“She’s right,” Mum continues. “You have taken on so much by yourself. Now you’ve let people in to help, I want you to take it easy, enjoy being a parent without any stress for a little while. Jasmine wants to go to the fair at the weekend. Take her.”
“But I…I—”
“Honey, you look like you haven’t slept in a week,” Mum declares.
“And I bet that’s another reason why this thing with Maddox has hit you so hard,” Tracey explains.
“That, and he has been a rock for you,” Hope interjects softly. “Thinking you’ve lost him has probably pushed you over the edge.”
I wipe at my eyes. “I’m so tired. I’m tired of it all. I had all these expectations, all these notions of what I’d be like as a parent. But I’m failing. I’m failing at it all. And now the one person who I had that was mine is gone.”
“He’s not gone,” Hope tells me.
“Then why does it feel like I’ve lost him?” I ask, meeting her gaze.
“Because you haven’t processed what it means yet,” she explains.
“You went through so much with Cameron, and although it doesn’t seem like it right now, I can bet my house that this is about him. It’s what he did to you. You are so sure no one will want you for you. And they do.”
I scrub my hand down my face. “I can’t even think about any of this right now.”
“Go home. Get some sleep, and I’ll be round later with the kids to cook you dinner.”
I lean forward, hugging my mum. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I groan as my back protests when I stand. Tracey hands me my car keys. “Take care of yourself for us.”
“I will, and I’m sorry for leaving you a staff member short.”
Hope snorts. “Are you kidding? We’ve got this. We just want what’s best for you.”
After giving Tracey a short hug, I then move to Hope, pulling her into my arms. “I know I shouldn’t ask this of you, but could you please not tell Maddox what happened.”
“Of course I won’t,” she replies, hugging me a little tighter. “Why don’t I walk you to your car?”
I give her a nod before saying goodbye to Mum and my aunt. As we head down the corridor, Hope turns to me. “He really does care for you.”
I glance down at my shoes. “I know he does. But he can be impulsive. I’m not sure if what he wants is real or not.”
“If it was for selfish reasons, he wouldn’t be staying with you instead of going out with friends. He’s cancelled on family meals, which he never does, and when he’s with us, he does nothing but talk about you and the kids.”
The wind blows my hair off my face when we step outside. “I-I can’t talk about this.”
She reaches for my bicep, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I understand. And if you do ever want to talk, I’m always here for you. I promise.”
“Thank you, Hope.”
“You’re welcome. Now head home and get some rest.”
“I will.”
I make sure Tracey has all the kids’ things and sigh with relief to see she has. Getting in the car, I let out a tired breath. She was right, I am exhausted. I’m exhausted from it, from weaving my way through this world to keep on living. It’s hard. Life is hard.
And yet, I know once I’ve slept off this exhaustion, I’ll have to start all over again. Another day, another fight.
It was easier with Maddox. I felt like I could take on anything.
Now… now I’m not sure I can handle one more thing.
CHAPTER THIRTY
MADDOX
I twist my head from left to right, cricking my neck. To keep busy, to keep my mind from going to Amelia or succumbing to the loneliness I feel without her, I’ve exhausted myself with work.
My men had long left to go have a beer or go home to their families. I just don’t have anything to go back to, not anymore. It’s strange how someone, in such a short amount of time, can change your perspective on life. I was happy before, I know it. And yet here I am, sweat trickling down my back, missing the times I had with Amelia; my nights with her and the kids. For me, with them I had never been happier.
She isn’t answering her phone or replying to my messages. I’m too scared to go over there. I don’t want to unsettle the kids or scare them if Amelia gets upset. The distance is killing me. If I can’t get her to listen to me, what chance do I have of making this right?
Breathing hard, I lean against the reception counter. I miss her. I truly fucking miss her. And the kids.
I turn my back to the counter, sliding down the sleek wood, my arse hitting the cold concrete floor. I shove my knees to my chest, resting my elbows on my knees as I grip my hair.
I fucked up so bad and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know what the grand gesture is or what it means. Hell, I’m not even sure anything will work right now.
Going home to that empty house isn’t an option. I stayed at Mum and Dad’s last night after my neighbours’ horror-filled screams rattled the paper-thin walls. I’m not sure what was going on over there, but whatever it was, it made me miss the loud music.
My phone alerts me of a message, and I tilt to the side, pulling my phone out of my back pocket. It’s our family group chat.
Lake: Have any of you seen Max? He left last night with a bag and hasn’t returned. I’m getting really worried. He’s not answering his phone.
Landon: Mum, I’ve told you to stop worrying.
Hayden: Mum, he’s right. He’ll be back later and yapping on about how the aliens wanted his love juice or some shit. Did you get in touch with Liam to see if he’s seen him?
Lake: I’m really worried.
Maverick: Did you check the police station?
Lake: Yes. He’s not there, and when I asked them to double check, they said they weren’t mistaken. They’ve had his picture on the door of every cell ever since he conned those officers to let him out and he ended up hacking into everyone’s records.
Malik: Hospital?
Lake: Checked the closest three.
