by Tremay, Joy
“We can’t leave things like this,” he said sternly.
She felt shattered, but she knew that she had to walk away. Without love, she had no choice but to deny him.
“I don’t understand what you want, Diana. I already told you that I can’t live without you, that you mean so much to me, and that I can’t imagine a future without you. What more do you want?”
“It’s not enough, Jake,” she replied sadly. “I need a better reason for why you want to marry me.”
Jake’s eyes widened as comprehension finally dawned.
“You want me to say I love you?”
Diana’s heart began to beat frantically in her chest as he gazed down at her intensely. She nodded slowly, but knew from his body language that he wasn’t able or willing to say the words she so desperately needed to hear. Jake removed his hands from her shoulders and looked away.
“Diana, I don’t know if I love you...I’ve never been in love before.”
She nodded and closed her eyes briefly, not wanting him to see the pain in them.
“I understand, Jake,” she said softly, opening her eyes. Overwhelming hurt permeated her entire body, but she was determined not to show him the extent of her misery. With an inborn strength she didn’t know she possessed, she maintained her composure even though she wanted to scream.
“Thank you for being honest with me.”
Diana turned to walk away, but Jake captured her hand.
“You’re being stubborn, Diana,” he said in a hard voice.
“Let me go, Jake. We have nothing else to say to each other,” she said, glaring at him.
“I’ll never let you go,” he answered, glaring back.
Diana was rendered momentarily speechless, seeing the turbulence in his eyes.
“I have to fly back to New York tomorrow night to take care of business, but I’ll be back in a few days. I want a different answer from you when I return.”
Diana could sense that he was restraining his emotions tightly, but she wasn’t going to back down. Her self-preservation was on the line and she had to stay strong.
“Have a good flight,” she said softly. “Now please release me.”
Jake released her reluctantly and she was finally able to tear her gaze away from his. She slowly walked back to her car, each step away from him compounding her misery. It felt like little pieces of her heart were falling onto the ground. The cold, hard truth was that he didn’t love her, therefore, she had no intention of giving him a different answer.
~
Back at her apartment, Diana wallowed in her bed, a box of tissues at her side. Even though it was only six o’ clock in the evening, she had already changed into her short, pink nightgown and was staring at her bedroom ceiling morosely, wiping at the tears in her eyes with a tissue. Everything would have been so different if she had said yes to Jake’s marriage proposal. She would have been gleefully telling her mother and Natalie the great news; she would be busy planning her wedding and her move to New York. She would have been overjoyed to be Nathan’s new aunt.
Suddenly, the doorbell rang and hope exploded in her chest. It could be Jake. Perhaps he had just realized that he loved her after all. Jumping out of bed, she put on her white, silk, short robe and ran out to her living room to fling open the door.
Her heart fell as she recognized the one person she had never expected to see again. Richard.
~
“Hi, Diana,” Richard said uncomfortably. “May I come in?”
Diana stared at him in puzzlement. She hadn’t seen Richard in almost two months. Tightening the ties of her robe around her waist, she opened the door wider and gestured for him to come in.
“Hi, Richard. It’s been a long time.”
Richard cleared his throat and she sensed that he was ill at ease.
“I didn’t want to disturb you, but I wanted to say goodbye.”
Diana frowned. “Where are you going?”
“Portland, Oregon. I accepted a teaching position there.”
“I didn’t realize you wanted to move.”
“After we broke up, I figured I needed a change of scenery,” Richard said sadly.
Diana felt terrible seeing Richard’s downcast demeanor. Her sudden and immediate romance with Jake had blinded her from seeing the pain she had inflicted on Richard. Now that she was experiencing some misery of her own, she sympathized deeply with him.
“Oh, Richard, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you,” Diana said sincerely and placed a hand on his arm.
“It’s all right, Diana,” he said quietly with a sad smile. “I’ve done some soul searching and I know now that you were right. We were not meant to be together.”
Diana was both relieved and thankful that he had come to that conclusion.
“Why don’t you sit down and I’ll get you a glass of wine?”
Richard shook his head. “No, I can’t. I still have to pack.”
“When are you leaving?”
“In two days.”
“Sit,” Diana insisted. “I’ll go get us that wine.”
Richard frowned but allowed Diana to take his arm and lead him to her sofa. She then went into her kitchen, took out wine glasses, and poured red wine into them, all the while feeling vaguely distressed that Richard felt compelled to leave Vegas because of her.
“How are things going between you and...him?” Richard asked as Diana sat down next to him on the sofa.
“You mean Jake?” she asked, handing him his glass of wine.
Richard nodded uneasily.
“Well, things aren’t going so good at the moment,” Diana said grimly, gulping down a large portion of her wine.
“Sorry to hear that.”
Diana smiled and shook her head. “No, you aren’t.”
They stared at each other for a moment before they both began to laugh. It felt good to laugh since all Diana had been doing since she left Jake in the meadow was cry.
“It really is good to see you again, Richard. I’m sorry that I didn’t keep in touch.”
Richard released a deep breath and stared down into his wine glass.
