She pulled back and stood. If she didn’t, who knew how far this would go. She couldn’t let it go anywhere, as much as she wanted to.
A heavy sigh escaped her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
Cappa stared at her for several seconds. He still laid on his back on the bed. Jovi receded, moving away from him until she hit the wall, trying to put as much space between them as she could. She tucked her hands behind her back so they wouldn’t get her in trouble.
Standing, Cappa rushed her again and pressed against her as he leaned his forehead against hers. “How can two people who feel the way we feel not be able to be together?”
“It isn’t fair. I know more than anyone. But, it’s a reality we must face.” Jovi bit her lip, looked away, and then squeezed his face in her hands. “I love you. I know it happened fast, but I’ve never felt the way I feel about you, and I know it must be love. I imagined spending my life with you, having your children.” Her voice broke. It took a moment to gather herself. “But it can’t be now. I have a different fate. I want you to forget me. To be happy. Promise me you’ll be happy.”
He shook his head. “I can’t. Not without you.”
He tried to turn his head, but she forced him to look at her. “Promise me, Cappa. Promise you’ll at least try.”
He shook his head and his eyes filled with tears that almost spilled over, but then he took a shaky breath and sucked it all back in, jutting his chin out to meet her eyes. “I promise.”
She gave him one last kiss, this one slow and gentle and without any of the hunger. Both their lips trembled under each other’s and when she released him her hands shook as she dropped them to her side. She backed up, moving away from him as much as she could, knowing that right now space was the only thing that might ease the hurt inside of her.
Cappa spun around, moving toward the door.
“I will always love you. Never anyone else,” she whispered.
He stiffened with his hand on the doorknob for a few seconds, then turned the handle and disappeared.
Jovi fell to her knees, curled into a fetal position and cried until she fell asleep, the only way she could stop the pain in her heart.
Jovi’s eyes were dry as she tried to pry them open, so dry she thought a desert might have more moisture. She blinked a couple of times, but it did almost nothing to help. She’d cried almost every tear she had last night, so her eyes screamed dehydration at her as she crawled out of bed.
She didn’t remember getting into bed and wondered how she’d ended up here. One look around told her. Uncle Meical sat in a corner chair, his head angled toward his chest and his eyes closed.
Jovi tiptoed to the window, her ankle hardly sore now. Another day had come. The sun shone brightly in the sky, but gray clouds swam behind it. The rain was on the horizon. Perfect to match her somber mood.
“Niece. You’ve woken?” Meical asked.
She turned to him, her hands resting on the windowsill falling to her sides as she nodded at him. “So have you, I guess.”
He smiled. “I was never actually sleeping, only resting my eyes.”
“Well, I guess the two are very different things, aren’t they?”
Meical chuckled. “They are, whether you believe it or not.” He stood, stretched his arms over his head, and moved to stand in front of her. “Now, tell me, how are you holding up?”
She shrugged. A lump formed in her throat, taking her words. If she spoke, she would cry. And she thought she had no more tears left…
Without haste, Meical wrapped his strong arms around her and squeezed. Jovi closed her eyes, and the tears fell as she let her uncle comfort her. Only for a moment, though.
After she’d composed herself, she took a step away. “I will be fine. I will uphold my duty as a royal member of this family. I failed to save the Frost Mages, but I’m lucky Malador has given me another chance to save my parents. He will be a kind…” She swallowed. “Husband.”
A frown lined Meical’s face, and he glanced outside. “I know you mustn’t want to marry him. I’ve seen the love in your eyes when you look at Cappa. He would have made a good husband for you, made you happy. But, the big picture is, well, bigger, I guess.” He paced in front of her for several moments, then stopped and hit the wall, reminding her of Cappa when she’d last seen him. Jovi winced. “Forget the bigger picture. You can’t marry the Mage. Your life has to be somewhat your own, royal or not.”
