Their cheese pot was almost empty when Jess noticed that Derrick was still talking about the farm. At first Yrian had listened attentively when Derrick described his work and what it entailed, but by now Yrian slouched in his chair, his legs stretched out in front of him, not replying or nodding any longer.
Jess downed her wine and pinched the last piece of bread. As she dipped it into the cheese, a challenging look crossed Yrian’s face. He leaned forward and lowered his empty fondue fork into the pot. It took Jess a second to realize that he was trying to hijack her bread. Her gaze narrowed in defiance. A swordfight of forks followed until Yrian came up the winner, the trophy speared on his fork.
Jess’s eyes widened with indignation. He prolonged his taunting, waving the prize in front of her face, and just when she was about to tell him off, he held the morsel to her lips. She took it greedily, not caring that the stringy cheese stuck to her chin. Yrian laughed and pulled away a sticky bit.
Derrick’s voice drifted to her. “Hippos are actually the most dangerous. People always think a lion...”
Yrian took a pen from his pocket and scribbled something on his napkin. He pushed it over the table to Jess. One night in Stockholm. What next?
Derrick didn’t notice. “...cheetah can run at seventy miles an hour. If a rhino spots your campsite fire, you better hope...”
Jess loved to dance. Derrick wasn’t a keen dancer, and it had been ages since she’d set foot in a club.
“Clubbing?” she mouthed.
“I know just the place.”
It was meant as a joke. She didn’t think he’d actually agree.
“What was that?” Derrick asked.
Yrian took a roll of bills from his moon bag and left it on the table. It sure was an expensive bottle of wine. “Jess wants to go dancing.”
Derrick shook his head. “Uh uh. We have a long day ahead. Come on, girl. I know you’re exhausted. Let’s hit the sack.”
At the backpackers accommodation Jess made Derrick guard the unisex bathroom until she finished her shower. Being warm and clean had never felt this good. She took the bottom bunk while Derrick took the top, and Yrian settled down on the opposite side.
Sometime later, a group of giggling girls coming in late woke Jess. The prettiest one flirted with Yrian. He fought off her advances like a gentleman, telling her no without hurting her pride. When the girl left, Yrian’s gaze locked with Jess’s. She closed her eyes, but after that she couldn’t go back to sleep.
* * * *
The closer they came to Kiruna, the more desolate the landscape became. For miles, they saw nothing but snow. Jess desperately wanted to stay awake, to take in every detail, but a couple of hours into the journey, she fell asleep.
Five hours later Derrick woke her for lunch in the diner wagon. This time they had enough time to sit down at a table, not having to scoff down a sandwich from the bar.
While they waited for their food to be served, Derrick excused himself to visit the gents.
“How are you holding up with the test?” Yrian said.
“Good, actually. Only seven more days to go without complaining.”
He tilted his head. “Do you complain often?”
“I don’t think so,” she said honestly.
“I’m probably going to put my foot into it, but I’m going to say it anyway.”
“What?” She shot him an imploring look.
“If he needs to test you to know if he can live with you, he doesn’t deserve to marry you.”
Jess stared at Yrian open-mouthed. She was going to defend Derrick, explain that he was just that type of guy, but then her boyfriend returned, and she kept her words to herself.
Yrian smiled as if he hadn’t just punched a hole in her boat. He held his mobile phone to her. “I took some photos of the scenery for you. You missed it while you were asleep, and I thought you would like to see this.”
She took the phone wordlessly, scrolling through the pictures, but seeing nothing. That wasn’t fair. She didn’t need that seed of doubt Yrian just planted in her mind. Giving it more thought, she had to admit blaming Yrian was unfair. The doubt came from long before Yrian. It had always been there. Why else was she so keen on Derrick tying the knot? She needed his vow to put her uncertainty to rest.
