“Mummy,” Jasmine calls out, grinning. Her T-shirt is inside out, and she has on pyjama bottoms instead of jeans or a skirt.
I push back in my chair and get up, feeling the blood rush from my face. “Is everything okay?”
Maddox’s brows pinch together. “No, it’s bloody not.”
I rear back at his harsh voice. The kids look fine, but still… “What’s happened?”
“Why didn’t you tell me you had an Xbox?”
I gape at him for a moment, before answering, “Please tell me you didn’t come all the way down here and interrupt my date to ask me why I have an Xbox.”
He pats Asher’s back, ducking his head a little. “Yes and no. You’ve been gone a while and we were getting worried.”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Worried about what?”
He glares over at Nolan. “I’m allowed to be worried.”
“Maddox,” I warn.
“No,” he bursts out, causing Asher to jump. “I’m home all night with the kids while you come out to this fancy-arse restaurant and you can’t even answer your phone.”
I grab my bag to get my phone. When I pull it out, I see I have ten missed calls from Maddox. I inwardly groan. I forgot to put it back on loud after Asher woke up from his nap. “Maddox, I’m fine.”
I glance around the restaurant, noticing a few people watching on. Maddox sniffles. “We’ve been worried sick all night. I was going out of my mind. The kids were going out of their minds.”
“Oh my,” a woman whispers from close by.
My cheeks and neck heat as I fiddle with the hem of my shirt. People are staring with judging eyes. “Maddox, we don’t need to do this here. Why don’t you take the kids home and I’ll meet you back there?”
“Why?” he asks distractedly, reaching for the bread roll on the table. His eyes widen. “This is good bread.”
“Excuse me, but kids aren’t allowed in here at this time,” Nolan’s sister, Hetty, announces, walking up to the table.
“I’m sorry,” I rush out, but I notice Nolan leaning down and saying something to her. “I can’t believe you’ve done this, Madz,” I hiss out.
“Done what?”
“You’ve ruined my date,” I snap at him.
He snorts. “Like it was serious. You aren’t even in his league. You’re too hot for someone like him. And I bet you’re bored as hell. You’re welcome.”
“For what?” I cry out, failing to keep my voice low.
“For saving you from boredom.”
“Hey,” Nolan retorts.
I’m too angry to even answer Maddox. Frustrated and feeling tears well up in my eyes, I turn to Nolan. “I’m so sorry, Nolan. Is it okay if I bail early?”
His smile warms my heart. “Go ahead. Maybe we can do this again another time?”
“No, she won’t,” Maddox answers, lifting my bag.
“Maddox,” I hiss out.
“Uh oh,” Jasmine whispers. “You are in trouble.”
I turn to Nolan, forcing a smile. “I’d love to,” I answer. “Let me pay for my food.”
He waves me off. “It’s fine. It was on the house anyway.”
Maddox snorts. “Can’t even pay for food.”
“It was my gift,” Hetty retorts, her gaze hard on Maddox.
I grab his free arm, taking Jasmine’s in my other hand. “I’m really sorry about this. I’m going to take all three kids home.”
“And put me to bed?” Maddox teases, winking down at me. I’m too mad to find his comment amusing.
“I’m going to strangle you.”
“She likes it rough,” he calls out, and I groan, pulling him towards the door. I’ll apologise later to Nolan and hopefully fix the mess Maddox has made. Because as reluctant as I was to go on this date, I’m glad I did. He’s a good person, a good guy, and he doesn’t deserve to be treated like that.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
MADDOX
You know the exact moment you fuck up. It’s like your insides twist and your stomach turns like you’ve driven over a hill too fast. It’s a sixth sense. Yet, you do nothing to correct it. Or at least, I’m not. But that’s more out of self-preservation and years of watching my dad and uncles get out the shitter with the wives.
Which is why I know I’m six feet deep in shit. Luckily, I know when to keep my mouth shut.
