Irrelevant Jack 5

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Irrelevant Jack 5 Page 21

by Prax Venter


  After those gathered settled down, Zarda held up the bag and said, “Remaining members of Brittlehorn, please come for your daily job.”

  A few people pushed to be first in a forming line while others lingered for the last possible minute, and Jack watched it all with fascination. The first Townsfolk to make it to the stage approached the Mayor and shoved their hand into the bag. They then pulled out a black painted stone.

  “Inn Staff!” yelled Zarda and the guy who pulled it did a fist bump and sprinted off through Town to the front of the main strip.

  Jack’s royal advisor whispered, “That man’s been pining after Loratan, the Innkeeper. Both Innkeeper and Dockmaster are the two Jobs that do not seem to change. And Mayor, of course.”

  One after another a Townsfolk or Bygone Hero would step up, draw a colored stone, and get assigned a random job. Farmer, Farmhand, Guard, Wharf Master, Worker, Item Shop Owner, Herb Forager, Bone Rancher… whatever that was. Not one single person was assigned by their individual proficiency.

  “I’m not sure what to think,” Lex said, her arms crossed. “Wouldn’t this game of chance be unproductive?”

  “Chaos,” Cabe said, and by his tone, the big guy didn’t like this at all.

  Jack rubbed his chin. “Well, it worked wonders with Sol. This way, everyone gets to experience what every job is like, and I know people can improve proficiencies over time, so maybe everyone here just gets good at everything.”

  Sevik added his thoughts. “I’ve heard stories of Brittlehorn’s loose governance, yet here I am, and I can see the Town flourishes.”

  “I might consider trying this once I’m back at Emberstone,” Farrah said, musing. “I’ll try anything once.”

  Zarda sent a wave to Jack as she stepped down from the stage then turned away and headed to the front of Town with the shorter man he’d seen her with. Jesix and Haylee’s mother was nowhere to be seen.

  Jack turned to his people standing in front of an empty wooden platform.

  “We have about an hour before we’re supposed to figure out how all this is going to go down. I don’t know about everyone else, but I skipped breakfast and I say we all just go enjoy what unique culinary offerings this interesting place has to offer.”

  Just when he was starting to get a handle on life in Subroutine Sana, it kept throwing him curve balls. And thinking of things he didn’t know, he turned to track an older woman who’d drawn the Bone Rancher Job as she headed straight for the bizarre animal pens.

  “Haylee,” he asked the Dark Prism walking between the King and Queen. “What’s going on with those huge undead unicorns?”

  The young Hero pointed to one of the nearby buildings and gave her answer. “They are called Brittle Horses and this Town uses their bodies for construction and other materials. All of the tableware within the Inn is created from their bones, for example.”

  “Interesting,” he said. “I’ll need to check them out soon. Are they tamable? You know, ridable?”

  He waggled his eyebrows at her, and Haylee frowned.

  “I don’t think so, they don’t seem friendly. I don’t know if anyone’s tried.”

  With visions of a skeletal-unicorn cavalry dancing in his head, they all sat down at one big table and he asked Loratan to do the same thing he did with Angelshade’s culinary expert.

  “Bring us what Brittlehorn tastes like. Impress us.”

  “Oh, I like that,” the Innkeeper said, leaning close to him. “I’ll show you northerners all my delights.”

  Queen Lex cleared her throat when the bouncy young woman leaned in a little too close, and Loratan shot her a pout.

  Farrah let out a burst of laughter. “You’d best ply your assets elsewhere, love. This here King Jack is locked fast on his Lex.”

  “Just because there’s a Bastion Queen stand’n guard, doesn’t mean I can’t still score a critical on this here generous King.”

  Jack gave the Innkeeper a slow shake of his head as he ran his hand over his Bastion’s thigh under the table and the other woman nodded.

  “Still was worth a stab.” She winked and then spun away to go prepare their food.

