I snapped my fingers in front of him. “Joey? You going to tell me?”
He shrugged. “Um, do you know that my mom’s sick?”
I nodded.
“Okay. Marcus’s dad was married to my mom when she was young. They had Marcus, but his dad cheated on my mom and left her for the other woman. A rich woman. He lied to the judge and said my mom was a jobless drunk and a bad mother, so he could get custody of Marcus, then his wife adopted Marcus.” He took a long drag on his straw, then held the icy glass against his forehead. “My mom married my dad a year later, but my dad left after my twin brothers were born. Anyway, Marcus knows my mom—our mom—is sick. She’s his real mom and he doesn’t care or help her at all. His dad has lots of money, but won’t help with any of her medical bills and never paid her any of the money he was supposed to in the divorce.” He popped a fry into his mouth. “She doesn’t have the money to get a lawyer to fight him on it, so he just gets away with it. I hate men who won’t step up. Marcus and his dad, they’re both assholes. They’re both the same.”
I stared at Joey. This guy that I’d known and avoided for six months was nothing like the weak, annoying, high-school geek I’d believed him to be. He was kind, compassionate, caring, loyal, and sweet. And he wasn’t weak. He just picked his battles and protected his side with fierce conviction.
In short, he was the perfect guy for me.
Eighteen
After lunch, Joey and I returned to the lounge chairs to soak up some sun. He rubbed sunscreen on my back, refilled my glass whenever it was half-empty, and gently sprayed my arms and legs with water as the sun attempted to cook my skin.
As the sun slid lower and lower, Joey fell asleep. I stared at him for a long time. His dark hair glistened in the sun. His Italian skin soaked up the rays, giving him an even, perfect tan. He looked boyish and innocent as he slept. The definition in his muscles proved he was much more than a boy.
I closed my eyes, struggling with my thoughts. I didn’t want a relationship. Not now, not when I was so close to eighteen and getting away. Yet Joey’s loyalty to his friends and family, his kind heart, and his obvious feelings for me left me confused.
Since we were out of the Triangle, I assumed this was the real him. But when I thought about it, he had been just as sweet in the Triangle.
He would make a great boyfriend, in either place.
Did I deserve him? Now that I knew how I felt about him, I had to wonder—did I want to taint his life with the toxin I spread to everyone I cared about? He didn’t need that. He had enough going on in his life. If I let him in, I would only make him suffer more.
I opened my eyes to look at him again. His head was turned toward me, his eyes now wide open.
He grinned. “What?”
I shook my head, my lips curving into a smile. “Nothing, Joey.”
He stretched out, his toes fanning out in front of him. “I had a nice nap.” He pulled his eyes away from me and looked at the pool. Most of the swimmers had gone. The water sat cool and inviting, and best of all, almost deserted. He looked back at me and tilted his head toward the pool. “Wanna go for a dip?”
I took a deep breath and sighed. I started this cruise in the pool with Marcus. I might as well end it in the pool with Joey.
“Sure.”
He got up first, then held out a hand to help me.
When I stood, I kept his hand in mine. We played in the water for hours, splashing, swimming, laughing. When we were both so tired we could barely stand, he walked me to my cabin door.
“Autumn, I’m so glad we spent some time together. Maybe we can hang out after the cruise.” With a shaking finger, he brushed a wet strand of hair out of my eyes.
I reached up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “Maybe.” I then turned and disappeared into the safety of my cabin.
I woke up happy for the first time in years.
Instead of ocean and sky out our cabin window, I saw only tall buildings, blacktop, and smokestacks. I turned my head to see Jessica sleeping on the couch. Her face was covered with her hair. Her red arms showed where the sun had triumphed over her sunscreen.
Our carry-ons were waiting by the door. If Jersey was looking back at me through the window, then the Bermuda Triangle was behind me.
The cruise was over. Thank God. I almost jumped out of bed and kissed the floor.
I called over to Jessica. “Hey, get up. We have to leave today. I think I forgot to pack my big suitcase.”
