by Emmy Eugene
“I just hadn’t heard from you,” he said. “And I wanted to see…you.”
Jenna straightened and tucked her beautiful hair behind her ear. “I’ve been thinking, Seth.”
“Uh oh.”
She tilted her head to the side, and it was clear she didn’t like what he’d said. “I don’t think this is going to work out.” She gestured between the two of them.
Seth’s pulse wailed in his chest, which tightened past the point of comfortable. “Why not?” He thought they’d been getting along great.
“You’re too busy for a relationship.”
“I am not,” he said. “There are ups and downs. Right?”
“You’ve got your ranch, with all your new equipment, and your puppies, and your brothers, and the Edible Neighborhood.” She looked like she might cry, but she pulled in a breath and glared at him. “I don’t want to be last on the mighty Seth Johnson’s list.”
He recoiled from her as if she’d tossed ice water in his face. The mighty Seth Johnson. What did that mean? He couldn’t make his voice work to ask, because his heart was afraid of getting fully shredded. As it was, Jenna had just yanked it from his chest and currently held it in her palm while he bled.
“I’ve thought about getting married again,” she said. “And I don’t think I can do it.”
He didn’t know what to say or do. His head hurt as if he’d smashed it into the windshield. He needed to stop the bleeding, hang on until the ambulance came.
Jenna opened her mouth to say something else, but Seth held up his hand. He couldn’t take anymore.
“I’m sorry I wasted your time,” he said, his voice hardly his own. He whistled, hoping the dogs would come quickly. They did, and he pointed to the truck. “Load up.” He backed away, holding up both of his hands as if surrendering to her. “Call me if you change your mind.”
He turned away from her and hurried down the steps, his pulse pounding in his head, his chest, in the soles of his feet. He didn’t want to see her face or watch her close the door. He couldn’t stand the thought of her shutting him out of her life.
Besides his brothers, she was his best friend. When something happened, he wanted to tell her about it. He’d invited her over to see the puppies every night this week. He’d offered to bring them to her house and let her piano students play with them again.
She’d been cold all week.
“What did I do?” he asked himself from the safety of his truck. He wasn’t strong enough not to glance up to the porch as he backed out of her driveway, but she wasn’t standing there.
He turned right instead of left, because he didn’t want to go back to the homestead ten minutes after he’d left. Russ was out with Janelle, but Travis would want to know what had happened.
And Seth didn’t know what had happened.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jenna hugged herself as she walked down to the duck pond. That Sunday was colder than normal, with a drizzling sky and wind that made her wish she’d put on gloves.
She watched the water ripple under the wind, and then she turned to visit her parents’ graves. She breathed in deep and pushed the air out. “Hey, Momma.” Her voice broke on the last word, and she felt so alone.
She’d broken up with Seth on Friday night.
She wanted to quit her job.
She hated that Isaac’s words had made her doubt how she felt.
Now, standing in the tiny cemetery, she didn’t even know how she felt.
“Should I quit at the school?”
Her momma didn’t answer, of course, but Jenna had been thinking about Isaac’s suggestion to quit. A lot.
And she was ninety-nine percent she was going to do it. Tomorrow. She’d talk to Dan tomorrow.
The sense of relief she felt, standing in the rain and looking at her mother’s grave, almost brought Jenna to her knees. The thought of not getting up early and rushing out the door in slacks and sandals and blouses had her longing for her two weeks to already be done.
She tried to imagine what her day would be like without eight hours spent at the school, and she’d finally admitted to herself that morning that she wanted to quit her job.
“Jenna,” Isaac said from behind her, and she turned.
“Hey.” She turned back to the graves, still hugging herself.
“What are you doing out here?”
“I come out here every Sunday,” she said.
Isaac slipped his arm around her as he joined her in front of their parents. “I didn’t mean to upset you,” he said.
“You didn’t.”
“You broke up with Seth.”
“Yeah, but that…” She couldn’t finish, because the fact was, something Isaac had said had triggered something in Jenna’s head. “It’s better now that I know how busy he is.”
“Okay,” her brother said. “But—never mind.”
“No, say it.” Jenna looked over at him, and he looked conflicted.
“I feel like everything is my fault,” he said. “You don’t have to quit unless you want to. And if you like Seth, that’s fine.”
She did like Seth. She’d been so lonely for the past nine days. “You were right about him. That’s all.”
“I don’t think this is about him,” Isaac said quietly. “He’s not Marcus.”
Jenna sucked in a breath, and it sounded like a gasp.
“Sorry,” Isaac murmured.
“I know who he is,” Jenna said, all of her defenses in place.
“Yeah,” Isaac said. “Our next-door neighbor. A good man. Hard-working. Kind. Generous.”
Jenna thought of his combines and balers. Those weren’t to help someone else. But raising nine puppies was, and funding the Edible Neighborhood was too.
“And ultra-focused on everything but me,” Jenna said. “And we’re only one month in. What will life be like a year in?” She’d been with Marcus for eight years. Eight long years of trying and failing, working through something only to have another setback, and expecting one thing and getting another.