Jovi couldn’t help the smile that broke across her face. Whether Meical and her father could see it, they were a lot alike, even if they would never admit it. Her father hadn’t wanted her to marry the Mage, either. Probably still didn’t, but she hadn’t been allowed to speak to him yet. Even still, her duty had been laid out in front of her, and she’d already wrapped most of her mind around it. She planted her feet apart, widened her stance, and pushed her shoulders back. “Thank you for your concern, Uncle. It means a lot. But, I will be fine. Malador will be a fine husband. I could barely hope for anything better. He is a King in his own right, as I am meant to be a Queen. We will do well together.”
Meical tilted his head to the side, raising his brows. “You’re sure?”
Jovi nodded as the lump grew in her throat. “As sure as the rain that will fall today.”
He shrugged. “Well, I guess it’s settled then.” He went to a wardrobe and opened the doors, removing a long white gown. “This was your mothers. She wanted you to wear it today, hoping it will bring you the happiness she has had.”
Jovi choked back sobs. “Thank you.” She took the dress. “Tell her I’ll wear it with pride.”
“Malador awaits you in the throne room. Everything has been prepared. Come down when you’ve gotten yourself ready.”
Jovi nodded and watched as Meical left the room. As soon as he did, she laid the dress on the bed. Intricate beading lined the collar and the hem. The lace stitching through the sleeves and bodice had her reaching her fingers out, touching every detail. The dress couldn’t be more perfect. She only wished the day were more so.
But, she’d made up her mind. She’d marry the Mage and bring peace to the kingdom, whether she wanted to or not, and despite how sick to her stomach she was. Today, she’d be married to Malador, and become the new Queen of Frostpher, which provided her family with a union that would do more things for Kingsperch, for Central Orendor, than she had ever hoped to accomplish.
Even if her heart ached so badly she was almost numb from it.
She took a deep breath and undressed; she thought of taking a bath, but decided it didn’t matter. Then, she donned the white gown. It rustled over the wood floor as she stood in front of the small mirror hanging on the blue wall, combing her hair out with her fingers.
She didn’t look the same anymore. Dark circles shone from her cold eyes, and her pallor had dimmed from being in the sun so much. The pink jewel still hung around her neck. Should she wear it? It was from her other life, the one she used to have, but she felt a connection to the piece of jewelry, one she couldn’t explain. It had been through everything right along with her.
Wearing it felt right, so she did.
She braided small pieces of her hair and fastened them with a band at the base, then stopped to look at herself. Her appearance wasn’t perfect, but she never assumed to be. It would do; she would do, just as she was.
If not, Malador would learn a thing or two about compliments.
She slid her shaky fingers over the door and found her way to the throne room. People filled the room, every seat taken. Her mother and father sat on the throne, no longer chained. Queen Rovia smiled upon seeing Jovi enter, but King Ryan shifted in his seat, his sour mood laced into every feature on his face.
She forced a smile, making it as real as she could, and stepped into the middle of the room.
One foot in front of the other. Keep going. You’re almost there, she reminded herself.
Without meaning to, she found Cappa sitting amongst the Frost Mages.
He turned away from her. Her stomach dropped, but she forced her head forward and kept going.
Her heart raced in her chest as she stopped beside her soon-to-be husband. He gave her a heartwarming smile, but it did nothing to calm her jitters. She didn’t think anything would.
Not now and maybe not ever.
Malador addressed his people. “Today, I will bond our two kingdoms together with marriage. It will benefit Kingsperch as much as Frostspher. The King will officiate and bless this marriage, making it legal and binding.”
King Ryan grunted but came to stand in front of them. Malador took Jovi’s hands and turned her to face him. His hands were as clammy as her own.
She wanted to wipe them on the side of her gown but stopped herself.
“Today is a day that will bring happiness to my daughter,” the King’s gruff voice rolled with sarcasm, “and Malador, King of the Frost Mages. The ceremony will be brief as I’ve not had the proper time to prepare.” He glared at the Mage who looked sheepishly at Jovi.