  He made sure to keep the conversation light as he wanted them to enjoy this time they had. The virtual world could see war between two massive groups of NPCs no matter what they did to avoid it. He looked over into the golden eyes of his wife as Ryea explained to Sevik how she became a Tower-monster rancher. Thinking of Blackmoor triggered home sickness and he wondered if Lex remembered the nugget of wisdom she’d said when trying to convince Harrak, Sol, and Demi to build her arcade. Jack repeated it as two Townsfolk came to the table with their lunch.

  “Fighting our enemies will mean nothing if we forget to live our lives, so dig in and- wait, are these tacos?”

  “Call ‘em Hidden Fishes, King Jack,” the Innkeeper called from behind the bar as she poured drinks for other patrons. “Today’s freshest catch grilled to perfection and then wrapped in fried cornmeal flaps, layered with some crisp greens, and sprinkled with Cinderpearl dust. Enjoy!”

  The fish tacos were not as spicy as he thought they’d be, and although he had no problem with hotter foods, he wasn’t so sure if any of the others sitting around the table would appreciate it.

  “We need to start foraging,” Farmer Ryea said after she gobbled up her first taco. “I can only grow so much, and I bet there’s loads of good eats to be picked out a’ Blackmoor’s lush grasses.”

  “About that,” Jack said. “I want to send you two back home as soon as possible. Blackmoor needs their farming experts.”

  The lunch hour they had before meeting with the Mayor went quickly and before long, Jack, Haylee, Lex and Sevik sat at a meeting table in the relatively small Town Hall across from Zarda and Yan. After the initial and brief pleasantries Jack got right into it.

  “I know you want to talk about my boat, but I’m here to discuss much larger opportunities for both of us.”

  “You’re saying you came for more than your advisor?” Zarda said, pretending to be distracted by her long gray hair woven into a simple braid.

  “They want Brittlehorn to join Blackmoor Kingdom,” Yan said, staring openly at Jack.

  “That is correct,” Lex said.

  Zarda put a ring-covered hand to her chest. “My, my, that is quite the big ask. Much bigger than any boat.”

  Jack held out his hand and manifested one unit of tier two sea salt and dumped it onto the table. Haylee’s sociopath mother leaned in close before bouncing her eyes around those across the table. She settled on her daughter.

  “Where did you get this?”

  Haylee silently held Yan’s gaze, unwavering.

  “What my kingdom offers,” Jack said, pulling her focus, “is not only the knowledge to produce an endless quantity of West Sea Ruby Salt for yourselves, but I will also do what can to make Brittlehorn as big as Ivyset Crag.”

  “To what end?” Zarda asked, pulling the unheard-of ingredient into her inventory.

  Sevik took this as his time to speak. “Madam Mayor, I am from Angelshade far to the southeast. Our town is surrounded by Corruption, and it will only be a matter of years before we crumple. Many have given up all hope. The Supreme Mayor has made it clear that I and my family are expected to give up and die, and as secluded as you are from the Demons, I would understand why you also wouldn’t care.

  “However, you both look to be women of wisdom and responsibility for this Town has flourished despite its Marked population and its reputation. You must know it will only be a matter of time before the Demons march on the snowy Tyga Slopes, and then come here, and you are not prepared for that inevitability. Jack wishes to stop this.”

  Yan leaned forward. “Whispers say you’ve taken two Dark Towers from the Corruption. If this is true, do you not fear reprisal?”

  The question wasn’t aimed at her, but Haylee answered this one in a mirror of her mother’s cool voice.

  “I’ve been present at both battles and single
handedly killed a Mother of Demons with my own weapon.” The Dark Prism laid her Starchaser bow onto the bone and clay table before continuing. “We do not care what the Corruption thinks of this. Anyone who does are cowards or traitors.”

  Haylee’s unreadable mother inspected the bow then crossed her arms and sat back, constantly assessing.

  “I’m not getting that boat,” Zarda said, her rouge-covered lips slipping to one side of her face. “Am I?”

  King Jack shook his head. “No. I need my speedboat to connect the Corruption-free lands in the north with the Corruption-free lands in the south. There is an unprecedented opportunity here for Brittlehorn to become a shining gem to rival those cowards and traitors in Ivyset. I want your Town to become a hub of trade and swell with riches and power. With access to a tier two crafting ingredient only you can produce, and being the only Kingdom port into this region, it won’t even be hard to do.”