At least with Seth, she’d thought she knew what she was getting. But he’d been different than what she’d fantasized about.
That’s your problem, she thought, but she quickly pushed it away.
“Okay,” Isaac said again. “But come in out of the rain. Momma wouldn’t want you out here like this.”
Jenna let him turn her around and walk with her across the grass and back to the house. Her feet were soaking wet when she finally arrived, and Isaac said, “I’ll make tea,” and she went upstairs to change her socks.
When she returned to the kitchen, the tea kettle was singing, and so was her brother. She smiled softly at him, pausing to watch him from the bottom of the stairs. She loved her brother so much, and she’d relied on him greatly when she’d first returned to town.
He’d left to return to Dallas to tie up loose ends, and she’d lived with their mother alone for several months, and those had been some of the hardest of her life. Isaac’s return had been comforting, and she had looked to him to be the steady rock.
“Hey,” he said, spying her standing there. “When you quit, you can have Cloudy all the time.”
“Yeah.” Jenna didn’t want to think about Cloudy. She’d taken the dogs back to Seth’s almost two weeks ago, and she hadn’t seen Cloudy since. She couldn’t believe she missed a dog, but she hadn’t seen Gypsy or Apples for days, and she might have to admit that Seth was right, and dogs were better pets.
“Want something to eat?” Isaac asked, either not seeing her distress over missing Cloudy or not understanding it. He set a cup of tea in front of her, and she flashed him a quick smile.
“Yeah,” Jenna said. “Something easy. I can make grilled cheese sandwiches.”
“I’ll do it,” Isaac said, setting a pan on the stovetop.
“How are things with Luisa?”
“Good,” Isaac said, stepping over to the fridge. “I really like her, and I’m just hoping I don’t mess up
at this point.”
“Why would you mess up?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “That’s the problem.”
Jenna nodded, because she understood that. “Do you want to get married, Isaac?”
He turned toward her, his fingers gripping the sliced cheese. They looked at one another for several long seconds. “I think so,” he said.
“Doesn’t have to be Luisa,” Jenna said. “I just meant in general.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Why didn’t you ever get married?” she asked.
“Too busy,” he said. “It takes a lot of years to be a surgeon, Jenn. A lot of time.”
“Yeah, okay.” She hadn’t lied to Seth; she had been thinking about getting married again. Her main feeling about it was total fear, and she wasn’t sure how to move through that and see the good on the other side.
So she wasn’t sure if she could say “I do” again. Maybe if the handsome man at the altar was Seth…
The thought process always came back to that. Always. And she didn’t know what to do, because she wasn’t sure what standing at the altar with Seth Johnson would do to her.
Part of her wanted to find out, and the other part never wanted to leave the house again.
The next morning, Jenna’s nerves battered her from all sides. Dan had meetings in the morning, but about ten-thirty, he went into his office, and she knew he didn’t have another appointment that day.
She got up and walked toward his office, her ankles feeling weak, like they wouldn’t hold her up. Her boss sat at his desk, and she knocked on the open door. “Dan? Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Sure, Jenna. Come on in.” He waved her into the office.
She entered and closed the door, suddenly feeling so cold. She pressed her hands together. “Uh, I wanted to…I’m going to…”
Dan finally looked away from his computer, somehow sensing that Jenna hadn’t just come to get him to sign something. “Jenna?”
“I love working here,” she said. “I do. But I’ve decided that I’d like to do something else.”
Dan blinked at her, and Jenna continued with, “My last day will be October twenty-fifth,” she said.
Her principal nodded and looked down at his desk. “Ah, I understand.” He drew in a deep breath. “Okay, I’ll start looking around for someone to do your job. You’re irreplaceable, but someone can do the job.”
“Thank you, sir,” Jenna said, backing up. She put her plastic smile on her face and opened the door. “Anything I need to do?”
“I’ll get you the termination papers,” he said.
“Okay.” She nodded, the relief and excitement she felt making her light-headed. She made it back to her desk and started laughing.
“What’s going on?” Kim asked.
Jenna wanted to tell her. She really did. But she wanted to let Seth know before anyone else. She picked up her phone, and everything in her mind crashed.
“Can’t call Seth,” she whispered.
“Jenna,” Kim said, and she whipped her head up.
“Yeah, I’m here.” She put the phone down, her heartbeat ricocheting around inside her whole body. Everything it touched hurt, and Jenna didn’t know what to do with the pain spiraling through her.
“What’s going on, girl?”
“Oh, uh.” She cleared her throat. “I’m quitting.”
Kim’s eyes rounded, and she gasped. “You’re kidding.”
Jenna smiled—a real smile that stretched her face exactly the right way—and shook her head. “No, I’m serious.”
“Wow.” Kim smiled too, her blue eyes shining like sapphires. “I’m so jealous. Good for you.”
“Thank you,” Jenna said, her Texas manners still alive and well. She did feel excited about this new chapter in her life. The problem was, she didn’t really have anyone to share her life with. Once she left the school, where would she belong? Would her life have meaning?
She wasn’t sure. But she was going to find out.
She made it through one week, and then the second. She made sure she wasn’t at her desk during volunteer check-in or out, so she didn’t have to see Seth.