She stretched and yawned, then looked at me. “We packed last night and left our luggage out, just like we were supposed to. You don’t sound like you’re awake yet,” she said in a sleepy voice.
I blinked a few times and tried to remember the night before. I had no recollection of packing. I didn’t even remember getting into bed. The last thing I remembered was hanging out with Joey.
I got out of bed and quickly dressed. “I’ll be glad to get away from all this Joey and Marcus crap. The way they kept fighting over me was so middle school.”
She laughed. “That’s pretty cool, huh? Two guys fighting over you. Wish that would happen to me. I spent the day relaxing yesterday.” She got up and pulled on white shorts and a black tank top. “I’m glad we got some sun in. The cruise was fantastic. For me, anyway.”
I leveled my eyes at her. “Jessica, did you notice anything different the past few days? Like things not being what they are at home?”
She smiled. “Yes, I did. I noticed the sun, the sand, the breeze, the air—everything was better than in Jersey. Did you notice it?”
I slumped back down on the bed. I raised my arm to inspect it. No needle marks. Relief flooded every cell in my body. I felt my hair. Full, thick, and on my head. Jessica seemed normal, too. No pregnant belly. Maybe everything else was back to normal. No baby supplies littered the cabin floor. No notes from guys claiming me as theirs.
But that would mean Dad was still gone, and Mom was still sick.
Despite that, I almost cried.
Damn. Couldn’t I have woken up to everything being perfect?
Jessica watched me slump back into bed. “Come on, Autumn, we have to eat quick before we get off the ship. Get up and get moving.” She disappeared into the bathroom. “Breakfast is only at the buffet this morning.”
We went to breakfast, filled our plates with our last taste of the ship’s gourmet cooking, and sat by the entrance. I watched for Joey and Marcus, scanning each person who walked through the doors. I was halfway done with my ham and cheddar omelet when I caught a glimpse of Joey walking in with his grandparents from dinner that first night on the cruise.
Joey saw me and waved. I smiled and waved back. He looked good. Rested and happy. Why couldn’t my trip through the Triangle have been like his?
Marcus came in a few minutes later with a big group of people, all wearing their “McKenna Family Reunion” shirts. He didn’t notice me, but I noticed he had his arm around a short, pretty girl. They looked blissed out.
I guess he’d had fun, too.
Long red hair caught my eye by the door. Dr. Hardy stood just inside, arms lightly crossed over her chest, smiling at me.
I gave her a quick nod. She kept her gaze on me for a few seconds, nodded back, then slipped out the door.
I rose from my chair. “Jessica, I’ll be right back. I have to go see someone for a minute.” I rushed to the door and inspected the hall. Dr. Hardy was nowhere to be seen. I jogged down to the infirmary, but it was closed.
I’d find a way to talk to her. Maybe even help her since she’d said she was stuck in the Triangle.
Unless…she was a part of the Triangle like the cancer and my dad, but wasn’t real. How would I talk to her if that was the case?
I returned to breakfast and looked at Jessica. She ate in silence with a book in her hand.
“Jessica?”
“Hmm?” She didn’t look up.
“I’m glad we’re home.”
She dropped the book and smiled. “I
hope you’ll remember that when we actually get back to the apartment, and will stop giving me such a hard time. What do you say?”
“That depends.” I placed my hands on my hips. “Are you going to keep giving me a hard time? It works both ways.”
She laughed. “You’re right. I’m glad we’re home. I missed your usual attitude. Things seemed a bit odd on this ship, don’t you think?”
I laughed and almost spit out my milk. “Odd” didn’t even begin to cover it.
“You know, I can’t believe Joey was sitting at our table. On a ship this big, what were the chances of that happening?” I laughed, but then noticed Jessica was looking away. Her eyes refused to look at me.
“Jessica? Do you have something to tell me?” Watching her eyes shift around the room, I knew there was a secret to be told in there somewhere.
She shrugged. “Well…”
My eyes opened wide. “I knew it! You did arrange for them to sit with us, didn’t you?”
She stared at the floor.
