She let him kiss gently at her breast through her thin gown, but he did not tear it away. She felt him move between her legs, but there was no force. She shivered from ugly memories, but she kept watching his eyes. Yes, this was Lee. It was his face, his blue eyes, his touch. How could two men be so different? He reached down to unbutton his long johns, and she lay rigid and waiting, trying to tell herself this was wrong, but knowing it had to be. She had to know there was something more beautiful to this act than the things Richard had done to her.
“I’m not going to do anything but be inside you,” he told her, as though to read her thoughts.
Yes, he knew she could not tolerate anything else for now. This was all she needed. In the next moment he entered her so gently that she gasped with the sheer delight of it. He found her mouth again, and his lips were so warm and soft, not cold and thin like Richard’s. He didn’t press her lips against her teeth until they hurt. He parted them, caressed them with his tongue while he filled her depths with rhythmic, gentle thrusts that were like strokes of love and adoration, as he cherished her body.
For this moment it didn’t matter that she was married to someone else. In her heart she had married Lee Jeffreys first. No one could tell her this was wrong. It was as though with every thrust he put new life into her, renewed pride, as though he were filling her with life and determination.
Quietly it was done. His life spilled into her, and they both fell asleep again. When they awoke, the sun was a little higher. This time nothing was said. Their lips met again, he entered her again. He never touched her in any other way, as though to make sure she understood that a man didn’t need to do all those other things to enjoy loving his woman. He had done so much more that first time they made love, but that was before Richard had made it all so ugly. He understood that it would take time and patience to bring her back to the point where she wanted to please a man in other ways.
For Audra, this was enough for now. She was sharing her body with Lee Jeffreys, and Richard be damned. If he had not abused her as he had, she would not be needing this, and no one could tell her it was wrong, for she still loved this man with all her heart and soul.
15
Audra strolled about the ballroom on Richard’s arm, greeting guests graciously. She must look the happy wife tonight, for that was what Richard wanted everyone to believe. He had not hurt her over the past three weeks since he came back from New Orleans; he had forced her to eat better and made sure she was rested and well for the cotillion that was planned to show off the newlyweds. He had even told her what to wear, had picked out the material and instructed Henrietta how to design the dress. It was a magnificent magenta silk-satin garment with a perfectly cut bodice that showed just enough of her bosom to let others know that Richard Potter’s wife was a delectable, firm young treasure. Those were Richard’s own words, followed by the remark that as soon as the cotillion was over, he would be taking her back to Cypress Hollow to remind her to whom that treasure belonged.
She could hardly keep smiling for the dread of thinking about going back to Cypress Hollow, but she put on a good show for others, who congratulated her and Richard, envy in their eyes. The women raved about her dress, the deep-magenta satin overlaid with pink lace flounces. Her silk lace stole was also a magenta color, and she wore white kid gloves and carried an ivory-and-silk fan. Diamonds graced her neck and earlobes, diamonds that Richard bragged to others were a gift he’d brought from New Orleans for his precious new wife. Toosie had styled her hair into a mass of auburn curls at the crown, with a diamond comb placed into the base of the curls. People commented that she had never looked more beautiful, and that marriage must certainly agree with her.
Audra knew that the past three weeks of relatively decent treatment from her husband were just a temporary reprieve, to put on a show for her father, for these guests. Richard wanted her to look healthy and happy. He had come to her bed only twice since his return, quick, rough ordeals during which he simply used her body for his pleasure. It could not be called making love, but at least he had performed his act the normal way and had done nothing disgusting. Even then she could see by his eyes that when he got her back to Cypress Hollow, life would again become unbearable.
Lee had said he would not leave Baton Rouge until he found a way to help her, but she had not heard from him since the night they had made love. He had asked to see the papers Richard and her father had signed just before the wedding. Audra had found the keys to her father’s desk and had handed the documents to Lee, realizing her father would be furious if he knew, but desperate for Lee to find a way to help her. He had studied the papers most of the morning, then replaced them and left, with a promise that everything was going to be all right. She could not imagine what he had in mind, and she wondered if he had given up whatever he had planned and gone home.
