by Jerry Boyd
She replied, “Really. She deserves a break. Dad died, and then I got sick. She hasn’t had an easy day in a long time. It’s about time she had some fun.”
I said, “I didn’t know about your Dad. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. It used to be something we thought about a lot, but then I got sick, and we had other things to worry about.” Stella brought the girls’ food out, and they got quiet as they dug in. My comm rang. “Commodore Wilson.”
“Bob, it’s Natti. I think we’ve got the fleet back under control. Would you like to start negotiations again?”
“Like to? Nope. Do I think we need to? Yes, indeed. I’ll be there shortly.” I hung up, and said, “Duty calls. See all of you later.”
Nikki asked, “Do you mind if I tag along?”
“No, Ma’am. I can use all the help I can get.”
We headed for the ready room. Natti and Snappi were waiting for us. I asked, “What happened? Some of the fellows you thought were loyal were just in it for the career advancement?”
Snappi looked crestfallen. He said, “Yes. Some of my good friends, or so I thought.”
“I’m sorry for your loss. I hope you have better luck, from here.”
“Thanks, Commodore. I didn’t mean to cause you so much trouble.”
“Nobody’s perfect, Snappi. All we can do is try to do better in the future.”
“At least I have Captain Mason’s training now. I won’t be as easy to fool.”
I replied, “It’s a good tool, but it isn’t foolproof. I don’t know enough about your people to know for sure, but we have some individuals who can defeat it, simply because they don’t have normal emotional reactions. Among humans, it isn’t that common, but as I said, I don’t know enough about Squirrels to tell.”
“Thanks for the warning, Commodore. Shall we resume our talks?”
We started in, working on arrangements for trade. If that was what being a politician was about, I could see why they got the attitude that they were better than everyone else. Sitting through that was almost more than I could do. I’d rather go shovel Morning Flower’s outhouses than do it on a regular basis. We came to a stopping place. I’m sure my sigh of relief was heard throughout the ship. I asked, “Do you fellows think you can make it back tomorrow, if you go back to your ship? I’m sure my Marines would love the practice, but I just don’t think that’s the way diplomacy is supposed to be done.”
Natti said, “No, I don’t think it is. Snappi thinks things are back the way they are supposed to be. If we can’t even go back to our ship to sleep, any agreement we work out isn’t going to be worth the time it took to come to it, so we might as well find out where we stand.”
“Sounds reasonable. If you find out that your services aren’t needed, I’ll have a job open for you.”
“I may take you up on that yet, Bob. This Ambassador stuff isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
“Tell me about it. I hire people to do this kind of work.”
“I wouldn’t be offended, if you sent someone else. As long as it wasn’t the Grannies.”
“The only other person I can think of to send in for me, would be worse.”
“Who is that? Captain Sloan?”
“I’m sure he could do a passable job, but he wasn’t who I had in mind. Snappi, you met Charlie, what do you think?”
He replied, “I think it is a wonderful thing you are doing, Commodore, saving us from his wrath.”
Natti asked, “This Charlie, he is fierce?”
Snappi said, “He is a young boy who managed to get the Commodore to help him by force of intellect. He was the pilot who ferried our ships back to the fleet, before the idiots regrouped for the attack. The Commodore told me I should not deal with him, if I wished to keep my clothes.”
Natti turned to me. “Commodore, you have the most interesting crew. I wonder how you collect them?”
Nikki said, “That just depends, Ambassador. Some he rescues, some he recruits because of their skills, I can think of one he shot in the butt to get her attention.”
“What, pray tell, does she do?”
I said, “She’s the Chief Engineer on her husband’s ship.”
Natti said, “Take me home, Snappi. I’ve learned all I can stand for one day.” Nikki and I walked with them down to the landing bay. On the way, Snappi asked, “I heard you have one of the crewmembers from our scout ships in custody. What did he do?”
“I haven’t had time to check up on that. Let me find out for you.” I said, “Gene, connect me with Angus, if you would.”
“On it, Boss.”
“Yes, Boss. What can I do for you?”
“The crewmember from that Squirrel ship we brought aboard, that you had to pick up, what is it that he did?”
“Hang on one, Boss. I’ll have Gene run the video record for you.” A video came up on one of the walls, showing a Squirrel pulling an access panel, and putting in what appeared to be a bomb. After the video finished, I asked, “Where was that device placed, Angus?”
“Between your cabin and the outer hull, Boss. It was set to go off in the middle of the night. Your cabin would have been in vacuum before you woke up.” I looked at Snappi. “I can’t say that I think my people overreacted, Captain.”
“I can’t either, Commodore.”
“Will he be punished if I send him back with you?”
“As fragile as our control over the fleet is right now, I wouldn’t want to give you my word on that.”
“I think we’ll hold on to him for a bit, then. Sorry if that makes things more difficult for you.”
“No, I’m sorry he tried to space you, Commodore.” We got them loaded up, and sent back to their fleet. I turned to Nikki. “Do you think we’ll ever see them again?”
“I wouldn’t want to have to risk money one way or the other, Caveman.”
“Me either. Surely it’s time to sack out, just to be a good example for Janet.”
