by Louis Nowra
I felt meself pulled under like someone were grabbing me leg. Then I came up again only to see me mother’s face full of panic there in front of me for a moment before she vanished under the wild waves. I heard screams and again felt me foot were caught in something like an animal trap. I were yanked under. Somehow as I struggled for breath I pulled me foot free from a snag. The waters of the whirlpool grabbed me and hurled me up again, just as me lungs were bursting and then I seen me father. His face were filled with fear. He were crying out me name. He seen me and went to help when the boat, spinning round and round in the whirlpool, hit him in the back of the head and he sank under the waves. A bough floated past and I grabbed at it but me hands slipped on its greasy surface. I sinked again.
It were suddenly calm under the water and I felt like just letting go cos there were too much panic above me. Then through the churning murk I seen me mother. Her white dress were snagged on a tree bough under the water and she were waving her hands slowly in helpless fright. I wanted to swim to her and pull her free but a current grabbed me and chucked me up to the surface. As I were gasping for air, rain stinged me face. Out of the corner of me eye I seen Becky near the bank spinning slowly in a calm eddy. She were on her back, her eyes closed tight. I didn’t know if she were dead or not. A piece of a tree knocked me sideways, away from being sucked into the whirlpool towards the bank. Me arms felt heavy like bags of wet sand. I tried to move them so I could get closer to the shore. It seemed such a long way away but as I reached out to grab a tree root on the bank, something dark and huge suddenly loomed over me. It was a tiger, maybe the very tiger I seen before, and its giant jaws opened as if it were ’bout to take me. I screamed. It moved back from the edge of the bank. The current hugged me round me waist, like some devil wanting to pull me back out in the middle of the river, and I lunged at another of those tree roots but missed. I were ’bout to let the current carry me where it wanted when the tiger were near me again, its jaw wide open, its eyes like cold fire. It grabbed me wrist in its huge mouth and began to drag me. I didn’t feel any pain. Maybe I were past all pain. I let meself give in, and it dragged me onto the muddy bank. Once I were out of the river I lay on the wet, long grass panting and gulping for air til me head spinned and I blanked out.
How long I were unconscious, goodness knows, but when I woke up I were on me back in the same spot. The rain were not so heavy, more like a drizzle. For a few moments as I stared at those dark clouds I thought I had come awake from a bad dream. Then me ears were chock full of the loud noise of water bashing against the bank and I sat up. The river was churning something wild and it were rising and starting to creep onto the bank. I felt damp fur against the back of me neck. I turned round and screamed. The tiger, who must have been brushing up against me back, jumped away in fright. I felt a pain and seen teeth marks on me wrist. I tried to shoo it away. It moved back a couple of steps and stopped. It looked at me like it were confused, like I had hurt it or something. So many things went willy-willy through me mind: Where were me parents? Where were Becky? I felt so alone, so lost that I could not see. By that I mean, everything round me were a blur, everythingin side me were a blur of fear and shock. I heard meself crying and moaning, My oh my, my oh my … I still have nightmares ’bout that time. I still feel like a sharp piece of ice has stabbed me heart real deep. I was filled, filled to the brim with utter baffle and utter loneliness.
It were too much for me and all I could do was to plop down where I stood and stare for a long, long time at the teeth marks of the tiger on me wrist. I have no idea why I did that - maybe it was because I were in a state of shock, maybe because the teeth marks and the pain they caused was so real that it sort of brang me back to reality, whereas everything round me were a fog of too much to bear or understand. I had no fear, no panic any more. Then from a distance, or so it seemed, I heard me name being called. I looked up and seen Becky. She had a real daze on her face. Her dress were clinging to her and she were splattered with mud. She were getting up from the rock pool where she had been floating. For a few moments she did not see me but turned round and round in a panic, crying out me name, p’raps thinking she were alone. I’m here, I called out. She stopped in a mid-turn and her mouth dropped open in amazement as if she couldn’t believe I were real. Hannah, Hannah, she cried, and ran towards me, slipping and falling and tumbling on the wet rocks and the muddy grass. When she got to me she hugged me so tightly I thought she’d crush me. We fell onto the ground and sat hugging there on the damp earth for a long time, not talking, just watching the angry river, hoping hope against hope that me parents would appear.