* * * *
It was a two-minute walk from the Abisko Östra train station to the Abisko mountain station where they were spending the night. Jess had never seen anything more magical. This surpassed Jungfrau and Stockholm. For miles, there was only snow and air, shades of white thrown over the scene like buckets of paints, with brushstrokes of clouds and sculptured dimensions. As soon as the hostel came into sight, Jess stopped dead, pulling in a breath. A fluorescent circle of light crowned the darkening sky, diminishing the beauty of everything else that lay below in its wake. The Northern Lights.
Derrick stopped next to her to take his camera from his backpack.
“We’re lucky,” Yrian said. “Many people travel here only for this but never see it.” He made for the building. “I’m going to book us in.”
Jess couldn’t get enough. She drank in the sight until her eyes felt strained, and still she couldn’t tear her gaze away.
A kiss to her neck startled her. “The only thing more beautiful than this,” Derrick whispered in her ear, “is you.”
She turned, staring up at him in surprise. Derrick didn’t give compliments. Neither did he wear his heart on his sleeve. But he had a soft expression now as he touched her cheek. “I’m proud of you. You’re doing well.”
Jess’s heart swelled. The cold, her bruises, her aching back, all of it suddenly seemed worth it. Maybe this stupid test was the best thing she could have done, after all. She knew Derrick loved her. He just never said it. And that made her doubt. Sometimes she needed to hear it.
“Do you love me, Derrick?”
He tensed. “You know I do.”
Her earlier elation plummeted. “Why can’t you say it?”
“I just did. If you listened to what I was telling you, you wouldn’t have to ask.”
“But why must I always dig for it in riddles?”
“Riddles?” His back went rigid. “I pour my heart out to you, and what do you do? You gut it like a fish, turn my feelings out like tripe and trample it under your feet. Thanks a lot, Jess.”
She rolled her eyes. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Just say it, dammit.”
“No. You’ve spoiled the moment.”
Wait. They were standing in the eternal Swedish winter dusk, under the Aurora, and the moment was spoiled? Was he right? Derrick had just told her she was more beautiful than the Northern Lights. Why couldn’t it be enough? Why did she always need more?
Suddenly, it dawned on her. A revelation that had eluded her for twelve years hit her between the eyes. She felt insecure. Of course, Derrick cared. He showed it through his actions. He fixed her car. Did all sorts of DIY around her flat. But he could easily live without her. He didn’t want to marry her. He didn’t need her. Not like she needed him. Oh, darn it. The moment was spoiled.
He sighed. “Listen, and listen well, because I’ll only say this once.”
She stared at him, a lump of pain constricting her throat.
“I love you, Jess.” He cupped her face. “There. Are you happy now?”
No. Not like that. Inwardly, she groaned, but nodded anyway, not wanting to dent more of the battered moment.
He kissed her nose. “Good.” When he released her face, she felt colder than before. “Let’s go inside. Tomorrow we start trekking.”
Pretending to adjust her backpack, she didn’t follow immediately. She needed a moment alone to analyze what had just happened. It was a dream setting, the perfect time and place for a love declaration. Only, the declaration was jaded. Or maybe she was. Maybe she wanted it her way and pigheadedly wouldn’t accept Derrick’s way.
“You okay?” Yrian asked next to her.
She hadn’t noticed him c
oming back outside. “Sure. Just enjoying the view.”
“The next four days are going to be the worst,” he said after a short hesitation. “When we get to the Ice Hotel, it’ll all be better.”
She frowned at him.
“Just keep that in mind when the going gets tough.” His beautiful lips curved, but the gesture seemed sad. “If you feel like complaining, punch me or something.”
* * * *
They woke up early for the next stretch of their journey. Jess eyed the skis planted into the snow. She reached for them and pulled her hand back again.
“It’s not a snake,” Derrick said. “It won’t bite.”
“Lean on me to put them on,” Yrian offered.
They could coax her all they wanted. She wasn’t getting on those skis and going down that hill.
Derrick tested his, gliding forward and backward. “See? Easy as pie.” He lifted his pole. “See you at the bottom, girl.” With a wave he took off, a double trace in the snow soon all that marked his earlier presence.