Of course he’d still been coming to read. The program went through the end of the month, and Seth was nothing if not true to his word.
Every evening, Jenna looked at the envelope with the movie tickets and gift card she’d won. She had no use for them now, and they reminded her of the dinner and movie date Seth had planned for them. Their first date, at the homestead, with the blow-up loveseat and big screen in his yard.
She celebrated with her friends at work. She ate too much cake. She packed up her desk. She cried on her way to the car, and she stood in the parking lot and took a picture of the building, as if she’d never come here again.
Deep down, she knew she had no reason to come to this elementary school again. She couldn’t have children, and she no longer worked here.
Feeling free and a bit wild, she got behind the wheel and drove away from the school. It was time for something new in her life.
If only she knew what that something should be.
At home, everything felt peaceful and serene. She did the few dishes from breakfast that morning and set to work making a pot of soup. With that bubbling away, she checked her social media, finding Seth’s post about his dog adoptions the next day.
“Last Saturday of the month,” she said to herself and maybe a cat if one was hiding under the couch. He taken pictures of the dogs he’d have with him at the park, and they included all nine of the puppies, which would be nine weeks old and ready to go to good homes.
She flipped through the pictures, finally getting to the adult dogs. She lost interest then, because she didn’t know any of these animals.
Then she saw Cloudy’s picture. Her chest squeezed, and she stared at the beautiful German shepherd that had completely stolen her heart.
“He can’t adopt out Cloudy to someone else,” she said. Thinking quickly, she tapped and swiped, barely able to hear herself think through the pounding of her pulse.
Seth’s phone rang and rang and rang, finally going to voicemail.
“Seth,” she said, his name scratching her throat. “It’s Jenna. I’d love to share your post about the dog adoptions again, but there’s only one problem… You take Cloudy’s picture down, and I’ll share. I want her.”
She had the very distinct thought that she wanted Seth, too. But she didn’t say that. “Okay? Can you please not adopt her out? I’ll take her. Call me back.”
Jenna hung up before she could say anything else or give away too much about how she felt. At the same time, if there was anyone on the planet who should know who she felt, it was Seth.
She shook her head, tears gathering in her eyes. She honestly didn’t know why she’d broken up with him. Three weeks ago, when she’d done it, everything had seemed so crystal clear.
But now everything felt muddy, and she felt unsure to her core. Hopefully, Seth would call her back, and when she heard his voice, she’d know what to do.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Seth took off his leather gloves, clapped them together to get some of the grime off, and stuck them in his back pocket. He frowned at the receding land on the banks of the river. Because of the rain and floods in the past month, the land had started to slide, taking his fence and crops with it.
He couldn’t bring in enough support to push the earth back up, so he, Russ, Travis, and Griffin had been working for days to redraw their fence line and move it. Rex had been doing the bare essentials on the rest of the ranch, and Seth felt twenty steps behind in his work.
“That should do it,” Travis said, lifting his cowboy hat and putting it back on his head. “Don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” Seth said. Other than reading with the second graders, which thankfully ended next week, he didn’t say much more than single-word sentences these days. Jenna’s departure from his life as a girlfriend and a friend had hit him
hard, and he was barely fit to be around other people.
His brothers had been kind and understanding, but Rex had already suggested that Seth “get out there” and “meet someone else.”
He hadn’t been able to adequately explain that he didn’t want anyone else. Somehow, when he wasn’t looking, he’d gone and fallen in love with his neighbor next-door. A girl he’d known his whole life. A friend. It still baffled him sometimes, and then he’d find himself staring out at the horizon, no idea how much time had passed.
Jenna had withdrawn from everything, including her care of Cloudy in the evenings. Seth wasn’t sure, because dogs couldn’t talk, but Cloudy had seemed a bit more forlorn in the weeks since Jenna had proclaimed she would not be getting married for a second time.
Seth had been hoping to catch a glimpse of her at the elementary school. He’d even taken in her favorite soda and lunch a couple of times. But she was never at her desk when he checked in or out, and he hadn’t been brave enough to leave them for her.
And now that opportunity was gone, as she’d quit. No, she hadn’t told him, but when something happened in a micro-world like a school, the word got out. He’d wanted to call her the moment he’d overheard Kim say, “Jenna’s last day is Friday” earlier that week. Even had the number dialed before he remembered they weren’t speaking. Weren’t even together anymore.
His heart thrashed against his ribs now, as it had then. As it had been doing for the past twenty-one days.
“Seth?”
He turned toward Griffin’s voice, realizing everyone had been cleaning up without him. The trucks were almost completely loaded, and embarrassment rushed through Seth.
“Sorry,” he said. He glanced around and reached for the pair of wire cutters closest to him. He walked them over to his old pickup truck, now a work truck for the ranch.
“Rex called and wanted to know if we wanted to get cleaned up and go to dinner. Somewhere nice.”
Friday-night date with his brothers. Seth’s first instinct was to say no. He went out with Jenna on Friday nights. He didn’t even have to ask, because she was his girlfriend, and he couldn’t wait to see her.