We must have sat like this for a long time. It were getting dark when the rain stopped. I felt real hungry. There were nothing to eat, cos the food had drowned in the boat. Our loneliness were as sharp as the cold and damp. Then I began to cry cos I feared that me mother and father were drowned. Becky kissed me and stroked me, telling me that they had been taken downstream and were now like us, plonked on a bank, bone-tired and waiting for help. I wanted to believe her and I did. She were older than me and I had to believe her.
Then Becky stood up, cos she were seized by an idea. Her father were going to meet her this time, this evening, at me house. He would see we weren’t there and he’d come looking for us. I thought we’d better try and go home and maybe we would run into Mr Carsons who were looking for us. But Becky said her father had always told her that if she got lost she had to stay where she were and wait for rescue cos lost people died trying to find their way home. I must have complained or said I were hungry cos when I got up to go and find some berries, Becky pulled me back and pointed to the forest near us. I turned to where she were pointing and seen two yonnie-sized black suns looking at us from the bush. It were staring right at us, like trying to burn holes into our skin. I were afeared it would come and drink our blood, but Becky said I were silly and that we should stay in the open so we could see it, just in case it came for us. But what would we do then? I said. We didn’t know. Becky were shivering with fear of the tiger. She had seen what they did to her father’s sheep. We were lonely and scared to the quick. Oh dearie, oh dearie me, we were badly shivering with fear.
That were the last thing I remember before waking up as dawn came. I were shaking badly with the cold and I stood up trying to get some warmth into me by rubbing me arms and legs. As I was doing so I seen the tiger sitting in front of the trees, only thirty yards away. It stared at me and then licked its nipples which were seeping milk spotted with what looked like blood. Becky were already awake and she were staring at the tiger and we were both wondering if we were going to be its breakfast. We were hungry too. And we were scared and we hugged each other looking for signs of me parents. They’re gone, said Becky. Gone where? I asked. Gone, just gone, she said. Now I were very afeared. I feared, right into the pit of me stomach, that me mother and me father were drowned. I must have been a right gink cos I started to cry that I were hungry. And I cried for me gone parents. I cried for me utter loneliness.
Maybe it were me wailings that caused the tiger to stand up - like I were annoying it - and walk away a few steps. It sat and looked right back at us, like it were trying to tell us something. I stopped me wailing and it got up again, walked a few steps closer, stopped, sat again and stared at us. It wants to take us home, I said. Becky said I were loony. But the more I looked at its black eyes, the more I seen kindness, like the kind look in Sam the pig’s eyes when we snuggled up together in the sun on the back verandah. I knew it were saying to us, Come, I’ll take you home. Don’t be silly, said Becky, we’ll wait here for people to find us. But I knew no one would find us and if the tiger took us home then we would find me mother and me father there, cos maybe they floated all the way back home. Becky were telling me I was a gink when I heard a giant creaking noise coming from the river, a noise like an enormous door with creaking hinges opening. Becky suddenly grabbed me and hugged me to her chest - hugging me so hard I found it hard to breathe. I str
uggled against her but she were so strong and then after what seemed like minutes she let me go. I gulped down as much air as I could. Then I seen her face. It were white as a ghost. What is it? I said but she only shook her head. The tiger stood up again and moved to the edge of the bush, then it turned round and gave us that stare again. We’re going home, I said and walked towards it. Hannah! I heard her cry. She ran after me, sighing long and hard. All right, Hannah, let’s see if it takes us home. So we followed it into the bush.
What she didn’t tell me til later was why she agreed to come with me and the tiger. She had seen something both terrible and beautiful. She heard that great cracking sound and out of the corner of her eye she had seen this thing rise out of the river. That’s why she hugged me tight, cos a giant tree came out of the water and caught up in its branches were a woman in white, like some sort of sprite or angel, she said later, and it were me mother, her eyes closed, her skin pale as death. As Becky hugged me to her she seen this thing, this vision drift by. It were me mother taken by the current downriver towards Becky knew not where. If me mother were dead, she reasoned, me father were too. She knew then we had no hope of rescue. We were lost, and the only thing that could help us were the tiger. And so she reckoned she had no choice but to follow that creature she thought might be a vampire and drink our blood.
