As I was saying many men and some women, many women and some men of this kind of them make a good deal of reputation in their living from the living and the being in them. Mostly all of them, at least very many of them, any way it is not uncommon among them that they make a failure of the whole of their living, mostly they want to succeed in winning recognition, mostly they get some from their living, very many of them are failing in the whole of their living, often some one thinks one of such of them a saint, a hero, a very noble person, often very many think such a one to be a very bad one. Phillip Redfern as I was saying was such a one. There were very many different ways of feeling the being in him as I am saying. This has been now a very little description of the being in him. As I was saying, to the ending of his living he had the same living in him and as a whole living, his living was failing.
Phillip Redfern then had to himself a feeling of the being in him that was to him in a way a simple thing. Phillip Redfern was to Miss Dounor a man of saintly strength and courage and chivalrous feeling and self-sacrificing. Phillip Redfern was to Mrs. Redfern a man before whom she wanted to be intelligent, and honorable in acting and in feeling and delicate, and to be pleasing by knowing Greek and naive realism. Phillip Redfern was to very many a man who was always lying. Phillip Redfern was to very many a very brilliant man gone altogether wrong. Phillip Redfern was to very many a man always wronging every one. Phillip Redfern was to many a very brilliant man and a very weak one. Phillip Redfern was to some the kind of man I have been just describing. This has been now a little history of him.
Virtue and virtuous feeling in men and women is a very peculiar thing. More and more there will be a description in this writing of all the kinds of ways any one can have virtue in them. Now there will be a very little description of virtue in men and women and then there will be a little more description of their sensitive being.
Every one has then their own way of being important inside them from the things in them each one that are virtues in them to them, or vices in them to them, or strong things in them, to them, or weaknesses in them to them. Mostly every one has some kind of way of having some distinction inside them to themselves to their feeling and their thinking and their talking. Mostly every one has some kind of way of feeling some distinction in them, some from the tastes in them, some from the not having tastes or any way of doing anything in them, some as I was saying from the strong things in them, some as I was saying from the weak things in them. Mostly every one has some way of finding themselves inside them more or less distinguished, they have this feeling mostly every one, more or less inside them always in their living. Mostly every one is in some way a distinguished man or a distinguished woman inside themselves to themselves from something, from doing, being something, from not doing or being something, from doing things like some one, from doing things like every one, from doing things better or worse than some one, from doing things not so well or better than almost any one, from doing something and not doing some other thing, from doing some things and never doing some other things, there is every kind of thing that can give distinction and mostly every one has some kind of distinguished feeling in themselves to themselves inside them.
Being virtuous, being sentimental, being dramatic, being religious, being anything is interesting in each one having in them that thing that they have in them. Being distinguished each one inside them by something, to themselves in their feeling, is very interesting.
Sometime I want to understand every kind of way any one can have the feeling of being distinguished by the virtue they have in them. Sometime I want to understand every kind of way any one can have the feeling of being distinguished in them and every kind of thing that can give any one a feeling of such distinction in themselves inside them. Sometime I want to understand the complete being in each one and all the details of their coming to have in them their kind of feeling, imagination, thinking, knowing, certainty inside them, virtuous feeling in them, anything in them that gives to them inside them the feeling of being distinguished to themselves inside them.
I want to know sometime all about sentimental feeling. I want to know sometime all the different kinds of ways people have it in them to be certain of anything. These and virtuous feelings in each one, of themselves to themselves having virtue inside them, is to me very interesting. Always more and more I want to know it of each one what certainty means to them, how they came to be certain of anything, what certainty means to them and how contradiction does not worry them and how it does worry them and how much they have in them of remembering and how much they have in them of forgetting, and how different any one is from any other one and what any one and every one means by anything they are saying. All these things are to me very interesting.
As I was saying virtuous feeling and being certain of anything is to me very interesting. Having virtuous feeling and any certain feeling, that is being certain of anything is to me very interesting in every one. Having certainty in them is in each one, of the kind of way that their kind of men and women have it of having it in them. Having certainty in them is a thing very interesting in each one having a certainty of anything in her or in him. Certainty and virtuous feeling and religion, these are to me all three just now very interesting. Shortly I will try to tell a little of the way some come to have their certainty in them. Some build certainty up with little and little sure things and make a pile of them, some are summary and all embracing in the certain feeling they have always in them, some are certain of almost anything, some are hardly certain of anything, some have to have a complete system for each certain feeling in them, some have a sense of dramatic arrangement to complete the scene of the certain conviction, the certain emotion they have in them and the complete scene changes for them with each new certainty they have in them. Certainty worries some and some never have certainty to be a worry to them. Some have certainty by comparison, by comparing the thing they have then with what any other one they are knowing is having, some never compare anything with any one, certainty is a real thing in them, in some of such of them as a little pile they are gradually increasing, in some in something that they keep there inside them always of the same dimension. Some need company to keep their certainty from freezing or melting or evaporating or in some way disappearing. Some need company to keep any certainty in them, some like company around them while they have their own certainty inside them, some need to have the certainty in the presence of the company that they need to have with them. Certainty is certainly very interesting. I wish I knew all the kinds of certainty all the kinds of men and women ever existing have in them. Certainty and virtuous feeling and important feeling in men and in women is to me just now very very interesting.
