Irrelevant Jack 5

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Irrelevant Jack 5 Page 17

by Prax Venter

“Was the Bellhop here with you?” Jack followed up quickly.

  “Ha, that dutiful boy is always underfoot.” Mister Miser nodded to a plate filled with what looked like the cleaned bones of an entire chicken. “He brought me the best Double Duck I’ve consumed on this side of the Avoidance Divide. Our chef down in the bowels of this boat apparently has his strengths, and as I found out yesterday, cake is not one of them. The Bellhop had just set down the savory steaming fowl before me when we both beheld the unpleasant death wail. He then dashed straight across the hall to find the room empty. Perhaps she murdered herself.”

  “The chef!” Belda said, clapping her hands together. “Maybe she insulted his cake too, and he’d have plenty o’ knives as well. We have this riddle solved.”

  “You’re a natural, love!” Yatts said with a grin.

  Jack put his hand on her leather bracer, and she turned her eyes down to him.

  “No accusations until we talk to everyone and think things through, okay?”

  She nodded, still grinning. “I will follow your lead, King Jack, yet I cannot help but be giddy at this game. To think such a stimulating non-combat opportunities have existed all along. What have we been missing?”

  Her Light Mage husband nodded. “The Tower feels new again.”

  The group left the round devil of gluttony in his room and checked room two.

  “It’s empty,” the Lancer said from over Jack’s shoulder.

  Belda pounded a solid fist into her hand. “We need to locate that chef.”

  Since there were no suspects or clues, the party opened the unmarked door at the end of the hall and found another set of carpeted stairs down to a lower level. After descending, they discovered a four-sofa smoking lounge with two doors leading out. Jack noted the floor was now a polished, brass-like metal, and four empty ashtrays stood as if oversized golf tees were shoved up into the metal while it was still soft. Then his scanning eyes discovered the written signs beside each door.

  ‘Kitchen’ and ‘Engine Room’.

  “Perhaps the woman ordered the confection herself?” Sevik said. He’d clearly been thinking things through. “And they’re her crumbs.”

  “That is possible,” Alt said as Jack led them to the kitchen. “As is the nature of a mystery, we don’t yet have enough information to make an educated guess.”

  Jack waited for them to stop talking before he leaned close to the door. Despite the supposed nearby engine room, he heard nothing and opened the door a crack. The place was all shiny metal counters and hanging pots and like any industrial kitchen he’d seen, and it was also empty.

  Slowly, the group spread out to search for anything out of place.

  “Could two people be the murderer?” Yatts asked as he checked inside a cabinet. “If two potential solutions are lying, then it becomes impossible to trust much of the information we do have.”

  “The truth is,” Jack answered as he gave up discovering anything useful. “None of us have any idea what will happen. I’d say always attempt to play by the Tower’s rules first. It rewards us for doing so. If it goes into random nightmare territory on you, then you react in kind. Nothing is off limits.”

  Belda stopped searching and crossed her arms. “We will have such tales to tell Angelshade, but there’s no chef to speak of.”

  “Come on,” Jack said and waved them out of the empty kitchen. “Let’s keep sweeping the Floor.”

  They all approached the Engine room, but this time, when Jack put his head to the door, he heard either strange engine machinery or several pairs of metallic feet clicking on a brass floor. He held up a fist for a hold, and everyone froze. The walls in this section were not simply plaster and paint as above and his peephole idea wouldn’t work here.

  In the end, he risked just turning the handle and opening it a crack- and after seeing several time breaches and robots milling around, closed it instantly. The metallic click he made closing it again was lost among the noise they were making.

  “Lots,” he whispered and considered their options.

  “We take them as they come through the door,” Sevik said with a shrug. “Is it narrow in there? Between your Omni Strike and my piercing lance, we could soften them enough for Alt and Yatts to end anything coming close.”

  “It’s pretty open in there,” Jack said as he eyed the old leather couches. “Some central magic machine like a brass potbelly stove is in the middle, but otherwise we might get overwhelmed if we don’t control the flow… however, Belda, Sevik, come here and help me rearrange some of this furniture.”