The bush were more and more thick and thorns tore at our skin. We were considerable weary trying to follow the tiger. Sometimes it stopped and looked back at us, waiting for us to catch up. Becky got trapped up in a thorny bush and it took us a long time to get her free and when she were she fell down and cried buckets, saying over and over, It doesn’t know where to go! Me stomach made loud gurgling noises and I said I were hungry which was the truth. Becky got angry with me and then yelled at the tiger, Go away! I told her not to scare the creature. She said it wanted to lose us and once we were completely lost, and we were dying of hunger, it would eat us cos it had all been a trap.
As she cried and shouted I looked at the tiger which were in front of us, just sitting there in the bush, sort of half invisible as if its stripes had been swallowed up by the shadows, and I seen its kind eyes. It were waiting for us, tongue hanging out. But it were easier for it to get through the bush than for us, so it took us some time til we could make our way through a mess of trees and bushes to a small clearing covered with dead leaves and twigs. Maybe we can find our own way home, Becky said, cos I don’t trust him. I said it were a bitch, not a he, and she weren’t going to eat us, and when I were saying this there were these loud snarling and spitting and hissing noises and suddenly, like some vision that had come out of the hole of hell, this creature jumped at Becky who were in front of me. Its jaws were open wide, its big pink tongue spitting at us. It were a Tassie Devil. We cried out in fright and Becky who was next to it started to run but fell, and lo and behold she starts to sink - right there, before me eyes. The leaves and muck were swallowing her up, like it were quicksand, but it weren’t, just this hole of rotting leaves and she sank in it, up to her chest. She were in such a state of shock she didn’t cry out, but her eyes got bigger in fright. I tried to help her but I started to drown too, so I crawled back onto real ground. I seen the tiger running round the clearing, stopping every couple of steps to lean out to try and grab Becky. Seeing it made me realise what I had to do. I picked up a dead branch covered in lichens and, lying on me belly, I held it out to Becky. She tried to hold the stick but it were awful slippery and she kept on sinking and then, somehow, she managed to hold on to it and I pulled. I yanked on the stick like there were no tomorrow. As I yanked and yanked I heard a sucking sound as poor Becky come out of the muck, inch by inch - it were so slow - and I were grunting like me pig Sam with effort, and lo and behold she came closer and closer, her mouth filled with rotting leaves, her eyes covered in muck, til I dragged her onto the real earth. Then I collapsed with effort. I could not have done it any more. She lied on the ground gasping, groaning, moaning til she got her breath back. We lay on the ground for some time til she began to say over and over, like some needle stuck in a wax cylinder, We’re lost, we’re lost.
I were younger than her but I knew I had to make a decision and there were only one to make and that were to follow the tiger that were on its haunches just a couple of yards away watching us like a mother hawk with her chicks. We got to go with it, I said. And we stay close behind it cos it knows the safe way. Becky could only nod cos she were that weary and I think, now that I look back, that she probably thought I had saved her life and she had to trust me. Just as I had to trust the tiger.
So we got up and when we did I laughed and Becky were most offended and asked if I were laughing at her and I said, No, I be laughing at the both of us. Cos the day before we were wearing clean white dresses and now they were torn and splattered with muck and dead leaves and our hair thick with mud. Maybe cos I were so close to Sam the pig and could see how it had feelings that I seen the tiger step away when I laughed. It did not like the sound of laughing. I’m sorry, I said to it. It doesn’t understand you, snapped Becky. Well, I think it does, you gink, I told her. She got annoyed so that meant she didn’t say anything for the next hour or so as we trudged after the tiger through that unruly forest.
We walked and walked. We passed through the forest and moved into more open ferny country where in the distance were snowy mountains. All we had to eat were pinkberries, but they are so tiny that they were nothing but reminders we were hungry. Then we got to the side of a creek when night came and the tiger led us to a place under a ledge and there it sat waiting for us. I were going to sit with it when Becky tugged at me dress. Don’t get so close to it, she warned but I didn’t care. The ledge were safe from rain and wind and there were dried ferns on the floor that looked warm and cosy. I crawled up there. I heard Becky say she would keep guard while I were asleep, but they were the last words I heard. I were so tired that I fell asleep straight away.
