She couldn’t get him from her mind this morning. She wondered how he would have reacted had this been a regular pregnancy in a regular relationship. She could almost feel his capable hand splayed across her belly and see the intent look on his lean face, the dimples that would have appeared with the grin when he felt the movement beneath his hand.
Tessa turned away from the display of Christmas decorations and hurried out of the store. Her eyes were downcast so she had no way of seeing before she ran headlong into a tall masculine form. Her heart skipped a beat. For an instant, hope flared, but when she looked up, it was into the face of Brandon Barrett. She sagged against his supporting hands in disappointment.
“Tessa?” he exclaimed, tone incredulous as his hazel gaze slid down over her swelling stomach.
“Hello, Mr. Barrett,” she responded, feeling awkward beyond belief, not sure what Seth might have said to him. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t watching where I was going.”
“How are you?” Brandon asked, his eyes once again on her stomach.
“Fine. I…we’re fine.”
Brandon’s eyes met hers. “He left, you know. Seth.”
Tessa’s eyes flicked up to Brandon’s and skittered away.
“He quit,” Brandon continued. “A few days after he last saw you.” As Tessa started to pull away, Brandon held her with just enough firmness to let her know she would stay and listen to him. “They fought, he and my father, like I’ve never heard before. Then he left. He’s in Afghanistan, as far as I know. Not that he communicates often. He calls Anna or me every once in a while.”
Tessa stared at him, trying to keep her feelings from showing. “Why are you telling me this?”
Brandon let his hands drop. “I thought it might matter to you since he says he’s the father of the child you’re carrying.” He looked her up and down again, this time with contempt. “Maybe you did him a favor. Seth needs a woman who can love him and let him know it, not some ice-queen who’s too self-absorbed to even consider what’s best for the brother she’s caring for or the baby she’s carrying.”
He stalked off, leaving Tessa staring at the Christmas tree twinkling a few feet from where she stood. Afghanistan? Seth had left Barrett and gone to Afghanistan?
Later, she couldn’t remember driving home, but she did remember what followed. A sheriff’s car was parked in front of her house.
Tessa climbed from the vehicle and locked it behind her, dread churning inside her.
“Miss Tessa Edwards?” an older deputy asked.
“Yes.”
He handed her a thick envelope. “This is for you. Have a good day, Miss.”
She stared down at the manila envelope. She didn’t need to open it to know what it was. Uncle Edwin and Aunt Kathleen. Like an automaton, she climbed the steps and opened the door to the apartment. She let her purse fall near the door and collapsed on the couch. Her fingers trembled as she tore open the envelope.
They were suing for custody, this time citing her place of employment and the hours she worked as contributing to an unsavory and inappropriate environment. Tessa’s shoulders sagged in defeat. There would be no Seth to step in to help this time. And this time, she feared Uncle Edwin and Aunt Kathleen would win. The ultimate irony was she would turn twenty-five in one more month.
* * * *
Seth logged off and closed the lid on his laptop. He sat on a too-small chair in a cheap hotel room on the edge of Kabul. He’d found a steady market for articles that focused on the everyday lives of the people here. It was enough to pay the bills, keep working, and keep him far, far away from his old life. Most of the time he was too busy, either getting a story or watching his back, to give much thought to that other life. Tonight was different. He checked his personal email for the first time in a long while.
There were several long missives from Anna, telling him about Becca and giving him the news they were expecting another child. Seth’s hands trembled as he saw that, and he clamped a firm lock on his memories. He wrapped up more tightly in the blanket he used to ward off the chill in the room, and finished Anna’s email.
The next mail was from Brandon. It had come through a couple days earlier. Most of it was pretty routine, updating him on what was happening at Barrett and at home, until he reached the bottom. “I ran into Tessa Edwards outside a store in Alexandria. She’s pretty obviously pregnant. I know you cared about her, bro, but I have to tell you I think you’re well rid of her.”