  “You need us,” Yan said, her eyes narrowing. It was the first time he’d seen something other than an impassive stare from her. “You need our port to connect other Towns such as Angelshade.”

  Jack shrugged. “Brittlehorn is the first and opportune option. I am taking every single Dark Tower back from the Corruption, and I have other means of transporting warriors to Angelshade. Eventually, we will go around you and find a way to add their strength to our own. If this is your choice, you will never be able to manufacture this never-before-seen ingredient yourselves and your small corner of the world will be left behind as we build something bigger than anyone has ever dreamed of. We have other choices, Yan. But we would both benefit from each other.”

  “Would you replace me as Mayor?” Zarda asked.

  “No,” Jack said immediately, slicing his hand through the air. “I have no reason to do so. And I know the guy who built my boat. He has a 100% proficiency, and I can put in a good word for you to purchase it yourself when his Shipwright timer cools down in about two weeks. If Brittlehorn joins Blackmoor Kingdom, you will undoubtedly have earned enough coin by then to buy several.”

  Zarda began stroking her long braid as she grinned ear to ear.

  “You sure do sing a pretty song, King Jack.” Then she took in a deep breath before adding, “However, I rely on the counsel of my absurdly competent advisor. What say you, Yan?”

  Haylee’s mother focused her attention on Lex, Sevik, her daughter, then Jack before she spoke.

  “I need to observe you how you weather a real fight. Defeat me tonight in the Yard, Irrelevant Hero, and I will consider it.”

  Jack thought about how cathartic it would be to knock Haylee’s mother onto her horrible ass and grinned.

  “Deal.”

  - 18 -

  “I’ve seen her use her inventory like you,” Haylee began as she walked between King Jack, Queen Lex through Town after the meeting. “She doesn’t Climb anymore so she carries a dagger that blinds targets, one that applies a damage-over-time poison, and a thin sword that inflicts a slowness status effect.”

  “Good to know,” Jack said, “but I think I know how I’m going cheese your mom.”

  Haylee turned to him. “She is dangerous, Jack. Despite the 20% reduction in the effectiveness of her abilities, she’s stacked movement speed stats like you and is exceptionally fast to make up for it.”

  “Her future King is going to teach her a lesson about how irrelevant he is,” Lex said. “I can see it in his eyes, he’s got something new based on-”

  “Shh!” He put a finger to his lips and pretended to look behind them for sneaking assassins. “We don’t want to ruin my surprise. She may be dangerous, but I’m from another world and also have a few items she might not be expecting. Actually, this might be a great opportunity test for this proof of concept on a dangerous foe. One that’s smart and motivated to win at all costs.”

  “You must defeat her,” Haylee said, her eyes narrow.

  The three of them walked along the fence made of femurs where the brittle horses were corralled. There were a few Townsfolk in there pouring gravel from buckets into troughs while the skittish skeletal unicorns bunched up near the far edge, and he just had to know more about what was going on in here.

  “I can see why people didn’t notice the inherent strangeness of our Orb Pheasants,” Jack said, staring at animated bones behaving like horses. “I would have bet a million coins that these things came from the Tower too, but they don’t?”

  “No,” his advisor said. “There is a place south of here they run wild. I don’t know much more than that.”

  “I don’t know much either,” Lex added. “But these magically animated corpses don’t look- er, natural to me. How do they procreate?”

  Jack’s mind cycled through several inappropriate responses with various usage of the word ‘bone’ but didn’t say any out loud as the trio strolled under the blazing sun toward the undead unicorns.

  Then his thoughts turned to how they were going to abuse the Heroes he had to assault the fallen Town east of Angelshade. No one he’d spoken to even knew its name, so it must be an older one, but if it was on the front line, it shouldn’t be the oldest.

  “If only we could tame these,” he said as they leaned on the fence, “I have some ideas for long-range siege weapons, like a catapult that launches a ball of torches or something, but we’d need to haul the thing into range or try and build it within the Corruption. I don’t want to have to rely on your piercing bow forever.”