Mason: Mental institution? It wouldn’t surprise me.
Lake: As soon as I said the name, she said he is not welcome there and put the phone down.
Hayden: It’s Dad. He’ll turn up. He needs feeding.
Liam: Um, I kind of threw out a note he left this morning. I thought he was just being a twat.
Lake: What did it say?????
Liam: For you not to worry that he’s left you. He hasn’t, and he ate all his food. And that it shouldn’t take more than another night. He mentioned something about setting up the sound system.
I close my eyes. Fucking Max. He was responsible for the noises I heard coming from next door. I don’t need anyone to confirm it. I can feel it in my gut.
Maddox: He’s in my fucking loft.
Lake: What????
Hayden: Dude!!! Creepy.
Maddox: I thought I was hearing things, but now that you’ve mentioned the sound system, I think it was him. There have been some spooky sounds coming from next door.
Harlow: It would explain why your neighbours have been going out of their minds with fear. Didn’t you say they were screaming last night?
Maddox: What should we do?
Lake: Nail your fucking loft shut because he’ll be safer up there.
When I see her go offline, I chuckle to myself.
Landon: Anyone else feel awkward?
Maddox: Do you not care that your dad is missing?
Landon: It couldn’t have happened to a better person.
Hayden: I’ll remember to mention that to him.
Landon: Fuck! I was joking.
Malik: So, he’s not missing?
Mason: I just cancelled the balloons.
Maverick: I cancelled the beer.
Myles: I knew I shouldn’t have opened that whiskey.
Max: Guys, guys, guys! You don’t have to pretend; I know you’re secretly sobbing into your pillows.
&nbs
p; Malik: With so much joy!
Max: I fucking hate you all.
Lake: …
Max: Fuck!
Lake: …
Maverick: You know it’s bad if she’s still typing.
Max: Double fuck!
Maddox: Someone bring the popcorn.
Max: I’m doing you a fucking favour, you traitorous bastard. Do you know how much money I’ve spent on cling film and glue? And let’s not include the energy I’ve put in turning items upside down while they aren’t looking or are asleep. Gluing the tele to the T.V. stand wasn’t easy, you know. And I might lose that sound system. You kids are so ungrateful.
Landon: You got that cling film through bulk order thanks to me.
Malik: He’s not a bastard.
Max: Not the point. And are you not going to comment on my brilliance?
Maddox: No, because that spooky ghost music was freaking me out.
Max: Ordered it off the internet. So authentic.
Lake: I am going to wring your fucking neck if you come home. I’ve been going out of my mind, worried you’d ended up in prison, or worse, the mental institution. You know what happened the last time you were there.
Lake: Did you know the police nearly arrested me for harassing a police officer? If it wasn’t for Beau, I would be in a cell right now. I am cutting you off home baked meals for a month. I’m giving the kids all your snacks.
Lake: Including the hidden ones.
Max: …
Lake: And no sex at all.
Hayden: Mum!
Landon: Kill me!
Liam: removed himself from the group chat.
Max: Fuck!!!!!!
I put my phone into my hoody when I hear someone heading inside. The floodlights light up the entire room, but the rest is blanketed in darkness. I rise to my feet, holding my hand up to cover my eyes.
“Lily,” I murmur when she steps into view, her red coat wrapped around her. “What are you doing here? Does Jaxon know?”
“He’s at his mum’s,” she tells me. “Mum told me what happened with Amelia. I wanted to come and see if you were okay. I was worried.”
I rub the back of my neck. “What can I say, I fucked up.”
Her gaze softens. “Nothing is ever fucked up.”
I force out a laugh. “How can you, of all people, say that? I know you haven’t forgiven me for what I did. I’m always fucking up.”
She lets out a sigh before taking a look around the room. When she spots an old plastic crate, she heads over to it. Seeing what she’s about to do, I pick it up, taking it back over to the counter.
She takes a seat, and I take my place back on the floor. “I don’t hate you, Maddox. What you did hurt me, but I know you did it out of love. Was it right? No. Was it wrong? Absolutely. But it doesn’t make you a bad person. And it all worked out in the end,” she tells me, before her expression turns to hurt. “Is that why you didn’t tell me what was going on with Amelia?”
I scrub a hand down my face. “No. I just haven’t wanted to speak to anyone. I didn’t want anyone to tell me, ‘I told you so’.”
“You make it sound like it’s over.”
I snort. “It never really began. She doesn’t trust me, and why should she?”
She reaches forward, grabbing my hand. “Because you are the best person I know. You were my rock. You filled my life with laughter when all I did was weep inside. You made me strong when I felt weak. She will see that, Madz. There’s no way she can’t see what a great person you are. You may, um, sleep around, but you’ve never purposely hurt anyone. She’d be a fool to let you go.”
“You really think so?”
“I know so,” she states, smiling softly.
“Max said I’m supposed to make a grand gesture,” I tell her.
Her eyes twinkle. “It amazes me how knowledgeable he is.”
“Don’t let him hear that,” I warn her, chuckling under my breath.
She places her hand over her chest. “I won’t. Promise.”
