“What arrows?”
“You kidding? When you went postal, they tried to shoot you. The arrows ricocheted. You had some heavy-duty shields up.”
“I didn’t know. I wasn’t thinking, I just—” He put his arms around himself, shivering. “Did I hurt anyone?” He asked in a small voice.
No use denying it. “They’re all going to be fine. The unicorn—Glory—even brought me here. Tasmae said they’d seen worse.”
“But we were so near the cliff. I didn’t, well, toss anyone…?”
“Yeah, you did,” Joshua told him gently. “But you also apparently stopped her before she hit the ground. She was more scared than anything. Still, you might expect folks to look at you a little differently after word gets around. That was some pretty powerful defense,” he added with a smile, but Deryl did not answer, just focused on the horizon with haunted eyes.
“There’s so much more power on this planet,” he finally said. “It’s like having a feast whereas before I was surviving on crusts of bread and thimbles of water. I don’t know why I felt like it was a real attack, I just did, and I drew on that power and reacted. Afterwards, it was like I woke up from a nightmare, and I saw all the wreckage and knew I’d done it. Then she demanded I teach her how!”
“So you need to work on your control,” Joshua concluded.
“Control?” Deryl blanched. “You can’t be suggesting I actually do that again?”
“Trash the place? Fling people around? No. But you’ve got to admit, being able to deflect arrows is pretty cool stuff.” He grinned and shrugged, inviting him to see the brighter side.
“Oh. Well, yeah, I guess…”
“And as for repelling things, imagine if you flung their supplies into the next county? Or redirected their ships to where you wanted them to land? I don’t know—do you have enough power to just send their ships back to Barin? There’s a lot you could do without ever hurting anyone. You just need to use your imagination.”
“We could end this war,” Deryl whispered. He turned pleading eyes on Joshua. “Help us?”
Joshua sighed in exasperation. “What do you think I’m trying to do?”
“No, I mean help us—help me—stop this war.” He shifted position so he was on his knees, sitting on his heels and facing him. “There’re still a few months before the war—if we practice and work together—”
“Months? I don’t think so!”
“I don’t understand,” Deryl stammered.
Joshua found himself gaping. He closed his mouth, gritted his teeth, and forced himself to speak slowly and clearly. “Listen, I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be here when a war starts. Frankly, I don’t want to be here today. I will help you and Tasmae figure this out. I’ll give you what ideas I can. But not for months. No way. I am not a military advisor. I didn’t want to come here. I don’t belong here. I belong on Earth—with Sachiko, and my parents, and my own ambitions of making it as a musician. I want to go home—the sooner the better.”
“I told you I’d get you home before the audition.”
Again, he forced himself to keep a level voice. “How? Have you even thought about it? How to get us home, not what you plan to do afterwards or where you’ll drop me off or whatever—how?”
Deryl blinked. “I will, I promise.”
“So you haven’t.” His nightmares returned to make a tight knot in his stomach. Joshua stood up and whistled. Glory picked up her head and came to him. He mounted. “Tell you what. You want my help? Fine. I’ll brainstorm. But I’m not telling you anything until you tell me—no, you show me—that you can get me home.” He started to ask Glory to go, then thought better of it. “Want a ride back?” He asked, just managing to keep the grudging tone out of his voice.
Deryl hesitated, then nodded and stood. Joshua gave him a hand to help pull him onto Glory’s back. They rode in silence to the field where the unicorns hung out, but when they got there and dismounted, Deryl caught Joshua by the shoulder.
“I’ll talk to Tasmae about getting you home. Today, I promise. Even if there still are storms, like she said, every storm has lulls. Maybe she can predict them. I’ll get you home. And you don’t have to give me anything in return.”
Joshua smiled. “What, and give up the chance to save the world?” He replied lightly. “I may not be in the superhero suit, but that doesn’t mean I won’t help if I can.” Then, Deryl’s words caught up to his brain. “You’re not planning on staying on Earth once you get me back, are you?”