“Thanks a lot! I can’t believe you.” I tried to make my glare convincing, but failed. “I’m going out on the deck one last time. Next time, I make the dinner arrangements!” When the smile broke out across my face, I didn’t want her to see it.
She looked at me with a mouth full of food. “Sorry. I was only trying to help. I knew you guys would be great together.”
“Jessica, I told you and Nisha, I didn’t want to get involved with anyone. You couldn’t let it be. Now look what you did.” I looked over my shoulder before continuing. “Something happened with Joey, even though I didn’t want it to.”
“Did you guys hook up?” I could hear the smile in her voice.
“No! Yes. I mean, I don’t know.” I rolled my eyes. “Everyone I care about ends up sick or dead, and I don’t want to drag anyone down with me, especially a decent guy like Joey. I just have to get out of here before I cause anyone else any more pain. Especially him.”
A warm hand on my shoulder made me jump. I turned around and found myself looking at Joey. His smile could have turned an ice planet into a sun.
I jumped up from my seat. My face blazing like a four-alarm fire, I ran out of the dining room.
I wasn’t ready to tell Joey how I felt. I was still sorting through it myself. That he had heard me confessing to Jessica mortified me. But I couldn’t take it back now. I’d just have to suck it up and face him at some point.
And that would be harder than anything I’d faced in the Bermuda Triangle.
I found a little hidden corner under the stairs and sat down, hugging my knees to my chest. I tucked my head down and closed my eyes. I wanted to think before I had this discussion with Joey. I wanted to be prepared and do everything right this time.
I wasn’t ready.
I heard slow footsteps coming toward me. Someone touched the back of my hair. I knew who it was.
“Mind if I sit?” Joey asked.
I nodded toward the space to my right.
I wrapped my hands tighter around my knees and put my head down as he sat next to me. “By the way, why didn’t you tell me you were going on the cruise with your grandparents?”
“Because I didn’t want you not to go because of me.”
“Did you know Marcus was going?” I asked.
“Yeah. He goes with his rich family every year. I think my grandparents were hoping we could get to know each other, but you know how that went. He doesn’t care about our mom or anyone else from her family.” He shrugged. “You know, if he touches you again, you come to me. I can handle him, and I’ll make sure he never handles you again.”
“Didn’t you notice my fist handling him?” I asked. “I can take care of myself, Joey. I don’t need a guy doing it for me.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, I noticed. I was proud of you. I’ve wanted to do that myself for a long time.” His eyes avoided mine as he watched a seagull glide by. “Autumn, are we past the point where you pretend I don’t exist?”
“I’m sorry, Joey. I just don’t think I’m right for you.” Didn’t he know that everyone I loved got hurt? If I fell for him now, I may as well reserve the hospital bed next to Mom for him. Or the grave plot next to Dad. “I’m not worth the hassle you’ll suffer through.”
He sighed. “Why don’t you let me decide what’s worth fighting for and what isn’t?”
I rolled my eyes and looked away. The sun was blocked by dark clouds. A cool breeze came in off the water, filling the air with the scent of salt and fish. I shivered.
“Are you cold?”
I shivered again but didn’t answer. He closed the tiny space between us and put his arm around my shoulders. The minute he touched me, sparks flew through me. My feelings for him were changing so fast, I felt like I needed a seatbelt to strap myself into my life.
When he spoke next, his voice was husky. “You okay?”
I drew in a deep breath and sighed. “Fine. Thanks for warming me up.”
He rubbed my shoulder, then tucked my head into his firm chest. “I know you’re going through a rough time, and I can’t imagine how hard things must be for you. But I want you to know that I’m here for you if you need anything. It’ll all work out in the end, I’m sure. You’re gonna be okay.”
I wondered if he would think I was nuts if I asked about the ship. I played with the lace of my sneaker. “Thanks, Joey. Did you notice anything strange on the ship while we were in Bermuda?”
“What do you mean by strange?”
“Like, you know, things being different than what they really are.” I added hesitantly, “Like, alternate reality sort of stuff?”