Was he gone forever this time? She felt helpless and alone again, longed for the safety and protection she felt in his arms. The orchestra struck up a waltz, and the crowd of prominent and wealthy guests who had been invited to the cotillion at Brennan Manor insisted that the “happy newlyweds” dance alone first. Richard, looking very handsome in a gray silk waistcoat with satin stripes worn under a black silk knee-length suit coat, guided her out to the middle of the floor. He began whirling with her in even steps, a smooth dancer, his white pleated shirt and starched white bow-tied cravat making his skin seem even darker. Even in dancing there was a commanding air to the way he held her, the way he guided her through the steps flawlessly. Audra knew the people who watched were thinking what a wonderful, good-looking man he was, a prize catch for a young southern belle. If only they knew what an animal he could be.
“You are playing your role very nicely tonight,” he told her, smiling for others to see.
“I intend to make you proud of me, Richard,” she answered. “What I did last summer in Connecticut was because I was an innocent child who knew no better. Now I am a married woman, and I married you in faith and love.”
“Did you?” He pulled her a little closer, while others watched in admiration. Both of them smiled as they spoke, pretending to be deliriously happy. “Perhaps you did,” he continued, his eyes dropping to her bosom. “And perhaps I could forgive you, if I thought for one minute that you no longer cared about Lee Jeffreys. Can you honestly say that you no longer have feelings for him?”
She held her chin proudly. “In the end he was just a good friend. I will always care for him in that respect. I believe a woman should love her husband in a different way, and if you would treat me with the respect any man should treat the woman he loves, I could love you, Richard. I thought I did love you, but you destroyed that love on our wedding night.”
“No, my love. You destroyed it, when you whispered that man’s name.” His grip on her hand tightened, and she knew that nothing she did or said was going to change his opinion. She had held a tiny bit of hope that time and talking might alleviate the situation. How much crueler would he be to her if he knew Lee had been there and that she had slept with him? If Richard had behaved as a normal, loving husband should behave, she would never have been untrue to her husband. There was a time when she couldn’t have dreamed of committing such a sin, let alone feeling no remorse for it; but she had needed that night with Lee. It had given her a kind of strength, renewed her spirit. It was a wonderful secret she would carry with her, hidden from this man who harbored a surprising evil behind his handsome visage and his silk suits and his position of respect among the prominent people of Louisiana.
Others joined in the dance then, and cousin Eleanor whirled past them with the son of a cotton broker from Baton Rouge. She wore a great deal of color on her cheeks and lips and eyes, and huge diamond earrings and a diamond necklace decorated her face and neck—so big, they looked ridiculous. Her blue taffeta dress was cut so low that Audra wondered if her billowing breasts might jiggle completely out of the bodice with one wrong move. She understood so well now what Eleanor really meant
by the suggestive things she had told her about men, and she wondered how the woman could lie with so many different ones and enjoy it. After being with Lee, and after what she had been through with Richard, Audra believed the only way to enjoy a man was to love him with every ounce of passion a woman possessed.
Eleanor had hardly spoken to her since her wedding, and she knew the girl felt a raging jealousy over the union. How ironic, for Audra would gladly give her husband to the girl if there were any way to do it. Maybe Eleanor would enjoy Richard’s perversity in bed. Tonight her cousin seemed to be trying to prove that she was not the least bit impressed with Audra’s fine catch. She had already danced with practically every eligible man at the ball, as well as some married men, and the night was still young.
“Your cousin has an affinity for anyone wearing long pants,” Richard spoke up. “Does it run in the family blood, Audra?”
His fingers pressed a little harder into her back, and she met his eyes defiantly. “I am not like Eleanor,” she answered. “Why can’t you understand that, Richard? I was seventeen years old, lonely and homesick and ignorant about men.”
He sniffed. “Well, thanks to me you’re no longer ignorant, are you?” He smiled wickedly. “I think you should come back to Cypress Hollow for a while. After all, it is my home.”
