“Probably wouldn’t think that if you’d been there. None of us knew how to ride and our horses looked like they should have been put out to pasture a decade before we arrived.”
Sadie cocked her head to one side, pretending to reconsider. “Nope. Still sexy.”
He looked at her, his brow furrowed. Then he turned away, shaking his head. “If you say so.”
“I do.” She moved her hand an inch up his leg. “Before I pin you to this rock and take advantage of you, cowboy, I think there was something you wanted to tell me.”
Her hand stilled as she watched his expression transform, desire taking a backseat to something that looked an awful lot like regret. So much for trying to keep the mood light and playful. One look at him now and she’d never suspect this man had been joking moments earlier. He looked ready to face a firing squad.
But if he couldn’t kiss her until he revealed his big secret, then she refused to let him off the hook now. She wanted a kiss from this cowboy soldier.
“Logan?”
He placed his hand over hers, keeping her fingers pressed against his leg. “I lost my wife. To cancer. About a year ago.”
Her eyes widened. She should have asked Laurel for more information after all. This revelation? Not something she wanted taking her by surprise.
“I’m a widower.”
7
LOGAN WATCHED AND waited for Sadie to shower him with condolences. He shouldn’t have brought her out here. Not for this. Even if he carried her back to the barn, it was a five-minute walk. More like ten at her pace. Ten excruciating minutes of listening to the woman he wanted to kiss senseless offer her heartfelt sympathy.
Her fingers pressed into his thigh, giving a light squeeze. He glanced down at their hands, his still covering hers. She probably wanted to pull away, to break the physical connection. He lifted his hand, but hers didn’t move.
“Logan?”
He looked up. She wasn’t smiling and there was no laughter in her green eyes, but she didn’t look sad.
“Do you have children?” she asked.
“No.” That was the short answer. The long one—he wasn’t interested in going down that road right now.
“That’s good. I lost my mom when I was a baby. And...it’s hard to raise kids on your own.”
“Yeah,” he said. “It would be. Especially with my job.”
“Can I ask you something else?”
He nodded.
“Are you ready to move forward?” Her tone was quiet and gentle, but not there was no trace of “oh, you poor, poor man.” She wasn’t making assumptions, he realized. She wanted honest answers.
“I need to,” he said.
“You didn’t answer my question. I’ve never met someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I can imagine almost anything, but I can’t imagine how it feels to lose that person so completely. Or how you feel.”
Logan leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Everyone from his aunt to his teammates had offered pity and condolences. They wanted to know how he was doing, how he was coping with his grief. But no one had asked him how he felt. They’d all assumed they knew.
“For the first few months, it was like being submerged in water. At first, I wanted to sink to the bottom and drown.” He opened his eyes and looked at her. “After a while, I started fighting to reach the surface. The grief still hits me. Hard sometimes. And often I feel so damn alone. But I don’t want loneliness and grief to be the only things I feel anymore. Haven’t wanted that for a while.”
Sadie nodded. “So where are you now? Swimming to shore?”
Sitting here with her, he was so close to the shore he could practically touch it. “Something like that.”
“And you’re ready to look forward, not back?”
“Honestly? I’m not sure,” he said. “I’d like to find out.”
“Okay, then.” Sadie slid off the rock, taking the empty lunch bags with her. “How about we finish fixing that fence and then head over to my place for a beer?”
“Sounds good.” He looked into her eyes. They sparkled with anticipation and acceptance, no sign of pity. He hadn’t lost her. Christ, he wanted to wrap his arms around her just for that gift. But not here. He’d wait until after they finished the fence before he took her in his arms and claimed that kiss. He wouldn’t think twice. Not this time.
* * *
HOURS LATER, SADIE climbed the steps to Lou’s guesthouse with Logan at her side. She had spent the better part of the afternoon destroying three lengths of wire before giving up and letting Logan fix the fence. Wire cutters were not her friend. Watching him work had given her time to admire the view—there was something dead sexy about a strong man bending steel wire with his bare hands—and think about what he’d told her.
Mr. Ruggedly Handsome had lost the love of his life. He hadn’t put it quite like that but of course he’d loved her. A man didn’t think about drowning in grief over a woman who didn’t own his heart.
When he’d first said that word—widower—she’d mentally moved him out of the vacation-fling category. Too much baggage.
But the way he’d look at her, as if he expected her to turn tail and run, made her reconsider. He might not be ready to fall in love again, but a fling? Two failed attempts to kiss her said no, he wasn’t ready to act on the sexual tension threatening to ignite every time they were together. But the more time she spent with him, talking to him, the more she suspected he’d held back because he needed her to know his story before they moved forward. Their relationship might have a definite end date, but she sensed that he wanted her to get to know him a little.
As far as her requirements for hopping into bed with a guy? The fact that he’d told her about losing his wife put him squarely in the good-heart category. And he’d proved in the bookstore he had a sense of humor.