  Several minutes later, the party surveyed their handy work.

  “You created your own narrow hallway,” the Lancer said, shaking his head.

  “We did,” Jack corrected. “Those things are heavy.”

  The four couches stacked well together, and they angled them closer at the end to create a funnel barely wide enough for a person to move through sideways. They even left tiny murder slits for Alt and Yatts to shoot through.

  Once they agreed the room was sufficiently cheesed, Jack squeezed though their couch fort and kicked open the Engine Room door.

  There were three breaches he could see and about 10 droids. With a sneer, Jack drew ARV Alternis from his decorative sheath and struck them all- twice. He turned away from the sea of prompts as he dashed back through their homemade kill-box.

  Waiting for him there was Sevik with his Lance ready to pierce anything that followed, and the dragon-masked Lancer triggered all three charges, dealing an extra 600 damage to the line of confused Timewalker Droids bunching up in their trap.

  Angry Sun Alt and Light Mage Yatts turned on crossfire ranged attacks while Jack helped clean up anything left with his continuous Mining Laser.

  Once the majority were dealt with, Belda shoved apart the couches and led the charge into the engine room where they finished off the breaches.

  “That’s how it’s done!” Jack cheered and he got grins from everyone.

  “Hello?” said a muffled man’s voice from within one of the walls.

  The veteran Heroes all turned to face the wall of storage bins and either tried to figure out where the voice came from or if they’d heard it at all.

  “Hello?” Jack echoed, taking a single step forward.

  “Oh, sunshine above! Please, get me out of here!”

  Jack homed in on the specific brass drawer by sound and pulled it open to find a human man in purple robes lying inside. He sat up, his hourglass amulet swaying on his chest.

  “Heroes! I thought I’d never get unstuck. I feel lucky to be alive what with such an effective invasion.”

  Belda pointed a huge finger at him. “Where were you on this vessel when the murder took place?”

  “Right there!” The man with stylish black hair shot his eyes to the brass stove in the middle of the mostly empty engine room. Jack hadn’t noticed before, but intricate black and white glowing runes were carved into every surface. “I was ogling the airship’s Energy Matter Crucible, of course. And someone aught to feed her before she starves!”

  “We need to fuel the ship?” Jack said, helping him out of the drawer.

  “Allow me to-”

  “No,” Jack said, blocking his path. “You give me this fuel and I’ll do it.”

  The elegantly dressed man gave him a flustered grunt and then shrugged. “Fine by me. Just feed it a Tower item of any Value. I was going to put in my shoes to keep us aloft, but by all means, make your own deposit or it’ll be weeks before we reach port coasting on ambient aether fields.”

  “What about the Amulet you wear?” Sevik asked. “Do you flaunt what was stolen from the murdered woman?”

  “This?” the man said, holding the hourglass filled with black crystal for all to see. “Ho, ho! A worthless bauble. I could only dream of holding the true Pendulum. I’ve studied many arcane objects, and few come near its powers. But I’m not capable of murder and theft. I assure you. Much too cowardly.”

  Jack tried insp
ecting the hourglass amulet, but just like the people themselves, nothing happened. Then a possible path grew in his mind.

  “How much do you want for it?” Jack said, nodding to the object.

  “H-how much?” the man said, visibly confused.

  Jack summoned a mostly random item that had magic-related stats to his hand.

  Blue Runed Rod - [Wand | Value: 180 | Floor: 36]

  | Max MP +48 |

  | Magic Power +50 |

  | +50 to Ice Damage Abilities |

  “Will you trade that worthless bauble around your neck for this?”

  Sevik snapped his dragon mask to face Jack. “You’re trying to give a Tower entity a weapon?”

  “Ho, ho, ho?” The other man drew out sounds as he wrung his hands. “I’d never imagined I’d ever be able to protect myself. I’ll take you up on your offer, Hero.”

  Jack shrugged at the Lancer as the arcane sage pulled the leather cord over his head.

