by Emma Quinn
And anyway, now that I had just agreed to be Brandon’s girlfriend, where the fuck did that leave me?
22
Mila
One month later
“ H
ey, Brandon here, I have tried to call you a couple of times… erm, I’m outside of your apartment, waiting to meet up with you like we planned but you aren’t here. I guess I will give it ten more minutes then go home. Erm… call me when you get this so we can plan what’s going to happen tonight. If we’re still going to hang out or whatever.”
As I cut off Brandon’s voice mail, I almost burst into tears. I couldn’t help being an emotional mess because I wasn’t sure where the hell my head was at right now. Ever since I agreed to be Brandon’s girlfriend things had been really up and down between us, like a roller coaster that I couldn’t get off of however hard I tried.
When Jake yelled at me and we were forced to suffer an awkward work shift together, I convinced myself that ending things with Brandon temporarily while I worked out where my head was at would be the best thing. I thought that separation between me and both the guys would be better for everyone involved because if Brandon wanted to be with me and Jake was jealous about that, then I needed to work out what I wanted rather than swimming along and just letting things happen to me. I needed to take action and I was sure that I would do the right thing…
Only that didn’t quite happen. Somehow, without me even realizing it, Brandon swept me off my feet and I ended up leaning into the relationship with Brandon whole heartedly. I forced myself to forget about Jake completely because he couldn’t be a factor. Not if I wanted the big romance of my life with my teenage love.
And it was good. Most of the time it was amazing, utterly incredible. When it was good I felt like I was soaring higher than air, floating on the clouds, living the dream… but when it was shitty, I hated it and I regretted my decision. But I was sure that was normal for any couple, to wonder if the romance was right.
I tapped my foot irritated on the floor outside of Brandon’s apartment. This wasn’t the first time that he had forgotten to meet up with me and I was certain that it wouldn’t be the last either. I knew that waiting was pointless because he was probably out having dinner and drinks with the guys from his job, but I stuck it out anyway.
Sometimes, I wondered if I stayed because I had something to prove, but I didn’t know who I was proving it to.
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
I stared at my cell phone in shock as Brandon’s name plastered across my screen. I wasn’t expecting that to happen. Perhaps this was the time where he was just running late and he was still coming for me.
“Hey, Brandon,” I answered, actually happy to hear from him. “Did you get my voice mail message?”
“Yes, I fucking did,” he growled. “Why are you calling me so obsessively. I’m out with the lads.”
Woah, I didn’t know how to respond to that. I hadn't ever heard him use such a nasty tone of voice with me before. “Be… because we were supposed to meet up and I was just wondering, you know, where you are?”
“I messaged you earlier, told you that I’m not coming to meet you. I have this business thing. I don’t know why you are nagging me like you are my fucking wife. None of the other guys have to answer to people like I do.”
“I… I’m sorry,” I stammered. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I just wanted to know…”
“It’s hard for me, Mila. I’m trying to fit in and my phone is going all the time like I am under lock and key. The other guys are taking the piss out of me all the time. I can’t stand it. It’s absolutely embarrassing.”
“Sorry,” I whispered back. “I’m so sorry. I don’t mean to embarrass you. I just want to see you…”
“Don’t you have work to do or something? You are always so obsessed with your college work so why don’t you go to the library to do that? Then me and you can meet up later when I am done in the bar.”
I could do that. To be honest I have found it hard to balance everything recently. Work, Brandon who requires a lot of my time when things are good between us, and college work. So, this could be good for me. I could head to the library, work until Brandon was ready, then spend the night with him afterwards. Perfect.
“Sure, sounds good, Brandon. I will just wait until you are ready to call me.”
“Yeah, please wait because I don’t need to be distracted by phone calls all night long. If I don’t have to have you contacting me every two minutes then I will be able to get this done sooner.”
Guilt washed over me, I felt like shit for harassing him. I should have been more understanding. I knew that he was doing everything that he could to fit in at work. I needed to take a step back and be a better girlfriend. I could have had an excuse in that I hadn't ever had a relationship before, but Brandon was going through enough at the moment. He didn’t need me unsure about what I was doing as well. One of us needed to be good.
“Yes, of course.” I gulped. “I will see you later on then. Good luck and I hope you have fun.”
He had hung up on me before I even finished that sentence, but that was probably just because he was in a bar somewhere and he couldn’t hear me properly. He would explain everything later on and of course I would forgive him because I didn’t want to make things stressful and awkward between us. Neither of us needed that.
“Off to the library then,” I whispered to myself. “This is good. Just what I need. Work to do…”
Then fun tonight. Me and Brandon would have a good time and everything would be perfect, we would be on a high again, I just knew it. After all, me and him couldn’t stay low for long or it wouldn’t work out with us…
The smell of booze was an onslaught on my nostrils. I didn’t like it at all. It was a little like vomit on fire and it was choking me up a bit. It was hard to breathe beside him, but for Brandon it was easy. He was sleeping easy beside me, snoring like crazy, the sound affecting me just as much as the smell of him.
“Fuck,” I whispered to myself as hot tears burned behind my eyes. “What the fuck?”