I groan, closing my eyes. “How am I going to make this right?”
“Tell me what happened,” she demands lightly. “Maybe we can work something out.”
I take in a lungful of air before diving into everything, guilt eating away at my chest when I start with Amelia’s ex. I then run through our time together, how easy she was to be around, how nice it was to be needed and not just wanted.
Halfway through the story, I feel like a massive idiot. I hadn’t realised my feelings for Amelia during my conversation with Dad, but I’d had them all along, from the minute we shared one of the most traumatic yet beautiful experiences a person can go through.
Childbirth.
I end the story with mine and Amelia’s argument, before forcing out a laugh. “It was there the entire time and I didn’t even see it.”
“But now you do,” she states. “She sounds like she’s scared, Maddox. You can’t give up.”
“I don’t want to push her. She told me how her ex would emotionally manipulate her into getting back with him,” I explain. “I’m going to respect her wishes. She doesn’t want to be with me.”
“Maddox, do you think I wasn’t scared of being in a relationship? I did it because I had my family and Jaxon. He made me feel safe enough to take that step,” she begins. “You need to make her feel safe enough to love you.”
“How am I going to do that?”
She shrugs. “Be honest with her. Tell her everything you told me.”
I rest my head against the counter, closing my eyes. “You make it sound so simple.”
She laughs, and its music to my ears. “It’s not. Can you remember what happened with Jaxon?”
“I really am sorry about that. I just wanted to protect you. I guess I couldn’t see that you didn’t need protecting from him.”
“It all worked out okay.”
When I meet her gaze, I give her a pitying stare. “How will I get her to listen to me? She isn’t answering the phone or replying to my messages.”
A sly smile reaches her lips, and she leans forward. “I have it on good authority that she’ll be taking the kids to the fair tomorrow.”
“What? How do you know this? Have you spoken to her?”
“No, no. I haven’t. But Hope has. I guess she knew I’d come straight to you and tell you.”
“I need to go. I need to get her to listen.”
“Did you hear me when I said it was tomorrow?” she asks, letting out a giggle.
“I need a plan then. Something to get her to listen.”
She shrugs. “Do what you always do.”
“And what’s that?” I ask.
“Wing it.”
“I really do love you,” I tell her, chuckling. “I hope this works.”
“Me too.”
I let the silence fill the air for a moment before glancing over at Lily. “How come you’ve not told anyone else about the pregnancy yet?”
She fiddles with the hem of her coat. “I’m not sure. I guess I’m waiting for the right time.”
I curse under my breath. “Lily, what we did to Jaxon was wrong. We know that. It hurt us more than it hurt him too. Trust me,” I tell her. “You don’t have to be scared we’ll overreact again.”
Her chin trembles a little. “It’s not just that. I am scared to tell the rest of the uncles. I mean, did you hear Max at breakfast a few weeks ago?”
“Max overreacts about everything,” I remind her. “And he’s currently haunting my neighbours, so you shouldn’t really worry about what he thinks.”
She chuckles. “I read the messages outside. Aunt Lake is so mad.”
“Yeah, she is,” I confirm.
“It’s not just that. I want to make sure everything is okay. We had the scan, and everything is going well. I’m due in December. But I don’t know…” she trails off, looking interested in the counter.
“It’s because we failed you,” I tell her. “I’m sorry.”
Tears gather in
her eyes. “Don’t. It’s me. I’m being silly. Even Jaxon said we should be shouting it from the rooftops.”
“Lily,” Jaxon calls, as I hear the front door open.
Lily stands, brushing off the back of her coat. I stand too.
“We’re in here,” she calls out softly.
I head over, pulling her into my arms. “Tell everyone when you’re ready. Just don’t leave it too long,” I warn her, keeping my voice low. “They are all going to be happy for you, just like I am.”
“Thank you,” she whispers, her voice filled with emotion. When Jaxon steps past the floodlights and into sight, she turns to him. “Did you sort Reid’s car?”
Jaxon’s gaze narrows on me as he pulls her into his arms. “It was clingfilmed to a post outside a gay bar.”
I burst out laughing, remembering Landon’s comment about his dad ordering cling film through him. I guess it’s true what they say: like father, like son.
“How did that happen?”
Jaxon tenses. “I’ll be sure to ask Landon tomorrow when I see him. We’ve only just found the location.”
“Did you go help him get it?” Lily asks, her brows pulling together.
“Nah, he and Wyatt have got it covered,” he assures her. “Let’s get you home.”
“Are you going to be there tomorrow?” I call out before they get past the floodlights.
Lily stops, glancing over her shoulder with an angelic smile. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
I grin back, feeling optimistic about the entire situation now.
I’m going to get my girl.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
MADDOX
As always when the fair came to town, it’s packed. Children scream and laugh, and parents yell back and forth to be heard over the noise.
They have vendors set up, selling all kinds of bits and bobs, but my favourites are always the food vendors. You can smell steaks, burgers, Chinese, Indian and popcorn and candyfloss. It’s heaven. Apart from the Christmas market, this is my favourite place to grab food. All that fatty goodness is good for the soul.
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