  “No animals will willingly enter the Corruption,” Lex said. “That’s something I was born knowing.”

  Jack sighed. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I know training normal horses takes skill, and these are giant undead unicorns. It might take years to get them into that slimy stuff- if it’s even possible. Guess we’re stuck inventing steam power within Mother Sana.”

  “You started alluding to such an elemental force last night before unconsciousness pulled me under,” Haylee said, pulling out one of her water-damaged books.

  Jack pointed at the dried-out custom construct. “Hey, I’m glad you were able to salvage those.”

  She nodded. “What I’d written was blurred beyond legibility, but the pages dried out after a day or so. Although most hold annoying curves now.”

  “Thinking of taking one home?” Ryea yelled out from behind them, and Jack turned to see his Farmer and Jip approaching the corral. She continued speaking as they closed the distance. “They only eat a type of gravel found in some dried-up lake, and I’m sure not putting them in with my sweet cows, so you should probably put the whole mess out of your head. Blackmoor should get her Stables back at some point, I’d imagine. Then you can have some proper horses.”

  Jack shook his head. “No, we’re going to try and build some of our own horses. Also, which one of you wants to be the temporary captain of the Embrace?”

  “Us?” Jip said, pointing to his chest as he looked around for who Jack could be talking about.

  “Yes, you. My Farmer and her farm boy need to get back home to Blackmoor and you’re leaving tonight. After the fight, probably.”

  “Ha- ooo, well it’s gotta be my man Jip,” Ryea said, hugging herself. “I’ll gladly stay out of all things sea related.”

  The wiry young man puffed out his chest. “You can count on me, King Jack.”

  “I know I can,” Jack said as he started moving toward the docks again. “Come on and let’s get it transferred to you now while my advisor and I work on secret inventions in the hold below deck, safe from prying eyes.”

  That got him a half-smile from the Dark Prism and the two of them spent the rest of the day on various experiments while Lex visited each Townsfolk to learn more about Brittlehorn’s people. Jack still didn’t know how to put the steam to good use but showing Haylee how a shield could bounce intermittently from trapped vapor burping from his custom boiler was enough to rekindle her own inner flame.

  Brittlehorn had taken some of her confidence, but now that she was encouraged to flourish again,
she’d bounced back stronger than ever. They spent most of the time trying to construct the secret weapon he wanted to use on the big fight tonight. He would look ridiculous if it didn’t work- and it didn’t work right away. But, after way longer than he expected, the pair puzzled together the perfect combination of Tower-dropped randomness to craft a mini mobile fortress. Yet, with about twenty minutes before the fight, Jack realized his custom amalgam of interlocked shields held together with stretchy cloth items wouldn’t fit through the door out of the ship’s hold.

  “You should declare the creation of a new Job,” Haylee said, watching him curse under his breath as he removed some of the larger pieces. “When you get back to Blackmoor, I mean. Give them a heap from your Inventory and task them to craft… anything. Even abstract sculptures. Someone should become proficient at weaving Tower items.”

  “That is a fantastic idea,” Jack said, as they left the sweltering hull of the ship. “Maybe we make it an ‘everyone’ thing like they do here, since it won’t be a system job. Or just a communal pile for messing around. Encourage everyone to get their hands dirty.”

  With only a few minutes before his scheduled fight with Sol’s deadbeat wife and the one person who might decide a major play for power in this region, King Jack and his trusted Royal Advisor marched toward Brittlehorn’s circular Sparring Yard.

  It was after the Town’s Heroes had Exited, and every person with a virtual pulse had gathered for this epic, sunset showdown. The crowd split for him as he clanked forward with his untested shell of invulnerability and universal silence filled the arid atmosphere.

  “What a beautifully odd King,” Zarda said, gleefully showing her stained teeth to the world. “Win or lose, I concede your sense of style.”

  With a grunt from the substantial extra weight, Jack hopped the rope into the ring and received the familiar status effect.

  Sparring Yard -

 

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