  “If this is the time-warping Pendulum thing, I’d wager it would be worth giving this guy some relatively harmless ice damage. If it’s not, I’d think he’s on our side. On top of all that, this is the first time I’m trying such a trade. Any result is worth this rod.”

  The arcane scholar kept his dark eyes locked on Jack’s as they physically exchanged the objects outside the system. Hoping something would be different this time, Jack reinspected the hand-sized hourglass filled with crushed blue crystal.

  A Worthless Bauble - [Artifact | Value: 6000]

  “Damn,” he said, turning it over and watching the granules fall to the empty side. “I thought I might cheese the Floor 65 requirement and get an equipable Amulet.”

  Belda shook her head. “Despite knowing they don’t drop until Floor 65, I truly do not know anything anymore. I would not have been surprised if that object bestowed unthinkable powers.”

  “Bingo,” Jack said, shoving the relatively valuable ‘worthless bauble’ into his inventory.

  The purple-robed man grinned his bright-white teeth as he obsessed over his new Blue Runed Rod.

  “What an eventful day!”

  “Sir,” Yatts said, getting his attention. “You profess knowledge in the arcane. I give you the opportunity to flaunt such boasts. What powers does the Pendulum possess?”

  The other man became serious and nodded. “An outstanding question. And since you Heroes saved my life, I still have a debt unpaid.

  “The Time Walker crafted, relic-tier Pendulum possess three unique abilities.” He paused to hold up three fingers. “Pull unending intelligent weapons from the future via time breach portals 9 times per day. Travel backwards in time 9 minutes once per day, effectively doubling the wearer’s existence for the duration. And, once ever, the wearer can draw all their potential future life essence into an enhanced ultimate form existing in the present. Exactly what type of form is determined by their current path in life. After this transformation, removing the Pendulum at any time means erasing you from ever existing.”

  “Wow,” Jack said. “That’s...”

  Belda shook her head. “I don’t know if I captured half of that.”

  “I am fairly certain I know who committed the murder,” Angry Sun Alt said, and everyone turned to him. But before Jack could ask for details, the Lion-faced captain spoke from the engine room doorway.

  “Excellent! You, Arcane Scholar, come with me to the deck with the other suspects. Heroes, after someone refuels my engine, you may come join us and make your final accusation.”

  The ice-rod armed tower entity flourished his wand to the captain who seemed impressed that he had it, and then the door closed behind them both.

  After a moment to internalize what they were dealing with, Jack turned to the AI tethered to his mind and held up his hand.

  “Before you get into the how you worked it all out, Sherlock Jones, let me figure out how to refuel this. The rest of you think about what we’ve learned about this disaster of a luxury cruise.”

  He felt the AI’s mind hit another speed bump from Jack’s alternate universe reference as he picked a pair of cloth gloves from Floor 20 to sacrifice.

  “It’s Indiana Holmes,” Alt replied telepathically.

  It didn’t take Jack long to find the small grill over a neon-blue chamber right where someone would normally insert fuel for cooking.

  “Climb the Tower, Feed the airship,” Jack whispered as he tossed them into the magical brass stove and closed the small door.

  At first, it looked as if nothing was going to happen, but he saw small motes of orange begin flickering with increasing frequency until the Hand-Slot item despawned in a flash of light.

  The runes on the magic potbelly stove swelled with power before emitting a methodical chugging sound accompanied by a sense of increased acceleration.

  Jack turned back to see the group of three Heroes focused inward. The dragon-masked Lancer spoke first.

  “The solution became complicated with this doubling ability. With that kind of power, everyone can be in two places at once.”

  “Correct,” Alt said as they all began moving as a group back through the ship.

  “I want to say it’s the Guard,” Belda said. “Er- I mean security person 005. We were told that Security consumes chocolate cake, may hold weapons, and if he could be in two places at once, he could have been listening to the Singer while his copy does the murdering. Is that your solution, King Jack?”

  “I hate time travel in stories,” he said with a small sneer. “I get spun around so easily, and nothing ever feels like it makes sense. I’m going to hold my guess until I hear what detective Alt has to say. Have any theories, Yatts?”