“I don’t know,” he whispered. “I’m not sure I could. I’m a fugitive.”
“You can teleport, and the world’s a big place. You could find somewhere.”
“Yeah, I suppose.”
“Or, you could stay, and we could work it out. I’d vouch for you, and if you could return us within a few minutes of when we’d left, what are they going to do? For that matter, how’s Malachai going to explain your kidnapping me right from under his nose? Especially if Sachiko and I are on your side? I’d talk to your aunt and uncle. My dad has a lot of contacts on the East coast—we’d find you a better psychiatrist until you can convince them you don’t need help anymore. Then, go to college. Find Clarissa and hook up with her. Have a life. That is, if you want a life on Earth.”
A laugh escaped his throat. “Oh, man, do you know how ridiculous that sounds? You’ve got to be the only person who’s ever really had a choice between two worlds.”
Deryl kicked at the rocks in the worn path. “Problem is, I don’t know if I’m welcome on either one. Not unless I’m ready to do their bidding.”
“Oh, come off it, Deryl. Everybody has to do the bidding of somebody, and it isn’t always fun. You think I enjoy getting up at 6:30 every morning to do Malachai’s bidding for twelve hours a day? Case studies, and sitting in on group therapies, and being told to keep my mouth shut ‘cause I’m just a lowly intern—”
“Playing best friend to a sulky client?”
“Exactly!” He moved his hand in a seemingly casual wave. In fact, it was a feel-good anchor he’d established with Deryl when he’d first started working with him, a kind of subtle motion-based mnemonic to instill hopeful, positive feelings. He’d been slipping thanks to the stress of the past couple of days and hadn’t thought to use it lately, but it worked nonetheless. Josh smiled, and the former “sulky client” Smiled back. “The point is, I’m willing to do it, because it’s getting me things I want: money for tuition next year, work experience, and I’m learning a lot, too.”
Deryl grinned at his friend. “You didn’t always do what Malachai wanted.”
“And I got called on the carpet for it, too. Even by Edith.”
“That was Malachai’s doing,” Deryl told him.
Joshua grunted doubtfully. “I don’t think he told her to threaten to personally send me back to Colorado and get me a job at Carl’s Jr. for the rest of the summer.”
“No way!”
“Way. I was this far from using my psychiatric skills to convince people to biggie size their order. At any rate, what I’m trying to say is that no matter where you go or what you do, there’s got to be some give-and-take. Still, if you’re not comfortable with what Taz and her people want with you, you have a choice: go back to Earth, or stay here and forge a new role for the Ydrel.”
“You’re right, Joshua. Thanks.” Deryl turned off the trail.
“Hey, where you going?”
“Tasmae’s this way. May as well do this now. I’ll see you later.”
*
Deryl headed to a small grove not far from the paddocks. The trees stood tall and heavy with leaves, though no fruit. In places, he had to twist sideways to make his way between them, but suddenly, the trees opened up to a small clearing. They encircled an area of thick moss about twenty feet in diameter, but the branches intertwined above so that very little sun
light came though, giving the area a dappled, twilight effect not too different from that of the bathing grotto.
Deryl smiled as he recognized it. It looked much like the clearing Tasmae had imagined for him the first time he’d actually spoken to her in the Netherworld, and when later, she had “changed” the location so that they could see the sky, she had kept the same springy moss that grew with almost mattress-like thickness.
Tasmae was barefoot in the middle of the mossy clearing now, her sword in her hand, moving through a form that mixed the techniques he’d taught her people with moves they’d developed over centuries of fighting. He lingered by the forest edge, watching and admiring her grace and strength. She moved with lethal precision. Her face was grim as she concentrated.
This is life and death for her, and I treated it as a game. I know she’s a warrior. Maybe it’s time I accept it.
Sighing, he reached out with his mind and took hold of her sword.