I pulled the covers up to my eyes to try and stop the tears from flowing. I didn’t need them at all right now. This was supposed to be a good night. By the time Brandon actually called me just after midnight, I was pleased with the amount of college work that I had managed to complete. It felt like the time had been a blessing and I was looking forward to getting my hands on my man. When I got to his place and Brandon couldn’t seem to keep his hands off me, I was sure that he felt the same way as well. There was a lot of passion between us, it was actually really exciting as we stumbled into his place together, I was all over the place, spinning with excitement…
Yet somehow, things didn’t go to plan again. I didn’t find the experience as pleasurable as I wanted to. I wasn’t blown away by him. It had been a month and it hadn't quite happened like that for me. I wasn’t sure that it ever would. Not like it had with Jake, which was very hard because I definitely didn’t want to think about Jake…
Yet I wished that it was him here with his arms around me, comforting me, adoring me, not the drunken Brandon who was taking up so much of the bed that there wasn’t much room for me. I wasn’t sure if that was a clue that he didn’t have the room for me in his life at all, or at least in his bed after sex.
“Don’t think like that,” I whispered to myself. “Don’t start thinking that you are being used.”
I could have easily allowed myself to slip down that rabbit hole, but I wasn’t going to. I couldn’t. I also couldn’t compare Brandon to Jake because that wasn’t fair at all. It was totally different experiences. And Brandon was here, Jake wasn’t. Jake kept avoiding me on purpose. If he was really that jealous and wanted to be with me then I would know by now, but I didn’t. It was obviously just an argument and nothing more.
No, Brandon was the one who had stuck with me even if I didn’t always get things right, he put up with all of my relatio
nship faux pas and made me feel special. Sure, it was a roller coaster, but the curves were just lessons for me. I was going to use them all to make me better for Brandon because he deserved the best of me.
I turned on to my side and did my best to ignore all of the bits that weren’t pleasant to me tonight. It was all the drink and not him at all. I stroked his cheek, safe in the knowledge that he was too out of it to feel me.
“I will make this work, Brandon,” I whispered softly to him, the tears free falling down my cheeks now. “I will. Me and you are meant to be, this is all for a reason and it’s going to end up perfect. I promise.”
23
Jake
“ U
rgh, I can’t stand it,” Victoria barked, practically in my ear. “What the hell is Mila doing back with him?”
I followed her eye line to see who she was looking at, as if I needed to see for sure. I already knew. I had been doing my best not to look at them all the time that they were standing there, kissing and giggling, looking fully loved up. Each moment that they remained where they were it was like a stab to the heart. I absolutely hated it.
“You get used to it,” I replied coldly. “He walks her to work all the time and practically sits at the bar the entire time that Mila is working. It’s very hard work. He causes all sorts of trouble when it comes to other guys…”
“Like a jealousy thing?” Victoria snapped her head around to stare at me. “Or something else?”
“Jealousy, I suppose. He makes it very clear that he doesn’t like anyone talking to Mila for too long.”
“That’s just bullshit, he can’t do that.” Victoria’s fists curled up in anger. “He isn’t even a student here so what the fuck does he think that he’s playing at? He shouldn’t be here at all. And look at his eyes, they are all red. You know what that means, don’t you?” She shook her head, clearly boiling with irritation. “I have heard all kinds of rumors about drugs starting to make their way around the student bar. I don’t know if it’s true, I haven’t seen of any of it myself, but if I find out that he has anything to do with it, the cops will be here in an instant.”
“I didn’t know anything about that.” My eyes popped wide with surprise. “Matt never warned me to look out for it or anything. Is this really a problem? I’m going to have to start to be much more aware...”
“I don’t think Matt believes that the drugs are a problem so he hasn’t been worried. That’s the same reason why I haven’t gotten involved.” She sighed loudly. “But now that I know he’s here a lot… well, I’m worried. I know that Mila says he is done with the drugs now, but it doesn’t look like it to me. He’s still an addict in my mind.”
I didn’t want to just jump on this just because I hated Brandon with every inch of myself and I had done ever since he returned, but I could see what Victoria was talking about. He did look like a junkie. I also didn’t like the super intensive way that he started at Mila like she was his property or something. It scared me. I didn’t think that it was just jealousy from my side, I didn’t think that he was a good guy and Mila deserved better.
“I’m getting rid of him,” Victoria suddenly declared decisively. “I can’t have him hanging around and pushing drugs. I don’t want something bad to happen because of this asshole. Not on my watch.”
I parted my lips, almost as if I was going to argue with this statement, but Victoria was gone like a shot. Surely, the fact that her own cousin despised her boyfriend should have been warning enough for Mila, but she didn’t seem to get it. She had her head buried so deep in the sand that she couldn’t see anything other than him.
So, all that I could do was step back and watch what was unfolding. I couldn’t hear any of the words being yelled, but Victoria got heated quickly. She was finger pointing and yelling. Brandon tossed his hands in the air as if he hadn't done anything wrong and Mila just looked sad. Well, upset at first. But then she started to look angry as well.