“Just to be a good example, huh?”
“Okay, I’m busted. Those negotiations take it out of me. I’m seriously considering getting Charlie up here for the next round.”
“You’re doing fine, Caveman. It’s hard work, but you’re getting good results out of it.”
“If the Emperor stands behind the agreements. I can’t say I’m confident of that.”
“That’s why it’s so hard for you, isn’t it? You think you’re going to all this trouble for nothing.”
“I think you may be right about that. Natti and Snappi really aren’t that hard to deal with, there must be more to it.”
“Sleep on it. Maybe tomorrow, you’ll see a new angle.”
“Sleep? You tired too, Space Cadet?”
“Okay, maybe there are other things we need to do first.”
We headed to the cabin. When we got there, Janet said, “Dad, I think Snitz wants you to take him to the grass room. He wouldn’t go with Alice and me.”
“I can take care of that. Did you get all settled in?”
“I think so. It’ll take a day or two to get a rhythm going, you know?”
“Yep. Just ask, if you need anything.”
“I will. Thanks again for adopting me. I didn’t realize how much I needed some stability.”
“Are you sure you came to the right place for that?”
“Sure am. Things go to crap, Dad fixes them. Same old thing, every day.”
“Thanks, I think.”
I took Snitz to do his business. Jim and Molly were at the grass room. I said, “I know it isn’t Sally anymore, what’s the story now?”
Jim said, “Before she left, Sally told Gene to send me a text whenever he sees you head this way.”
“I’m not sure how much I like the idea that I need someone looking after me.”
“Just think of me as a ship’s counselor.”
“No offense, Jim, but you’re gonna need a long time in the ‘doc to be as pretty as Troi.”
“I guess you’re right about th
at. How are things going?”
“Mostly, I’m just worried that all this time I’m spending, working things out with Natti and Snappi, isn’t going to amount to a hill of beans, because the Emperor isn’t going to stand behind the agreements.”
“I can see how going to all that work, when you can’t tell if you’re doing any good or not, would wear on you. What makes you think the Emperor won’t honor the agreements?”
“When I talked to him today, he didn’t sound like he had any idea what had gone on out this way. I’m beginning to think he’s just a figurehead, and people behind the scenes are actually running the Empire. Since I don’t know who those folks are, I don’t even know where to start to get an agreement I can depend on.”
“How does their system of government work, anyhow?”
“Danged if I know. I know they have an Emperor, but I don’t even know how he gets the job.”
“Don’t we have a bunch of training material we captured off Squirrel ships?”
“Now you’re talking nasty. Trying to think like a Squirrel makes my head hurt. Besides, how would I know if the course was the real deal, or just obfuscation to keep the junior Squirrels from getting ahead?”
“Look at you, using the big words. You mean some of the courses you already took were sabotaged, to keep people from getting ahead?”
“Yep, but it isn’t just the Squirrels that do that sort of thing. The Navy courses on fleet tactics are the same way. You have to know the right courses to take, to actually learn anything.”
“Do you suppose Lakki and Tikki could help you figure out which courses have the real info?”
“You might have something there, Jim. I’ll look into it in the morning,”
“Just trying to help, Boss.”
“Thanks. See you tomorrow.”
“Night, Boss.” I made it back to the cabin without any excitement. Nikki felt the need for practice, so it took a while to get to sleep. Janet woke me in the middle of the night, saying, “I’m sorry. Is it okay if I come and snuggle?”
“Sure. Try not to wake your Mother.” I got back to sleep, and it seemed like only a minute or two before Snitz was licking my ear. I got up, and took care of my morning stuff, and headed out to the grass room. Alice was happy to wait for Janet, so Snitz and I went ahead. I guess Jim had taken care of his duty to the ship the night before, since he didn’t make an appearance. We headed on down to the galley. Snitz posted himself beside the door, and I went on in. Stella brought me some coffee, and asked, “What would you like to eat?”
Not ready for the question, I went with an old standard. “Ham and cheese omelet, with wheat toast, and hash browns.”
“Sorry, Boss. We don’t have any wheat bread today. Will white toast be okay?”
“Sure.” I thought about how long it would take me to eat, and called Lakki. “Morning, Boss. What can I do for you today?”
“Could you meet me at my ready room in about twenty minutes? I have some questions about the Squirrel government I’d like to run by you.”
“Sure, Boss. I’ll meet you there.”
“Thanks, bye.”
I called Tikki next. “Morning, Boss. What do you need? We’re fresh out of quantum drives that let you be in two places at once, before you ask.”
“Aw, dang! That’s just the thing I need, too.”
“Seriously, what can I do for you?”
“Could you meet me in the ready room in about twenty minutes? I need some Squirrel input on a few things I’ve been pondering.”
“No problem. See you there.”
“See you.” Stella brought out my breakfast, and I dug for China. All that negotiating must have given me an appetite. I finished up, and Snitz followed me to the transit. We met Mingus and Rangolus on the way. Mingus said, “Boss, we’ve got something we need to talk to you about.”
I said, “Walk with me, I have people waiting on me.”