As I was saying the kind of certainty, the kind of virtuous feeling, the kind of important feeling any one has in them comes from the nature of them, from the kind they are of men and women. Some men and some women are strong enough to make their own kind of certain feeling in them, some are weak and can do one thing their own in the way of a certainty in them, some are strong enough in living and all of it all the certain feeling in them is some one else's, some can just resist and not get any one else's certain feeling and never make any of their own certain feeling to be inside them, some have everybody's certain feeling in them, some have a sentimental sense of the beauty and the loveliness and the truth of certain feeling and it is so lovely and so noble and everybody is so good and so beautiful and everybody has some certain feeling and in some such a feeling of certain feeling is a real thing. There are many ways of being sentimental, sometime there will be some description of some kinds of ways of being sentimental. Out of their own certain feeling some make a god who sometimes later is a terror to them. That is a kind of feeling that some have about laws of nature as they call them. Many make of their certain feeling a god which later terrifies them. Some are controlled by other's certain feeling. To some it is a comfort such a certain feeling. Some have it that some one else's certain feeling sca
res them. Listen to each one telling of the certain feeling in them. It is very interesting. Some like their own certain feeling, some later forget it, some later are scared by it, some later are it. Some love their certain feeling enough never to want to lose it, some have it when they are not any longer believing in it, some can completely lose it, some get mixed up with theirs and other ones and they have very much trouble with all of it, all the certain feeling they ever come to know in living. Some love their certain feeling and they never lose it, some love it and they sometime lose it, some always are looking for it, some are immortal in themselves by it, some neither have it nor haven't it, some are to themselves only a part of it. Some love it so hard that other people have it. Some have it, some never really have it, some never really own it. Many need company for it, this is very common. Some need drama to support it, some need lying to help it, some love it, some hate it, some never are very certain they really have it. Certain feeling in men and women is very interesting.
What was Phillip Redfern's way with certainty and virtue and distinction in himself to himself inside him. He was to himself as I was saying simple, sensuous and passionate. This was not really a description of him to any other one. This was all he ever said to any one of the being in him. This was the feeling he had in him of the being he had in him. He never said it any differently of himself to any one. He was to himself of the good kind in men and women, he was on guard because women and other things were dangerous things, he always felt he would be winning and always he was failing and this was always happening to him. Always to mostly every one he was lying. Always he was telling all that it was right for him to tell to any one. That was the way any man would act, of that he was very certain. No man would tell more than he should tell if he was the kind of a man Redfern would speak of as a good one. This was very certain knowledge in him, in Phillip Redfern. He was certain always that he was telling all that it was right for him, for any man to tell to any one. To mostly every one he was a man who was mostly always lying about himself and about every other one who had any relation to him. This was true in his living, he was telling all that it was right he should be telling to any one, every one was always feeling, always saying that he was mostly always always lying. To himself it was not a virtue in him that he was never telling anything more about anything about himself about any one than it was right that he should be telling, it was to himself then, this in him, not a virtuous feeling in him, it was a thing it was natural for him to be doing, never to tell anything, it was not right that he should say really to any one. He had not then from this any feeling of virtue in him. He had a feeling of virtue although it was as he felt it in him a weakness in him that he always kept himself on guard so that temptation should never come close to him. This was to him in a way a virtue in him, that he always was on guard so that no woman, nothing he did not want should touch him, should come close to him. This was to him a virtue in him, though it was from the weakness of him that he needed to be always guarding but it was a weakness of what can any man do when a demand is made upon him, kind of weakness in him, that was a weakness that any man who was a man must have in living, and so he Redfern always being on guard had from that to himself a virtuous feeling in him, and this then as I am saying is very common. One man Johnson as I was saying had it that he always ran away and left the other one to manage any trouble they had made together and this was a weakness in him, yes, but it was a consistent thing in him and he needed it for living, and it really was wisdom in him, this thing and so in a way it was a virtuous thing in him Some have this kind of virtuous feeling in resisting always all experiencing. There are many ways as I was saying of having this kind of virtuous feeling.
As I was saying people having in them any of the kinds of being I have been describing very often have very much reputation in their living sometime from the living and the being they have in them. Very many of them in their living are to some one believing in them, saints or heroes or beautiful creatures or wonderfully romantic creatures in their living and are to very many people knowing them, liars and cowards and bad men and bad women and to themselves they are men and women having in them a weakness yes and a virtuous feeling yes and a certain feeling of the real distinction of the consistent action their weakness entails on them.