Sweat dripped from Jovi’s forehead, and she fidgeted, wanting nothing more than to yank her hands back to her sides, but she warred with herself not to.
King Ryan cleared his throat. “Do you, Malador, promise to keep my daughter happy, to cherish her above all else, and to never, ever, harm her in any way until the day you no longer can? Do you promise to never cheat on her, to lie only with her for the rest of your life?”
Malador gazed at Jovi, his heartfelt regard hit her all the way to her toes before he said, “Yes.”
At that moment, she knew he would do as her father had asked, as his vows had stated. He would never hurt her. He would do everything to keep her safe. As much as she loved Cappa, perhaps one day she would find a semblance of happiness with Malador. At least he seemed willing to try.
King Ryan grumbled. “Yes, well, very good.” He focused on Jovi. “And, my daughter, do you promise to do the same for the Mage, I mean, uh, Malador. To honor him as a wife should, to never cheat on him and put him above all others until the day you die?”
She stared at her father long and hard. He sliced his head side to side once. His eyes widened, pleading with her to say no. She wanted to refuse this match. But none of that mattered.
She met Malador’s eyes and squeezed his hands. “I will promise, from this day to my last, to do exactly that.”
King Ryan coughed. “No. Absolutely not. I will not let this union happen!”
Jovi mouthed the word “stop” to her father over and over as her cheeks heated. Murmurs broke out through the crowd, and Malador put his hands up and lowered them to calm the people behind them. They hushed, but Jovi’s mind screamed.
She took a step closer to her father and took his hand. “Listen to me, Father. You cannot change this. You have no say in it. In fact, I know this might be harsh to say, but it was your fault. The curse made this union necessary, and so be it.” Jovi took a deep breath and glanced at Malador with a smile. “I do believe he will treat me well, and honor our family. So, stop delaying and say the words to finalize this union.”
King Ryan blanched, then cleared his throat with a fist to his chest. “Good, well, alright then. I suppose I will bless this union. From today until your last, you will be known as King Malador and Queen Jovi of Frostspher, heir to the throne of Kingsperch.”
Jovi gulped and dropped Malador’s hands, bowing to him.
Malador raised her arm in the air. “Your new Queen!”
Shouts rang out through the air. The smiles warmed her heart. The Frost Mages, as unhappy as they had to be about this union, would accept her rule, would honor her as Queen. They would treat her as one of their own.
At least she wouldn’t have to fight for that respect.
Malador pulled her along with him, out of the room and up the stairs to their new chamber, the one they’d share together here in this castle when they visited. At least, that is what he’d told her.
Once behind the closed door, he let her go and moved to the bed, sitting down with a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry that didn’t go as well as you probably always imagined your wedding would go.”
She stayed at the door and leaned against it. With a shrug, she offered a half-smile. “It’s no big deal. It could have been worse.”
For the first time, she realized she was alone in a room with her new husband. Shouldn’t he be closer to her? Maybe she should go to him? She didn’t know, so she sprung away from the door and stepped to the bed, sitting beside him. Close, but not so close they were touching.
He leaned toward her. She held her breath, knowing what would come next. Was she ready? She didn’t think she could do this. Her heart raced in her chest, so fast it felt like it might grow wings and flap away.
Inches from her lips, Malador paused and pulled back as he shook his head. “Look at you. I’m so sorry.”
Jovi raised her brows. Wait. Why would he be apologizing? She knew how this worked now that they were married. She knew what came next. “What could you possibly have to be sorry for?”
He kissed her cheek quickly, a soft peck and his lips were gone. He smiled at her. “I can see you’re scared. And you didn’t want this. So, until you are ready to kiss me, you need not. I will be here when you are ready, but until then, I will not force myself on you.”
His lips were softer than Cappa’s. She wasn’t sure why that thought skated through her mind, but it had. His words hit her like a warm, soft blanket. Comforting and welcomed. When she met his eyes, sincerity shone back at her. “Thank you. I-I don’t think anyone has ever apologized to me, or given me time to work things out on my own. So, thank you for that.”