  “Mmm,” the stocky mage grunted. He was still deep in thought. “I see what you mean about the twists in logic this doubling adds. Although, I do not think it could be the 005 fellow, dear. He would need the powers of Pendulum to double himself first. I… must admit that I can’t fully explain this intuition. Tell us, Alt.”

  The Angry Sun nodded as they passed the murdered Time Walker’s room on their way to the deck.

  “We still lack sufficient information to be 100% certain of this fictional mystery, but I believe there is enough to accuse the Bellhop. He had a staff key that opens doors, access to the kitchen, knives, and chocolate cake. I’m assuming that the 9-minute time traveler would reappear in the same point in space, so Yatts is correct that 005 would have some logistic problems. However, Jack is correct to suspect all time travel fiction is inherently off. For example, if this vessel is moving through the air, whoever went back in time 9 minutes is undoubtedly reappearing in empty space.”

  “Huh,” Jack said. “You’re right.”

  “Also,” Alt continued, “if this were Earth, anyone moving back through time but not through space would similarly end up at a point of nothing ahead of Earth’s trajectory through the cosmos. Lucky, I was an intergalactic spaceship when it happened to me.”

  “This is beyond my capabilities,” Belda said with a wave of her hand.

  “Me too,” Jack said, waving both hands. “We’re way off topic so let’s wait until we are up in front of the suspects before you get into the explanation of how he did it. If the Tower wants a time travel, murder mystery fantasy, we’re doing it right.”

  Jack’s party of Angelshade Heroes stepped up onto the deck of the Gilded Breeze as blue arcs of lightning flashed in the black clouds above. Ahead of them stood all five suspects, the lion captain, and his three trusted riot cops. The wind picked up with a new warm humidity as they approached, and it made Jack think of playing dodgeball in gym class as a kid-

  And an idea to cheese the ultimate outcome of this story hit him in the face so hard that Alt stopped hovering to face him. The tethered pair locked eyes and exchanged ideas at the speed of light. The moment lasted one-hundredth of a second, and then they both confidently faced the temporary entities arrayed before them.

  “The time has come,” the captain said. “Make your accusation.”


  Alt began hovering forward as Jack changed his focus to the Heroes on his team.

  “Let’s take a few steps back,” he said just loud enough for them to hear. “Give him room to work.

  Then Alt began acting out his grand reveal.

  - 15 -

  “Captain,” the hovering ball of fire began, “we would all like to know who the real killer is, and I assure you that everyone will know the truth shortly, however, I would request that everyone present indulge me as I explain exactly how we reached this decision before pointing that final finger of accusation.”

  The lion-faced man puffed out his chest and then nodded. “Very well.”

  Alt continued. “We know it was not you, or your bridge crew. So, to make things clear, I first request that you all come and stand behind me.”

  With a look to his men, the captain moved them all over to make a line beside Jack’s team.

  Angry Sun Alt then began to hover ominously in front of the five suspects. The Scholar, the Singer, the Bellhop, Mister Miser, and finally 005. After the silence grew almost unbearable, he addressed the Singer.

  “As a celebrity, she is the most recognizable. I do not doubt that at least one pair of eyes were on her for the entire voyage, and so we eliminate you from the possible suspects. Please come stand over by the captain.”

  The slinky angler-fish Singer moved over to stand close to the imposing captain again. This time, he did not appear as uncomfortable with her presence. Alt floated back and forth a few times in front of the others before stopping near the impossibly rotund Mister Miser.

  “This boisterous gentleman would never stoop so low as to sneak up on anyone. Not only is his alibi the Bellhop, but he would not have access to another guest’s room. I ask you, Mister Miser, to please come join the others on this side.”

  A light rain began to fall as the red devil moved his wire-thin legs ending in tiny hooves across the deck, his exonerated nose held high.

  “That leaves 005, the Bellhop, and the Scholar.” Alt paused in front of the purple robed man still clutching his wand tight. “You, sir, have the same problem as our last suspect- no way to access a guest’s room. Also, you were already wearing an Amulet-Slot item that was proven to not be the Pendulum. Please, come join the others behind me.”

 

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