowing you were alone really bothered me, but I couldn’t risk not being there with Jules. You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to kick my own ass for letting them keep me away from you. I was genuinely worried about your well-being when you ran away.”
“Oh, my God. I can’t believe that was you. One of the flashes I remember is seeing two guys fighting—literally over the top of me—but the scene in my mind never made sense until now. Rod… I don’t know what to say. You helped me during the worst moment of my life, but you didn’t even know me.”
“None of this was your fault. I don’t care if you drank the entire keg by yourself and got up on the bar to dance for everyone. No man has the right to touch you unless you say it’s okay. No matter what. But, for the record, none of that happened because you drank too much or anything else you may have said or done. Some fucker at the party drugged you. He spiked your drink. There’s no way you would’ve known. It doesn’t have any taste or smell to give it away.”
“You saved me, Rod. You saved my life that night. When I was able to look in the mirror again, I had dried blood, cuts, and bruises all over me. He probably would’ve killed me if you hadn’t intervened. Do you have any idea who he was, or even a good description of him?”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t. When I realized what he was doing, I was blind with rage. I’m sure he was also the one who drugged Juliana since Gabriel, the guy she was talking to that night, is the one who had her friend call me. But he never gave up a name, and believe me, I threatened him within an inch of his life more than once. He promised his stupid fucking fraternity brothers he’d always protect them. So I sat outside their house for days on end, waiting for one with black eyes and a broken nose to come out. Gabriel finally told me the brothers had voted him out that night. They promised not to turn him in to face charges if he changed schools immediately. He agreed and moved out before Juliana and I got home from the hospital.”
She nods slowly, but her eyes aren’t focused on anything in particular. She’s lost in a terrible memory from that night. “I don’t know how to tell Landen about his father… or if I should tell him. He’s hinted about his father, but he hasn’t asked any specific questions yet.”
“That fucking lowlife piece of shit isn’t Landen’s father, Daisy. Maybe he was there at conception, but he’ll never be the father of your son.”
She leans her cheek against my chest and tightens her arms around me again. She releases a haggard breath, and her entire body shivers despite the warm southern Florida air. I give her the silence and mental space she needs to process the details I shared. With the last of the gaps in her memory filled in, she must be replaying the events of that night all over again. With my arms encircling her in a protective embrace, we stand motionless on the sidewalk for as long as she needs. I don’t care who’s watching. I couldn’t care less what they think. Daisy needs this love, support, and empathy, and I’m here to give her my all.
My desire to find that motherfucker has been ignited from a smoldering ember into a fully involved five-alarm blaze. After the holidays, I may have to pay Gabriel a v
isit again.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Daisy
Rod and I walk around the block in silent lucidity, emotionally closer than we’ve ever been, and accepting the other despite our flaws and hauntingly painful memories. With one secret out in the open, I feel a weight lifted from my shoulders. Rather than awkwardly shying away from me after I shared that terrible night from my past, he’s nothing but supportive and affectionate. The air between us has turned more intimate and relaxed.
All these years, I’ve felt so guilty for putting myself in that situation, for allowing that horrible man to rape me. In fact, I never wanted to say those words or admit I was raped. Admitting what happened made me feel like a powerless victim and added insult to injury. But Rod’s soothing words were like a salve on my soul, assuring me none of it was my fault and promising he didn’t blame me. He vowed to seek justice by any means possible. He threatened to find my attacker and make him pay for what he did out of anger and helplessness. I believe he sincerely wants to help me heal from my ordeal. The emotional support from him means more to me than anything else he could do.
“What time will your sister be here?” Rod glances at his watch. “It’s starting to get late. I overheard Landen telling your mom how excited he is to see his Aunt Marlee again.”
“He loves her so much. Sometimes I think he’d live with her if I’d let him. She should be here any time. She likes to arrive fashionably late and make a grand appearance.”
“That drives you crazy, doesn’t it?” He chuckles softly.
“You have no idea how much it used to bother me. I’m generally laid back and easy to get along with, but her inability to show up on time has caused countless fights in the past. But now, instead of getting mad, I don’t wait for her. If she’s late, she just misses out.” I shrug, accepting we’re naturally on opposite ends of the spectrum.
All I Need: Rod & Daisy (All Of Me Duet Book 2) Page 6