Jess lowered her yellow sunglasses and breathed in and out a couple of times.
Yrian’s laugh paused her intake of oxygen. “You’re going to hyperventilate if you keep that up. Take this.” He held his pole out. “Just hold on, and I’ll pull you down. Nothing to be scared of.”
Coaxing wouldn’t help, but leaving her stranded alone was altogether a different threat. She reached out slowly, her fingers folding around the metal. Before her fingertips met, Yrian took off.
Her bent knees locked, and her breath caught. She would have screamed if her voice wasn’t frozen with fear. Yrian moved in a zigzag motion across the slope.
“Just keep your skis straight,” he called over his shoulder. “Don’t let them cross.”
They moved toward a frozen forest at a slow pace until Jess found her balance and enough courage to straighten. Sensing her growing confidence, Yrian picked up speed. Jess’s heart accelerated with excitement as the downhill journey became less frightening. They crossed a stream as hard and shiny as a mirror. A rapid had been silenced by frost, turned into a crystal church organ. Chandelier teardrops decorated the white trees. Dripping water that never reached the ground suspended from branches like delicate glass cobwebs. Every scene conjured a winter fantasy picture.
Jess had forgotten she was wearing a pair of skis. By the time they exited onto a soft-sloping plain of brilliant white, she gave Yrian’s ski pole a tug. “Can you go faster?”
He grinned and obliged, catching up with Derrick, who was crouched on his knees.
“Are you alright?” Jess shouted as they whipped past.
Derrick waved, and when she looked back again, he was making his way down the mountain unsteadily, his arms flying next to his body.
“I think I can let go now,” Jess said to Yrian.
He saluted and went into a snowplough, braking after the next bend. “You’re on your own.”
Jess found her balance quickly. When Derrick skied up to her, she said, “Look!”
He almost cut her off. In an attempt to avoid a collision, he turned too sharply and fell again.
His curse followed Jess down the hill. “You go, girl!”
They stopped for lunch in what seemed to be the middle of nowhere, but Yrian assured them they were only an hour away from their camp. Jess’s body cramped from four hours of skiing. Her shins, ankles and toes were hurting from the ski boots, but she kept her pains to herself.
By three in the afternoon, the sun had set, and Jess was glad they had reached their evening destination. The camp consisted of two igloos, and the man who awaited them wore a red suit with white trimming.
“Seriously?” Jess said as she stepped out of her skis with shaky legs.
“What?” The man shrugged. “Just made it here from my Father Christmas gig.”
“Consider it an added bonus,” Yrian said. “Now you’ve seen Father Christmas without having to pay for the honor.”
Dinner consisted of salted dried fish, tinned stew, raisins and warm coffee. Reindeer skins were spread out on a plastic sheet on the floor inside the igloos. Yrian shared with Father Christmas, while Jess set up with Derrick.
She snuggled close to him under the layers of fur. His arms wrapped around her.
“I’m sorry I spoiled the moment yesterday,” she said.
“Just stop. Don’t spoil another one.”
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“For what?”
“For this experience.”
Derrick smiled. “My pleasure. I’m glad you’re enjoying it.”
“Did you honestly think I wouldn’t make it?”
“Just shut up now, will you?” He kissed her cheek.
“There’s only one way to shut me up.” She smiled at him.
“Oh yeah?” Derrick’s kiss was long and sweet. “Turn over. Your muscles must be aching. I’ll give you a massage.”
He did take care of her ... when she needed it most. Did she need more than this?
* * * *
Yelping, howling and barking woke Jess the following morning. Reluctant to move from her warm nest, she pulled the blanket over her head. Derrick swiped the covers off her in a swift movement.
“Eek! What did you do that for?”
“Come, beautiful.” He got up and pulled on his pants. “The day awaits. We only have six hours before nightfall.”
By the time Jess was ready the men were waiting outside, drinking coffee. She stopped in her tracks, staring at the sight that greeted her. Twenty or more huskies surrounded a man dressed in fur. Some were playing, biting at the snow, while others were simply lying, watching the party of humans with their keen, ice blue eyes.