When I woke up it were first light. Becky were curled up just under the ledge and she were deep in sleep. I looked round for the tiger and seen it at the creek drinking water. It looked up at me when it heard me move. It seemed like a real friendly dog, so I went down to the creek and drank some water. It sat near me, in touching distance. I wondered if I had cuddled it during the night, I didn’t know, but it had a warm smell, like fur rugs left on the floor in front of a log fire. It didn’t stink at all. I talked to the tiger like it were Sam or a human and it seemed to understand. It pissed in front of me, as casual as you like, not embarrassed at all. So I didn’t feel embarrassed when I needed to go to do me business. I squatted and did what I had to do while I chatted to it. I stood up and it came over and sniffed me piss like dogs do, just to check me out. I were promising to give it some whale meat if it took us home when I heard Becky call out from under the ledge, asking what I were doing. We’re having a natter, I said. On hearing Becky’s voice the tiger moved off a little and made snuffling noises, then looked back at me like it were asking, Come on, do you want to go with me? I told Becky, It’s gonna take us home. Course, she didn’t want to be left alone and we followed the tiger into flat scrubby land chockablock with swamps and lakes. A freezing wind blew down from the snowy hills, so to keep warm we stayed on the move.
We were truly weary and with a terrible hunger when we arrived at a place between two trees hunchbacked by the wind. There were a hole in a bank surrounded by ferns and bracken, and the tiger went inside. I knew it must be its home. I peeked inside. It were real dim in there and then I seen the tiger staring back at me with eyes bright as burning coal and then another pair of eyes also poking into me soul. The cave were small and the floor covered in dried fern fronds. It smelt cosy and warm. I told Becky there were two tigers and I were going inside to be with them. She cried out that they would eat me. But I didn’t think so cos I sensed they wouldn’t eat me inside their home. I crawled in. The female tiger, the one we had been following, licked me arm. The other sniffed and snaffled me. I patted
them. Me goodness I were fearless when I be a kid - I don’t know if I could do that now. I felt like I were with two gentle dogs. I called out to Becky saying it were all right but she moaned and worried in fear. I peered out of the den and seen she were shivering and pale like death. I told her not to be stupid and join us. She were very stubborn and shaked her head again and again. It’s warm inside, I said, and thumped me chest to prove they did not eat me. Her teeth started to chatter with fear and the cold. I could take no more of her stubbornness and I grabbed her arm and pulled her inside. She cried out, No, no! Which upset the tigers, so much they huddled up against the wall. With the four of us inside the den there were hardly much room. I been told a deadhouse next to a hotel were like this, cramped and small, so drunks could sleep away the booze, but this were an alive place with four creatures, two tigers and us two girls. Becky stopped crying and stayed near the opening. She could not look at the tigers. They’re not going to eat you, I said. I hugged the bitch. See, they are friendly. This is the mummy one, I said, and I pointed to the other one. That’s the daddy one. They both have fur like me mother’s coat. I were now very knackered and I were very sleepy. I lay down next to the tigers and the mother one lay down with me. Becky were still suspicious and she crawled in a little bit more and sat up against a wall staring at the tigers, just waiting for them to try and eat her. Me? I went to sleep.
I am amazed I could do that. I could go to sleep real easy. Becky weren’t an animal girl. Me? I loved animals and were never scared of them, except maybe a Tasmanian Devil and who wouldn’t be afeared of a devil? So I had no trouble sleeping, though when I woke up I was tossed in me head for a short time cos I wondered where I were. Then I realised I were in the tigers’ lair. But there were no tigers. It were dark in the cave and gloaming outside. I seen Becky curled up on the floor of ferns, deep asleep. I were ’bout to say, Hello Becky when suddenly, like she heard something awful in a dream, she wakes up, her eyes wide and alert. I heard a noise too and the opening to the den went dark. It were one of the tigers. It came into the cave, a step ahead of the sunlight that poured in again. Becky whimpered like a pup and crawled away from the creature. It had a dead bird in its mouth.