The silence was deafening on the ride home and worse when we got inside. She hasn’t spoken one word to me since we left the restaurant, and it’s beginning to make me want to crawl the walls.
I’ve seen my mum in moods, my sister, hell, even my cousins, but none of them, and I mean none, have ever made me feel like this. It’s torture in itself, and all I can do is sit here and wait for her to explode.
Because it is coming.
I can feel it like a storm brewing. And I’m man enough to admit I’m scared shitless.
There is nothing worse than a woman’s silence.
She’s currently stomping around upstairs, putting the kids to bed. I’m not even sure she realises moving around like that is not going to soothe the little monsters to sleep. But telling her that seems like a death wish.
I don’t regret anything I did tonight. Maybe. Kind of. I guess I could have done it a little differently, but in my defence, I was going out of my mind. What was just over two hours felt like ten to me. My eyes barely drifted away from the clock, watching the minutes tick by. I kept wondering what she was doing; if he would try it on with her; or if she needed me.
I never get like this.
She doesn’t want a guy like that; she wants me. And now she can have me. We’re perfect together.
I’m giving her all of me, something I have never given another chick before. More importantly, I want her. I don’t want anyone else to get my dinners, to get my laughs, to get my cuddles. I don’t want anyone else to have the bond I share with the kids, that I share with Amelia. I don’t want them to have Amelia. I want her. I need her. She is mine. And if I have to play dirty to get her, I will.
I just have to get out of my earlier spectacle.
I knew going to the restaurant was a bad idea. I talked myself out of it three times before finally giving in and going. I had hoped she would take one look at me, then fall to her knees and beg me to take her home. I guess bringing the kids, having Jasmine wearing her clothes inside out, and yelling crap, put her off. But I can make all that okay once I tell her how I’m feeling.
She stomps into the living room, picking up toys as she goes, before forcefully throwing them into the basket tucked under her arm.
“Amelia,” I call out softly, standing from the sofa.
She ignores me, cleaning up the mess I made from changing Asher earlier, her movements harsh and filled with anger.
“Amelia?”
She throws the dirty clothes onto the sofa, her breath ragged as she turns to face me. I flinch, holding my hands up.
“No, Maddox. Just no. You’ve done a lot of crap, most I find endearing, but tonight you embarrassed me. You ruined a perfectly good date, and for what? What did you hope to achieve? If you didn’t want to babysit you could have called my mum to come and get them.”
“I didn’t mean to embarrass you, and I love looking after the kids,” I murmur. “I was just—”
“Being you, I know,” she snaps. “You need to leave.”
Straightening, I take a step forward. “No, you don’t understand—”
“No, I don’t understand. I don’t understand how after weeks of friendship, of letting you in and telling you my insecurities, you’d do this to me tonight. You must have known what a big step this was for me to take. I don’t get why you would do it. I truly don’t.”
“Because it should have been me,” I blurt out, lowering my voice when it rises. “It should have been me you went out with.”
“W-what?” she stammers, gawking at me.
I walk over to her, placing my hands on her cheeks. “I want you.”
“Maddox,” she whisper
s, gripping my biceps.
A low, pleasant hum warms my blood. This isn’t like the times before when I had her in my grasp. It’s like a barrier has been removed and opened me up to her. It’s like seeing her for the first time.
“I couldn’t let you be with him a moment longer,” I murmur, closing my eyes as I tilt my head down.
She palms my face, pushing me away. When I glance at her, I don’t expect her to be staring at me in disbelief.
“W-what?”
“I want you,” I tell her, taking a step closer again. I need her in my arms.
“No,” she whispers, taking one back.
“I don’t want anyone else taking you out. I don’t want anyone else to be with you. I want to be with you.”
Something flashes behind her eyes before her entire body tenses, and she grits out, “Get out!”
“W-what?” I reply, finding it hard to believe she wants me to go.
Maybe she didn’t hear the part where I said I wanted to be with her?
And she did try to kiss me.