“I didn’t expect you to.” He held out his glass to her in a toast and said, “Here’s to new beginnings.”
Diana smiled and tapped her glass to his.
“And to bright futures ahead,” she said, sincerely. She hoped that they both find true happiness.
“I’ll miss you, Diana. I hope you and Jake patch things up.”
Diana was touched by his kind words and reached over to give him a soft kiss on his cheek.
“You’re a good man, Richard. I know you’ll be happy in Portland and you’ll find a special woman out there.”
Richard sighed and smiled sadly.
“I hope so.”
Suddenly, the doorbell rang and Diana put her wine glass down before going to answer it. Her mind raced when she opened the door and found Jake standing there.
“Jake?”
Jake looked behind her, frowned grimly and then stalked into her living room. Richard stood and stared at him while Jake glared back.
“I see you have company,” Jake said sarcastically.
Diana realized that the scene he was seeing was very misleading.
“Richard was just saying goodbye,” she rushed to say.
“Yes, actually I was,” agreed Richard, feeling the tension in the room. He turned to Diana and smiled weakly. “It was nice seeing you again, Diana.”
Diana tore her gaze away from Jake’s angry visage and gave Richard an apologetic smile.
“Good luck in Portland, Richard. Thank you for coming by.”
Richard nodded and walked toward the door without a backward glance. Diana knew that she would probably never see him again.
“A few hours ago, you rejected my marriage proposal and now you’re spending the evening with your ex?” asked Jake angrily.
“Stop it Jake,” said Diana in exasperation. “First of all, you know Richard was never really my boyf
riend. Second of all, he came by because he’s leaving for Oregon in two days.”
“Good,” nodded Jake in satisfaction, “because if I ever catch him in your apartment again with you wearing your nightgown and drinking wine with him, he wouldn’t be able to stand up.”
“You don’t have to tell me about your caveman tactics.”
Diana went to pick up the empty wine glasses to prevent herself from becoming more upset with him and walked into her kitchen. Jake followed closely behind.
“He still wants you.”
Rinsing out the wine glasses, Diana turned from the sink to roll her eyes at him.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” she scoffed.
Jake stepped closer to her until he had trapped her against the sink. Wearing only her thin nightdress and her short, silky robe, she could feel the heat emanating from him. She looked up at his green eyes, glittering with emotion, and felt her body melt against his.
“He found an excuse to see you again.”
“He was saying goodbye, Jake.”
Jake lowered his head until his lips were barely a breath away from hers.
“You don’t think he would change his mind about leaving if you took him back?”
“There’s no need to be jealous.”
“Yes, there is. You’re mine and nobody else will ever touch you,” he said roughly before settling his lips over hers.
His possessive statement touched a chord within her that ignited the flame of passion between them. It was like spontaneous combustion.
Diana wrapped her arms around his waist while her lips clung to his. He kissed her voraciously, his tongue tangled with hers as he angled her head so he could go deeper. He groaned as she arched into him and felt her excitement.
But Diana knew this was wrong. She had to stop him. Tearing her mouth from his, she breathed heavily and stared into his passion glazed eyes.
“We can’t do this, Jake. You told me you didn’t love me this afternoon and I refuse to be your convenient bed buddy.”
“I said I didn’t know if I loved you,” said Jake in a frustrated voice. “Words are powerful and I don’t believe in saying something I don’t mean.”
“Well, kudos to you for being so honest,” she said sarcastically.
She pushed against his chest, forcing him to release her from the circle of his arms and walked back into her living room. Hugging her arms around her waist, she stared out her living room window sightlessly. Confusion and irritation warred with desire and frustration and she tried to stop her chaotic emotions from unraveling her. She also refused to satisfy her body’s urgent cravings.
“I’m sorry you’re so upset with me, Diana. I didn’t come here to fight with you,” Jake said as he walked toward her.
“Then why did you come here?”
“To make amends. I didn’t mean to imply this afternoon that you dated me only for my money.”
“I’m not materialistic. I base people on who they are, not on their income,” she said, feeling her ire rise.
“I know that,” Jake said quietly.
“And how do you know that?” she asked curiously.
“Because you dated Richard.”
His answer startled her.
“He’s not exactly poor,” she said dryly.
“Well, he’s not exactly rich either,” Jake retorted. “You’re beautiful inside and out, Diana. I know that you aren’t materialistic.”
Her irritation dissipated at his words, but she became morose again as she contemplated the dilemma that she was in. He still didn’t love her and she loved him to distraction.
“We’re good together,” Jake said huskily.
“Sex can’t solve everything, Jake,” she said sadly. He loosened the ties of her robe to reveal her short, silky nightgown.
“I know that, but it is a big part of our relationship,” Jake insisted wrapping his arms around her slender waist. “I care about you deeply, Diana. I want to share my life with you. What more do you want?”
“I want your love,” she said, biting her lip. She felt him sigh deeply as he rested his chin on top of her head.
“I’m sorry, Diana, but I honestly don’t know if I love you,” he said regretfully.