Seth sat in the dark, staring at the wall. Tessa. He’d tried to banish her from his thoughts, and he was successful most of the time. When just staying alive was a never-ending worry, it put a lot of other things in perspective. But now in the quiet darkness of the small room, he let the memories back in. Unflappable Tessa, or so he had thought until he’d pulled her from that elevator in Chicago. Then he had discovered the passion. What they’d shared had to mean something to her. It still did to him, God knew. More and more the feeling assailed him that he had given up too soon. He had walked away when what he should have done was stay to fight, to make her see they could be good together.
He started packing. It would take a while to get back, but he’d thought about returning home for Christmas anyway. As much as he loved reporting and writing, he wanted a settled life, not the constant living out of a backpack and wondering if he would be the next journalist nabbed by extremists. And whether Tessa wanted to admit it or not, she carried his child. There was more at stake now than just him. More at stake than what either of them might want.
He’d cut his blond hair short and often wore a headcloth to cover his western roots, but he knew if he stayed it was just a matter of time before someone made the connection and grabbed him. The time for freelancing all over the world was gone. Maybe he’d gotten soft, maybe he’d grown up, but he found he wanted his things, his family. He wanted Tessa, and the family they could become. He wanted his child.
* * * *
The court hearing was the following day, so Tessa visited her attorney, worried about what might occur.
“I’m sorry, Miss Edwards,” he told her, “but this is not going to be like it was last time around. I’m afraid your pregnancy, on top of everything else, could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back. There are too many variables that put you in a bad light.”
Tessa looked out the window in his office. She prided herself on being in control, of being able to handle anything thrown at her, but she had to admit, even if it was just to herself, she was wearing down.
“I understand, but I can’t change the circumstances. I provide Zach with a stable home life, and I earn an excellent wage to support us. I won’t apologize for where I work, nor will I apologize for the child I carry.”
The attorney looked at her solemnly. “Then you should prepare yourself, and I would suggest you prepare Zach that the possibility exists his aunt and uncle will win custody.”
“Thank you.”
Tessa worked that night. As a receptionist, she had to be there while the club was open, to answer the phone and process new memberships. Although the temptation to call in sick was almost overwhelming, she couldn’t afford to. When she got home in the early hours of the morning, she was too wound up to sleep. As a result, Tessa had circles under her bloodshot eyes that even make-up couldn’t hide when she and Zach arrived at the courthouse in Alexandria. Zach, too, looked pale and tense. She had done her best to prepare him without trying to alarm him too much. Mr. Stanley waited outside the courtroom door for them.
“Ready?” he asked, his expression somber.
Tessa nodded, holding Zach’s hand in her own. He squeezed her fingers as they sat down at the table with their attorney. It was the same judge presiding over this hearing as the last one. This time his face was much sterner as he reviewed the files in front of him.
He glanced up at her. “It says here, Miss Edwards, you were fired from Barrett. For what reason?”
Tessa swallowed. “There was some question about my h
andling of accounts. I did nothing wrong, your honor.”
He looked at her over his reading glasses. “I also see you now work for a gentlemen’s club, Flamingo Road?”
“That’s correct. I’m the office manager and receptionist. I answer phones and oversee the business operations.”
“And what are your work hours?”
Tessa swallowed. “I work from six in the evening to three in the morning, Tuesday through Saturday.”
This time the judge frowned at her. “Who cares for Zach while you are at work?”
“My neighbor, Mrs. Flores, keeps an eye on him.” She answered the judge in a monotone as he continued to ask questions, but inside she was sick. She didn’t need to be a mind reader, she could feel how this was going.
“How do you plan to care for both your brother and the child you now carry?” The judge glanced down at the file. “It doesn’t appear from your check stubs that your income will allow you to adequately care for two children.”
“I’ll manage,” Tessa said.
The judge stared hard at her. “What role will the father of your child play in helping you?”
Tessa’s chin jutted. “None. We don’t communicate.”