She jerked slightly as it froze in midair, resisting her motion. She gave it one experimental tug before releasing it, letting it hang in the air, and turned toward him. She crossed her arms over her chest and waited. He watched her from where he stood against the tree. Silence, both psychic and verbal, stretched.
Then they teleped, both at the same time, waves of reassurance and understanding washing over them both. He hadn’t been holding out on her; she knew. She hadn’t tricked him; he knew. Both were sorry. Remorse, then relief, then affection, and Deryl closed the gap between them and pulled her into his arms. As he kissed her, he knew he didn’t want to leave. He had to find a way to make this work. Then, there was only her, and their kiss.
He lost his concentration on the sword. It fell with a dull thump, drawing them back to reality. Tasmae chuckled.
“Perhaps we should talk instead,” Deryl said, pulling back without leaving her embrace. He felt a little dizzy, pleasantly so, but he’d promised Joshua…
“Will you teach me?” She asked.
He was too aware of her arms around him. “I’ll try. I don’t really know how I do it. Malachai—” Had he ever mentioned Dr. Malachai to her? “I mean, I tried for years, but I just sort of got it in the past few weeks. I’d want something; it’d come to me. I don’t think I can explain it.”
She turned her face from his, thinking. Her hair brushed against his lips. He fought the urge to bury his face in it. He tried not to breathe in her scent.
“Try something,” She suggested. “Let me in your mind, then try something.”
“In my mind?” Why did that thought make his heart race with such fear and desire?
“Like when I Call you,” She said, leaning back to look into his eyes. “Move something. I’ll draw out how you did it.”
He touched her hair, and he remembered how jealous he’d felt about Joshua brushing it. Without really thinking, he used his mind to pull her punch dagger hairpiece from her bun. As her hair fell about her shoulders, he gathered it, separated it into three sections and braided it. All the time, he felt her Call, but this time teasing rather than forcing the information from him. The sensation echoed across his skin.
Nonetheless, she shook her head. “You’re right: You want something to happen and it happens. But I don’t understand how.”
“I’m sorry.” But he wasn’t sure that he was. If she couldn’t figure out how his telekinetic skills worked, he wouldn’t have to teach them. He’d never have to worry about their forcing him to teach them to use the ability offensively.
“You’ve shielded yourself from me.”
“Those shields are keeping us both safe.”
Images flashed into his mind: civilians forcing back attackers with the strength of their will; children flinging objects to impede a Barin’s pursuit or to construct a safe hiding place. Healers working in safety in the middle of a battle as another created a shield that deflected incoming arrows. He realized how much he’d underestimated her imagination.
Let me join your mind. Then I will know as you know.
The thought tempted and terrified. If he gave in, he wouldn’t hold back. She’d know everything. His nightmares. His fear of the Master. His insanities. Even now, voices from the past pulled at him, and he didn’t know why. He could ignore them, mostly, but if he gave in to her, let her into his thoughts…
He shook his head. She could never know as he did. “I can’t. We can’t.”
He looked at her, saw the light of Barin reflected in her eyes. Her desires pushed at his shields.
She had to have time to teach the world. If she could teach her people in time, no one had to die.
His mind flickered on Joshua’s idea. They could force the ships back even before reaching Kanaan.
The power of her need pressed upon him.
“I need you,” She whispered. “We need you.”
To be needed by an entire world…
A flaw appeared in his shields, became a buckle, then a tear. It was small, but enough. Her psyche flowed through like water and filled his consciousness. He gasped with pleasure.
It felt like a caress upon his soul when she directed him to lift the sword, and he moved to kiss her as he started to obey.
A cacophony of voices exploded in his mind.
Chapter 16
Deryl screamed and lashed out at the thoughts that bore relentlessly on him. The sword he’d been levitating flung sideways and buried itself into a tree.
Deryl, Tasmae cried, her call dim and distant in the tornado of thoughts tearing at their minds.