Diana winced as agonizing hurt struck her again. Tears threatened to fall, but she held them back. She wanted to scream at him, to be angry with him, but the fight had gone out of her.
“Then I guess we’re at an impasse,” she said sadly.
Jake swept her hair back away from her nape and kissed her neck, his lips caressing her soft skin. His lips felt so good that she involuntarily angled her head to give him more access.
“Let’s not argue anymore tonight. Maybe we can resolve things in the morning.”
“In the morning?” she asked, knowing that sleeping with him again would probably be a mistake, but her body was more than eager to comply.
“It’s been a long day. Let’s go to bed,” he persuaded huskily.
Diana slowly turned in his arms and the minute she looked into his eyes, she knew she was lost. She loved this man and it was futile to think that she could resist him. If he didn’t know whether or not he loved her, then she had to find a way to convince him that he did.
Diana placed her arms around his neck.
“You’re incorrigible,” she said, succumbing to her body’s needs.
“And you are irresistible,” Jake answered before sweeping her up into his arms and taking her to the bedroom.
~
Jake watched her sleep, her deep breaths causing her chest to rise up and down gently. With one elbow on a pillow, he gazed down at the woman whom he couldn’t allow to get away from him. Feeling an emotion that he had never felt before, Jake winced at the vulnerability he felt. Vulnerability was a virtual anathema to him. When she had rejected his marriage proposal yesterday, he had been taken aback by her refusal. He had been so sure she would say yes. Her continued stubbornness was making him go mad with frustration. Seeing her with Richard last night in her sexy robe had made him so jealous that for a moment he couldn’t see straight.
His flight was leaving in a few hours and he still had to pack and get to the airport. They had made love several times throughout the evening and this morning and now it was the afternoon and he was loathe to wake her up. His business obligations had him staying in Manhattan for several days, but when he returned he was going to make damn sure that she accepted his marriage proposal. She completed an emptiness inside him that he had not even known needed to be filled. He may not have known if he loved her, but he knew with absolute certainty that he couldn’t live without her.
~
“Have a safe trip,” Diana said.
She tried to keep her voice even as she fought her inner turmoil. She was finding it difficult to keep her composure as she sat in her car with Jake. They were parked curbside in front of the airport terminal.
She had decided to drive Jake to the airport even though she knew it would cause her a lot of pain, but she wanted to spend every possible moment with him before he left.
Jake looked torn as he stared at her for a few seconds. Then he reached down abruptly to give her a heart-wrenching kiss that stole her breath away.
“I’ll be back soon, Diana,” he told her reassuringly. “I’ll call you every night.”
She gulped and nodded.
“All right. Take care of yourself, Jake.”
To her embarrassment, she felt a tear escape and flow down her cheek.
“Don’t cry, sweetheart,” said Jake in concern, touching her cheek gently with his fingertips. He kissed her forehead. “I can’t stand seeing you cry. I’ll be back in a few days. I promise.”
“I just...” She didn’t want him to leave without telling him how much he meant to her, despite her irritation at him.
“Just what?’ he asked gently.
“I love you, Jake,” she said, her heart leaping in her throat at the intense emotion she read in his eyes.
�
�Diana...”
“No, don’t say anything. I just wanted to let you know that before you left.”
They stared at one another before Jake enveloped her in a tight hug.
“Be safe and I’ll call you once I land,” he whispered in her ear just as an airport security guard rapped on her car door.
“You can’t park here, miss,” said the guard sternly.
Jake released Diana and she nodded at the guard. She watched Jake as he got out of her car, opened her back door, and took out his luggage. He stuck his head into the passenger side window, his eyes gleaming with an unreadable emotion.
“Remember, I want a different answer to my proposal when I come back,” he said seriously.
Diana couldn’t speak, so she just nodded. The guard motioned her to drive away, so she waved at Jake before pulling out. She watched him from her rearview mirror and saw him staring after her. Another tear dropped down her cheek as she lost sight of him. If it was only a few days of separation, then why did it hurt so badly?
Chapter Nine
A few days turned into two weeks. Jake explained that he had unexpectedly found himself with too many problems at work that he could not quickly resolve. As promised, he called every night, but lately his conversations had been getting shorter and shorter and he seemed to be very distracted.
The other night, when Diana had asked him when he was planning on returning to Vegas, his answer had been vague and noncommittal. She was becoming increasingly uncertain that he even intended to return to her and it was driving her slowly crazy.
~
“You need to fly over there and ask him what’s going on,” Natalie said over a cup of coffee at their favorite café on the Strip.
Diana had called Natalie that Saturday morning for an impromptu get-together so she could escape her morose thoughts and get out of her apartment. She didn’t want to spend the day moping around her place, mulling over everything Jake had ever said to her. She did that enough during the weekdays.
“I can’t do that,” muttered Diana. “He’s very busy.”
“Diana, it’s been over two weeks now and you said he was only going to be away for a few days.”
Diana fidgeted in her chair as Natalie looked at her expectantly.
“Go there,” Natalie insisted. “Now.”