Maybe they were perfect for each other. Neither one of them was relationship material. She could barely balance her career and her family. And he wasn’t ready to put his heart out there again. That sounded perfect to her. But there was only one way to find out for sure.
Sadie paused, her hand on the front door to the guesthouse. He stopped behind her, so close she could hear him breathing.
“If you’re having second thoughts, I can go,” Logan said quietly.
She turned to him, pressing her back up against the door. “Is that what you want?”
“No.”
One word. No hesitation. Sadie smiled.
He stepped closer, their bodies practically touching now. “I want to be here,” he said, his voice low. “I’ve been thinking about it all afternoon.”
He lifted a hand and brushed a few stands of loose hair away from her eyes. He’d touched her face, but she felt it everywhere. It left her dying to melt into his arms.
She held back. She wanted him to make the first move. But he was crazy if he thought he could get this close again and walk away. She’d had her fill of almost-kisses. Right here, right now, up against the front door, she wanted the real thing. Reaching up, she ran her fingers through his hair, guiding his mouth closer.
“Kiss me,” she demanded.
Logan groaned and the space between them vanished. He raised one hand, holding her head in place. His other hand reached for her hip, drawing her lower body firmly against his. And then, his lips touched hers.
He kissed her slowly as if savoring every sensation. Sadie arched up into him. Every hard muscle in his body pushed up against hers—including the one she was most interested in.
Her fingers held tight, urging him on. He obeyed, kissing her harder, deeper, as if he wanted to stay there all night, which was fine with her as long as they lost the clothes. Running her hands down his neck and over his chest, she reached for the hem of his T-shirt.
Logan pulled back, capturing her wrists in his hands. Breathing heavy, he looked down at her as if that one kiss had blown him away.
Oh, honey, there is so much more.
He took a step back, releasing her. But he didn’t take his eyes off her.
“I guess this means you’re staying,” she said.
“I guess it does.”
Sadie nodded. She wanted more, so much more of the ruggedly handsome soldier, but she didn’t want to rush him. And she was having second thoughts about getting naked on the porch with the sun still peeking above the mountains and the air smelling heavily of cow.
Or maybe that was her? She’d spent the better part of the afternoon sitting in a field.
She reached behind her and turned the knob. Taking his hand, she led him inside. “Ready for that beer I promised you?”
“Sure.”
She could still hear the desire in his voice. Sadie smiled. “Help yourself. I’m going to grab a quick shower first. Wash away the cow pasture smell.”
“I should do the same.” He released her hand and stepped back toward the door.
“Don’t leave.” If he walked out, she wasn’t sure he’d come back. He’d start thinking about what he’d told her and he might change his mind. After that kiss, she wasn’t going to let him escape.
“Sadie, if you’re worried about smelling like the fields, trust me, I’m ten times worse.”
Join me. The words were on the tip of her tongue. But no, he wasn’t ready for that. Not yet.
“There are two showers,” she said. “Take the one attached to the spare bedroom. And I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”
Before he had a chance to argue, she turned and ran for her bedroom. He better not leave. She’d waited for him to make the first move, claim the first kiss, but now that he had, she planned to seduce him. Drive him wild. She would make damn sure this was a fling neither one of them ever forgot.
* * *
LOGAN TIPPED HIS head back and let the cold water run down his face. He’d waited until he’d heard Sadie turn the shower off in the master bedroom before he’d started the other one. He’d had a hunch there wouldn’t be enough hot water to go around and he’d been right. But he could use a cold rinse right about now.
He’d kissed her. In the moment, he’d felt so goddamn alive. All the noise in his head—his grief, the mistake he’d made on his last mission—it had all faded into the background. For a few precious moments, there had only been Sadie’s hands, her mouth and her body.
He’d felt connected to another person for the first time in months. And he’d wanted to hold on to that feeling. But then she’d started pulling at his T-shirt and alarm bells had gone off in his head.
Sexy-as-hell Sadie wanted things he wasn’t sure he could deliver. After that kiss, he had a hunch he could handle something physical, but nothing more.
From where he stood, Sadie was all bubbling energy, laughter and beauty. She was the first person to hear the word widower and not look at him like he was a lost puppy. But as much as he wanted her, he refused to hurt her. He had to tell her before they went any further that this thing between them couldn’t go anywhere. He’d been honest in the bookstore. Sex, nothing more.
Logan turned off the water and reached for a towel. He dried off, then pulled on his jeans and shirt, leaving his briefs, socks and shoes in a pile inside the spare bedroom door before going to find Sadie. He hadn’t been out of the game so long that he thought it was a good idea to seduce a woman in the same clothes he’d worn to rebuild a fence, but he didn’t have a choice. He needed to talk to her and he wasn’t about to do that naked.
Hearing the clink of bottles, he headed for the kitchen. Sadie stood by the fridge, a beer in each hand, wearing an oversize gray T-shirt that only just reached the smooth white skin of her bare-naked upper thighs—and nothing else. At least, not that he could see. She shifted her weight and the shirt rode up a half inch on her right leg, revealing a hint of black lace.