“I said: get out,” she hisses. “Get out!”
“I just told you I’m into you and you’re telling me to get out?” I ask, shocked by her reaction. “I know you want me too. You were going to kiss me. I could feel you melting into my arms.”
She shakes her head, tears gathering in her eyes. “I can’t believe you’d do this to me,” she whispers brokenly.
“Do what? Want you? We are perfect together.”
“You don’t like me, Maddox. You are just scared of losing me. You’ve made it perfectly clear time and time again that you only see me as a friend.”
I run my fingers through my hair, letting out a frustrated breath. I knew that would backfire eventually. “No, that is not it at all, Amelia. I swear to you. I want you. I want you so goddamn bad it hurts inside. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you. I lo—”
Her expression is livid. “No! You only want me because you were scared someone else would. You just admitted it yourself,” she breathes out.
“That’s not true, Amelia, and you know it.”
“Oh? So this isn’t you being scared of losing another friend like you lost Lily?”
“This has nothing to do with Lily,” I tell her adamantly.
“It has everything to do with Lily. I was just a replacement, remember,” she argues, pointing at me. She forces out a laugh. “I’m so fucking stupid.”
“Amelia,” I breathe out, struggling to find words.
My heart stutters when she glances at me, her expression drawn in agony. “You are cruel to do this to me, to us. It’s clear I like you—who wouldn’t. But to play on that just to keep me in your life… no, Maddox.”
“No,” I reply hoarsely. “You’re twisting it. That isn’t what this is at all. I know what I’ve said in the past, but I’m serious.”
“Then what is it, Maddox? Because from my point of view, it seems like you’ve done it because you’re worried someone else will snatch me up. Convenient how after weeks of spending time together, you wait until tonight to say all of this.”
“Of course I’m worried someone will snatch you up. I’m petrified. But that isn’t my reason for this revelation. It’s you. It’s always been you,” I plead, my father’s words coming back to bite me in the arse.
‘Some girl will knock him on his arse, and she’ll reject him. He’ll regret ever being a player, and will come crying to his mum for help.’
He was right. He was so right. The realisation of that is so strong I struggle to find my step, nearly colliding with the coffee table.
“You said you didn’t do relationships,” she tells me, her eyes glassy with tears.
“I don’t. You’re different,” I tell her, my voice low, almost pleading.
She turns her back to me, forcing out a laugh. “I should have seen this coming. Why me? Why?”
“What are you talking about?”
She turns to face me, and I’m taken aback by the tears running down her cheeks. “You have had so many chances, Maddox. Hell, we’ve had moments where I could have sworn you were going to kiss me. But you did nothing. You said nothing.”
“Because I didn’t know how I was feeling then. I was confused,” I argue.
“I think you still are. You can’t play with women’s feelings like this. I’m not a toy, Maddox.”
“I don’t think you are a toy,” I grit out. “God, this isn’t going as planned.”
She laughs dryly. “How did you picture it going? You waited until I was on a date and embarrassed me.”
“Amelia,” I whisper, wondering where I went wrong. How did it get to this point?
“Please, leave,” she orders, not meeting my gaze.
I know I’m not going to win this fight, not now, not this second. I also don’t want her to feel trapped or pushed, not after everything she’s been through.
I stop when I reach the door, resting my head against the doorframe. “I never meant for this, you know.”
“I know, but you still hurt me tonight,” she whispers.
“I don’t mean that,” I tell her, looking over my shoulder at her. “I meant falling in love with you. You’re right. I never wanted a girlfriend. I didn’t want to commit. But you came into my life and you wormed your way inside.”
“That’s friendship, Maddox. That’s not romantic love,” she tells me softly.
I shake my head. “If you could feel what I feel right now, you’d know that isn’t true,” I admit, letting it pour out. “Please, just give me a chance.”
“I can’t,” she tells me, and it comes out like a broken plea.
“Why? Why can’t you? I know you feel the same way.”