“Oh, wow.” Jess went down on her haunches and petted the nearest dog.
“This is Swenson,” Yrian said, pointing at the dog handler. “We need to cross a bigger distance today, and it’s a flat plain.”
“Poor dogs.” Jess looked at Derrick. “Isn’t this hard for them?”
“This is what they’re trained to do.” He lifted a flask and refilled his mug. “Grab your stuff. We’ll break for breakfast in an hour’s time.”
Jess dragged her bag from the igloo, her legs stiff from the previous day’s skiing. What she needed was a warm cup of coffee. While Yrian and Derrick loaded their backpacks on the sleighs, she reached for the flask, but it was empty. Grudgingly, she bit her tongue.
“Get your pretty backside on here.” Derrick pointed at the sleigh.
When she strode past him, she punched him hard on the upper-arm.
“Ouch. What was that for?”
“Nothing.” She smiled sweetly and took her place on the sleigh.
Swenson gave her a fur blanket for her knees. Derrick stood behind her to steer. Yrian and the dog master each had their own sleigh. The single-man sleighs were pulled by six dogs, while she and Derrick had eight. Another eight ran along for a relief shift. With the dogs barking excitedly, they set off across an expanse so big and flat, the horizon melted into the sky.
* * * *
On the third day of their trek, they abandoned the dogs for snow rackets, a move Jess soon regretted. It was a grueling walk, especially after the luxury of the sleigh and the warm fur. They traversed another forest and came upon a herd of reindeer kept in an enclosure at the edge of the trees.
“We break here for lunch,” Yrian said.
After a cold meal of biltong, dried apples and a protein shake, Jess started gathering snow into a ball.
“No more fights,” Derrick said with a note of caution.
“I’m building a snowman.”
“No time.” Derrick finished his water and got to his feet. “Got to move on.”
“But I’ve never made one, and this may be my first and last trip in snow.”
“Are you complaining?” There was a challenge in Derrick’s grin.
“No. Just asking nicely.”
Derrick looked at the sky. “Sorry, girl, we have little
time before it gets dark.”
“Please?” She shot him her irresistible smile.
Derrick looked at Yrian, no doubt for male backup, but Yrian went down on his knees. “If we all help it’ll go quicker.”
“I can’t believe this,” Derrick grumbled.
Despite Derrick’s protects, Yrian piled up the snow, while Jess smoothed it into shape.
“If you’re not going to help,” she said to Derrick, “go find us a nose, arms and buttons.”
“Buttons?” Derrick stared at her as if she asked him for diamonds.
“Rocks. Stones. Anything.”
“Stones? Have you looked around?”
Jess glanced at the forest behind them. The ground was white. Not a black spec in sight.
“Wait here,” Yrian said, as if she would go somewhere.
A short while later he returned with branches for the arms and a nose.
“We still don’t have eyes or buttons,” Jess said.
Yrian used dried prunes for the eyes and apple rings for the buttons.
“There you go.” He dusted his hands.
Jess applauded. “Thank you, Yrian. He’s perfect.”
“Stand next to him,” he said, “I’ll take a photo.”
Jess handed him her camera and put her arm around the snowman. “Come over here, Derrick.”
He crossed his arms and shook his head. “I’m not posing with a snowman.”
“It’ll make a great photo to email home.”
“I’ve got plenty of the landscapes.”
Yrian gave him the camera. “Here. I’ll stand with Jess.”
A scoffing Derrick took a few snapshots of them making faces, kneeling next to her very first and most probably last snowman.
“Thanks, Yrian. That was fun.”
His eyes were serious when he said, “Anything, anytime.”
Derrick’s curse made them both look up to follow his gaze. The sky was dark, clouds milling above.
Derrick studied the horizon. “How far to the camp?”
Yrian pushed to his feet. “We’ll never make it.”
Frozen: A Winter Romance Anthology Page 3