I had to hide myself from sight because I was scared about her eyes finding me and blaming Victoria’s mood on me. She already thought that I was far too close to Victoria, I could tell from the way that she glared at me whenever she had caught us talking in the last month since she had been with him. Mila probably thought that I wanted to cause all sorts of trouble for her relationship but that wasn’t the case. Not if she was happy…
She isn’t happy though, I reminded myself. She doesn’t ever look happy anyway.
She was always very stressed looking, her shoulders permanently up around her ears. I was pretty sure that she hated Brandon sitting and watching her working, causing issues with other guys. If she knew that there were even rumors of drugs she would have lost her damn mind because it threatened her place at college which she had worked so hard for and I hoped was still working hard to keep. Unless he had completely de railed her, I wasn’t sure.
“What the fuck was that?”
Finally, Brandon had gone. Well, I assumed so because Mila and Victoria were back behind the bar where I could hear what was being said and it seemed like Mila had finally settled on anger.
“Why the hell did you just humiliate me like that? People who don’t go to this college are in the bar all the time. Why are you kicking Brandon out? He was really upset and now he’s going to blame me. You know that, right?”
“Why would he blame you?” Victoria asked in a much cooler voice than I was expecting. “I am the one who told him that he isn’t allowed to stay. If he is about to have an issue with someone, then surely that will be me.”
“No, of course not! Of course he’s going to think that it’s my fault. He is already uncomfortable with me working behind the bar where there are guys to flirt with me. Now, instead of seeing with his own eyes that I don’t respond, he will be at home getting himself all worked up. Either that or he will get shit faced with his friends.”
“Do you hear yourself?” Victoria yelled, echoing my sentiments exactly. This wasn’t the cool, independent Mila who didn’t give a shit about what anyone thought of her. She was on her own path always, but now it seemed like she was being controlled by Brandon in every single way and she couldn’t even see it. “Do you hear what you are saying to me? Couples don’t hang out together at work, that is just weird. He shouldn’t be here getting in the way.”
“You don’t know what you have done to me, Victoria, seriously. You have absolutely no idea…”
“Look, Mila, I don’t want to stir up trouble, but we have had reports of drugs on the campus…”
I sucked in and held a breath, hiding myself even more. This was not going to go down well. Mila would lose her freaking mind about this. The pressure cooker was about to explode and I would have to be here for it.
“People do drugs, Victoria.” She was speaking through gritted teeth, I could tell. “People do drugs all the time. Brandon might have had a blip but he isn’t in to drugs anymore. He is clean.”
“Have you seen his red eyes, Mila? I know you like the guy but you need to see what’s happening…”
“Victoria, keep the fuck out of my business.” A thick hush followed those words. The tension was palpable, it could have been cut with a knife. I didn’t feel like I had any right to be around for this conversation, but I wasn’t sure how I could escape without being noticed now. I didn’t think that it was possible. “This is my life…”
“I thought that you liked Jake, Mila…” I froze. Not that there was anywhere for me to go, but those words stopped me dead in me tracks. So, she did like me. I knew as much, I sensed it, but she must have actually liked me to have talked to her cousin about me. “He is a good guy. He could be a great boyfriend for you…”
“Jake is a player, Victoria, and you know it. He isn’t for me at all. He proved himself to be exactly what I always thought that he would be. He slept with me while still messaging other women, planning his next hook up. That isn’t someone who’s going to be a ‘good boyfriend’ for me. Jake made it clear that he doesn’t want me and Bran
don has done the total opposite. He has shown me that he does want me a lot. That’s what I need in my life. Someone who is willing to let me know that I am the only one for them. And I have that, so keep out.”
What the fuck was she talking about? I hadn't been texting anyone! I liked her and only her so everyone else was pushed to the side. I barely gave anyone else any attention. Maybe Wendy had been messaging me a lot but I made it clear to her over and over again that it wasn’t going to happen. If Mila thought that about me, why didn’t she just ask me about the messages? Then I could have set her straight and everything would have been different.
“I’m going,” Mila bit out, leaving me absolutely no chance to explain myself now. “I’m not staying here to work tonight. Not with all of this going on. You can get someone to cover me because this is too much.”
I couldn’t let out a breath until I knew that she was gone, until Victoria was standing alone behind the bar by herself staring at the door in absolute shock. I stood beside her, noting the vibrations emanating off of her shaking body. “That didn’t go well, did it? I think I might have just pushed her further in to his arms.”
“She will soon see,” I declared, wishing that I could feel as confident as I sounded. “It will all be okay in the end.”
24
Mila
“ B
randon?” Where the hell was he? “Brandon? Have you gone? Wait for me?”
He wasn’t there in the parking lot at all. He had vanished into thin air which was a massive issue for me. Now I knew that I should have come after him right away instead of having it out with Victoria, but I was just so angry. How the hell could my own cousin do that to me? Didn’t she love me at all? I thought that she cared…
“Brandon?” Angry and frustrated tears raced down my cheeks as I ran towards his apartment. The sooner that I cleared this up the better. The longer that I allowed him to stew, the worse it would be later on. We were on one of the high points on the roller coaster at the moment and Victoria had sent us cascading downwards. I didn’t want that.