The judge looked down at the file again and back up at Zach and her. Tessa knew what was coming and her whole world started to unravel.
“I’m afraid, Miss Edwards,” the judge began, “that in looking at the changed circumstances now presented to me, I must re-evaluate your custody. It’s not a matter of where you work.” His hard glance rested on her aunt and uncle. “Nor is it even a matter of your status as an unwed, expectant mother. The bottom line for me, Miss Edwards, is that out of a twenty-four hour day, you are a presence in Zachary’s life for roughly three to four hours. Other than that, he’s in the care of either the school or your neighbor. I believe at this point in time, Kathleen and Edwin Price can provide a more stable and secure home. I therefore award custody to the Prices along with control of the trust fund left for Zachary Mallory until such time as the court deems otherwise.”
“Tessa?” Zach pleaded, trying to understand. “What does he mean?”
She squeezed his hand and hugged him close. “It means you will go with Uncle Edwin and Aunt Kathleen for right now.” Tessa lowered her voice to a whisper. “But I promise you, Zach. I’ll get you back. I’ll find a way.”
“No!” Zach pushed to his feet and made a run for the door, but the bailiff caught him. Tessa started after her brother, but her attorney held her back. She watched in horror as Uncle Edwin and Aunt Kathleen brushed past her and approached Zach. Edwin Price bent down and said something to her brother. He slumped in defeat, then left the courtroom with them.
Tessa sat at the table, staring down at her clenched hands. She’d lost Zach.
“Miss Edwards?” her attorney prompted. “It’s time to go. Can I get you anything?”
Tessa shook her head. “No.”
She called in sick. Aunt Kathleen phoned the following morning to arrange to pick up Zach’s belongings. Tessa packed them mechanically, shutting off the emotions threatening to drown her. She’d let him down. She had promised her mother she would care for him, and she had let them both down.
Tessa avoided conversing with her aunt and uncle as they loaded everything in their car. As her aunt started to get back into the passenger seat, Tessa blurted, “Please take care of him, Aunt Kathleen. Please…” Her voice trailed away and she swallowed. “Tell him I love him.”
“No need to worry,” her uncle said in a bracing tone. “He’ll be fine with us. We registered him at the local public school this morning, and he’ll do fine there.”
Tessa stared after their departing car for a long time. She shivered in the cold of the December day.
Chapter 15
There were a few tense moments going through customs in Kabul before Seth boarded the plane back home. He spent the night in Beirut in a luxury hotel that he billed to Barrett following a call to Brandon to clear it. His brother was overjoyed to hear he was coming back.
“I’ve appreciated the use of the brownstone, but I found a place to rent and I’m ready to move first of the year.”
“That’s great, Bran,” Seth said. “You haven’t heard anything more about Tessa, have you?” There was enough of a hesitation on the other end that he prompted, “Brandon?”
“It was a small blurb under legal notices.”
“What?”
“A custody hearing earlier this week. Her aunt and uncle were given custody of Zach.”
Cold filled Seth. He remembered Edwin and Kathleen Price from the hearing he’d attended with Tessa. They were not interested in Zach’s welfare, just their own. He knew how much the boy meant to her. She must be out of her mind with worry. After hanging up with Brandon, he tried Tessa’s home phone, but it rang and rang, not even picked up by an answering machine.
It was two more days before the taxi pulled up in front of his brownstone. Seth paid the driver before slinging his backpack onto his shoulder and climbing the steps to the front door. Seth saw the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree in the living room and it dawned on him the holiday was a week away.
He’d decided on the way home he would continue with plans for a different future…one away from the overbearing presence of his parents.
He’d put a bid in on a community newspaper on the market near his beach house. The paper had never been a real moneymaker, and the family who owned it was tired of being tied to it. Seth was waiting to hear back from them, but felt like he stood a good chance of getting it. That left Tessa. What would he do about her?