They fell in with us, and Rangolus said, “We got way ahead on picking out planets to check into, and we decided to work on something else until the survey crews caught up. We decided to look at old reports of strange craft being sighted, to see if we could get a better idea of when and where the Squirrels have been.”
Mingus continued, “We found something we didn’t expect, Boss. We were able to match over eighty-five percent of the reported incidents to known types of Squirrel ships, and Squirrel flight patterns. Some were obviously misidentification of human vessels, but there remain a few that can’t be explained by anything we’re aware of.”
“You’re trying not to tell me you’ve found evidence of another non-human race?”
“I wouldn’t have put it quite like that, but that’s the gist of it, yes.”
“Do you have any idea what part of the galaxy we should start looking for them in?”
“No, we don’t.”
“Go back and see if you can abuse the data enough to get me some ideas about these folks, like if they act friendly, and what part of the galaxy they call home. Come back when you have something I can act on, and not just some data that doesn’t behave.”
“Yes, Boss. Sorry to bother you.”
“No bother. I’m just curious what you thought I could do with the mere fact that we hadn’t met everybody in the galaxy yet?”
“We were worried you might be upset that we had spent our time on a project you hadn’t approved.”
“You are caught up on what I asked you to do, correct?”
“Yes, we are. Quite a bit ahead, actually.”
“You found something useful to do with your time without having to be told, didn’t you?”
“I suppose. Not everyone would consider hunting aliens to be useful, Boss.”
“We’re flying around out here in a big old attention magnet. If there is another race out here, chances are they’ll find us. I’d rather have some idea about them before they show up.”
“Thanks for understanding, Boss. We’ll get you some better results.”
“Keep up the good work, you two.” We got to the ready room, and Snitz and I got off the transit. Before the doors closed, I heard, “He wants us to work on it! I thought he would put us ashore for wasting our time.”
Lakki and Tikki were waiting for me outside the ready room. I asked, “Did I keep you waiting long?”
Lakki said, “It isn’t even when you said to meet you, yet.”
“That’s good, I got to talking with those two, thought I might be running late.”
Tikki asked, “Anything important?”
“Could be. They don’t know enough yet for me to be able to tell. Let’s go in, and get this over with, so you two can get back to what you were doing.” They followed me in, and Tikki shut the door. Gene asked, “Do I need to tile the lodge, Boss?”
“I don’t think so, Gene. If the Squirrel fleet has us cracked well enough to listen in, nothing we talk about will help them anyhow.”
“Okay, Boss.”
Lakki asked, “What is it you need to know about, Boss?”
“I need to know how the Empire’s government works, or failing that, which courses I need to take to find out.”
Tikki said, “The Civics courses are clearly labeled, Boss.”
“Yes, but are those the ones that explain how the government actually works, or just what they want the general population to think?”
Tikki looked confused. “I don’t understand what you’re asking, Boss.”
“When I was studying ship handling, and fleet tactics, I found myself very confused by the courses that were labeled for those subjects. It was only after having the same problem with the old Navy files, that I realized the files were designed to keep the junior officers from being threats to the Admirals. We looked through the files we had captured from your people, and found they were set up the same way. Once we were able to find the right files, the subjects made a lot more sense. I don’t want to have to go through the same process finding out how your government works.”
/> Lakki said, “I see. You want to know which files are the real deal, before you waste time learning the ones that won’t do you any good, correct?”
“Exactly. Do you two think you could help me?”
Tikki said, “You just called me in because I’m a Squirrel, didn’t you, Boss?”
“I suppose. What did I screw up this time?”
“Joshua or my Dad would be much better choices to help with this. You mind if I call them in, and go back to Engineering?”
“Go right ahead, I should have thought of that, myself.”
She called them, and took off. When they arrived, Lakki filled them in on what I was trying to accomplish. Joshua said, “Bob, the courses you’re talking about don’t really see all that much use. Everybody just stays out of the Emperor’s way, and tries not to get noticed.”
“So, neither of you has any ideas about how to find the courses that will actually tell me what is going on, instead of trying to baffle me with BS?”
“We can show you the ones to avoid, but beyond that, we won’t be much help, I’m afraid.”
“That doesn’t sound all that much better than what Tikki said. Are you guys for real? Average citizens don’t have a clue how the government works?”
Rikki said, “That’s about the size of it, Boss. If there are courses to help you understand it, I’ve never heard of them.”
I replied, “They must exist, how else would the people in the government know what they were doing?”
Joshua replied, “We don’t see much evidence that they do know what they’re doing, Bob.”
“Wow! I didn’t think this would be so complicated. Lakki, do you have anything to add?”
“I don’t know anything about the subject, but I do know some of the players, and I was able to access their training records. I’ve got a search running to see what courses they have in common.”
“Nicely done. I guess I bothered you fellas for nothing. Hope I didn’t interrupt anything important.”
Rikki said, “No, Boss. I’m just waiting for the new survey ship to get finished, so I can head out.”
“Did the geeks find you some hot prospects?”
“Sure looks that way. I’ll let you know after I’ve had a closer look.”
“Remember, no ground surveys without a serious atmospheric analysis.”