His mouth went dry. As far as signals went, this one was crystal clear. Sadie planned to move beyond kissing.
Logan dragged his gaze away from her legs. With her long red hair hanging down her back, she looked like she’d just rolled out of bed to raid the fridge. Across her chest, he read the word MARINE. The way the fabric moved, he suspected she’d ditched her bra. He wanted to touch and find out. But he had to wait. Talk to her. Even if it killed him.
She smiled. “How about that beer?”
Logan nodded, taking the bottle. Still eyeing her T-shirt, he said, “We need to talk.”
“Look I know you’re army, but until I do laundry, I’m stuck with my dad’s old shirt.”
She walked past him, through the archway and across the hall into the living room. Logan followed, unable to take his eyes off the way the T-shirt brushed against the back of her legs as she moved. Just knowing that shirt could ride up at any moment sent his body into ready-for-action mode.
He looked away, fighting for self-control. The living room held a pair of brown leather chairs and a leather couch. A round, low coffee table stood in the middle with a matching end table between the two chairs. The furniture was dated, but clean. Aunt Lou wouldn’t have it any other way. On the floor lay a brown shag rug.
Sadie sat in the middle of the sofa, curling her long legs up under her. Logan chose the armchair across the table, knowing if he touched her skin he’d be toast.
“I wasn’t talking about the shirt. I have nothing against the marines.” He kept his gaze fixed on her, his fingers playing with the bottle. “I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an ass.”
She raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything.
“I can handle something physical, but that’s it.”
“So just hot sex?”
“Yes.” He waited for her to uncurl her bare legs and walk away.
She brought her beer to her lips and took a sip. “Okay.”
It was a damn good thing self-control had been drilled into him during training or he would have pounced on her. “That works for you?”
Sadie smiled, her expression a tantalizing mix of sweetness, understanding and pure sin. “I’m not looking for a relationship.”
This woman, with mile-long legs and a body that could take a man from zero to sixty in seconds, wanted to stay off the market? “Why not?”
“I tend to put everything I have into my career. Mostly at the expense of my personal relationships. My work is important to me. Especially right now. I’m at a crossroads.”
He nodded, not quite following her. But what did he know about writing novels about a girl’s journey to self-discovery?
“Laurel also needs me. And so does my dad,” she said, turning the beer bottle around in her hands as she spoke. “I don’t have space in my life for a relationship, especially not after I return to the city. In a way, that makes us almost perfect for each other.”
He could go to bed with her, laugh with her and then, when he finally got the call, return to active duty—this time with good memories instead of a boatload of grief. “Yeah. I guess it does.”
Her brow furrowed. “Were you looking for another answer? If you wanted out, if this is too much for you, just say so.”
He shook his head. He wanted this. Her. Now that he knew they were on the same page, that he wasn’t leading her on, the only thing running through his head was touch her, feel her, claim her. The primal need had thrust him so far out of his comfort zone he could barely think straight.
Logan set his full beer on the small table between the chairs. The sight of Sadie in that shirt was intoxicating enough; he didn’t need alcohol. Resting his elbows on his knees, he looked her straight in the eyes, watching and waiting. Knowing when to take action, it was part of his job. But it had been so long since he’d been in thi
s situation, he wasn’t sure of his next move.
Sadie leaned forward, setting her beer on the ground. Slowly, like a cat settling in for a nap, she rested her forearms on the couch and extended her legs behind her. She made a pillow for her head with her hands and rested her cheek, her gaze still fixed on him.
One quick glance told him as much, but he couldn’t keep his eyes on her face. Not anymore. Her T-shirt had ridden up the back of her thighs, revealing her black lace panties. His jaw clenched, every muscle in his body ready and waiting for a go.
“After two days of farm chores, I think I need a massage,” she said in the same light and playful tone he remembered from the bookstore.
This time, he didn’t second-guess. He stood, crossing the rug in two steps. Keeping one foot on the ground, he placed his knee beside her thigh and straddled her legs, careful to keep his weight off her. But his erection strained against his jeans, desperate to touch her naked flesh.
Not yet. More than a year of celibacy was a helluva long time, but he’d take this slow if it killed him. He wanted to make it good for her. Not just to boost his ego, but because he needed to see her pleasure.
“Touch me,” she said.
Leaning forward, Logan lowered his hands to her shoulders. Pressing his thumbs into her T-shirt, he began to rub her back, finding the knots by her shoulder blades and applying gentle pressure.
“Oh, my God, you’re good,” Sadie murmured. “I was hoping for a couple of half-assed attempts to massage my back before you moved south, but you’re amazing. Please don’t stop.”
Logan laughed. “I’m not planning on stopping, but I am going to work my way down your back.”
With his thumbs pressed against either side of her spine, he ran his hands down. His fingers traced the contours of her body. She was slim with gentle curves. She felt damn near perfect. Logan moved past her low back to where her T-shirt met her panties. He continued until he touched her upper thighs.
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