Johnson as I was saying always attributes his having yielded to be in any situation to his own weakness that being the uppermost thing in him to him and always then that being the true reason he is in the situation he is in, to himself then, he has it as the only right thing for him always to be doing then is escaping and he always then does run away and leave the other one with the trouble or the blame of the situation they both were in. Hackart attributes his troubles, when he has any, and he often has them to the philanthropy in him, she was lonesome and took possession of him and what did he do but take care of her and so after all when some one else needs him, he must leave her for of course he must help the one that needs him most, that's easy for any one to see and that is what Hackart is always doing, being a man's man and a woman's man and philanthropic in his feeling. Another one puts her yielding to her grit and she has given everything, herself and everything and then the other one wants more and that is a ridiculous thing and of course she will not pay any attention to the clamoring of that other one who has been given everything and by one who never wants anything from any one. Another put her yielding down to guilelessness and always believing anything anybody wants to make her believe and then she gets sick and must defend herself by attacking and she ought really to learn to attack the other one before she has suffered by them but this can never come to her because of the nature in her to be always believing in every one. Redfern always was on guard, that was his contribution to defending himself and then some one came close to him and then he gave that one always all her living everything she ever wanted from him. He always gave to every one who ever was in any relation with him completely everything they could ask of him every minute in his living and to the ending of their or his living. This was a certain thing in his feeling, he gave every one unceasingly everything they could possibly demand of him. That was his being and his living to himself all his living. That was his being and his living to one or two and these made a great person or a saint of him to them and to very many he was one who was in a complete sense a man never trustworthy in anything, never realising his obligation to any one. This then has been some description of the being in Phillip Redfern. To the last hour of his living he was faithful to the certainty of having been faithful to every one who ever had come to have any claim upon him. To the last hour of his living he was to himself completely giving himself to any one that had come to touch him. Always he was guarding himself, always to the last moment of his living to himself, always to himself to the last moment of his living he was faithful to everything he owed to every one and any one.
This is now then a little more description of the being in three women who had each one their own feeling about him, Miss Dounor, Miss Charles and his wife Mrs. Redfern. This is now a little more description of the being each one of the three of them had in them the being and the completed living of each one of them.
To begin then with Miss Dounor, her feeling and her living and her feeling Phillip Redfern in her living.
To very many, to, sometimes any one would think, mostly every one some one's way of loving, some other one's way of loving, some other one's way of living, some other one's way of keeping somethings and not other things, of throwing away some things and not other things, some one's way of buying some things and not buying other things is a foolish one. Mostly every one finds that things other ones are wanting are very foolish things for any one to be wanting, for that one to be wanting, to be buying, to be keeping. Each one has in him a very certain feeling of things any one having any sense in them should be wanting to have in living. It is very hard for mostly every one to understand why another one has that way of loving, that way of being angry in them that they have in the
m. Some try to understand the other one's way of doing these things but mostly every one finds it very puzzling. What can any one want with buying, keeping, wanting any such thing each one says of something some one has been wanting, buying, keeping. This is very common. Very many could forgive some one anything excepting the way that one has angry feeling or injured feeling in them. Some could let anything pass excepting the kind of way some one has of loving. That gives them an angry feeling, that is all there is about it to them. It is very very common that some one could forgive anybody anything excepting the way they have of having angry or injured feeling in them. This is very very common. Some can never understand the queer ways in another one. Mr. Hersland always was saying to his three children that the ways they had in them were only habits, there was no need they should have these ways in them. He had ways in him, they were him to him, the ways his children had in them were habits and it was not at all necessary that they should have any such habits in them. Many think that some one, some others could do the work they are doing in some other way from the way these are doing their working. As I am saying it is very, very common that some one could forgive some one anything excepting the way they have angry feeling, or injured feeling or loving feeling in them. Now then to begin a little description of the being in some women and the feeling they each had about the other one and the feeling they each one had about Redfern.
Perhaps no one ever will know the complete history of every one. This is a sad thing. Perhaps no one will ever have as a complete thing the history of any one. This is a very sad thing. Sometime each one will have made a complete history of them in the repeating always coming out of them. Sometime perhaps some one will really know it of some one, that will be a very contenting thing to some. Some seeing a mistake in their copying, say then, oh how can I ever be certain, perhaps I have made many mistakes I have not been noticing. This is a sad thing. Some every time they see a mistake they have been making say, if I almost did not see this one in reading it again, very likely there are very many I did not see for I would not have seen this one if I had not been noticing very carefully when I was seeing this one, and this is a very sad thing. Some say then, I noticed this one and so always I am noticing all the mistakes I am ever making and that is very pleasant if any one can believe what they are hearing from some one, and then some one says with a mistake they have been noticing, this is certainly the first mistake I have ever made in copying and that is comforting too only one can hardly at all believe that one and then some one says of a copying, I never make any mistake in copying and that is almost irritating to be hearing for always every one is making mistakes and that is a very sad thing.
The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress Page 68