She felt her stomach churn, watched the look of victory in his dark eyes. “And mine is here. You promised Father we would live here.”
“Most of the time, yes. He’ll understand if I want to take you to Cypress Hollow three or four months out of the year.”
“Fine,” she answered defiantly. For some reason, ever since Lee’s visit, she was not as afraid of this man. She dreaded his advances, she found him repulsive, but she was not afraid. Lee had told her not to let him break her pride, and she had decided to listen to that advice. “We can go whenever you wish,” she told him, noticing a rather surprised look on his face. “You are my husband, and I have no choice but to go with you, if that’s what you want. Cypress Hollow is your home, and I can understand that you need to be there.”
Richard frowned, and Audra enjoyed a tiny victory. He probably expected, even wanted, to see horror and terror in her eyes, perhaps expected her to beg him to let her stay at Brennan Manor; but she would not satisfy his ludicrous wishes. The crying and begging were over.
The dance ended and another began. To Audra’s relief Joey asked her to dance. Richard bowed to the boy and handed her over, and Audra realized that the one and only thing that made life bearable with Richard was the fact that he was good to Joey. Her brother had suddenly shot up in height this past year, so that now he stood taller than she. He turned her around to a waltz, and Audra smiled. “You have picked up quite well on my dancing lessons, little brother,” she told him. “But I haven’t seen you dance with any of the young girls here.”
Joey reddened a little. “I’m afraid I’ll begin to stutter and they’ll laugh at the way I t-talk.”
“Joey, you’re the son of one of the richest men in Louisiana. It isn’t going to matter to them how you talk.”
He frowned, watching her eyes. “Is that why you married Richard? B-because he’s rich?”
Her smile faded. “Of course not. It was simply the perfect match. I’ve known Richard all my life, and he is Father’s best friend.”
Joey had seen the fear in her eyes when she had begged him never to tell their father or Richard that Lee had come visiting and had spent the night. Until then he had thought she was happy with Richard, but she had been so sick after he brought her back from Cypress Hollow, and he noticed how she had brightened and gotten stronger after Lee’s visit. There wasn’t anyone he liked better than Lee Jeffreys, and he suspected it was the same for Audra. He could only pray she had made her choice because she truly loved Richard, and not sacrificed her heart just for him and for Brennan Manor.
You really love Lee, don’t you? he had asked her after Lee left. She had insisted it was not true, that Lee was still just a very good friend; but she had warned that sometimes husbands didn’t understand such things. He liked Richard well enough, but if the man made his sister as afraid as he suspected, then what had he done to put that fear in her? He could swear that first day home he had detected a faint bruise on her cheek, and she had done nothing but sleep for three days after Richard first left with their father for New Orleans, as though she were sick and exhausted.
“You sure look pretty tonight,” he told Audra. “And you look happier. You seemed awful sick when you first came home. I’m glad you’re better.”
“I’m just fine, Joey. Thank you for keeping my secret about Lee. You do understand why I asked you not to say anything, don’t you? After all, he is Yankee, bred and born, and with Father’s heart condition, he would be terribly upset to think we were still good friends with someone like Lee. He won’t be back again, so we just have to forget him. And Richard, with our marriage being so new and all, might misunderstand the purpose of Lee’s visit.”
“I won’t say anything. D-do you think there really could be a war, Audra?”
She rolled her eyes. “Goodness, no! Men just like to talk about such things. Why, I swear, fighting and arguing are all they think about; but the arguments will never go any further than Congress. If things don’t work out, we will simply secede from the Union and be on our own, and that will be that. Nothing else has to change.”
“I hope you’re right.”
I hope I’m right, too, she thought. Secession, slavery, states’ rights, the possibility of war, was on everyone’s lips tonight. It was just about all anyone could talk about. There had even been a few arguments already over what should be done if Abe Lincoln became President, but right now Audra wished that politics was all she had to worry about. Her own husband had become a much more fearful adversary than the Yankees could ever be.