She didn’t want him. She had made that more than obvious, but try as he might, he couldn’t get her out of his head or his heart. He would take her on any terms he could get. And right now, with Zach in the hands of their aunt and uncle, she was vulnerable. If that was blackmail, then so be it.
It was late Sunday afternoon before the effects of the jetlag faded. Seth was sitting in his study when he heard the distant sound of the doorknocker. His housekeeper had the day off. Seth knew it wasn’t Brandon because his brother had a key. Half-tempted to ignore the knock, he finally padded for the door in his bare feet. A light rain fell, and he knew the weather forecasts called for the possibility of a switch to freezing rain. Not bothering to tuck his chamois shirt back into the waistband of the well-worn jeans he wore, Seth made his way down the hall. The small figure outside the door had just turned away when he opened it.
“Tessa?”
She looked over her shoulder, raising a pale, shadowed face to him. Her hair was wet and she shivered.
“Is Zach here?” she asked, a note of desperation in her voice.
“Zach?” he asked in some consternation. It was the last question he expected her to ask. “No.”
If possible, her porcelain skin lost even more color. She started to sway. Seth pulled her inside and shut the door. She had a rain slicker on, but the hood had fallen back. In the light of the hallway, she looked no better than she had on his front steps.
“Let me have your coat, Tessa. You’re soaking wet.”
As she let it slip from her shoulders, he saw the swell of her belly beneath her thick sweater.
“He’s run away, Seth. I thought maybe…” Her voice trailed off, and her chin trembled.
Seth turned her into his arms and held her shivering frame against him, trying to share some of his warmth with her. She felt cold, and her paleness worried him.
“You thought he might come here?” he finished for her.
She nodded against his chest. “He’s been missing since yesterday. I’m so afraid. The police came to my house last night and then to where I work. I think they thought he might have come to me, but he didn’t. I don’t know why.”
When her voice broke on a hoarse sob, Seth swung her into his arms and, in spite of her protests, carried her into the den, where he laid her down on the long, plush couch facing the fireplace. Picking up a poker, he sti
rred the fire and added another log to it.
“Stay there, Tessa. I’m going to get you some hot chocolate to help take the chill off you, and then we’ll talk. Okay?”
* * * *
She nodded and watched him go. He’d changed in the past few months. He was thinner and his hair was so close-cropped it looked more like a military cut, but she noticed his eyes the most. They were shadowed and shuttered, as if he’d become a master at keeping his emotions buried so no one could see them. Not even outbursts of his infamous temper broke through his remoteness. Had she done that to him? Was he another person she had let down?
She stared into the fire, trying to feel its warmth, but not even a spark sank into the coldness at her very core. She shivered again and looked around her as she brushed a limp strand of hair behind her ear. In the far corner of the room was an elaborate model of an older sailing vessel, every detail lovingly portrayed.
“I built that with my grandfather’s help,” Seth said as he handed her a steaming mug of hot chocolate, “when I was not much older than Zach is now.” He watched Tessa as she took a cautious sip from the mug she held cradled in her hands. Other than the swell of her stomach, she knew she looked thinner.
“Do your aunt and uncle still have custody of Zach?”
“You know?”
Seth nodded. “Brandon told me over the phone when I called from Beirut.”
Tessa looked away from him. “The judge said my job took me away from him too many hours of the day. He said he didn’t think I could care for Zach and the baby, but I can, Seth.”
Seth’s mouth thinned. “Drink the chocolate, Tessa, and warm up. Then let’s focus on Zach. He’s bound to be someplace he feels comfortable.”
* * * *
He watched her like a hawk as she drank from the mug. In a few minutes, a small bit of color returned to her face, but she still looked exhausted. Hot chocolate and a fire wouldn’t change that.
His gaze drifted down once again to her belly. She caressed the swell of her baby bump, and to his amazement, he saw her hand move as if it had been shoved by an unseen force. He was overcome by an incredible urge to kneel down in front of her so he could share the experience of the baby’s movement, but now wasn’t the time.
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