“It is my honor. We are married for the rest of our lives. Although we don’t know each other well, we will get to that point. I would rather know you before we start having heirs. It is important to me, but not more important than you. We will need to consummate this marriage to make it binding, but we have plenty of time to do that.”
Jovi hadn’t thought she would ever be married to a man that wanted to get to know her first. Maybe she had gotten lucky in this union. She stood up and paced in front of him, unsure of what to say. When she stopped, she crossed her arms in front of her. “Thank you once more. For your kindness and understanding.”
He nodded, stood, and came closer. Then he gently took her face in his hands and rubbed his thumbs over her skin. “I want you happy above all else, Jovi. You are now my Queen, and the Queen of my people. I will never disrespect you and neither will they.”
Jovi gulped. Queen? She was now a Queen. Somehow, she’d forgotten all about that little tidbit.
She pulled away from his grasp, even though it had been to comfort her, his words had done the opposite of that. Her chest constricted and she placed a palm against the wall to steady herself. The room spun. She couldn’t do this. How could she rule an entire race of people when she didn’t even have a good rule over herself?
What had she done?
I can’t do this. Not yet. Maybe not ever, Jovi’s thoughts tumbled around her head.
Jovi crumpled to the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees, while she rocked back and forth, trying to take short breaths.
Malador dropped down in front of her and ran his hands over her head. “Oh, Jovi. What did I say to upset you? It’s okay. Calm yourself before you faint. And tell me what is wrong so I can help.”
She gazed up at him and saw the kindness in his eyes, something she hadn’t thought him capable of. The man in front of her understood what it felt like to be afraid. He’d been afraid for years. Scared he’d never be able to keep his race alive. But what if she was never ready to rule?
A question for later. For now, she didn’t want to think about anything.
She took Malador’s hands in her own. “Thank you for your understanding. This all just happened so fast.” She swallowed. Hard. “Yesterday I had no intention of marrying you, but today I am your wife.”
Malador smiled. “I had none of m
arrying you, either. Not anymore. My hopes had settled on finding a cure, but now there is no chance for that. We have both sacrificed a great deal today. Perhaps, in time, you will grow to admire and respect me enough to have love for me, maybe even the same kind of love you have for your young guard.”
Jovi nodded. “I would like that as well, and I’m sure it is a possibility for the future.” As she spoke the words, she realized they weren’t lies. She really did feel that way. There would be hope for a happy future with Malador. In time.
“Good, because I have every intention of winning your heart one day.”
Jovi couldn’t believe his words. He meant to make the most of the marriage. He wouldn’t hurt her. He wanted to win her heart.
But he might never accomplish that goal, and he knew that, for she loved another and had already given her heart to Cappa. He held it now, and she didn’t know if she’d ever get it back from him.
But, for now, she would be safe in a marriage that wouldn’t be made a marriage until she was ready.
That is all I can ask for. Jovi sighed.
She flashed a half-smile toward him, her eyes wide. “Thank you, again, for your understanding.”
He nodded. “It is my pleasure. Now, why don’t you take that gown off and get some rest? I will return shortly.”
Something happened then. A chill slid down the back of Jovi’s neck. Her necklace pulsed with heat against her chest. A loud thud sounded and hurried footsteps came up the stairs outside their room.
Chattered voices hit next and Jovi stood, wiped her hands down the front of her dress and faced the door. “What is going on?”
Malador’s worried eyes had found hers before he yanked the door open. “What is it? What is happening?”
Zander stood outside, along with a group of Mages. “King Malador. The castle is under attack!”
“By whom?”
Zander’s eyes hit the floor, and he rolled his thumbs around each other. “It is the Fire Mages, but they aren’t led by Phenix. Their leader is a woman, with long dark hair and magic unlike anything I’ve ever seen.”
Land of Strength and Sorrow Page 21