Audra glanced over at her husband and noticed he was dancing with Eleanor. She and Joey waltzed past them, and Eleanor was laughing, her crooked teeth showing, and batting her eyes as though she thought she was a raving beauty. She was twice as wide and twice as thick as Richard, a hefty lump in a beautiful jade-green gown that did nothing to help her look better. She gave Audra a haughty look of defiance, and Audra knew her cousin wanted her to be jealous to see her flaunting herself at Richard. Audra almost laughed at the thought. If only cousin Eleanor knew that for all she cared, Eleanor could take her place in the man’s bed every night for the rest of their married life, if it meant he would leave her alone.
The waltz ended, and Richard left Eleanor to walk over to the raised platform that had been erected for the six-piece orchestra. He held out his hands to quiet the crowd, and everyone turned to listen. “I think my beautiful new wife should sing for all of us,” he announced, surprising Audra. Others threw in their agreement, some clapping in support. Joey grinned, urging her to entertain them.
“I haven’t heard you sing in a long time,” he told her.
That is because I haven’t had a song in my heart, she thought. It reminded her of the reason Lee had come here…the song. She had left the song she had written for him at Maple Shadows, and it had brought him here. Why had God allowed him to find it, when He knew it was too late for them? She looked at Richard, saw by his eyes that his suggestion was more of a command. Her husband had spoken, and she must obey. She took a deep breath and walked up on the platform, taking requests. Yes, she would sing, but she would not sing for Richard Potter or any of these others. She would pretend that Lee was standing out there in the crowd, watching her, loving her. She would sing for Lee.
“Ain’t she pretty tonight?” old George muttered to Henrietta.
On the third-floor balcony outside the ballroom, several Negroes watched the gathering of friends, neighbors, and dignitaries, beautifully dressed women, fine-suited men, glittering jewelry. As Richard had promised, Audra had been allowed to invite a few of the Negroes of Brennan Manor to share in the celebration and watch through the open French doors and t
hrough windows. They were not allowed to mix with the guests in any way, but just watching was enough of a treat for most of them.
They listened with delight to “Miss Audra’s” beautiful voice. “Lawdy, she sure is the picture of her beautiful mama,” Henrietta answered George. She fanned herself vigorously, the heat of the night harder on her hefty body than on the average person. She grunted as she lumbered over to a window where she could see better. “Master Potter, he sure knows how to pick material for a fancy dress. Ah ain’t never seen a prettier color than that deep, deep pink. Ain’t no other woman perty as Miss Audra in all of Loosiana, but to me she always be jus’ a baby.”
“That ain’t no baby’s voice,” George told her. “Ah ain’t never heard nothin’ like that in all my days. Ah could listen to her singin’ all day long.”
Lena stood nearby, thinking how right Henrietta was. Audra was still a “baby” in so many ways, had married Richard Potter with such trust and hope that he would be good to her. The man had done a good job of ripping away her childlike innocence. She did not doubt that Lee Jeffreys had already stolen part of it last summer in Connecticut, but he had surely been loving and gentle, for Audra had returned home still full of dreams and hope and spirit. A whole summer in Connecticut with that Yankee man had not done the horrific damage that one week with Richard Potter had done. Her heart ached at the loneliness she knew Audra lived with. If only there were some way to help the girl, but there was not. If she told Joseph, it might be too much for his heart, and, after all, what could he really do? Partnership papers had already been signed, giving Richard authority over Brennan Manor. That could not be changed now, nor could the fact that Audra was legally married to the man, not just by law, but in the eyes of the Church. Nothing short of death would change the situation.
Richard owned her now, just as surely as any Negro was owned. How strange, that she and the other Negroes standing out here and watching Audra sing were slaves, with no hope of ever knowing the wealth and power someone like Audra enjoyed; yet right now they were all probably happier than Audra Brennan Potter. She was the richest, most beautiful white woman in Louisiana, but behind closed doors, she herself was no more than a slave to her cruel husband.
Tender Betrayal Page 21