He looked up at the sky, which seemed to be getting darker by the minute, then shook his head. “No. I was kind of bored with my grandparents, but other than that, I had hoped to spend more time with you.” His cheeks turned red at his words. “Why do you ask?”
“Never mind.” I pushed him away and stood up. “I have to go. Jessica is going to be looking for me to disembark.” I started climbing up the stairs. I turned back to him to say something and slipped. He caught me in his strong arms and helped me right myself.
I couldn’t let go of him. I squeezed tighter, drawing strength from his strength. He was so warm, and his arms around me felt better than I wanted them to. All of my emotions clung to me like bacteria. I wanted to jump into the ocean and scrub my body until every bad thing got washed away.
The control over my emotions I fought so hard to keep was crumbling. Fast.
I finally found it in me to pull away. “Thanks again. You keep saving me, Joey.”
He lifted my chin with his finger until I was forced to look at him. Staring into his dark eyes drew me to him like a cat to catnip. I threw my arms around him, burying my face in his neck. He wound his arms around me and held me tight. I wanted to be a part of his life, but I didn’t want to bring him any more misery. His life was hard enough without me.
I took a deep breath. When I spoke, I couldn’t look him in the eye. “I’ve been through too much for me to handle any more. I’m just…done. I’m trying. But I don’t know how to handle everything. I don’t know what I want or need anymore.”
He stared out over the water. “Autumn, I knew the day I met you that you needed a guy who would treat you right for once. I also knew it would take you a while to figure it out.” He chuckled. “Good thing I’m a patient guy, huh?” He looked down at me. “I’ve liked you for a long time. You know that. If we went to high school together, I would’ve followed you around the halls like a lost puppy.” He smiled at my now tear-streaked face and wiped a fresh tear away with his thumb. “I have a confession to make.”
I peeked up at him, not sure I wanted to hear the confession. I opened my mouth to speak, but he put his finger over my lips.
“It’s nothing weird, don’t worry.” He let a nervous laugh slip as he spoke. “Just don’t be mad at me, okay?”
I motioned with my hand for him to continue.
He looked down
at his feet. “My grandparents didn’t just surprise me with this cruise. I, um, asked to be on this ship because I knew you were going to be here.” He sneaked a sideways glance at me. When I didn’t speak, he squeezed my shoulder. “Are you mad?”
I turned to face him and sighed. “No.” His face relaxed at my words. I gazed into his eyes. He stared back with the most honest, trusting expression I had ever seen. I knew with Joey that nothing was fake.
He was the real deal.
The world around me disappeared. It was just me and him. Staring into his eyes, I realized why I pushed against him so hard. I was just afraid of getting my delicate heart broken any worse than it already was. It was about one fracture line away from breaking into pieces and giving up on me.
Before my brain could stop my body, I reached up on my toes toward him. He bent down and brushed his lips over mine. Butterflies woke up in my stomach as his touch made my entire body tingle. I wound my arms around his neck and pulled him to me, molding my body and mouth to his. His tongue explored my mouth, his hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me to him. I clung to him like my life depended on it. Who knew, maybe it did.
He bowed my body closer to his. I dropped my hands from his neck and let them brush along his arms, gripping his biceps. He moaned and lifted me up off the ground as he kissed me. Tears ran down my face as my brain tried to stop my body from reacting. The realization of how much I needed him and how much I wanted him kept me clinging to his body.
He seated me on the three-foot high rail. I wrapped my legs around his waist and leaned back as he kissed my neck, holding the ledge tight so I didn’t fall. “Babe, I’ve waited so long for this,” he whispered in my ear.
His words snapped me out of the spell I’d been under. I pushed him away gently and slipped off the rail to stand on my own. “Stop. Please.”
He was breathless. “What’s wrong? I just—”
The disappointment on his face worsened my guilt. I couldn’t take it. “Joey, I’m broken. You can’t fix me like you fix cars. I really wish you could, but—”
“Autumn, we’re so good for each other. Please, don’t push me away now.” He reached for me but I took a step back. “Let me help you. I… want you, Autumn. More than anything I’ve ever wanted.”
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