“That may be true, but I’ll never be able to trust that you do. You want the idea of me. You want what you had with Lily, and you don’t want the same mistake to happen. Because that’s what I was. I was just a replacement of the friend you lost. That was the deal, remember.”
“Please—”
“I’ve had my heart broken and hurt too much, Maddox. I’m not going through that again,” she tells me, running her fingers over Asher’s blanket. “Can you please leave.”
“I will,” I whisper, gripping the handle on the door. “And, Amelia?” She looks up, tears streaming down her face. “You were never a replacement. You were more than just some deal. You were you. And looking back, you’ve always been more than a friend.”
I leave at the sound of her broken sobs, clenching my fists at my sides to stop myself from going back in there.
For years I played the field, fucked who I fancied and fancied who I fucked. It was nothing more, nothing less. It wasn’t meaningful, it wasn’t cheap. It just was.
Dad wasn’t the only one who swore a girl would knock me off my feet, but it was only him who said it like a prayer. It was like he knew it would come true. And it has. Only I wasn’t just knocked off my feet. My world has slipped off its axis.
I jerk to a stop at the end of my path, noticing my dad sitting on my doorstep. “You fucked it up, didn’t you?” he states, pity filling his eyes.
“I guess I’m predictable,” I spit out.
“No, you’re a Carter, and we always fuck up in some way. But we make it right.”
“She didn’t even take me seriously,” I admit.
“Because you’ve never taken anything but work seriously. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I love who you are, who you’ve become. I wouldn’t change that.”
I twirl the keys around my finger, forcing out a laugh. “That’s basically what she said. I’ve done nothing but tell her we’re friends, that I never want a relationship.”
“And you told her that you do now?” he asks, brushing dirt off his hands and onto his jeans as he gets up.
“Yes. No. Yes. It was intense over there. She hates me, and I don’t blame her.”
Just as I finish, the music comes blaring from next door, playing some rock band I’ve never heard of. Dad’s jaw cle
nches as he glances in that direction. “What do you want to do? Do you want to go get shit faced, go inside and be alone—what? I’m here for whatever you need.”
“Mum ordered you to, didn’t she?” I tease.
He scoffs, before his shoulders drop, and he lets out a sigh. “Yeah, but let’s not go there.”
I lean against the car. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve not only fucked up my chances with her, but I’ve just lost her as a friend too. She couldn’t even look at me.”
He claps a hand down on my shoulder. “Then fight for her. Show her you aren’t some small-minded man-whore who only thinks with his stomach and dick. Let her see how serious you are.”
I narrow my gaze on him. “She didn’t say I was small-minded.”
Dad smirks, shrugging. “Just show her.”
“Fuck that,” Max barks out, and I startle, turning around to find him and Landon leaning against my truck.
“How long have you been there?” I ask, gritting my teeth.
“Long enough to know dipshit gave you shit advice,” he retorts.
“Fuck you, Max,” Dad barks.
Max rolls his eyes at Dad before turning his attention to me. “You need the big gesture. The one that will have her telling people for years to come.”
“I think he did that when he delivered Asher,” Landon murmurs.
“He’s right.”
Max snorts. “That was child’s play. I’m talking about something romantic, something that screams commitment.”
“He watches a few Hallmark movies, and he thinks he’s Cupid,” Dad mutters beside me.
My eyes widen as I stare at my uncle. “Are you trying to get me to propose to her, because, dude, it will end up with me stabbed in the chest,” I tell him. “Plus, I’m not ready for marriage.”
“Fucking hell,” he breathes out. “I’m surrounded by idiots.”
“Max, just spit it out, for God’s sake, so we can go to the pub,” Dad barks.
“Jesus. Chill, Mally,” he replies, before saying, “Open up to her. You need to find the right words, the right gesture, the romantic gesture.”
“You’ve said that, but what are those things?”
His face scrunches up. “Do I look like the love doctor? Figure that shit out yourself.”
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