Get out! Get out of my mind! With a psychic and physical shove, he threw her from him. She slammed into a tree, jarring her into awareness while jarring her teeth, and her legs bucked under her before she could react. Her head spun with confusion. The world blurred. When her vision cleared, she saw Deryl curled up on the ground, gripping his hair as if to tear it out by the roots. He breathed in fast, shrieking gasps.
“Deryl!” Tasmae reached out to him. A maelstrom of bizarre and conflicting images took hold of her before he shoved her away again. She gasped.
The Remembrance!
She scrambled backward, crablike, until she again bumped a tree, then turned and fled the grove. She had to find the healer. She’d infected him with the memories of Gardianju!
Halfway through the grove, a unicorn met her in answer to her summons. She jumped upon his back, and he raced through the twisting path and ran full-out to the compound, even ducking his head to enter the building itself. At Leinad’s door, she slid off and pounded upon it. When Leinad opened the door, the light of the setting sun from behind shrouded him in shadow.
“It’s Deryl!” She cried. “I thought—I didn’t think—Please! Send the healer!”
In a moment, the healer came running down the hall to them. She gave Tasmae one quick check to see that she was all right, then mounted the waiting unicorn and headed to the clearing.
Leinad glared at her. “Do you understand now?”
She nodded, gulping back tears of shame, and let him lead her to the Remembrance.
*
You are not me! You are not my memories. I reject you. Get out of my mind!
Deryl beat back the invading thoughts and regained his mind. He managed to uncurl himself and lay spread-eagled on the mossy ground. He looked at the tree-obscured sky dully. Minutes or hours? He didn’t think the shadows had changed much. It didn’t seem important at the moment. He supposed he should feel some satisfaction at coming back to himself, but couldn’t make himself care. Without moving much, he glanced around the area. Tasmae was gone. He couldn’t care about that, either. Being alone was good. He felt drained. He closed his eyes, seeking comfort in the numbness.
The sound of hoof beats jerked him out of his malaise. Was someone looking for him? He couldn’t let anyone find him like this! He jumped up and headed into a dense part of the trees. Once
out of sight, he crouched behind a large trunk and concentrated on making himself psychically as well as physically invisible.
He felt someone’s concern, and a little surprise at not finding him. Not Tasmae. Had she sent someone for him? Why hadn’t she stayed, or returned, or—He squashed his thoughts as he felt attention move like a beam in his direction. He chanced forcing a thought at the person: He must be okay. Perhaps Tasmae read too much into this.
He felt a flicker of doubt, then resignation. A moment later, he heard the hoof beats retreat down the other side of the grove.
Once he could hear them no longer, he released the breath he was holding and sank his head onto his knees. His body ached as clenched muscles relaxed. Even his scalp hurt. None of that, however, compared to the battered feeling inside his mind.
What were those voices? They were the same as his nightmares, from his time at the asylum. Yet they felt like they’d come from outside his shields. How could that happen? And what happened to his shields? After he’d fled the aftermath of the battle, he’d built them up as tightly as he could, pinning all the power of Kanaan behind them. They should have been impenetrable. Yet Tasmae’s will sliced through them like a hot knife through butter.
That’s not quite true, he told himself, remembering how much he’d wanted to let her though his shields, the sudden rush of pleasure when he felt her mind moving within his. Even the memory of it overwhelmed his senses and made his pain and fear seem momentarily insignificant.
He’d battle a hundred minds if only to share Tasmae’s again.
Like that’ll ever happen again. I’m the Kanaan equivalent of a leper. With that bleak thought, his battered mind fell silent and he stayed there absorbed in his own misery until it occurred to him that if he lingered past sunset, he wouldn’t be able to see well enough to leave the grove until morning. Even so, it took all of his will to force himself up to make the long walk to the compound. The walking helped draw him from his stupor, but he was still loath to meet anyone. Fortunately, the warriors were still out on the cliffs. He snuck into the dining hall, snatched the leftovers still on the serving table for late-night snackers, and headed to his room. He needed to think.
Mind Over Psyche Page 15